Bad Witches Guide

June 1st, 2017

 

The Bad Witches Guide to Life, Love and Magick
I am a bad witch. There are a long list of reasons why I am a bad witch. Having been out of the broom closet for some considerable number of years I would on occasion get asked “but you’re a good witch though?” My response to that depending on the person asking but I found I started to say “yes, a very, very good witch” rather darkly as it usually got the point across.

There is this sort of pressure to be “nice” to everyone, as though we had to be saintly ambassadors of our faith. Not that I’m not generally a polite person I just don’t subscribe that “nice” is any kind of “good” or healthy. It is not authentic, it’s fake and insincere and I loathe it. Unfortunately good witches tend to fall into two camps. The “yes” witch (it’s a trap); whom has to be the kindest, sweetest most co-operative person to their own detriment of their own health and sanity (of the two kinds I have been closest to this kind). The other is the more witchy-than-thou; who will loudly proclaim or in snide whispers that only a _____ can be a true witch. This will depend on the witch but the vitriol and nastiness that goes with it, under the guise of “nice” of course, is deeply awful. These kind of witches police and pigeon-hole the community.

 

Life! Don’t talk to me about life!” Douglas Adam Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy.

I am a bad witch because I am not a patient person, nor a terribly forgiving one (though I try). I believe that life is wonderful, beautiful and amazing. It’s also full of injustice, hate and bile. From abusive partners, to drug-addicts who might want to break into your house, awful ex’s who make your life miserable or diseases robbing you of years of life.

Now life to me is three-fold, what you think, do and treat the world echoes out and you have to take responsibility for a certain amount of it. Yet being a bad witch I also think sometimes life happens to you as well as you happen to life. As such being passive about it all is a wonder in theory, “this too will pass” is wonderful if you have never had a kidney stone. You are responsible for you, and your kids. I don’t have the stomach to watch the powerful abuse the weak. It enrages me. I just can’t “love and light” at them. These things are usually time sensitive too. I am a bad witch because I think that a good offence can be the best defense. I happen to think that people who cause pain for their own pleasure are pretty awful and maybe if they got dumped into a barrel of sharp rocks and rolled down hill I wouldn’t lose any sleep.

That said I do understand that there is always more to a story (that doesn’t make someone less of a villain if they are one) and that good people can do terrible things. Cursing everyone who happens to eat meat because you think it is cruel shows a profound lack of understanding of context, and is the other end of the extreme of those who hunt for sport. There is no such thing as “harm none”. It doesn’t exist. Farmers in third world countries growing soy and other cash crops commonly consumed by vegans will kill pests with extreme prejudice and often live in poverty. Hunting “big game” damages the eco-systems and reduces an animal’s life to an “experience”. All you can do is the best you can and try not to be a dick about other people’s choices.

I think it is more productive to get passionately involved in making things better as often as you can.

You are going to have dodgy bosses (or co-workers), silly accidents, sudden illness and lying friends or family. Life is not a stream of perfect but you can be a good witch and suffer it well or take your power and do something about it.

 

 

“Keep it in Your Pants” Spell.

Sexual harassment is illegal; however temporary contracts, poor management, and no job security are. Sometimes being honest and making a complaint can get you fired. This isn’t right, but this is the world we live in.

A gendered pair of underwear. (Briefs, knickers, granny pants)

Wool or cushion stuffing

Yarrow flowers

White heather

Spring water

4 white candles (tea lights will do)

Photo or paper with all of their names.

Sew, staple or hot glue the underwear mostly closed.

You have no power of me, from sexual violence I am set free.”

This would be an appropriate gluing or sewing chant, but “leave me alone” is just as applicable.

Mix your herbs and stuffing together then add to the underwear. Add their photo or names and shut the underwear.

Place your underwear on a plate or dish with the unlit candles around it.

Let those who need to see what s/he is; see clear.

Those who are afraid feel no fear.

They lose the power they hold dear.

I am free to pursue my career.”

With each line light the candle. Then carefully pour the water over the underwear soaking it through. Now you can place in a zip-lock bag and put in the darkest deepest reassesses of your freezer (under the unmarked left-overs from three years ago); or under a rock in the garden. Somewhere cold and damp will do.

Leave for three months. If things haven’t changed you may need to do something else and if they have you can remove and deconstruct the underwear and re-cycle or destroy the underwear.

 

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Lucy Drake has self published three books. The Key: Opening the doorway to Magickal Practice (which is in its second edition) and Litanies of Grief and Inspiration.

 


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