Advice

Ask Your Mama

Mama Donna Henes May, 2012

Are you cyclically confused? In a ceremonial quandary? Completely clueless? Wonder no more.

*Ask Your Mama™

Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Spirituality and Didn’t Know Who to Ask™

by

©Mama Donna Henes, Urban Shaman

A Question of What To Do

Dear Mama Donna.

The recent state of the financial, political and environmental realms have pushed me to the point of despondency. I am completely crippled with feelings of helplessness and inadequacy. There is so much that I want to see improve in our country and in the world, but I don’t know where or how to begin. What is a girl to do?

Depressed, Frustrated and Disillusioned in Dallas

Dear Depressed, Frustrated and Disillusioned,

First of all, don’t be. Depressed, frustrated and disillusioned, that is. Know that you are doing what you can and that it counts. Every single solitary thing that we each do and say and, especially, think really does count. More than we can ever believe.

Some might argue that we don’t have any choice in this upside down dangerous world and that we can’t effect what will happen. But even if we can’t immediately alter the course of human events on the world stage, we can certainly create change in our own lives and in all of the lives that we touch. And our thoughts are the seeds of that change.

Dr. Christiane Northrup writes, “Use your thoughts wisely. Understand

their power. Thoughts have a tendency to become their physical equivalent. This is one of the fundamental laws of the universe. Another one is the law of attraction, which states that ‘like attracts

like.’ Because it is consciousness that creates reality, the kind of consciousness you hold — your vibration — actually creates the kind of life you’re living.”

So our first order of business must be to stay positive. To entertain only positive possibilities. To imagine only affirmative alternatives. To surround ourselves with wholly uplifting, life-affirming people and influences. To align ourselves solely with the greater good so that our actions will be born of only the finest of our best intentions.

Far away there in the sunshine are my

highest aspirations. I may not reach

them, but I can look up and see their

beauty, believe in them, and try to follow

where they lead.

—Louisa May Alcott

What we all have to do from now on is to stay open, stay alert, stay centered, keep connected and most important of all, keep talking. Talking, writing, protesting keeps the light of truth and tolerance shining upon the hidden agendas of governments, industries, institutions and individuals. Silence, like the dark of night, shelters nefarious deeds. Silence forgives violence.

I have been haunted recently by the words written by a Protestant minister after the downfall of the Nazi regime. “First they came for the gays. I am not gay, so I didn’t say anything. Then they came for the Gypsies. I am not a Gypsy, so I didn’t say anything. Then they came for the Jews. I am not a Jew, so I didn’t say anything. Then they came for the Catholics. I am not a Catholic, so I didn’t say anything. When they finally came for me, there was no one left to say anything.”

Be bold.

Make a statement.

Make a stand.

Make a difference.

In light of the widespread oppression, manipulation, intimidation that surrounds us today, we most certainly need to say something.  We need, in fact, to talk to everyone who we meet, actually engage on a human level with those who we encounter as we make it through our day. Not just our families, friends and colleagues — those of presumed like-minds — but the shoe repair guy, the waitress at the coffee shop, the post office clerk, the bag boy at the super market.

A good example is Dianne, one of the wonderful people who regularly attends my healing circles. She not only prays for the homeless men and women who live on her block, she calls them each by name. I am so impressed and inspired by her personal outreach to the “untouchables.” Everybody is, after all, somebody.

If we ignore, exploit or patronize those people whose lives intersect with ours, how can we expect international relations to be more civilized? We need to walk our talk wherever we go, whatever we do, remembering always, that by doing so we do make a difference. Let us each be a sun, sending our caring energy out into the world, shedding light wherever we go. You never know whom you might touch with the radiance of your warmth.

I have an outgoing message on my answering machine that doesn’t even say, “Hello.” It just starts right in with, “You know there really is still a chance for peace and that chance will definitely increase if we each do our piece. So let’s make peace — in our homes, in our own hearts, in our relationships, in our communities, in all of our dealings and in the world. Peace be with us all.”

Much to my surprise, the very people whom I never would have thought would respond favorably, have. The overwhelmingly positive reactions that I have received from workmen, telephone solicitors and service personnel has been an important lesson about the necessity to reach out beyond the boundaries of our biases, assumptions and expectations.

A few weeks ago, I came home to a message from the plumber who was making an appointment to fix my sink. After listening to my taped pep talk, he answered in his gravely Brooklyn brogue, “Yeah, what is this war all about, anyway? Why are we fighting those people? They never hurt us.” This, from someone I would have assumed to be a proponent of the war.

The electrician, another guy who really shocked me, loves the message and calls in daily just to hear it! Once I was here when he called and when I picked up, he complained. “Let me call back again,” he implored. “I want to hear the message. It makes me feel good.” The reason, he explained, is that it is not political. It is personal. And it touches his heart.

But why was I surprised? People are just people, after all. When you think about it, all people are of a like-mind when it comes to living a life unthreatened by hatred and violence. The urgency for war only seems enticing when it is waged elsewhere. Ask anyone. “Do you want bombs and missiles to blow up your house?”

Every parent has the right to put her/his child to sleep each night without any risk of that child being shot, trapped in the midst of some hostile crossfire — be it in Iraq, Afghanistan, Ireland, Angola or the South Bronx. No one wants to live and work in a war zone — in Palestine, Bosnia, Zimbabwe, the World Trade Center or East L.A.

So, buck up and say what is on your mind. The more you do so, the more empowered you will feel.

We become just by performing just actions,

temperate by performing temperate actions,

brave by performing brave actions.

—Aristotle

xxMama Donna

*Are you cyclically confused? In a ceremonial quandary? Completely clueless? Wonder no more. *Send your questions about seasons, cycles, celebrations, ceremonies and spirit to Mama Donna at: CityShaman@aol.com

**************************************************************

Donna Henes is an internationally renowned urban shaman, ritual expert, award-winning author, popular speaker and workshop leader whose joyful celebrations of celestial events have introduced ancient traditional rituals and contemporary ceremonies to millions of people in more than 100 cities since 1972. She has published four books, a CD, an acclaimed Ezine and writes for The Huffington Post, Beliefnet and UPI Religion and Spirituality Forum. Mama Donna, as she is affectionately called, maintains a ceremonial center, spirit shop, ritual practice and consultancy in Exotic Brooklyn, NY where she works with individuals, groups, institutions, municipalities and corporations to create meaningful ceremonies for every imaginable occasion.

www.DonnaHenes.net

www.TheQueenOfMySelf.com

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Donna_Henes

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Queen_of_My_Self

Watch her videos:

http://www.youtube.com/user/MamaDonnaHenes

Follow her on Twitter:

http://twitter.com/queenmamadonna

Connect with her on Facebook:

http://www.facebook.com/#/donnahenes?ref=profile

Read her on the Huffington Post:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/donna-henes/

Read her on Beliefnet:

http://blog.beliefnet.com/thequeenofmyself/

Tags:

Ask Your Mama

Mama Donna Henes April, 2012

Are you cyclically confused? In a ceremonial quandary? Completely clueless? Wonder no more.

*Ask Your Mama™

Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Spirituality and Didn’t Know Who to Ask™

by

©Mama Donna Henes, Urban Shaman

A Question of Mercury in Retrograde

Dear Mama Donna,

For years I have been hearing warnings about Mercury in Retrograde, but I am not sure I understand what that means or why I should be careful. All I know is that all sorts of weird, awful things are supposed to happen. Can you please explain this phenomenon to this astrology neophyte?

Confused and wary in Wisconsin

Dear Confused,

Mercury, the planet of communication enters its three times a year retrograde stage on March 12, 2012 and will remain in a backward momentum, as it were, until April 4, 2012.

Mercury in retrograde has a very bad rap. I should know. As a Virgo (which is ruled by Mercury) I am usually affected quite profoundly. But over the years I have learned a thing or two about how to survive in one piece, and how to use

this potentially frustrating phase in a fruitful manner.

When Mercury is moving direct, our minds tend to work on a functional/forward level. Our actions match our intentions. Our energy is invested in more assertive decision-making and action with less emphasis on retrospection and reflection.

However, we are constantly picking up on unconscious intuitive information, which will surface — if we let it — during the retrograde cycle. And this is a very good thing. We need time to rest and assimilation all the information that we are bombarded with in our techno, multitasking world. A time for our inner wisdom to manifest and guide us to reorganize, rethink, reevaluate, redo,

and reboot. This is a crucial and healthy part of the organic, natural flow of life.

The clock and dollar orientation that our culture calls *the real world* is comprised of schedules, deadlines, and to do lists, which don’t often accommodate a cycle of introspective reflection and reevaluation. This is why this period can be so brutal for some of us — especially those of us with determined steely goals and agendas.

Mercury, as most of us know, tends to play havoc with the smooth functioning of the technology upon which we depend for our achievements and communication. It also tends to mix up face to face communications and the best laid plans of wo/men. The results are interruptions, snafus, misunderstandings, and mix-ups which interfere with the simplest of projects.

During Mercury in Retrograde, we will need more caution, more care, and a pinch more elbow grease to get things done. This is not a good time to launch or initiate new projects. In trying to do so, we will be pushing off, symbolically, just when the tide is going out, and it will be more of a struggle to make headway with our plans. It is far better to wait until the current is moving with us.

The degree to which we hold onto our need to keep to our schedules, agendas, and plans often equates to the degree in which we find ourselves going bonkers during this time. When we doggedly hold on to our logical, rational structures, we court the “Trickster” element of Mercury, which will fool and frustrate us to no end.

Now is the time that we must surrender our forward leaning push and embrace the lessons of letting go. We must not underestimate the degree to which our psyche can resist change. The abdication of our will/ego to a deeper function of consciousness can be quite a challenge as the retrograde cycle continues. But there is great reward if we manage to do so.

This period is a great time to clear your mind. To go back and complete unfinished projects. To work on reconciling old issues. To tune into your dreams and unconscious thoughts. To listen to your inner wisdom. To open to new ways of thinking and perceiving.

So rather than pushing against the cosmic current, try to take a three week break from our hectic, breakneck speedy ways and allow yourself to slow down. To summon up and sort out the past. To be in the moment. And to savor the NOW.

It can’t hurt!

Best blessings of sanity during challenging times,

xxMama Donna

*Are you cyclically confused? In a ceremonial quandary? Completely clueless? Wonder no more. *Send your questions about seasons, cycles, celebrations, ceremonies and spirit to Mama Donna at: CityShaman@aol.com

.

**************************************************************

Donna Henes is an internationally renowned urban shaman, ritual expert, award-winning author, popular speaker and workshop leader whose joyful celebrations of celestial events have introduced ancient traditional rituals and contemporary ceremonies to millions of people in more than 100 cities since 1972. She has published four books, a CD, an acclaimed Ezine and writes for Beliefnet, The Huffington Post and UPI Religion and Spirituality Forum. Mama Donna, as she is affectionately called, maintains a ceremonial center, spirit shop, ritual practice and consultancy in Exotic Brooklyn, NY where she works with individuals, groups, institutions, municipalities and corporations to create meaningful ceremonies for every imaginable occasion.

www.DonnaHenes.net

www.TheQueenOfMySelf.com

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Donna_Henes

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Queen_of_My_Self

Watch her videos:

http://www.youtube.com/user/MamaDonnaHenes

Follow her on Twitter:

http://twitter.com/queenmamadonna

Connect with her on Facebook:

http://www.facebook.com/#/donnahenes?ref=profile

Read her on the Huffington Post:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/donna-henes/

Read her on Beliefnet:

http://blog.beliefnet.com/thequeenofmyself/

Tags:

Ask Your Mama

Mama Donna Henes March, 2012

Are you cyclically confused? In a ceremonial quandary? Completely clueless? Wonder no more.

*Ask Your Mama™

Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Spirituality and Didn’t Know Who to Ask™

by

©Mama Donna Henes, Urban Shaman

A Question of Keeping Balanced in Rough Seas

Dear Mama Donna,

I came out of work at 9PM tonight and found my Honda Accord where I had left it in a gigantic parking structure surrounded by cars. It was minus all four wheels — rims and tires. Vandals, probably four of them, did a quick job. I freaked and started shaking. 2 1/2 hours later, I’m home with no car. AAA had a huge job towing my car to my shop in Del Mar. I have a $500 deductible. That equals one week’s pay. AAA says it happens all the time and I’m lucky to have my car. I got a ride home with Del Mar Police. You are always writing about balance. So what does balance say about this???????????????? The hell with balance. I’m getting into bed, going into the fetal position, hiding under the blankets, and turning the air conditioner up to 9.

Disgusted and Catatonic in California

My poor dear Catatonic,

How can I break this to you? It’s not all about you, honey. Balance did not forget you. You forgot balance. It is a huge universe, and it is completely counterproductive to take hard times personally. Our personal problems, our dizzying ups and downs aside, the forces of the cosmos continue to operate in perfect balance around us. Clearly you had a lousy time of it, but take a deep breath and look around you. I think that, if you are honest with yourself, you will find that a broken car, no matter how inconvenient, seems fairly inconsequential given all that is going on in the world these days.

Though you didn’t recognize it at the time, your miserable evening had everything to do with balance. It was an important aptitude test on keeping your balance during rough, rocky times. Life is nothing if not a balancing act. Not that it is easy to be balanced all of the time. We are human beings, after all, being human. We get pissed when things don’t go our way.

We are constantly bounced around by forces beyond our control. Each bump is like a subpoena for the soul. Every time that fate deals us a blow, we find ourselves on trial to determine how we handle ourselves in disruptive circumstances. Do we fall off the tight rope and crash and burn at the slightest inconvenience? Or do we gather our resources, fine tune our sense of perspective, and go with the flow with good humor and grace?

Blessed are the flexible for they shall not break.

The AAA was right. In balance, you were lucky not to lose the car, or your life, for that matter, had you happened upon the thugs mid-theft. You had a home to go home to, a computer and an electric blanket. Get a grip, girl friend. This is not the end of the world. Count your blessings and be grateful. Be very, very grateful.

Yours for keeping in balance,

xxMama Donna

If I were asked to give what I consider the single most useful bit of advice for all humanity it would be this: Expect trouble as an inevitable part of life and when it comes, hold your head high, look squarely in the eye and say, “I will be bigger than you. You cannot defeat me.”

Ann Landers

*Are you cyclically confused? In a ceremonial quandary? Completely clueless? Wonder no more. Send your questions about seasons, cycles, and celebrations to Mama Donna at: CityShaman@aol.com.

**************************************************************

Donna Henes is an internationally renowned urban shaman, ritual expert, award-winning author, popular speaker and workshop leader whose joyful celebrations of celestial events have introduced ancient traditional rituals and contemporary ceremonies to millions of people in more than 100 cities since 1972. She has published four books, a CD, an acclaimed Ezine and writes for The Huffington Post and UPI Religion and Spirituality Forum. Mama Donna, as she is affectionately called, maintains a ceremonial center, spirit shop, ritual practice and consultancy in Exotic Brooklyn, NY where she works with individuals, groups, institutions, municipalities and corporations to create meaningful ceremonies for every imaginable occasion.

www.DonnaHenes.net

www.TheQueenOfMySelf.com

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Donna_Henes

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Queen_of_My_Self

Watch her videos:

http://www.youtube.com/user/MamaDonnaHenes

Follow her on Twitter:

http://twitter.com/queenmamadonna

Connect with her on Facebook:

http://www.facebook.com/#/donnahenes?ref=profile

Read her on the Huffington Post:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/donna-henes/

Read her on Beliefnet:

http://blog.beliefnet.com/thequeenofmyself/

Tags:

Ask Your Mama

Mama Donna Henes November, 2011

Are you cyclically confused? In a ceremonial quandary? Completely clueless? Wonder no more.

*Ask Your Mama™

Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Spirituality and Didn’t Know Who to Ask™

by

©Mama Donna Henes, Urban Shaman

A Question of Passion for Life

Dear Urban Provocateur/Shaman,

Is there really such a thing as a passion for living? Or is joy an idea promoted by the movies (or maybe you?) to offset the tragedies reported daily. I hear that water is being compromised with too much waste matter. I won’t even go into the air quality, or quality of thought around the world. I am always dealing with matters of no intrinsic interest. Interruptions. Spent four hours traveling to and shopping at the super-market. I read your messages and realize I am certainly in need of spiritual guidance. Or do I just need household help, a carpenter, and a car and chauffeur?

A Starving artist for Too Long in New Jersey

Life is a banquet and most poor suckers

are starving to death.

—Auntie Mame

Dear Starving,

Yes, yes, yes! I fervently believe that life is grand. And, besides, what is the alternative? That is not to say that life is easy. I was lucky, I guess. I was raised by the world’s greatest pessimist, who certainly never told me that it was going to be easy. Consequently, I am never disappointed!

The trick, and again, it is not easy, is to concentrate on the positive rather than the negative. The best way to find joy is to seek it out in every aspect of your life. Look for only the good — in others, in

your self, in your home, in your family, in your work. By the Universe’s own Law of Attraction, what you focus on will expand.  The more you seek joy, the more of it you will have.

In a wide range of happiness studies conducted lately, including several with major lottery winners, it was clearly demonstrated that professional, educational, or financial success are not predictors of contentment. Nor are gender, age, race, religion, health, or ethnic background.

The key, common factors across the board that seem to determine satisfaction, peace of mind, and yes, happiness, are: optimism, self-confidence, self-control, connection to community, and a living sense of spirituality. And, I might add, the desire to be so.

Take me, for instance. I was the most miserable of children. Painfully shy, sadly confused, and badly bruised; constantly abused by great chilly blasts of debilitating negativity. All I ever wanted was to be happy. When an adult would ask me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I would — in my imagination where I dared — answer, “Happy.”

I hung hand lettered and illustrated affirmations (before there was a word for such things) all over my room: I WANT TO BE HAPPY. I WILL BE HAPPY. And then, when I was eighteen years old and living away from home for the first time, it suddenly, incredibly, indelibly occurred to me one marvelous morning that I could be anybody I wanted to be. I could be a happy person!

Happiness is fleeting (as is pain.) The trick is to court it. To recognize it — even in camouflage. To acknowledge its presence when and where we least expect it. To celebrate each second of the healing heart and soul of it. And to rejoice in our own exhilarating ability to create it for ourselves and others at any given moment, in any circumstance.

Our natural souls live in a state of eternal joy, of grace, of balance.  And we, the human extension of our souls, are joy. You’ve just forgotten. Remember that you are a creative person. You are an artist, after all. You have the power and the talent to create a little excitement for your self. Some joie de vivre. Invent the life that you want. Paint it in wild colors.

Just keep breathing. Nothing ever stays the same forever, including being depressed.

Yours for love of life,

xxMama Donna

People say that what we’re all seeking

is the meaning of life. I think that what

we’re really seeking is the experience

of being alive.

—Joseph Campbell

*Are you cyclically confused? In a ceremonial quandary? Completely clueless? Wonder no more. Send your questions about seasons, cycles, and celebrations to Mama Donna at: CityShaman@aol.com.

**************************************************************

Donna Henes is an internationally renowned urban shaman, ritual expert, award-winning author, popular speaker and workshop leader whose joyful celebrations of celestial events have introduced ancient traditional rituals and contemporary ceremonies to millions of people in more than 100 cities since 1972. She has published four books, a CD, an acclaimed Ezine and writes for The Huffington Post and UPI Religion and Spirituality Forum. Mama Donna, as she is affectionately called, maintains a ceremonial center, spirit shop, ritual practice and consultancy in Exotic Brooklyn, NY where she works with individuals, groups, institutions, municipalities and corporations to create meaningful ceremonies for every imaginable occasion.

www.DonnaHenes.net

www.TheQueenOfMySelf.com

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Donna_Henes

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Queen_of_My_Self

Watch her videos:

http://www.youtube.com/user/MamaDonnaHenes

Follow her on Twitter:

http://twitter.com/queenmamadonna

Connect with her on Facebook:

http://www.facebook.com/#/donnahenes?ref=profile

Read her on the Huffington Post:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/donna-henes/

Read her on Beliefnet:

http://blog.beliefnet.com/thequeenofmyself/

Tags:

Ask Your Mama

Mama Donna Henes August, 2011

Are you cyclically confused? In a ceremonial quandary? Completely clueless? Wonder no more.

*Ask Your Mama™

Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Spirituality and Didn’t Know Who to Ask™

by

©Mama Donna Henes, Urban Shaman

A Question of Blood Rites

Dear Mama Donna,

I am anticipating my granddaughter celebrating her first menstrual cycle in the not too distant future. I would like to do something special for her in the way of ritual. I don’t know much about creating that kind of ritual, but I want her day to be a special one that she will remember as bringing her into the fabulous sisterhood of women. Can you help me create such a ritual or tell me where I can learn more about doing such a thing?

Loving Grandma from Florida

Dear Grandma,

How lucky your granddaughter is to have you to help support her spiritually as she passes through this highly charged and profound life change. This is as it should be, as it has long been, and can once again be — the ongoing ages of women welcoming when it is their time, each new generation into our sacred continuum.

Ceremonies of first blood are a powerful binding rite, the sticky blood, which binds each generation to the next. …The Ancients…The Ancestors…The Grandmothers…The Matriarchs…The Mothers…The Daughters…The Perpetual Keepers of the Spiral of Life.

This, unfortunately was not my own personal experience. Like so many in my generation, I learned about menstruation from a small sensible pamphlet put out by Moddess, an early purveyor of sanitary products. It stressed how simple and ordinary the experience was. How you could live your modern, active life completely unembarrassed and unimpeded by the necessities of your periodic condition.

Being quite well prepared, (and a girl scout, too) I knew exactly what was happening, when I discovered my first droplets of blood while playing at Susie Glassman’s house. When I came out of the bathroom, I proudly made my announcement to Susie and her mom. Suddenly out of nowhere, a fast moving force bore down on me as Mrs. Glassman inexplicably slapped my incredulous face. She then quickly kissed and embraced me, clucking and fussing like a mother hen.

When I told my mother my momentous news as well as my shocking experience, she was furious that Mrs. Glassman had struck me. She knew all about that Jewish tradition where the mother slaps her daughter to welcome her into the long-suffering sisterhood of women. A rational feminist, she hated that I was subjected to this old fashioned superstitious and humiliating rite. But if she didn’t slap me, she didn’t hug me, either, nor make a sweet congratulatory fuss. She agreed with the book that this was just a normal, if unpleasant, bodily function which she usually referred to as “the curse.” Hardly worth a party.

Of course, first blood also means first egg. I still find it practically impossible to comprehend the enormity of the sheer potential represented by the blood and the egg — the awesome power of the possibility of life. This is not to say that we are locked into a biologic imperative to reproduce, but that we possess the inherent ability to do so — should we choose. Like that car commercial where the drivers are playing motor polo on a field at the edge of a cliff. “Not that you would, but you could if you wanted to.”

No wonder the entire Mbuti society chants “Blessed with the blood!” in celebration of a young girl’s first period. The coming of age of ritual for pubescent White Mountain Apache girls is also performed by the entire nation. Each girl wears an eagle feather in her hair for long life, and in the center of her forehead over her third eye, she sports an abalone shell to represent Changing Woman, the Great Creatrix in Her mystical periodicity.

When my fairy goddess daughter came into her first blood, we celebrated with a Red Ritual. We are special, soul-connected karma sisters and have always shared a rich ceremonial life. I conceived and developed the concept of the rosy red ceremony and we worked together to arrange the details for a very special evening. Each step in the process of preparation suggested a deeper layer of discussion, story telling and understanding. Red=Blood. Blood=Life. Life=Eggs.

We each dressed completely in red, and we both wore bright red lipstick. (One of us was particularly happy about that part.) We sat on rust colored cushions. A large circular mirror on the floor between us served as our altar decorated with red flowers and candles. We stretched out our legs to create a circle, and painted each other’s finger and toe nails a glossy fire engine red.

We blessed each other with a red oil of my own recipe that I call the Power of Love. This does not refer to couple-type love. This is Love of Self love. The power of personal passion, direction, expansion. The power to pursue the dream of one’s own purpose. The power to achieve one’s fullest potential. The courage to be true to one’s vision and convictions. True love.

We blessed the four elements, of which we are part. We tasted each one, taking into ourselves the power of Mother Earth. Drank water with sea salt. Ate a grain of healing earth from Chimayó, New Mexico. Breathed in the fragrant air of burning sage. Rubbed ash collected from the volcanic fire of Mt. Pinatuba, Mt. Vesuvius and Mt. St. Helen’s. We blessed each other as the dear daughters of Mother Nature. We are strong and beautiful like She is. We swore to use our female powers to protect Mother Earth and all Her creations.

We pinned some of the flowers from the altar into our hair, and sucking on sweet strawberry candies, we told each other our favorite parts of being a girl, of being a woman. We got silly and giggly, the sugar no doubt, and exchanged all sorts of secret dreams and desires, fond memories, and fabulous flights of fantasy. Sort of a New Age Goddess version of “I Enjoy Being a Girl.”

Danika (her name is changed to protect her sensitive adolescent sensibilities) took up a tall, unlit crimson candle and talked into it her aspirations, ambitions, goals and intentions for this new stage of her life. She was serious and sincere, and I was touched and honored to be in her presence. When she finished her list, she lit the candle, thus igniting her intentions. In the glow of the flame her pronouncements, she sealed her transformation with a sip of red berry juice and bite of egg hard-boiled in water colored with beets.

Finally, I presented her with a red velvet drawstring purse for her to use as an amulet bag. One by one I offered her various objects that were symbolic of the power of womanhood and related its significance as she held it in the palm of her hand. … A tiny pink rose bud for the blossoming of her true self…A cowry shell, a representing the holy yoni through which we bleed, through which we receive pleasure, through which we were all conceived and born… A crystal to draw the energy of the universe toward her… An eye charm to help her to see what it is important for her to see… A rose thorn for protection…A silver bell for joy. Over the years, as she grows into her woman power, she will add her own magical charms to this starter collection.

This Red Ritual is only by way of a suggestion, you understand. Feel free to design an occasion that speaks directly to you and to your granddaughter and which is true to the relationship that you share. Use images, symbols and objects that resonate with you. Trust your woman wisdom and share with her what you know. Welcome her, in the name of all life, into the sacred flow of succession. This is the root of all initiation.

Be “blessed with the blood!”

xxMama Donna

&  bleeding

&  grazing

&  moaning

&  chanting

&  humming

&  drumming the

sounds of the

night

—MD

*Are you cyclically confused? In a ceremonial quandary? Completely clueless? Wonder no more. Send your questions about seasons, cycles, and celebrations to Mama Donna at cityshaman@aol,com.

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Ask Your Mama

Mama Donna Henes July, 2011

Are you cyclically confused? In a ceremonial quandary? Completely clueless? Wonder no more.

*Ask Your Mama™

Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Spirituality and Didn’t Know Who to Ask™

by

©Mama Donna Henes, Urban Shaman

A Question of Being Ready

Dear Mama Donna,

Now this may get complicated! I have been wanting “a relationship” (no specific person in mind) for some time, and recently got to where (legally) it could happen — but now I’m terrified! Anytime someone (any male) starts to get even friendly I pull back. I get snappish and sarcastic. I RUN away (literally and figuratively and emotionally.) Can you tell whether it is that:

1) I’m scared and don’t trust my judgment anymore?

2) I’m not supposed to be in a love situation just now, give it time?

3) I’m just one of the natural solos and should stop worrying about it?

4) Other?

What spell/ritual might I use to help me figure out what I need to do? Any help on this would be SO much appreciated. Thanks very much.

Scared of love, Long Island

Dear Scared,

It seems to me that although you think you want a relationship, you clearly are not ready to get too close to anyone just now. Perhaps you feel that you should want one, and so feel exasperated by your own visceral rejections of such a possibility.

All of the potential reasons that you listed seem to be true. And you know what? They are all valid and perfectly OK. I think that it is not a matter of trusting your judgment about another person, but rather trusting your own gut feelings and emotions. If you truly wanted to get close to someone, you would. And when you are ready, you surely will. And if you never want to, that is fine, too.

When you mention that you are legally able to have a relationship now, I am supposing that you mean that you have recently been divorced. That would explain your hesitation to get involved again. Often when we are in a marriage or partnership that is not a good and fulfilling one, we lose ourselves somewhere along the way. I sense that the relationship that you truly need to cultivate is a one-to-one love affair with yourself.

It has become somewhat clichéd to say that only when we love ourselves completely, are we able to love another. But, like most truisms, it is quite true. Why not take this time of being alone to get to know yourself again? To learn who you are — separate from anyone else. What are your own likes and dislikes? What are your dreams and desires? What pleases you?

It is crucial to learn how to be alone without being lonely. If you can entertain and please yourself, you will not have to depend on someone else to make you happy. Knowing that you don’t need someone else to fulfill you, relieves a great deal of pressure and allows you to enter a relationship on more equal footing, with fewer unrealistic expectations.

Spend some quality time at home — just you, yourself, and you. Turn off the computer and TV. Put on your favorite music, or simply savor the silence. Work at creating a warm, rich atmosphere for your own comfort and aesthetic enjoyment. Indulge in sensory delights. Light candles and incense. Take long, lovely baths. Cook beautifully prepared and presented meals just for you.

Court yourself. Get all dressed up purely for the fun of it. Take yourself on a dream date. Go somewhere you have been meaning to go. Do things that you love. Buy yourself flowers, perfume, and special treats. Pull down the shades, turn off the lights, and dance till you drop. Massage your body with sweet oils. Kiss yourself. Masturbate.

Engage in projects of self-discovery in order to reconnect with your higher nature and your inner best self. Do an exercise tape. Go for a run, walk, or bike ride. Read your Tarot cards. Consult the I Ching. Do yoga. Meditate, drum, chant. Write in your journal. Paint a picture or your walls. Sing silly songs. Have a good cry. Laugh out loud.

Once you have spent some goodly amount of time involved wholeheartedly in these lovely endeavors, you might consider planning a ritual such as the one that I have done many times with others in similar circumstances. I call it “A Woman Who Marries Herself.” It is wedding for one.

Some women do it alone, some in front of witnesses with or without someone to officiate. You can design it any way you like in order for it to be personally relevant. As in any ritual, you should choose a special time and place, meaningful symbols, resonant words to read to recite.

The idea is to commit yourself to yourself. To have and to hold, for better and for worse, till death do you part. A pledge to love and honor and cherish yourself always. To hold true to yourself — your wants, your needs, your ideals, your values. This ceremony seals your self-devotion, thus making you whole unto yourself. Like a Virgin.

This is not meant to seal yourself off from others or to replace any future relationships, but to make sure that you do not get involved for the wrong reasons — out of fear or desperation. You will emerge from these exercises with the secure knowledge that you are your own best lover. And when you are ready, you will be able to share that love with someone special who will appreciate and return it in kind.

With blessings that love, honor and cherish,

xxMama Donna

*Are you cyclically confused? In a ceremonial quandary? Completely clueless? Wonder no more. *Send your questions about seasons, cycles, celebrations, ceremonies and spirit to Mama Donna at: CityShaman@aol.com

.

**************************************************************

Donna Henes is an internationally renowned urban shaman, ritual expert, award-winning author, popular speaker and workshop leader whose joyful celebrations of celestial events have introduced ancient traditional rituals and contemporary ceremonies to millions of people in more than 100 cities since 1972. She has published four books, a CD, an acclaimed Ezine and writes for The Huffington Post and UPI Religion and Spirituality Forum. Mama Donna, as she is affectionately called, maintains a ceremonial center, spirit shop, ritual practice and consultancy in Exotic Brooklyn, NY where she works with individuals, groups, institutions, municipalities and corporations to create meaningful ceremonies for every imaginable occasion.

www.DonnaHenes.net

www.TheQueenOfMySelf.com

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Donna_Henes

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Queen_of_My_Self

Watch her videos:

http://www.youtube.com/user/MamaDonnaHenes

Follow her on Twitter:

http://twitter.com/queenmamadonna

Connect with her on Facebook:

http://www.facebook.com/#/donnahenes?ref=profile

Read her on the Huffington Post:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/donna-henes/

Read her on Beliefnet:

http://blog.beliefnet.com/thequeenofmyself/

Tags:

Ask Your Mama

Mama Donna Henes June, 2011

Are you cyclically confused? In a ceremonial quandary? Completely clueless? Wonder no more.

*Ask Your Mama™

Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Spirituality and Didn’t Know Who to Ask™

by

©Mama Donna Henes, Urban Shaman

A Question of Ritual as Service

Dear Mama Donna.

I work with a group here in Cleveland who cook and feed close to 200 men at a homeless shelter every Thursday. It is a big commitment. The shelter is run by the Salvation Army, and the people who run the shelter are open to programming. As we have come to know these men, they are opening to us, and I feel it’s an opportunity to do some spiritual work. It occurred to me that I might start a drumming circle. I wanted to ask if you have ever worked with this particular population. They are really down and out, and I need some ideas about how to approach them and how to structure a circle.

Reaching Out in Ohio

Dear Reaching Out,

Wow! A spirit circle in Cleveland, my hometown. Who’d have thunk?

I actually do have a great deal of experience with populations of disenfranchised, dis-spirited folk. As an urban shaman, I move in all sorts of society and my constituency includes everyone. We are all equals in the eye of spirit.

Over the years I have done drumming circles with drugged and deranged women in a shelter, with very young single homeless mothers and their babies at a half-way house, with HIV-ill women at a treatment center, with inmates at several women’s jails and adolescent detention facilities, with the criminally insane at a state forensic psychiatric center, and dozens of other snake-pit venues for the down and out.

It is my experience that people are pretty much just people. In these special groups there is the same mix of helpful, open, clear, disruptive, hostile, sad, closed, and needy souls as I see in my open-to-anyone circles and celebrations. If you approach the situation as normal, you’ll be pleasantly surprised at just how normal it will be. Sanity, stability, centeredness is the continuum that we all travel on our journey toward our best selves.

Once I did a May Day/Beltane tree planting ceremony in Loring Lake Park in Minneapolis with a group of students from the College of and Design there. As it turned out, this park was a hangout place for intoxicated Native Americans. During our ritual, a bunch of fairly far-gone guys wove over to join us. They were drunk, but not rowdy. They instinctively understood the sanctity of what we were doing and were mightily drawn to be part of our circle.

At one point in the ceremony, one of the men stepped forward. He identified himself as Sioux, then announced, “I have no right to do this” and proceeded to offer a chant. While he was all-too-aware that he was ceremonially unclean and spiritually unprepared for such a righteous task, he also knew enough to realize that somebody had to sing this tree into the ground, and he happened to know the words. It was powerful magic that day: for him as he was tranceformed in grace, for me as an awed witness to true reverence, and for the tree, which I am sure is still thriving.

Another time, I did a big public celebration for the Fall Equinox at Pershing Square in Los Angeles. During the event, the Commissioner of Cultural Affairs came by the park to check on me because he was worried for my safety in this “dangerous” junkie/wino infested plaza.

Of course, it was these very men, drunk and high though they might have been, who actually got involved. They climbed ladders, helped me to hang my peace chants banners, and brought me coffee. And when the police came to arrest me later that day (despite my official status) for Inciting Littering (of all things) it was these same outcast men who tried to protect me.

After hundreds of similar situations, I have come to understand that if you enter a ritual situation with an open heart, people will recognize your sincerity and share themselves in return. Don’t worry. Your drum circles will be great. And you are dear for doing them.

Great good luck to you. This is a grand project.

xxMama Donna

Dear Mama Donna,

Thanks so much for your response. I want to work with these people in a spiritual way, and hope to start a small circle in the upcoming months. I think your point of treating the men in this shelter as normal is a good one. I have no fear, and believe some soul-level support and treatment is greatly needed. For about six years, I worked at Rosary Hall, a treatment center here. I learned that there is a yearning for something more in all of us, and I saw that the spiritual program was the strongest part of recovery. I’ll keep you posted, and again thanks for your feedback.

Peace and love,

Reaching Out

Dear Reaching,

May you drum up a beat of connection, a rhythm of pleasure and joy, a sacred circle of support.

xxMama Donna

*Are you cyclically confused? In a ceremonial quandary? Completely clueless? Wonder no more. Send your questions about seasons, cycles, and celebrations to Mama Donna at citshaman@aol.com

**************************************************************

Donna Henes is an internationally renowned urban shaman, ritual expert, award-winning author, popular speaker and workshop leader whose joyful celebrations of celestial events have introduced ancient traditional rituals and contemporary ceremonies to millions of people in more than 100 cities since 1972. She has published four books, a CD, an acclaimed Ezine and writes for The Huffington Post and UPI Religion and Spirituality Forum. Mama Donna, as she is affectionately called, maintains a ceremonial center, spirit shop, ritual practice and consultancy in Exotic Brooklyn, NY where she works with individuals, groups, institutions, municipalities and corporations to create meaningful ceremonies for every imaginable occasion.

www.DonnaHenes.net

www.TheQueenOfMySelf.com

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Donna_Henes

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Queen_of_My_Self

Watch her videos:

http://www.youtube.com/user/MamaDonnaHenes

Read her on the Huffington Post:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/donna-henes/

Read her on Beliefnet:

http://blog.beliefnet.com/thequeenofmyself/

Follow her on Twitter:

http://twitter.com/queenmamadonna

Connect with her on Facebook:

http://www.facebook.com/#/donnahenes?ref=profile

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Ask Your Mama

Mama Donna Henes May, 2011

Are you cyclically confused? In a ceremonial quandary? Completely clueless? Wonder no more.

*Ask Your Mama™

Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Spirituality and Didn’t Know Who to Ask™

by

©Mama Donna Henes, Urban Shaman

A Question of Moon Names

Dear Mama Donna,

I have noticed that when you refer to the new and full moons, you call them by very colorful names, for example the Harvest Moon, the Beaver Moon, etc. What do these names mean? What do they signify? Where do they come from? Could you kindly explain?

Moon Watcher in the perammoon deliniated importsMassachusetts

Dear Moon Watcher,

You are in good company. People everywhere have always watched the moon, tracked its path, plotted its course, and counted its cycle of eternal return. Originally, the moon delineated the parameters of time, dividing the year into moonths.

Each new moon has usually been associated with and named for common seasonal phenomena — attributes of nature, animal traits, or human activities — which somehow relate to that particular lunar period. How the moonths are named says alot about a people, revealing specific details of environment, weather conditions, seasonal occupations, diet, and belief systems.

For example, the twelve moonth names of the Omaha, dwellers of the Great Plains and woodlands of the Missouri River valley in what is now Nebraska, clearly indicate that they were hunters, focused as they are primarily on animals: Moon In Which The Snow Drifts Into The Tents Of The Hoga, Moon In Which The Geese Come Home, Little Frog Moon, Moon In Which Nothing Happens, Moon In Which They Plant, Moon In Which The Buffalo Bulls Hunt The Cows, Moon In Which The Buffalo Bellow, Moon In Which The Elk Bellow, Moon In Which The Deer Paw The Earth, Moon In Which The Deer Rut, Moon In Which The Deer Shed Their Antlers, Moon In Which The Little Black Bears Are Born.

The calendar of their neighbors about five hundred miles to the north, the Ojibway, reflects a completely different lifestyle. Here, along the heavily forested waterways surrounding the western Great Lakes, agriculture was impractical and large prey scarce. The people thrived on the wild fruits and grains that they gathered. Long Moon, Spirit Moon, Moon Of The Suckers, Moon Of The Crust On The Snow, Moon Of The Breaking Of Snowshoes, Moon Of The Flowers And Blooms, Moon Of  Strawberries, Moon Of Raspberries, Moon Of Gathering Wild Rice, Moon Of The Falling Leaves, Moon Of Freezing, Little Moon Of The Spirit.

The Ugric Ostiak, a group living further north still on the vast, empty tundra of northern Siberia has produced moon names which reflect their chilly existence. Trees seem to have been prized for their rarity and the importance of their wood — less for fuel than for shelter for themselves and their horses. The list also suggests that fish and game birds are import food staples. Spawning Month, Pine-Sapwood Month, Birch-Sapwood Month, Salmon-Weir Month, Month Of Hay Harvest, Ducks-And-Geese-Go-Away Month, Naked Tree Month, Pedestrian Month, Month Of Going Home While Ice Still Remains, Month Of Going On Horseback, Great Month, Little Winter-Ridge Month, Windy Month Of Crows.

Compared with these, the English language month names fall flat. We have inherited our months intact from the Roman calendar, reformed and instituted by Julius Caesar in 45 B.C. The names signify very little to us anymore, and are, as far as most of us know, totally devoid of meaningful allusions to the natural world.

Januarius, the New Year month was named for the god, Janus, who looks both backward and forward in time. Februarius was for Februus, god who oversees the cleansing of sins. Martius was for the war god, Mars, perhaps in deference to March’s stormy weather. Aprilis, from the Latin, aperire,  means “to open” or “to bud.” Maius was in honor of Maia, Goddess of Green Growth. Junius, from the Latin, junores, “young people,” might refer to the fertility festivals celebrated around the summer solstice.

Julius was named for Julius Caesar, author of the calendar and Augustus was for Augustus, Caesar’s grandnephew and heir. As if the cup of inspiration had run dry after allocating the eighth name, the remaining months were given numbers, which, having once belonged to a previous and outdated calendar, weren’t even correct. The ninth, tenth, eleventh and twelfth months, September, October, November and December, actually mean seven, eight nine and ten! Boring.

Of all possible moonth designations, the ones that make the most sense to me living in the Northeast United States are the descriptive names given to the moonths by the Iroquois peoples — the Seneca, Cayuga, Onondaga, Oneida, Mohawk and Tuscarora — the original inhabitants of the heart of New York State from Albany to Buffalo. The seasonal changes that they describe are completely recognizable. What do I know, after all, about Julius Caesar? Let alone when the salmon spawns, the kangaroo whelps, the crocodiles lay, or when the yams are ripe?

The Wolf Moon, The Snow Moon, when the Winter is long;

The Sap Moon, The Pink Moon, when Spring rises up;

The Flower Moon, The Strawberry Moon, when the world is in blossom;     The Buck Moon, The Sturgeon Moon, when Summer is at its strongest;        The Harvest Moon, The Hunter Moon, when Autumn settles in;

The Beaver Moon, The Cold Moon, during the darkest days. Yep!

There are many books that list Native American moon names. Find the original moonth names for your geographic vicinity. Most likely, they will still resonate for your bio-region. If they speak to you, use them. If not, invent your own. Just look up, look around, set your mind on the moon

—————————– and open your heart to the cycle of the seasons. Meaningful names will suggest themselves.

xxMama Donna

Virtual Moonths

We in the United States have, for all intents and purposes, have evolved a contemporary cultural calendar for ourselves; one that we all recognize; one that bespeaks the ways of our society. These, as I see it, are the moonths we really observe:

January — The Month When Grown Men Compete for Dominance by                                               Fighting Over the Inflated Skin of a Pig

February — The Month When We Become Sentimental and Maudlin                                                  About Love and Work Ourselves into a Fit of Depression

March — The Month When We Stand Eggs on End in Order to                                             Remember That We Are Part of This Planet

April — The Month When We Are Coerced into Contributing to                                          the War Chest

May — The Month That Ends in a Three Day Shopping Frenzy in                                                Honor of Our Dead Soldiers

June — The Month When the Children Are Set Free

July — The Month When We Applaud Bombs Bursting in Air

August — The Month When We Suddenly Remember All the                                                             Warnings About The Greenhouse Effect

September — The Month When We Buy New Notebooks and Set Off to                                                 School in the Spirit of Renewed Determination

October — The Month When We Worry About Our Children Eating                                        Candy with Razor Blades or Poison in It

November — The Month When We Stuff Ourselves Silly

December — The Month When We Spend Too Much Money and Drink                                     Too Much Egg Nog and Get Depressed Anyway

*Are you cyclically confused? In a ceremonial quandary? Completely clueless? Wonder no more. Send your questions about seasons, cycles, and celebrations to Mama Donna at cityshaman@aol.com

**************************************************************

Donna Henes is an internationally renowned urban shaman, ritual expert, award-winning author, popular speaker and workshop leader whose joyful celebrations of celestial events have introduced ancient traditional rituals and contemporary ceremonies to millions of people in more than 100 cities since 1972. She has published four books, a CD, an acclaimed Ezine and writes for The Huffington Post and UPI Religion and Spirituality Forum. Mama Donna, as she is affectionately called, maintains a ceremonial center, spirit shop, ritual practice and consultancy in Exotic Brooklyn, NY where she works with individuals, groups, institutions, municipalities and corporations to create meaningful ceremonies for every imaginable occasion.

www.DonnaHenes.net

www.TheQueenOfMySelf.com

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Donna_Henes

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Queen_of_My_Self

Watch her videos:

http://www.youtube.com/user/MamaDonnaHenes

Follow her on Twitter:

http://twitter.com/queenmamadonna

Connect with her on Facebook:

http://www.facebook.com/#/donnahenes?ref=profile

Read her on the Huffington Post:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/donna-henes/

Read her on Beliefnet:

http://blog.beliefnet.com/thequeenofmyself/

Tags:

Ask Your Mama

Mama Donna Henes March, 2011

Are you cyclically confused? In a ceremonial quandary? Completely clueless? Wonder no more.

*Ask Your Mama™

Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Spirituality and Didn’t Know Who to Ask™

by

©Mama Donna Henes, Urban Shaman

A Question of Egg Balancing

Dear Mama Donna,

First let me say that I have great respect and gratitude for the work that you do. As a long time organizer in the neo-pagan community I have followed your activities with pleasure in the media through the years. But there’s one thing that really irks me; this spring equinox egg balancing hoax.

The fact is that it is no easier or harder to balance an egg on its end on any day of the year, and your promotion of such a vacuous myth is impossible for me to understand. This pseudo-science ‘eggsperiment’ is now regularly dis-proven by grade school students to show them the difference between delusion and knowledge. Why is a smart, strong, adult woman doing this?

Please don’t take this as an attack, but seeing you promote such a blatantly untrue and irrational belief as the egg hoax is baffling to me. It robs you and those of us with similar spiritual leanings of credibility.

Practicing Pagan in New York

Dear Practicing,

Well, we could argue about whether or not you can stand an egg up at any time of the day, week, month, year, but this is beside the point of my egg events. What is truly important to me is that thousands of people make it their business year after year to attend to the shift of a season, to actively participate in a planetary rite of passage and to share this cosmic experience in sincere communion.

Standing an egg at other times may work mechanistically, but stood at the first moment of spring, the egg becomes the clear, rightful, recognizable symbol of a new season, the birth of new life. Eggs On End: Standing On Ceremony is every bit a traditional vernal fertility rite. A popular, contemporary celebration of the return of green and growth and light after the dark winter.

The event itself is astonishingly simple. An orange laundry basket that contains 360 eggs is passed among the crowd. We all hold them up in the air together, pledging to walk on the earth as if we were walking on eggs. Promising anew, in honor of the season, to protect our fragile yet resilient planet home.  We count down the minutes to the equinox. And when the time is right, we stand our eggs in unison in salute to spring. No matter how many people attend, the real event is always each single person feeling for themselves what gravity and balance and equilibrium might mean.

Standing an egg on its end, feeling it as the yolk shifts inside to find its perfect point of balance, is like holding the entire universe in the palm of your hand. The excitement is profound and never, it seems, forgotten. I receive notes, clippings, testimonials, feedback and photos from folks from all over, who have attempted to stand up eggs either as a participant at one of my events, or alone, with friends, family, or with the entire television viewing audience. They send pictures of eggs standing on book shelves, kitchen tables, school rooms, driveways, even on a boat in the Caribbean. Eggs with kids, with astronomers, with physicists, with news anchors, with pet cats. This widespread celebration of the equinox, of the earth, of the universe and each other is what really counts.

By noting the especially energetic times of the equinoxes, solstices and other Celestially Auspicious Occasions, we associate ourselves as participants in the planetary cycles of our solar system — the seasons of the year and the seasons of our lives. It is immaterial whether or not the egg can stand at any other time. The important thing is to recognize the symbol, the season, the sky, and the kindred souls who surround us.

Yours in the spirit of balance,

xxMama Donna

*Are you cyclically confused? In a ceremonial quandary? Completely clueless? Wonder no more. *Send your questions about seasons, cycles, celebrations, ceremonies and spirit to Mama Donna at: CityShaman@aol.com

**************************************************************

Donna Henes is an internationally renowned urban shaman, ritual expert, award-winning author, popular speaker and workshop leader whose joyful celebrations of celestial events have introduced ancient traditional rituals and contemporary ceremonies to millions of people in more than 100 cities since 1972. She has published four books, a CD, an acclaimed Ezine and writes for The Huffington Post and UPI Religion and Spirituality Forum. Mama Donna, as she is affectionately called, maintains a ceremonial center, spirit shop, ritual practice and consultancy in Exotic Brooklyn, NY where she works with individuals, groups, institutions, municipalities and corporations to create meaningful ceremonies for every imaginable occasion.

www.DonnaHenes.net

www.TheQueenOfMySelf.com

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Donna_Henes

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Queen_of_My_Self

Watch her videos:

http://www.youtube.com/user/MamaDonnaHenes

Follow her on Twitter:

http://twitter.com/queenmamadonna

Connect with her on Facebook:

http://www.facebook.com/#/donnahenes?ref=profile

Read her on the Huffington Post:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/donna-henes/

Read her on Beliefnet:

http://blog.beliefnet.com/thequeenofmyself/

Tags:

Ask Your Mama

Mama Donna Henes February, 2011

Are you cyclically confused? In a ceremonial quandary? Completely clueless? Wonder no more.

*Ask Your Mama™

Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Spirituality and Didn’t Know Who to Ask™

by

©Mama Donna Henes, Urban Shaman

A Question of Mental, Physical, Emotional and Spiritual Sex

Dear Mama Donna,

I am a woman in my middle years and the excitement and sizzle of sex seems to have been turned off at the spigot. I am always comparing myself with the hot younger me who I seem to have lost. Is this the end of passion for me? Help! I want it back!

Frustrated in Phoenix

Dear Frustrated,

Oh, honey, this is absolutely not the end of your sex life. Don’t despair. And whatever you do, don’t stop. Regular sex, according to medical research, has the same benefits as regular exercise. It increases the flow of certain chemicals that naturally boost and strengthen the immune system, improves cholesterol levels, stimulates circulation, invigorates the heart, diminishes the intensity of pain especially in migraines and chronic arthritis, reduces PMS symptoms, and releases endorphins which simply make you feel good.

Here are some suggestions for getting the sizzle back:

Mental Sex

Mind your memories, good and bad. Do not dwell in the past. Do not look back in time in order to yearn for more youthful days or compare yourself today with who you used to be. And do not let past pain, rejection, repression, or abuse deprive you of your present pleasures. Deal with what you want to change so that you can Be Here Now.

Mind your manners. Be nice. Be kind. Be patient. Be encouraging, but be sure to ask for what you want. Be willing to communicate with an open ear as well as with an open mouth. Be clear and specific. Be gentle, but firm. Speak your truth and expect to be heard. Share your desires and fantasies and play them out. Show and tell.

Mind your P’s and Q’s. P stands for permission. Allow yourself to follow your instincts and your desires and give yourself the unconditional permission to do what comes naturally, whatever that might mean to you. Q is for the Queen in you who knows what She knows She likes. And She likes to get it.

Emotional Sex

Explore the full range of your sexual emotions. What feelings does sex engender in you? What needs do you want it to fill? Does it? Is sex an outlet for the release of stress, of anger, frustration, or boredom? Is it an avenue to tenderness, affection, closeness, intimacy, honesty, safety, openness, trust, and love?

Express your true emotional Self in all its myriad moods. Allow your funny, silly, lazy, sad, colorful, soulful, sinful parts out to play. Be adventurous. Be bold. Be brazen. Be wild. Be inventive. Be silent. Be solo. Be celibate. Be whatever you damn well please.

Exorcise your demons. Relax your resistance. Release your inhibitions. Let go of your mind altogether. Forget your emotions and all of your mental ramblings for a while, and just let yourself be. There are times when it is important to reflect upon and connect with your thoughts and feelings, and there are times when it’s just as beneficial to disengage. Sex would be one.

Physical Sex

Make friends with your body. The more accepting you are of your physical being — your best features as well as your flaws — the more comfortable you will be sharing it. Develop your sense of touch. Cover the surface of your body with paint, with clay, with cream, with silk. Caress the textures. Feel the tactile sensations on your skin. Treat yourself to a massage, a manicure, or a facial. Pat, stroke, rub, knead your skin and hair. Offer to massage someone. Ask someone to do it for you.

Treat your body well. Feed it wisely, air it often, water and exercise it with intention and care. Pay attention to its proper maintenance and upkeep. Keep it oiled and greased and limber, and don’t let it get rusty. Nurture its need to be nurtured. Tend to its requirements and pamper all of its parts. Prepare your body for sex. Soak in a warm tub full of fragrant water to melt into the mood. Rub luscious lotion all over yourself, caressing each mound and crevice and curve with love and anticipation.

Spiritual Sex

Create a sexual sanctuary, a safe and sacred space, a Temple of Love in which to indulge in your pleasures. Remove all distracting items that relate to the other parts of your life: notebooks, briefcases, pagers, bills, calendars. Turn the phones off, including the cell at the bottom of your purse. Cover the clocks. Close the bathroom door. Smudge your space with the smoke of myrrh or copal to cleanse the atmosphere and with the smoke of sweetgrass to invite in the sweet spirits.

Create a mood conducive to enchantment, enticement, and enjoyment. This is the royal boudoir, after all. A Garden of 1001 Delights. Decorate it in such a way as to appeal to all of the senses. Sheets and covers in soft fabrics, chenille, flannel, satin, to lie upon. Candles, soft lights, colored walls, flowers, and objets of art to please the gaze. Evocative perfumes, oils, and incense to smell. Lovely treats to taste.

Create a ritual before you make love. Think of sex as a way to connect, alone or in company, with the vibrating Kundalini energy that courses through you and the entire universe. Sanctify and ignite your intention by lighting a candle, saying a prayer, or by singing, chanting, drumming, dancing, anointing. Reach out to engage your Self, another, and All That Is, in an ecstatic embrace of spirit, passion, and love.

A new take-charge attitude can be just the catalyst needed to refuel the lethargic passion of our long-term marriage or partnership, or it could send us out in other, sometimes completely unexpected, directions. We could decide to take a lover, or a different lover, or an additional lover. If we have long been single, we might decide to begin dating and establishing relationships. We might, as is becoming more and more common, liberate our previously hidden, unfulfilled yearnings and “come out” as a lesbian in midlife. Or, if we have always been sexually active, involved and/or coupled, we could choose a period of celibacy, Self-exploration, Self-indulgence, and Self-love. The world is your oyster. Pick and choose according to your own persuasion and then partake!

Enjoy!

xxMama Donna

*Are you cyclically confused? In a ceremonial quandary? Completely clueless? Wonder no more. *Send your questions about seasons, cycles, celebrations, ceremonies and spirit to Mama Donna at: CityShaman@aol.com

*************************************************************

Donna Henes is an internationally renowned urban shaman, ritual expert, award-winning author, popular speaker and workshop leader whose joyful celebrations of celestial events have introduced ancient traditional rituals and contemporary ceremonies to millions of people in more than 100 cities since 1972. She has published four books, a CD, an acclaimed Ezine and writes for The Huffington Post and UPI Religion and Spirituality Forum. Mama Donna, as she is affectionately called, maintains a ceremonial center, spirit shop, ritual practice and consultancy in Exotic Brooklyn, NY where she works with individuals, groups, institutions, municipalities and corporations to create meaningful ceremonies for every imaginable occasion.

www.DonnaHenes.net

www.TheQueenOfMySelf.com

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Donna_Henes

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Queen_of_My_Self

Watch her videos:

http://www.youtube.com/user/MamaDonnaHenes

Follow her on Twitter:

http://twitter.com/queenmamadonna

Connect with her on Facebook:

http://www.facebook.com/#/donnahenes?ref=profile

Read her on the Huffington Post:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/donna-henes/

Read her on Beliefnet:

http://blog.beliefnet.com/thequeenofmyself/

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