A Witch’s View
Lyn Thurman August 1st, 2010
Being in the broom closet is not a comfortable place to be. There’s too much old stuff hanging around, it’s far too small and it smells a little like mothballs.
I’m not in the closet but there was a time when I couldn’t be my authentic self. I was far too worried that my friends wouldn’t be my friends anymore, my family would consider me weird and my then husband would ridicule me. It turned out I was right on all accounts.
When you’re not living life how you feel you should be, you’re not being your authentic self. It crushes your spirit and often depression isn’t very far behind. Living in the fear of what other people think, especially those closest to you, because you’re not a mainstream, cookie cutter clone is an invite to major stress. Often the fears are unfounded and loved ones love us unconditionally.
I went through a divorce which altered my life completely. I realised I had to be me, take back control of situations that I’d allowed to get horrendously out of control and pursue life on my terms. It wasn’t easy and at times it was excruciating painful. I lost everything I knew including my parents and brother. Cut off, gone from their lives as if I never existed.
And yet there is a quietness and a peace to be found when old relationships, however permanent they’d been in your life, dissolve and you’re free to find new ones that suit you. You learn about yourself because you’re forced to grow and develop. It’s true what they say about the Universe detesting voids – sooner of later you fill the gaps that were left behind with new and wondrous things. And most importantly you know you will never, ever fit in a broom closet again.
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I understand. The only time I was ever “in the broom closet” was with an ex girlfriend. We were both Pagan and had to take extra steps to gloss over it or hide it from her family. After that ended I vowed to never let someone make me feel like that again. You like me for WHO I am, not hate me for part of what I am.
I can also relate. I am finally emerging from the closet, although it is rather difficult to do. But it feels like by remaining there, I am slowly killing a big part of myself and it is becoming unbearable. I feel like I am living someone else’s life and so worried about the stereo-types associated with what I am. My mother is very religious and my fiance is a form of Pagan (although he isn’t exactly sure what path he is on). However, he is showing a distaste with anything that is witchery and it actually burns into me. The two people that are the closest to me seem to stereo-type all witches as satanists. I don’t view magick as really good nor bad..I see it as going both ways, depending on the intent. Perhaps I am wrong…but I don’t think so.
I’m partially in a broom closet.No,it’s not a comfortable place to be.My mind is cramped as if my body would be if I physically were standing in a closet.I live with my fiance’ and his parents.Usually stay in our small bedroom as I’m not comfortable being here.I only have a part time job and in this economy I’m lucky to have that.My fiance’ is on disability so he doesn’t have much money either.Otherwise we would have our own place and I would be able to be me.Light my candles and incense.Have my crystals sitting about.Be able to have my alter out.My fiance’ doesn’t mind the path I have chosen.His mother probably wouldn’t mind either as her grandson is somewhat pagan.The signs are there but the words haven’t been said to describe it(if you know what I mean)He and I have even talked openly about crystals while some of the family were around,engrossed in their own discussions.My adult children know about my path but not my parents.Although when I did live with them I had my own room.My books were boxed but near when needed.I had my crystals out and burned candles and incense when I wanted to.My night stand was my alter and no one knew it.Now my things are in storage and all I have is my computer to be able to read and continue to learn.But I feel that one day with the Goddess’s help we will have our own place and I will be able to be me at last.
I also can relate. I have friends and family who are aware of my path, but they are few in number. My husband doesn’t mind it to an extent, but he is uncomfortable with much “stuff” sitting around the house, so I have a simple altar in the kitchen window that is not recognizable by anyone who wouldn’t know what to look for. I keep it low key, but at least I do have some who know the real me without judgment. As far as everyone else, I guess I don’t care enough to bother. I don’t pretend to be anything I’m not. I just mostly don’t discuss spirituality with very many people. I would probably be a bit more expressive if I lived alone, but I don’t feel stifled either. I feel that I am in a relationship where we both compromise enough to be comfortable in the same home. My husband is not Pagan, but does not have a problem with it. I am so ecclectic in my path that it is pretty easy to get along with most of the people I’m around most of the time. This is actually quite an improvement from where I was a few years ago. During a lot of my searching, I was uncomfortable, and I did feel closed in and like I was in a closet. So, I know how that feels. I’m glad you were able to find freedom to be yourself!
BB,
Juli