It is my belief that children need to be taught spirituality and which path is taught is generally the path that the parents follow. If you follow a Wiccan path then teaching Wicca to your children is appropriate, if you follow a Christian path then teaching your children Christianity is appropriate. Does this mean that other religions or spiritual paths should be ignored? No. What it means is – you raise your children with the idea that there is a Divine Source from which all things flow; that there is something that connects all living beings. As that child matures you may then open the door to other paths so that the adolescent can experience other forms of spirituality and choose his path for himself. Children should understand that there are religions and spiritual paths that are different from theirs however, I believe that they first need to understand what their family believes. It is easy for them to become confused when there is a large amount of information being given to them.

So what is the role of children in a pagan family? Are they obedient slaves? Are they “seen and not heard”? Do they keep their opinions to themselves? Do they respect authority without question? And as pagans if we “spare the rod do we spoil the child”?

One of my Wiccan tenets state that “The Divine is connected to and is part of all living things and all life is sacred.” This means that every living, breathing thing has within itself Divine Energy. Me. You. And our children. With this in mind, I realize that all living beings deserve the same respect that I would give directly to the God and Goddess (The Divine); Gaia (Mother Earth), pets, friends, co-workers, neighbors and all other humans (strangers included) and most certainly my children – that which is of my own flesh and blood.

So I see nothing wrong in asking my child if they would like to go on a family vacation and where is it they would like to go. I see nothing inherently wrong with asking if they are okay with Mom or Dad going on a date without them. I think that it is very important for children to feel as if they have a respected opinion on the day to day activities of their family. They are in fact a valued part of it. I don’t view this as asking permission instead I view it as communication. If the child has a negative emotion in connection to what Mom and Dad have planned then this is the opportune time to investigate why that is occurring. It opens the door to healthy relationships within the family. It creates harmony and peace and nurtures love.

Now please understand that I am by no means advocating that children need no guidance. I am a parent of two wonderful, intelligent and compassionate children and comprehend that children need boundaries and guidance in order to feel protected, valued and loved. What I am saying is that they flourish when shown attention and interest. They need to have authority and liberty over some aspects of their lives even if it is only what color underwear they will wear that day. We can learn a lot from our children. They keep us fresh and young. They remind us to be happy and playful.

Will the child who is given such freedom be the child that commits parental abuse when they’re older? Of course not! The child who is shown attention and respect, the child who is valued and love, the child who is taught to respect herself and others because she knows that we are all connected and sacred beings will be the child to lead others to love. That child will be the counselor, the nurse, the mid-wife, the doula, the spiritual leader – the avatar. The child who is pushing their Mother in front of an advancing city bus at eight years old is the one who was hit and “slapped silly” and neglected because Mom had more important things to do then to spend the day with her son. That is the child who came home to an empty house every week day and was shipped off to his Father’s house every weekend to play with children he didn’t know. Or perhaps he was the boy who was parked in front of a TV screen or PC monitor whenever he wasn’t in school. He was the neglected. The disrespected. The under valued. She is the child who comes to my home and smiles when I pay her a compliment and asks what book she’s reading or what her favorite subject is in school.

The moral? Children are sacred beings that deserve our respect, attention and love. They chose to be born to us. We should ask them their opinions because they have opinions. We should teach them about value, love and respect by showing them. We should lead by example.

What joy radiates through the house as summer begins!  The warmth of summer fills us with a languid feeling. Why hurry? This is the time to relax and recharge from Father Sun’s amazing energy. The celebrating of the Summer Solstice is an ancient custom that is as appropriate today as it was long ago.

The week leading up to the solstice is the time to gather anything you have around the house that has images of suns and fairies. Plan to have a feast that day. Grill out and eat as many yellow foods as you can think of! Corn on the cob, yellow peppers, squash, and golden apples to name a few. Our dessert is a giant sun created by covering a giant pizza size cookie with vanilla ice cream. Then we split 4 bananas lengthwise and place them as rays of the sun. Chocolate syrup draws the circle of the sun with chocolate kisses for eyes and strawberry syrup for the mouth. This is cute to look at and very tasty!

We decorate our yard with yellow streamers and sun shapes we cut out of paper plates and aluminum pie plates. Sun wheels are made with Popsicle sticks and yarn. We place candles in the yard and deck and leave our treats for the fairies.

That night we sleep outside. Could there be more fun than camping? Fresh air, trees, lightening bugs, mosquitoes, snakes, ticks … wait a minute! I got carried away. Let’s see, there were air, trees, bugs and Fire! Yes, the greatest draw of all is the campfire. I never really understood the attraction.

Of course, I did have my tennis shoe catch fire at Girl

Scout camp. OK, this is not about me, this is about the kids. And that includes Dad!

Our house has a backyard full of trees and a river. Over the years a campsite was developed.  Deer walking past tents in early dawn make it memorable. The kids like the cooking aspect. S’mores and french toast are the two sacred items on the menu.

No matter what kind of yard you have, even if you have an apartment balcony, sleeping out of doors is a magical treat for a child. Everything seems different and adventurous when sleeping outside. What child doesn’t like a flashlight? Kids don’t seem to mind the hard ground and sleeping bags, either. And on hot nights, sleeping on top of a sheet is enough. Kids don’t wake up with kinks in their necks and sore backs, like some grownups! Judge your yard and the age of your kids. If you trust them overnight without you, enjoy a quiet night inside. Otherwise, join them in the fun!

Last month in my article “I’ll Have the Afterlife Gravy” I talked about the question of an afterlife.  This month I’m extending the food metaphor with a practical soup-making lesson to explore related concepts.

Pick a time for this exercise when your home, especially your kitchen, will be really quiet and you can be alone and uninterrupted.  Get up early in the morning or stay up late if need be, so that the rest of the house will be asleep.

First get your hands on a good soup recipe.  Pull out your favorite one if you like, but if you’re at a loss I’ve included a very simple one at the bottom of the page.  Get out your ingredients ready, and your tools — a good pot and a stout wooden spoon for sure.

Relax and clear your head as you begin to cook.  Spend the first few minutes just thinking about the Goddess’ great Cauldron.  Try to envision it in your mind; don’t get so absorbed in the work that you make a big mistake or catch your kitchen on fire; achieve a relaxed and contemplative state of mind rather than a full-on trance.

As you add ingredients to the pot, imagine that you are the Goddess.  All life is fed by death; the dead nourish the ground which feeds the plants, the predator takes its prey, and the hunter’s kill graces the table.  Think about how the Goddess takes all things home to the Cauldron when they pass, and all the souls go in — just like the ingredients are going into your soup pot.

As you add your seasonings and take the occasional taste, imagine that you are like the Goddess making the mix just right as she prepares to pour a ladle of Life into a new born babe.  Really think about this.  Don’t play at it.  This is real witchcraft of the kitchen kind.

When it comes time to eat your soup, take in the blessing of nourishment with the knowledge that all is as it should be.  In due time you and everyone you know will return to the cauldron to be briefly be at one before being ladled lovingly back into the world another day.  For it is the nature of all things to perish and for new things to be born in their place.

Simple and Hearty Vegetable Beef Soup

1 lb beef, browned and drained (small soup cuts or ground beef)

1 lb mixed veggies (fresh or frozen)

1 15 oz can of diced tomatoes

Beef stock (to desired thickness)

Bouillon cubes (1 or more, as desired to taste)

Worcestershire sauce (a few splashes, to taste)

Salt & Pepper (to taste)

Put all ingredients in a pot and simmer for 1 1/2 to 2 hours.

This turn of the year brings with it bird song, flower buds and warmer days. It is a time for new beginnings and births. We instinctively long to be outside to feel and connect with the return of the sun.

I try to walk everyday and I love to hear the birds sing on these chilly mornings! I am ready to reconnect with the wider world after winter’s dark quiet. All of the ideas that have been germinating in my mind are ready to move into the light and grow. I have the energy to put action behind the ideas. To “give birth” to plans conceived in winter!

Our families are bursting out also. There is so much to do at school, after school and weekends that we can become scattered and feeling detached. How can we juggle everything at once? Ever feel like the plate jugglers on the old variety shows? Don’t let the plates slow down or they will drop and break! Yikes! A wise man once said to me, “you can do everything you want to do, just not at the same time.” How true. And how comforting a thought. I can do everything and our kids can do everything. The lesson is to choose what is right for the current time. Prioritize. Don’t overbook yourself and don’t overbook your children. We all need play time and we all need to be together in peacefulness. Soon enough, they will be out on their own. While we are a family under one roof, let’s cherish and protect as much time together as possible.

Being present in our children’s lives

Those of us who live with children know the amazing energy and powers of observation children have. It is my opinion that there is nothing more important than raising our children ourselves. I mean by that statement, that we must not allow television, advertising, movies, computer games, other children or families to raise our children for us. It is harder than one can imagine, and I believe a responsibility we automatically have the moment we invite a child into our lives. I was raised in a time when children were seen and not heard. Whereas I believe in teaching manners and appropriate behavior, I also know that children have much to teach us. We must listen and watch.

When we leave the television off and play a hand of crazy eight’s with our kids after dinner, we are enriching their lives on many levels. Memories of fun times shared follow us throughout our lives and bring smiles to our faces. Taking thirty minutes to walk outside with our kids brings to us the fresh awareness of life around us and how miraculous it is. Our children show us by their example how to marvel at the most humble of life. Watch a young child discover an earthworm. We will learn to breathe in and look a new at nature around us. We will also learn more about these people in our lives.

Nature shares many lessons with us. One of them is the lesson of rhythm. There is a rhythm in the seasons. There is a rhythm to our day. An inward breath of reflection and quiet, and an exhale of expansiveness and action. When we allow the natural rhythm of our daily lives to guide us, we can put some order into our family life.

We can do it all. We have a lifetime to do it in. And so do our children.

Too often when we’re in a reading mood we turn to the new releases at our favorite book store or website and neglect the books that have been on our shelves since childhood.  Try cracking open something that’s already on your shelf, something unrelated to witchcraft, something that was handed down to you by your parents or grandparents.  Many of these books are so old that they are in the public domain, which means that after you read them you can even use the illustrations to adorn your website or blog.

But what is really valuable in exploring an old book is the sense of understanding and surprise that you may have – as if you have found something that you had forgotten you had lost.  This feeling is entirely different than the one you would have while reading, let’s say, the most recent popular witchcraft book.  When reading the latter you expect to be shown some interesting tidbit or for some clever secret.  But when you find a secret on your own – hidden in plain sight no less! – now that is a wondrous thing.  And well worth your time.

Give a moment or two to these nursery rhymes from the 1916 edition of The Real Mother Goose and see what you can see.  Do you think that there might have been a witch behind these rhymes?  Bear in mind that a cunning witch can express herself in such a way that only the initiated catch her meaning…

THE CLEVER HEN

I had a little hen, the prettiest ever seen,

She washed me the dishes and kept the house clean;

She went to the mill to fetch me some flour,

She brought it home in less than an hour;

She baked me my bread, she brewed me my ale,

She sat by the fire and told many a fine tale.

THE MAN IN OUR TOWN

There was a man in our town,

And he was wondrous wise,

He jumped into a bramble bush,

And scratched out both his eyes;

But when he saw his eyes were out,

With all his might and main,

He jumped into another bush,

And scratched ‘em in again.

At this time of year; the holiday season as it has been dubbed by our “inclusive” culture, it can be hard for parents to keep meaning in the countless celebrations and the consumer driven racket that surrounds our children.  Many of us grew up celebrating Christmas whether religiously or from a secular perspective and most Pagans I read about integrate Yule, Winter Solstice, Christmas or Hanukah however it works best for their families.  Keeping it simple is something I strive for at this time of year.  This is my favourite holiday and as such I love the decorations, songs, and symbols of giving and peace that accompany the season.  One symbol that I particularly love is the evergreen tree.

Sharing the history of the tree portion of this holiday is rather challenging as the precise origins of the tree decorating that we do today is debatable.  There are several theories of exactly where it came from but the veneration of evergreens has pagan origins and there are countless ways that we can celebrate trees and the magic that they represent for our children at this time of year.

Taking a walk in a forested area with your young ones at this time of year gives them a chance to appreciate the differences this season offers.  You can talk about the shape of the deciduous trees that are now mostly leafless, notice if there are any bird’s nests visible and point them out.  If the weather is mild enough you can even make some drawings in a sketch book and plan on returning in the summer to notice the differences.  When encountering evergreens you can point out the contrasts of shape, texture and stature (and don’t forget that wonderful smell).  It may have been hard to notice them in the summer and now they dominate the forest and give off a frosty glow if covered in snow.

You can collect boughs that have fallen to decorate your home.   There are many options for using them:   Wreaths, smudge sticks, garlands, centerpieces, incenses or tree inspired arts and crafts.   You may also want to create a tree honouring ritual with your little ones.  You can do this while out in nature or in your home with your Yule tree as the focal point.  If you choose the outdoors the child can pick a tree to learn about and commune with.  In this case it doesn’t matter whether it is an evergreen or not since you are trying to inspire a relationship with and towards trees as sacred beings.   If you are intent on keeping the evergreen as the focus you can bring your little ones to a Christmas tree farm where they can perhaps have a hand in choosing the family tree while learning of the sacrifice the tree gives for our celebration, and the time it takes to grow a tree in the first place.

If your family chooses an artificial tree it is important to share the reasons why with your child.  Allergies, environmental impact, budget constraints, all are important reasons your children can appreciate.  A key to keeping the bustle of the season less chaotic is to discuss the insanity of overspending and consumption that skews the real messages behind the celebrations.  Don’t feel guilty if you cannot afford every toy in the catalogue, you have the power to make this holiday reflect your families values.  Since it is cold in the Northern Hemisphere you can create a sanctuary in your home for the whole family to revel in.  The early darkness can inspire quiet evenings of reading, games and gazing at the lovely tree you’ve decorated together.

Trees can even inspire your holiday meals and gifts.  You can have each child choose a tree that will be their “totem” for the season and try to create activities, place settings and gifts that honour those.  Share the magic of the season with the simplicity of trees and watch that magic reflect in the eyes of those you love the most.   Happy Holidays & Bright Blessings to you and yours this season.

Earlier in the year I wrote about celebrating the change from Maiden to Mother with a Blessingway.   This month I wanted to share another new or revitalized tradition that is becoming a part of our culture; the honouring of menarche.  Menarche is derived from two Greek words meaning: moon and beginning and refers to the first menstrual period.  Arguably this transition could be called the step a girl takes from child to maiden.   As pagans we try to celebrate the body in all its functions and this change is so pivotal and yet we often don’t acknowledge it much beyond purchasing the necessary products and passing the Midol.

North American society approaches menstruation with kid gloves or with disdain.  This “time of the month” is not looked at as sacred or introspective but as a nuisance that brings discomfort and pain and removes women from normal, everyday life.  Many women do experience terrible symptoms during this time and those should be taken seriously and not judged either, but how much of these physical symptoms are reflections of our culture’s views?  Would we still feel so sick if we were able to honour what are bodies were doing rather than trying to pretend nothing is happening?

For our daughters, nieces, cousins and granddaughters we have the power to change perceptions around our periods and empower them rather than allow this huge moment in their lives to go unmarked by celebration.

Family covens, circles, family, girlfriends; the type of ritual created to honour that special girl in your life can be elaborate or simple depending on the person’s preference.    There are examples out there of rituals to get ideas from and slowly the internet is starting to present options for women who choose to see the mysteries of their bodies with reverence rather than shame.  Here are some other links for you if you plan on hosting such a party or if you want to plan one for yourself:

Moon Days: Creative Writings about Menstruation

Period: A film about the end of Menstruation

My personal story about my relationship with my period

Menarche Party Ideas

Celebrating Menarche

I am also interested in sharing stories about transformation rituals for boys.  Since their change is more subtle I have not heard of a specific name that is being used to describe this time.  Please email me with any ideas or comments regarding celebrating boy’s transformations or any other comments at: stonegirl1177 AT yahoo DOT ca.

Is it just me or do other women dread family gatherings for the holidays?  It is not that we do not love our extended family, it is just that we are not all on the same page concerning life.  You know, life’s big questions like handling money, raising kids and picking spouses.  Oh, and there can also be the really hushed page concerning religion, beliefs, and spirituality.  Bring everyone under one roof and we are ready to throw our hands up and surrender.

I have noticed that with few exceptions most people I know have an eclectic collection of characters within their family.  How we approach a gathering can be the key to sanity.

Intentions.  Remember that word?  I know, it is hard to practice what we preach sometimes.  Never the less, our intentions for any day, sabot or Thursday, is important and powerful.

For November in the States, the gathering of family is imperative.  It is Thanksgiving. And we are going to be thankful, by golly, whether we want to or not!  That is how it feels after four days of cooking and cleaning and juggling money in order to feed that band of people who are always happy to show up and eat but not clean, cook or finance the event.  Is it really just me?

Here is how I plan to weave the intention of the month with the unique strands of family and friends.  I am giving a Gratitude Tea.  A time set aside from the family meal to visit and relax with people I am grateful for being in my life.  A friend, a neighbor, my daughters.  A time to enjoy each other and express what Thanksgiving is all about – gratitude.  As a sign read at a national coffee chain, “Take comfort in rituals.”

The ritual of tea is an old one and full of grace.  A pot of tea, a nibble or two and another person to share a moment of quiet.  For my tea, I will place my intention on gratitude.  There will be a bowl with strips of paper and a pen for writing one or two words of   blessings.  A journal will be at each place setting for listing five things at the end of the day for which we are grateful. For libations, Earl Grey tea is known as the tea of gratitude so it will be offered along with a pomegranate herbal blend.  Candles in votive holders and Celtic music will add peacefulness.  Light finger food with a sweet or two will fill the tablescape.

My family’s intent is for me is to be happy each and everyday.  (If mamma ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.)  My intent is to be grateful each and everyday. An intent of thanksgiving.

Our parents and grandparents were a superstitious lot to be sure, and their lore abounds, passed on to us through riddle and rhyme.  Often we repeat certain rhymes without thinking about what they might mean; or if we do, we don’t bother to look very deeply.  But if we take a closer look at a couple of short rhymes with a common theme – toes and fingers – we find some surprising correspondences.

Have you ever played this game with a child?

This little piggy went to market (touching the big toe),

This little piggy stayed home (first toe);

This little piggy ate roast beef (middle toe),

This little piggy had none (‘ring’ toe);

And this little piggy cried “Wee wee wee!” all the way home (tugging little toe and tickling the foot)!

This little gem reveals common superstitions about the omens associated with the sensations in our toes.  Just like an itching palm is said to mean that money is coming our way, a pain or tingling in a toe can portend travel (going to market), family concerns (staying home), plenty (eating roast beef), privation (having none), or bad tidings (crying “wee wee wee”).  Just yesterday I got a momentary stinging pain in the middle toe on my right foot, and I’m still waiting on that roast beef.

Now, the second witch in Shakespeare’s Macbeth utters the famous rhyme “By the pricking of my thumbs, Something wicked this way comes.”   Like the piggy rhyme, this could certainly be a reminder of the omens to be taken from the sensations in the thumbs.  Let’s compare it, shall we, to the old rhyme:

One for sorrow

Two for joy

Three for a girl

Four for a boy

Five for silver

Six for gold

Seven for a secret never to be told

Eight for heaven,

Nine for Hell,

And ten for the Devil’s own sel’!

According to most, this little ditty helps us remember the omens associated with crows found roosting together.  A crow roosting alone is a portent of sorrow, two mean joy, and so on.  But let’s look at it a different way.

Hold up your hands before you in a natural position, palms up.  Starting left to right, read the above rhyme as you count out the fingers.  The left thumb is sorrow, the left index joy, and so forth.   The correspondences as you go along are quite striking.  Should we be amazed that the left thumb is sorrow and the right thumb is the Devil – taking us right back to the second witch’s quote from Macbeth? Completely without irony let me point out that the right thumb in the rhyme is the Devil; in the three finger Orthodox Benediction (using the thumb, index, and middle finger) the thumb symbolizes God the Father.

Note especially that, per the rhyme, the left pinkie – the one associated with Goddess pacts  – is silver (the Moon, the night, purity); the right pinkie – associated with God pacts – is gold (the sun, the day, wealth, social conventions, and so on).

Is it possible that what the sensations in our fingers are said to portend may be a consequence of their secret uses when blood is called for in spell, oath, and ritual?  And that these rhymes are designed to help us remember, not the omens themselves, but the uses?

By Caron B. Goode, EdD, NCC

211 pp, excluding appendices

copyright 2010 by Caron B. Goode

ISBN 978-1-57863-472-9

Weiser Publishing

The idea of the existence of ghosts and their communion with the living has been the stuff of TV, movies and fiction for generations.  More recently, millions of viewers tune in loyally to shows that attempt to “prove” the existence of ghosts, spirits and other entities that are generally unseen.   People that are intrigued or fascinated by the idea of ghosts, hauntings or other paranormal encounters travel the country or even the world, seeking experiences in locales that are purported to be haunted.  Religions of the world hold their own beliefs about the existence of ghosts and whether they are to be considered “friend” or “foe” as well.   Depending on the values with which one is raised, a person may be more open to accepting the paranormal as part of everyday life.  Some people may fear it.  Others still may not even believe that the paranormal even exists.

So, how does a parent or caregiver address the issue when a child swears that there’s a man in their room and when the child describes the man, they describe a long dead relative that they never actually met?  Or something in the closet that doesn’t belong there?  Or just an overall feeling of a presence that makes them ill at ease?

In Children Who See Ghosts:  Guiding Them Through Fear, Dr. Caron Goode discusses the physiological and psychological development in children.  She goes into greater detail along these lines to offer explanation as to why some children see or sense these energies and others do not.  Dr. Goode makes it a point to emphasize that children who see or sense spectral energies are not abnormal, flawed or “crazy”.  They are just different and special.

Dr. Goode also emphasizes the need for a parent or caregiver to understand that just because a child is seeing or sensing something they cannot that it is very important to talk with, listen to and believe that child.  Regardless of your own beliefs with respect to ghosts or spirits, whatever that child is seeing or feeling, it’s very real to that child.   She argues against trying to convince the child that the entity they are afraid of is imaginary or somehow unreal.   This does little to actually help a child resolve their fear because all the parent is doing is trying to teach a child to ignore fear.  Rather, Dr. Goode advocates empowering the child to confront the source of their fear and take control of it so that it does not take control of them.

Through opening the discussion to include segments proffered by fellow psychologists, parents, individuals with direct experience in dealing with spirits, leaders of support groups that help young people address and cope with the gift of seeing and communicating with spirits and even a skeptic, Children Who See Ghosts:  Guiding Them Through Fear offers several suggestions for empowering children so that they do not have to be afraid.  They are not without the option of saying “no”, or “not right now.”  They are sovereign in their own bodies and a ghost or spirit can only come to them if they let it.

While the topic of ghosts and spirits can very easily cross into a religion or spirituality debate, Dr. Goode and her panel take obvious pains to not enter that realm.  In the few instances where the discussion does cross into the spiritual or religious arenas, the focus remained on the idea of empowering a child.  Instead of using religion or spirituality to explain the experience, Dr. Goode and her contributors suggest the use of religious or spirituality practice as tools for creating a spirit-free area (smudging or sweeping the area), or to invoke the presence of Deity to watch over the child and keep them safe (saying prayers or rosaries at bedtime).     Children Who See Ghosts:  Guiding Them Through Fear is not meant to be a spiritual discussion or even targeted to any specific religious path.  Dr. Goode’s target audience is much broader and her approach lends itself more to the scientific than the spectral.

This reviewer had mixed feelings on the work as a whole.  There were portions that I personally did not agree with; specifically, Dr. Goode chose to include a few minor “tests” that a parent can do to try to prove whether a child is psychic.  Ordinarily, I wouldn’t look twice at that, but when in the very same book, it is advised that a child not be made to perform or prove their skill, it seemed a bit out-of-place and honestly, irrelevant.  There were portions that I felt were a bit condescending, but I  attributed the minor talking-down-to to the fact that there were probably a lot more people reading this book that had no clue what was meant when someone said “I see spirits” or “I see ghosts” than there were pagans that wouldn’t bat an eye at such a declaration.

Overall, I’d have to say that Dr. Caron Goode took a rather sensitive, expansive topic and addressed it in a clean, professional manner that made the idea of the paranormal more of an approachable subject, regardless of what one’s personal belief system may entail.   While I believe that I would continue to use my own methods for dealing with spiritual energies, I would not hesitate to recommend Children Who See Ghosts:  Guiding Them Through Fear to other parents that are trying to cope with a sensitive child, especially if the parent or caregiver has difficulty accepting the idea of ghosts or spiritual entities.  While her focus is on empowering the child in question, it is the opinion of this reviewer that by proffering such a work, Dr. Goode also empowers parents by reassuring them and offering them suggestions for further education and understanding.  The second portion of the title really says it all:  It’s about setting aside your own beliefs and taking the hand of a child to guide them with empowerment through their fear so that they can not only embrace the fact that they are different, but thrive while being so.