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Pagan Parenting

Jennie Johnston January, 2010

Letting it Flow

I attempted to force out a Family Values article this month but in the interest of practicing what I was preaching I decided to try again next month.  The flow was not happening.

Going with the flow in parenting is a lesson that is hard to keep up with.   It is a challenge that is constantly facing us and it seems that kids move with natural rhythms with more ease than we do.   If they are tired they sleep, if they are hungry they eat.   When we try and inflict our ideas of schedules and such we can often present a conflict to the very primal emotions they feel.   But at the same time children need routine and predictability to feel secure and to blossom.   So the flow can mean letting natural rhythms coincide with routine and creating a system for your family that is not necessarily typical but fosters a healthy home life.

Parenting from this place requires us to tap into the element of Water.  Water does not think about how to move around a rock or other obstacle in its path it simply moves around it.  It adapts to situations swiftly .  I often find myself cringing when I realize that time has moved more quickly than I had anticipated in a morning and my son has moved from tired to cranky/tired and will soon have a meltdown.  Rather than worrying I would aspire to have faith that he too can adapt as he has proven to me many times.   My job is to try and avoid asking too much of him, making his water energy spin in too many circles of newness.

As parents we are expected to anticipate moods and desires but often our anticipation doesn’t necessarily have to occur, it is just one possibility in many possible outcomes.  The lesson of water is to anticipate but not hold onto the outcome rigidly.   Let yourself be pleasantly surprised at being prepared for the worst but having something not so bad happen.  Be open, be resourceful and most of all enjoy moving with a steady rhythm, like the constant beat of waves on the shoreline.  Your child will feel that fluidity and the rhythm will impart stillness and calmness to them.   And when conflicts occur as is natural and inevitable in day-to-day parenting try reciting a little chant or visualizing cool water gently flowing around you and your child, breathe and try again.

Water Chant for Flow in Parenting

Water, water move and flow

Water, water let it go

Water help calm feelings come

Water renew everyone

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Pagan Parenting

Jennie Johnston December, 2009

The Wintertime Family

winter Pagan Parenting


The winter months can be very gloomy for us.  We contend with few hours of daylight, cold temperatures and often limited mobility due to snow and ice.  Beach frolicking is a distant memory, the piles of leaves for jumping in have been racked away and the fresh sprouts of spring are not quite stirring under their frozen blanket.  Despite the limitations of the season we crave activities to share that connect us to the quite slumber going on under our feet.  This month we’ll look at some options for sharing this time as a family in terms of activities that connect the family unit and feed our spiritual souls in the dark time of the wheel.

Winter activities tend to require more planning than in the summer months but a great way to keep the winter blues at bay is to plan out a tentative schedule for weekend/vacation activities so that the kids can anticipate them, and parents have time to make them happen.  Brainstorm with the family while you are still home for the holidays having each member include some activities that they would like to do.  Be sure to make an Outdoor and Indoor list.  Here are some examples to get you started.

Outdoors:

  • winter sports such as: skating, skiing, sledding, hockey
  • snow ball fights
  • winter forest hikes
  • winter animal search
  • snow science experiments

Indoors:

  • cooking & baking
  • arts & crafts
  • journals
  • future family plans (like vacations, classes or rituals)
  • reading together
  • movies together
  • at-home-family-spa
  • family talent shows/theatre

I would recommend planning one indoor and one outdoor activity each weekend and if the weather is storming or too cold for the outdoor option you have a second option. A key to meeting the spiritual needs of your child and yourself is to let the messages of the season resonate through your home.  One of those lessons in my opinion is rest.  So while keeping the kids and yourself somewhat busy is a good way to ward off winter blues there is also a certain yearning that the body has for more rest during the dark months.  Finding the balance of rest and activity is not an easy task and may be impossible, so instead aim for a healthy home environment that tries to relieve stress rather than create it through too much scheduling.

The moon is particularly beautiful in the winter months with its light reflecting off the snow.  Even if you live in a climate that does not have snow you can still think of creating a special Esbat ritual for the family to celebrate together.  It can be as simple as taking a moonlit walk together or as elaborate as ritual garb and assigned roles but let the planning process be something that each family member contributes to and I’m sure you will make some lasting memories together.

Another key to this time of year is to try and be in the moment.  Yearning for summer or another time period is natural but living in the present keeps us connected to each other and helps us appreciate what we can do now as opposed to later.  And in closing “alone time together” should also be an option for wintertime activities.  A lazy afternoon of one parent having tea and reading, while the other is playing with a child and another child watches a favorite movie is sometimes a more peaceful and needed option than forcing an activity on some members who are not very in to it.  After all we are not looking to create a war zone in the home but a retreat.

Here’s to some fun, active and rejuvenating family memories this winter & many blessings to you and yours this Yule.

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Pagan Parenting

Jennie Johnston October, 2009

Thoughts on the Village in Paganism

It Takes a Village to Raise a Child…. this proverb, saying, cliché is often bandied about in society.  While the origins of the saying are debatable, the meaning behind the term is one that I have always thought to be important.  As parents and as pagans how does this philosophy apply to our lives?  And do we practice it or should we even practice it?

As humans evolved we lived in groups to ensure survival.  Our societal structure was vastly different from how it is today.  We hunted, gathered, ate together, lived together.  Our living was done in units.  The women and men probably broke off into groups at times to accomplish various goals.  The women and children worked together during the days.  This type of living arraignment lent itself to the concept of the village raising the children.  Parents we primary but care was most likely derived from the most available adult or older child.  The group watched out for everyone.  Exactly how the tribe disciplined or raised the children and what values were instilled is not something we can know for sure but the communal aspect was no doubt the means of survival.  To be alone as a single nuclear family was unheard of.

In my mind I tend to idealize this method of living.  It seems so reassuring to think of being around many women in various life stages.  Tanning hides, drying fish, sewing clothing.  Children are running around, all being watched, observed, and cared for.  Some are still nursing, some are entering puberty, some are about to join the men and come of age.  These children would experience adult interaction very differently from our own.   And there is no doubt that the biological parents of the children would view their kids differently from how we see ours today.

Fast forward millions of years and here we are, living in our separate dwellings, supporting ourselves with one or two parents working.  How can we apply the concept of children being raised by the village into our lives as pagans?  Many facets of our community divide the ones with children and the ones without into separate categories.  People without children, whether by choice or by circumstance can be reluctant to be around kids.  Kids can be loud, disruptive and distracting.   Pagans with children often expect their kids to be included in every event, can let them run amuck and not admit that their child is the one in the wrong.  And so we have two warring factions, both accusatory, neither thinking communally with a village mindset.  After all there was never a village that only contained the childless or only had parents.  Everyone lived together.   Despite the fact that our communities are not looking at communal living as the norm for every day and we experience community in small doses at festivals, rituals, etc. we still can not seem to be respectful at many events.  We need to rethink our mindsets.  We need to remember in our bones what it was to be a tribe.

“Children need the attention and encouragement of many adults, not just their parents.  Adults who may not have children of their own still need to feel connected to the next generation.” pp. 284, Circle Round: Raising Children in Goddess Traditions

Most parents will say that they don’t want another person disciplining their child.  We feel the need to control the guidance that our children receive.  Of course it is our job to protect them and keep them from abuse or harmful people.  But does it hurt our children to learn to interact with others and hear their means of communicating lessons?  Most parents put our kids into school or classes where teachers will be given the authority to enforce discipline.  Is that different from a family friend or coven member giving your child guidance when they may be acting inappropriately?  A perfect stranger may even offer words that are appropriate to a situation.

This summer while at the beach my toddler was playing in the sectioned off area for young children.  Some older boys, the youngest being at least 10, were throwing handfuls of sand at each other and having a blast.  The younger preschoolers were of course getting in their way and I worried that one could be knocked over or hit with sand.  I looked around trying to place parents to these boys but no one seemed to be watching them, so I made a judgment call.  Politely but firmly I asked the boys to move their game to another section of the beach that was away from the little kids.  At first they thought that I wanted them to stop altogether and they seemed taken aback.  But I explained to them that they could move to another area that was away from the little ones.  They saw the logic and moved over.  There was no disrespect involved and they were obviously very thoughtful boys.  I would consider that act one of parenting in the village style, respecting the game that the older boys were enjoying, while protecting the smaller kids who could not protect themselves.

“Because Pagan communities are generally small and far flung, support and congregation has been minimal…but as more of us have children, and especially as children almost dominate the population at many pagan events it is time to reorder our priorities as though we actually were a clan, a tradition, and a cohesive culture, if that’s what we think we are or would like to be.” pp. 283, Circle Round: Raising Children in Goddess Traditions

If we prefer the nuclear family model as it is today across North America and many parts of Western society then we need not take much about “it takes a village…” seriously.   We can go about our lives, raising our children in slight isolation from a larger community of similar minds.  Or we can strive to build a community of many layers that offers the youngest and most impressionable members of society a place where multiple adults are considered their guides.  The primary role of guardian will always be with the parents, but we can offer children a glory of knowledge by letting others, who we trust and sometimes who just happen to be there in the moment, teach them about how it is to be human and what it means to live as a clan.

As always you can reach me at stonegirl1177 AT yahoo DOT ca with comments or questions.  Or you can visit my blog at http://chasingdomesticbliss.blogspot.com

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Under 18

Blacksun September, 2009

Kids are a problem.  No, no, I’m not talking about the trials of parenthood; I’m referring to the problem of teaching minors about Paganism.  Though there aren’t any laws that specifically say to teach somebody’s child about a religion is unlawful, there exist community and cultural customs that condemn the teaching if it is done without parental permission.  In the case of Paganism, the problem is just as big as it would be if a Jewish family was to find their child being taught Islam… maybe bigger.  The problem is complex and I don’t intend to cover every facet here, but I will put forth some ideas about it in the hope that it will stir the cauldron a little and cause some discussion.The age of majority in the USA is generally considered to be eighteen for most everything.  When a person reaches that age, they can be held legally responsible for their public and private decisions.  That is, they can legally be bound by contracts, sued in a court of law, hold a driver’s license, get married, join the armed services, be able to vote, and generally be treated as an adult in most social and legal things.  If anyone of that age or older comes to us and asks for teaching or initiation, there isn’t anything that can be done by parents or relatives to legally prevent it.  But if they are under that age, there are a lot of legal avenues a parent or guardian can pursue to make it a problem for anyone who accepts the child for studentship without parental permission.

Beside the possible legal trouble, a parent who doesn’t understand our spirituality is often afraid of it and will react in a violent way when they find out we have been teaching their child about ‘witchcraft.’  It doesn’t matter what we might call our brand of spirituality, what most parents will immediately think is that ‘devil worshipers’ are indoctrinating their child!  No amount of quiet reasoning will work against their panic, and the facts have nothing to do with their perceptions.  In case you forgot: perception is reality.  The determination and ferocity of a parent who believes their child is in danger should never be underestimated.  And even if you have parental permission, you should still be aware of how your teachings might be misinterpreted by society and attract the unwanted attentions of any number of governmental groups.  This can be true even if the child you are teaching is your own!

There is a great deal of information that can be passed on to the next generation but you should be conscious of four considerations whenever you go about teaching anyone about our faith:

  1. WHAT is being taught?  There is more to a myth besides a fun story, for instance.  The traditions and lore of any faith group reflect its values and perspectives as well as customs and culture.  Information about any aspect of magic or spirituality always contains a subtext that you need to explore fully before trying try to pass it on.
  2. WHO is being taught?  Information that would be appropriate for a person who is 20 is not likely to be suitable for a youngster of 10.  A child probably won’t be interested in the complexities of western religious and political history.  Similarly, an adult isn’t likely to want to draw pictures of Isis for an hour.  And, in case you didn’t know, boys learn differently than girls.  They pick up information and use it in different ways, even if it is the same information.  It is not just a cultural prejudice; male and female brains work differently.  And, as any parent of teenagers will confirm, there sometimes isn’t any way to figure out how a pubescent child will react to anything!  Even they don’t have a clue.  There’s a good reason that the most common answer to the perennial question, “What were you thinking?” is a blank look and a mumbled, “I don’t know.” They really don’t.
  3. HOW is it being taught?  You can teach the information about incense making by the book.  But to get down and dirty with the actual making of a particular compound, to use it for an actual purpose, or to present it to others with, “I made this,” will make the learning more powerful and meaningful by far.  Learning is more than memorizing information; it’s about making a change in the learner.
  4. WHY is it being taught?  There must be a purpose and a plan to your teaching.  Simply to spout information is not the same as teaching.  Information needs to be related to real life as well as everything else that the student has or will encounter.  Any teacher worth their salt will transcend their own agendas and look to the needs and visions of their students.  If you teach because you think it will make you look important, you will only be seen that way by yourself.  Think back to the teachers in your life that have had the most impact on you and you will see the truth of this.

Our ideas and ways of looking at life are especially appealing to people in their late teens.  Our freedom of spirit and joy of living are much like their own youthful enthusiasm.  And, at least on the surface, our belief in magic seems to answer their wish for simple solutions to the complex problems they are becoming aware of all around them.  We will always have those who think of magic as a quick fix for all the ills in the world. They come with stars in their eyes, blinded to the fact that all true magic workers are hard workers.  Their naivety might be a source of amusement but it also makes them extremely vulnerable.  They so much want to believe there are easy ways to overcome large problems they will do almost anything to prove themselves ‘worthy’ of such fantastical powers.  Instead of allowing them to be victimized, we need to find ways of educating them about the real powers of magic.  Simply trying to burst their bubble of fantasy will not work.  They will reject our discouraging words and go looking for someone who will reinforce their dreams.  We must translate their visions into actions that allow them to find their own truths and powers.  Putting them to work on real projects, giving them an opportunity to figure out how to make something work and make a change is the greatest teacher of all.  Yes, they will make mistakes; who doesn’t?  But let’s be frank, isn’t that the way we learned?  Celebrate their successes and don’t ever be too busy to offer help.

Because we don’t have ‘all the answers’ written down, our beliefs are centered on individual experiences.  We call them ‘the mysteries’ because that best describes the role these have for us.  We ‘solve’ these mysteries by living the moment and discovering who and what we are in relation to the reality of our experiences.

Providing opportunities for the young to encounter their own mysteries needs to be tailored to the abilities of the student.  Most school systems use a three-tiered structure for teaching youngsters.  The youngest group usually covers from age six to eleven or twelve.  The next learning group is the so-called ‘tweens,’ ages twelve to fifteen.  Last, there is the sixteen to eighteen group.  There are sound reasons behind splitting up the learning in this way.  Each age group learns in different ways.

The brain functions of the youngest group are nothing like the oldest.  Though they absorb prodigious amounts of information at an astounding pace, the information is in its least complex form.  Very little associative thinking goes on in this age group.  For instance, a child in this group might easily learn the names for every town in their state but not be able to understand a map.  Complex relationships between one thing and another are difficult for them to understand.  That’s why stories for this age group are written in such black-and-white terms; heroes are all-good and villains are all-bad.  No explanation is necessary about why the kiss from a charming prince is required to awaken Sleeping Beauty, it simply does.  As any parent who has had a child go through this age knows, explaining why a certain rule is established doesn’t mean anything to these kids.  That’s why, “Because I said so,” really is the best explanation in many cases.  Teaching this group about Paganism requires information that is not subtle:  Pan is the god of wild things… period.  The more you explain, in some cases, the less they will understand.

The middle group, the ‘tweens,’  is in the transitional stage from one method of learning to the other.  Their comfort zone in learning is still back with the black and white, childhood model.  But their world is steadily growing and they’re becoming more independent every day.  Relationships are now more apparent and reasons are becoming necessary to explain them.  This is the age of reason for these people so what is taught to them needs to be accompanied with more in-depth information.  Motivations behind actions and beliefs begin to play an increasingly important role in their understanding and they will question boundaries and limitations more.  Because their bodies are going through an accelerated growth time, they will often physically test themselves against many of these limitations and dare the universe to slap them down.

The oldest group is making its entrance into adulthood and the methods by which they learn are pretty much the same for the rest of their life.  Associative or relational thinking has become more comfortable and its value to the student has been steadily growing for several years by now.  From here on, the student will question relative value structures, relying less on quantitative and more on qualitative information.  Though their decision-making abilities are relatively immature, they nevertheless feel the need for independence and freedom to act.  Lessons must relate to this urge or the importance of the information will not be perceived.  Now, not only does the information about Pan being a god of wild things become a part of their overall consideration, but background information that makes Pan a more interesting and complete god-form must accompany it.

Our rituals allow the primary school child to enjoy the fantasy and wonder of our beliefs.  For the middle school aged, they also teach something about the complexities of those beliefs.  For the young adults, the fullness of meaning is a feast for their minds and hearts.  It is the same demarcation as the teaching levels.

Teaching about our beliefs is quite different from exercising them on circle.  Nothing we do, with the exception of where we meet and with whom, is a secret.  When you teach others about our beliefs, our lore and practices, you should be mindful of how your words will be interpreted.  Your students or audience need to understand what is meant, not just hear the words.  For instance, “to make a spell,” will undoubtedly be interpreted as some sort of supernatural hocus-pocus by any who are not aware of the processes involved.  Far better you should forego the term and explain the process.  Then you can tell them that that process is called spell craft.  The same goes for many other words and phrases we commonly use in Paganism.  All specialized knowledge has its jargon and we aren’t any exception.  Educating others requires us to explain things without the confusion of language that can be easily misinterpreted.

Teaching others is also a way of learning.  Every teacher is a student and every student is a teacher.  The Pagan faiths have grown and will continue to grow because its people have had the courage to teach and train others.  It is one way we can help our faith group become better, both because we will refine our own knowledge and because we will gain new perspectives with each person who comes to us.  We must take this challenge seriously and never allow charlatans or abusers to rule over people whom the gods have sent our way.

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Pagan Parenting

Jennie Johnston September, 2009

Experiencing the Elements at the Playground

I am pleased to be a new member of the PaganPages family.  Welcome to Pagan Parenting Every Day.  Each month we will be exploring topics that relate to every day parenting with a pagan spin.  As a new parent looking for articles that relay parenting topics through a pagan perspective I find a lack.  I hope to address this gap and bring ideas to the table for discussion, learning and pondering.

Before we get to this month’s topic I’d like to say that the views presented here are based on one pagan parent’s perspective.  I am not trying to advocate a “pagan way” to parent, as I believe that as each child is different, so is each parent and each pagan in tern.  Rather, I am hoping to create a dialogue for parents and offer up some parenting styles, tips, methods, activities and issues.  The wide world of parenting is often daunting and a sense of support in our community can be a blessing to us all.  I also welcome questions, comments and suggestions for future topics.  You can contact me at stonegirl1177 AT yahoo DOT ca.  And now onto our topic for this month: Experiencing the Elements at the Playground.

As North American society has moved away from predominately dwelling on farmsteads and into urban lifestyles city parks have become a nature refuge.  As pagans many of us think that getting into nature, meaning out of the city and into a National park, camping, etc. is the only way to experience the elements.  But other than our 2 or 3 weeks a year of vacations, or our weekend day trips how can we bring the lessons and just plain fun of the elements into our children’s lives?  Some urban dwellers have backyards where they can explore the elements with their kids but if you don’t, or even if you do and you are looking for a change try taking a walk to your local playground.  The power and wonder of the elements are right there waiting for you and your family to appreciate them.

AIR

Swings and slides are perfect tools for really experiencing air.  Pumping your legs, you move faster and faster.  The air is all around you, blowing your hair and for kids who have a hard time understanding what they can’t see or feel in the moment this movement helps air, the invisible element become tangible.  Not to mention swinging is fun.  For toddlers and babies this aspect of motion is as far as you’ll need to take the activity.  Although you can repeat “Wind!” with glee in your voice to let them associate the sensations they are having with air.  For older children you can talk about the sensations they feel and mention some air correspondences like communication and the intellect.

Airsept09 Pagan Parenting

FIRE

Fire is not an element you openly see at parks.  It is not something you really want to encourage either.  But the big ball of fire in the sky can be your children’s plaything in its own way.  Shadow play is very entertaining.  Running and playing shadow tag, seeing the interesting shapes that you can make and for older kids you can talk about the length of your shadow and how that corresponds to the different time of day as the sun moves from east to west.  If it is a particularly warm day you can also teach even toddlers about the wonder of shade cast by trees or a nearby building.  You can move from the sun to the shade and experience the sensations of fire through the intense heat of the sun.

Shadowsept09 Pagan Parenting

WATER

Water parks with their spraying are of course great to experience on hot summer days and a very fun way to play with water.  If you are out after a rain puddles can hold a wonderland of enjoyment for kids of all ages.  If your playground has a drinking fountain that is a great way to start a dialogue about the precious nature of water.  Even if your local playground has no water available for play or drinking you can bring some in a thermos or water bottle.  As children play they inevitably get thirsty, as they break for a drink they can think about how the body is mostly water and why they need to replenish their supply after they exert themselves.  Perhaps they can carry their own water bottle and this can be a great lesson in understanding the precious nature of water as a resource.

Watersept09 Pagan Parenting

EARTH

Sand boxes, pebbles, grass, wood chips, there can be many surfaces at the playground that are earthy.  Sand boxes are endless in possibilities for play: mud pies, drawing in the sand with sticks, shoveling, sand castles, and just getting dirty are all great ways to interact with mother earth.  Rolling down grassy hillsides, climbing trees, the reassuring thud of the earth beneath on a see-saw, share earth’s rhythms with your child and you can also chant if the mood strikes.  If your neighborhood playground is on concrete there is usually some crack somewhere with plants pushing up through it.  What a powerful lesson to learn about, how even a substance as strong as concrete can be severed by the earth and strong plants will reclaim the space if left to their own devices.

Earthsept09 Pagan Parenting

Regardless of time constraints and nature access you can have family adventures with the elements in urban settings.  All it takes is some imagination and a desire to be in the moment.  A healthy dose of spirit can make our neighborhood sacred regardless of how much vegetation is around us.  We are nature; nature is with us in each moment, just waiting for us to notice.

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Pagan Parenting

Lynn OBrien August, 2009

How Do We Know We’ve Done Good?

How do we know when, as a parent, we’ve made a positive difference with our kids? Some parents measure it by what grades they get in school…others do it by measuring their kids against the way they were at that age. I know I’m doing a good job, at least most of the time, when my daughter does something so unselfish and positive, that not only is she changing her own life, but that of someone else.

Yesterday was our local area’s Relay For Life event, our third year participating as a team, her third year walking. Now, please understand my oldest daughter is almost 9 years old, and is a typical kid when it comes to how she views herself socially. But my daughter is in no way vain, and her good deed on Saturday proves it.

When we arrived at the event site at 8am yesterday morning, we were looking forward to doing some walking, fundraising, seeing wonderful entertainment…all in all having a great time for a great cause.

4pm rolls around and she surprises me by saying she wanted a haircut. Okay, one of our local teams had a booth set up where you could donate some money to get a basic haircut. But, if you had 10 inches or more of virgin (never dyed or chemically treated) hair, they would send that in to be made into a wig for a cancer patient. The American Cancer Society has teamed up with Pantene to sponsor this event at Relays nationwide.

The first person to get their hair donated was a salsa dancer that was there at the Relay, who had just gotten done dancing. His hair (yes, a man) reached at least to his waist. Long, thick, black hair…luxurious and he cut it off to his shoulders and donated it.

The next person to donate their hair was my sweet, giving humanitarian of a daughter, Kati. She walked right up and told them that if she had at least 10 inches from her shoulders down, she wanted to donate her hair. The ladies and guys standing by the tent stopped and grew quiet, as my brave child looked up with eyes of pure determination and commitment to her cause….she wanted to change someone’s life. What she didn’t know was that she changed everyone’s lives that day.

The people who were around the tent watched in utter amazement and admiration as the hair dresser brushed and measured her hair. After asking if this was what she really wanted, they put her hair in a ponytail and lopped it off.

The ponytail that had once been attached to her head was now in the hands of the lady and her eyes, as well as many of the onlookers, were wet with tears as my daughter made a most beautiful sacrifice. You see, my child became the most beautiful person I know on Saturday. The style of the cut isn’t what matters, but the true beauty that shines from her heart and soul.

After her show of love and giving for someone she might never know, everyone at that Relay worked harder, and had more fun, and raised more money. It was cold, windy and many were getting tired. But what her gift did was give the Relayers and supporters the drive and determination we needed to last 24 hours or more, to raise money that could one day save the life of someone we love, or maybe save ourselves.

My daughter is my hero.

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PaganDad

Patrick McCleary March, 2009

Spring is nearly here, the cold weather is beginning to wane and the showers of Spring will soon begin to fall. A short time after all that the plants will begin to bloom and the trees to turn green again. The animals will awaken and go out to forage and look for new food to fill their bellies empty from a long winter hibernating.

For me and my family this month has also been a time of rest and renewal. With nearly two months between Sabbats, we can take a break and turn our focus onto resting and preparing for the work of the coming season.

Soon we will be planting our garden and we will take this opportunity to teach our children about the importance of hard work, perseverance and patience.

Hard work because planting and digging is not always easy to do. Although my youngest seems to enjoy it. I think it is the playing in the dirt thing.

Perseverance because they have to take it on faith that the work that they are doing now will show rewards in the coming months. Plus, here in Florida, the heat comes early so they get hot quick and tend to want to quit almost as soon as they started.

The final lesson is patience. There is a process to gardening. From preparing the soil and planting the seeds. To the waiting for sprouting and then the cutting back. My children want to do it all right away and at the same time. So I have to hold them back and make them wait for the right time. They get tired of hearing the words, ‘Seeds don’t sprout overnight’.

These lessons are important and are sorely lacking from the rest of the world. We rush and rush in our society. We want it all and we want it yesterday. If we were a little more hardworking and patience and stuck it out to the end, than we would all be better off.

This is also the season of burgeoning fertility. We celebrate, like so many others, by painting eggs. In our Family Coven’s tradition this small act is an act of magick that will aid the Goddess and God in their bringing back the warmth and growth of the Spring. I also tell my kids that Coyote, the trickster steals the eggs and hides them. And so the egg hunt begins.

Of course the hunt also helps to spread the magick around. So my children learn from this that even though things may not always go according to plan and that bad things happen, that in the end they will work out for the best.

So as we go forward from here into Spring and the warmer weather comes take some time to go outside with your children and watch the world begin to waken from their long Winter slumber. Here in Florida one of the most common animals we see are cows with horses being a close second, and I know that in the next few months I will be able to point out the foals and calfs to my children.

And maybe you can pass on some of these lessons of Spring to your kids as well.

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Pagan Parenting for the Under 5’s

Kaylana Anaya February, 2009

In this month’s article I’d like to discuss life cycles and the wheel of life. It is up to us to teach our children about life cycles. We are born, we grow, we get older and we die. That is the life cycle in its most basic of terms. A child under 2 is too young for this discussion so this month’s article focuses on ages 2-5.

Point out examples of the life cycle all around you, new babies, older kids, adult, older adults and the seniors. Remember that kids this age don’t have a good sense of time so if you point out an elderly person and say the person is close to death, they will think you mean tomorrow. So don’t say that. You can just state that this person (the elderly person) is near the end of her life cycle. No matter how you present it, at some point your child may walk up to an older stranger and tell him matter-of-factly that he is old and near the end of his life cycle (or even near death). While this will be embarrassing at first, just explain to the older person that you are teaching your child about the cycle of life and that you apologize for the child’s bluntness. Later that day or the next day when the moment is forgotten, explain to your child that some people are sensitive about their age and so we don’t usually say that people are old. Your child may need a few reminders, depending on their age but they will eventually get it.

Whether or not you believe in reincarnation, birth is a continuation of the life cycle because if people only died and no one was born, there wouldn’t be life. It is up to you if you want your child to witness giving birth but children under age 5 most likely aren’t ready for it. Perhaps the 41/2 – 5 year old would be ready. I would say if you wish to show your child how babies are born, I’d stick with puppies or kitties. Seeing their mom or another woman giving birth might scare them and they might resent the baby, thinking it is the baby’s fault that the woman was in pain.

As you describe the life cycle, the question of what death is will crop up. Everyone always freaks out when the word death is brought up. If our children see us freak when they ask the question, they will notice and think that death is something bad and to be feared. We don’t want that. We want them to see death as just another part of the life cycle. For specific words to say to explain death, the life cycle and much more, check out Just Tell Me What to Say by Betsy Brown Braun. It’s an awesome book all about children ages 2-6.

As you are teaching about the life cycle, you can also teach the wheel of life, explaining that it is the life cycle of our world. Equate the two by showing that when new leaves and flowers grow, it’s like a baby being born and when the trees die in the winter, it’s like our death.

As your child sees that each season always comes and goes, you can point out that people will always be born and always die. That’s why it’s a cycle, because it keeps going on and on.

I think teaching your child these things is very important, especially starting at age 3. As Betsy Brown Braun says, if you teach your children about the life cycle and death from early on, when someone or some pet they know dies, they will be more likely to accept it and start to understand it.

All right that’s it for this month; I hope you’ve found something helpful. As always, if you have any questions, comments or suggestions, please email me at callista83@cogeco.ca. I always welcome comments here too of course; it’s great to know my article is being read.

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Can Being Pagan Hurt Our Kids

Lynn OBrien January, 2009

Our lives are centered around our two active, inquisitive daughters. They are always wanting to know what “this” is or what “that” does, or why I wear a pentacle. They love to touch my everyday altar items, eager to see what they feel like or what they do. Our youngest especially likes to touch these things, they are fun for her. I try to use things that are kid friendly just for this reason.

Recently I decided to start introducing and teaching our children about some of the basics. Our youngest will not be learning much since she is only two. The oldest, who is eight, already knows her directions, and what the elements are, but she doesn’t quite understand the significance of them. Even though I put a lot of thought into teaching them, I have some trepidations about what the logical reasons could be for teaching her and the possible shockwaves are weighing heavily on my mind.

Our town is fairly small, and with this small town size comes a small town mentality to match. Adults, as well as children, are often bigoted and fearful of things that they don’t understand. And with her being only eight, will she be able to understand the importance and necessity of keeping private matters private?

I have always believed in giving my children the freedom to choose whatever path they want to follow. I had a parent who believed it was his duty to “instruct me in the ways of the Lord”, and who believes that because I was not raised in going to church, my children will forever be damned. He invites them down for the summer and I dread saying “no”, but I know that he will insist on taking them to church every Sunday and enrolling them in Sunday School while they are there. Then I would have to explain what they experienced, and then potentially deprogram them.

How can we, as parents of impressionable and sensitive children, open their eyes and minds to our beliefs and ways without putting them at risk for ridicule and wrongful assumptions from others? Our school system would be all a-twitter if they knew that at least two families who have children there are Pagan. How can I explain other religions such as Christianity, Judaism, and others without being totally knowledgeable about them? I wish our school system did events that promoted the cultural diversity instead of being “politically correct” and making everything so bland and boring. No one can learn and be mindful of others’ beliefs if the school system hides it from view.

Assumption…..such a dangerous word in the minds of the uninformed and narrow-minded. People often “assume” that they know everything about you just because you wear a “pentacle” or say “blessed be” or have a bumper sticker that says “magic happens”. Not once do they ask you anything, they just assume they understand.

I have found myself holding in my usual rhetoric and quips for fear of being misunderstood; I hide my pentacle for people always associate it with Satanism, even though theirs is an inverted pentacle. I do all of this because I fear what others will think of me and my family. I have even received some opposition from knowing family members because they fear what others will think of THEM.

Watching “Secret Lives of Women” on WE T.V. the one night (Sept. 16, ‘08), the episode was about women of “new age” religions like vampirism, Satanism, Wicca, and general witchcraft. It was good to see people of like mind and experiences as myself. It was nice to see them be able to interact with others and be open about their beliefs, even with the  usual misunderstandings from others. I found myself how do they deal with everyday problems, and then I realized that they have people with them and around them who believed as they do. In our town, if you believe different than the mainstream society, you keep quiet. Oh sure, some have bumper stickers and stuff, and generally people pass it off as something funny, like a joke. But deep down I know that these people are closeting their beliefs because of how those people will behave.

Being a solitary witch, I also find it rather daunting to teach my kids my beliefs. Being rather new to my path myself, I don’t feel experienced enough to properly impart any knowledge to them, with what little I have learned and all that remains. I don’t have anyone close by to learn from, and but I do have some highly recommended books that I am trying to read and learn from in this little venture.

Lord and Lady, be my guides!!

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PaganDad

Patrick McCleary January, 2009

The Lessons of Winter

Winter is really here. In most parts of the United States the cold weather and snow has set in. But what does this season mean to us Pagans? We know about Yule and the rebirth of the Sun, but what about that period between Yule and Imbolc? I believe that every season and every Sabbat can teach us lessons if we only have the ears to hear and the eyes to see.

This season is traditionally a time of rest and recovery for the world. A time, when in the natural world, most trees shed their leaves and many animals turn in to hibernate for the long winter. It was also a time of rest for mankind. When the toils of the the year were finished and in many villages the people gathered around the hearth to share stories and count together the blessings of the previous year.

But what place does any of this have in our modern world? A world that never seems to sleep much less take a breath. The answer for many is ‘I’ll rest when I am dead.’

For me this answer is far from being the correct one. The modern world’s way of doing things teaches impatience and greed. And it forces us to run at breakneck pace, only to get us to the grave quicker and with far more regrets.

And this is not the message that I wish to pass on to my children. As a Pagan parent one of my responsibilities is to instill the values taught by the Goddess and God. Those values that are inherent and visible in the world around us.

The lessons I have learned from winter and that I in turn pass on to my children are many. And if you join me in looking at the world around us then I can show you a few examples.

I teach my children to be as still and quiet as a winter pond. For if we are always busy then how can we hear the Gods when They whisper to us?

They learn to be patient as well. For as we look around at the Earth and the plants upon it, and watch them seem to die and wither away, hope could be easily lost. But we know that if we wait long enough then the Earth and the plants will bloom again. This is important because sometimes the Will of the Gods are as equally mysterious and take as a long time to make sense.

But the most important lesson is for them to remember the importance of Family. For in the loving embrace of Family they can truly feel the arms of the Gods around them as well. As I said earlier, Winter was a time that friends and family gathered together around the hearth to share stories. I believe that this was important for the cohesiveness of the family and the community. And it is something that, today, is missed and is desperately needed.

This month is also marks the passage from one calendar year to another, a traditional time to make resolutions. What will our resolutions be? Will you join me and resolve to pass on the lessons the world shows us, the Lessons of Winter?

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