Hoi Sum January, 2011

Coming Out of the Broom Closet

(Very slowly and one foot at a time)

If there is one thing the Pagan community has in common with the GLBT community it is being stuck in “the closet.” It still amazes me how many Pagans I meet who are struggling with coming out about their Paganism and witchcraft practices. I know their pain all too well. I am still in the broom closet with my immediate family. My family is super Conservative Christian and they have made it clear that if I even show an interest in Wicca or anything like “that” I will be disowned. It is extremely painful to hear your parents say that. I am still struggling with whether or not to come out to them. On one hand I want to be completely honest with them, to be true to myself and to be proud of my beliefs. On the other hand though, I do not know if I am ready to be completely cut off from my entire family. I already lost all of my aunts, uncles, and cousins when I married my non-Christian husband. My mother, father, and brother are all I have left on my side of the family. It is definitely a tough decision and one I stress about all the time. I feel like I am betraying myself and my Deities every time I hide my altar tools when my parents come to visit. For now that is what I choose to do though, even if it causes me pain, but I know that someday I will not have to do that. Someday I will be completely out of the broom closet!  I do not know when that day will be, but I do know that at least it is my choice when that day will be.

When coming out of the broom closet it is important to remember that every person’s circumstances are unique. What worked for one person may not work for another person. Every Pagan has to come out of the broom closet at their own pace, in their own way, and in their own time! I may not be completely out of the broom closet yet, but I have learned some good tips along the way.

Tip number one: never be completely one hundred percent in your broom closet and never be alone in there. Humans are social animals we need to feel loved and accepted. If you are not able to come out to your friends or family, at least find one person you can share your Pagan beliefs with. The internet has become a great resource for many Pagans. Find a Pagan online friend, set up a secret Pagan blog, or have an openly Pagan social network account (like Facebook) under a false name. Bottom line you need to have at least one Pagan shoulder to cry on, so to speak.

Tip number two: if you cannot come out to your family find someone (or somewhere) that you can come out to in person. While online Pagan friends are a great resource there is just something freeing about telling someone in person that you are Pagan. Find a local meetup group that is Pagan friendly, come out to your co-workers, tell your yoga instructor, or tell the random cashier the next time you are paying at a store.  It does not matter necessarily who you tell the point is to just tell someone. Think of it as practice. Practice coming out of the broom closet to strangers and someday when you come out to your family it will be much easier.

I can tell you from personal experience that all of these tips and ideas do work. I am still in the broom closet with my parents, but that does not mean I am in the closet with everyone else. My husband and his entire family know I am a practicing Pagan and witch. I am completely out of the closet at my work as well, in fact, I am an ambassador for the Pagan community at my job. I am in charge of running the Pagan booth and events on our diversity days at work. It is really fun and such a nice feeling to know I am making a difference for my Pagan community, even if my parents do not know what I am up to. I am an avid Pagan blogger, writer, and have a whole support system of Pagan friends online and in my local community. I may be in the broom closet still, but I am definitely not lonely in there! I am slowly making my way out of my broom closet, even if it is only one foot at a time!

Tags: broom closet

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CricketSong August, 2010

Should Children Remain in the Broom Closet?

I am certain that I am raising my children in the way that is most beneficial for them. I believe that children need to be taught spirituality from a young age and it should be the same beliefs that are held in their home; for us that spirituality is Eclectic Wicca. We practice our faith daily and interact openly with other pagans within our community. I am “out of the broom closet” as I run a home based business that is centered around our beliefs. My children are aware of what I do and will speak about “Mommy’s Tarot Reading business” as easily as their peers speak of their parents’ careers. My children do so without exaggeration, without the spectacular descriptions one might expect them to use when describing Hollywood magic. Instead they discuss it in the same terms that they would discuss what a teacher or a doctor does in their respective jobs; for them there is no difference between the magickal and the mundane.

I do not force any spiritual path on my children. It is something that just ‘is’ in our home. Wicca, because of its nature, cannot be forced taught. Unlike many other religions we have no threats to make nor do we have punishments to promise. Our spirituality embraces respect for life and the sacred being that resides within every living creature. In respecting our children’s sacred self, we respect the God/dess. Our beliefs embrace accountability for one’s actions and mistakes however, these things do not make us unlovable to deity. Wicca is a way of living. It is our moral code which incorporates virtues I wish to instill in my children. Virtues such as: balance, creativity, empathy, honesty, modesty, open-mindedness, perseverance and respect.

I encourage my children to be respectful of other’s beliefs and to understand that there is more than one way to worship the God/dess. No one way is ‘the right way’ nor ‘the only way’. Not even our way. Because of this my children will occasionally attend a Christian Service or an Event with their biological father and his girlfriend. My eight year old daughter has attended Sunday school at their Church. I embrace these insistences for they open the door to different points of view for my daughter. After attending she will often ask questions and come to new understandings concerning deity on her own. My twelve year old son will engage in discussion with my husband and me about Jesus Christ after going to a Christian Service. He clearly contemplates new ideas and concepts after a meaningful spiritual conversation with us.

I never want my children to be ashamed of our spiritual path so I do not encourage them to be silent nor do I encourage them to boast. I imagine that some fellow Wiccans might argue against my thoughts quoting the Witch’s Pyramid to “Keep Silent”. While I embrace The Witch’s Pyramid as well, I don’t see this particular tenet applying to our situation. It is my belief that this point of the pentacle discusses: how a witch should never boast or brag about what magicks s/he has done, will think before speaking, will not intentionally harm others with her/his words, will never gossip nor disclose where or what took place inside a Magick Circle. These ideas are important and I teach them to my children as we travel the Wiccan path together however, I do not feel that “keeping silent” about our spirituality benefits them. This doesn’t mean my point of view will never change.

We live on the East Coast in a state that has liberal views when it comes to religion. I haven’t encountered many negative interactions with people when they find out I am Wiccan. Instead I find people are curious and will share bits of information they came across from others asking if it is valid or fiction. I am not afraid of ridicule or bigotry against myself or my children because of our spirituality. I would consider my children to be “out of the broom closet”. My son last year did a school project on Wicca for his social studies class when they covered world religions. He answered questions thoughtfully, intelligently and without fear.

My daughter who attends first grade at the local public elementary school will often have friends over to play. When she is questioned she will comfortably and easily explain what each item on our altar represents or why there are candles and incense burning. She is quick to stop a neighborhood child from stepping on a snail in our yard explaining that it is Mommy’s friend and the Goddess will be unhappy if they were to kill it.

Is our way the correct way for all Wiccan families? No. I would never claim that to be so. Should all children be so open about their spiritual path? The answer to that is for each set of parents to consider. For us, for now … this is what works best. Bright Blessings!

Tags: broom closet, children

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Lyn Thurman August, 2010

Being in the broom closet is not a comfortable place to be.  There’s too much old stuff hanging around, it’s far too small and it smells a little like mothballs.

I’m not in the closet but there was a time when I couldn’t be my authentic self.  I was far too worried that my friends wouldn’t be my friends anymore, my family would consider me weird and my then husband would ridicule me.  It turned out I was right on all accounts.

When you’re not living life how you feel you should be, you’re not being your authentic self.  It crushes your spirit and often depression isn’t very far behind.  Living in the fear of what other people think, especially those closest to you, because you’re not a mainstream, cookie cutter clone is an invite to major stress.  Often the fears are unfounded and loved ones love us unconditionally.

I went through a divorce which altered my life completely. I realised I had to be me, take back control of situations that I’d allowed to get horrendously out of control and pursue life on my terms.  It wasn’t easy and at times it was excruciating painful.  I lost everything I knew including my parents and brother. Cut off, gone from their lives as if I never existed.

And yet there is a quietness and a peace to be found when old relationships, however permanent they’d been in your life, dissolve and you’re free to find new ones that suit you.  You learn about yourself because you’re forced to grow and develop.  It’s true what they say about the Universe detesting voids – sooner of later you fill the gaps that were left behind with new and wondrous things.  And most importantly you know you will never, ever fit in a broom closet again.

Tags: broom closet

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