Moss Bliss May, 2009

When you can run with the river…

It’s the same Door, but we’re making more changes this month.  Why don’t you walk through it again with me?

You’ve changed your diet.  You’ve changed your lifestyle.  You’ve changed your habits.  Maybe you’ve even changed your clothing selections.  Your life is still a mess. So what’s left?

Maybe, just maybe, it’s time to change your friends.  I’m sure you have some good ones, maybe even great ones… but what about that one (or more) that always leaves you feeling worse than before you met with him/her?

There are many kinds of toxic friendships.  Here are nine basic types:

The User:  This person only has friends as long as he/she can use them for some purpose or goal of his/her own.

The Betrayer:  Nothing hurts more than a friend who breaks your trust.

The Controller:  This person is a friend as long as she/he is in control. They want you to think that they are “helping” you, but refuse that help or break that control and find out what toxic friendship really means.

The Judge:  Judgming and criticizing, this person can erode your self-esteem. The judge is a fault finder. You can rarely do anything completely right with this person.

The Promise Breaker:  This person rarely does what s/he says s/he will do. If you have a date, they are often a no-show.

The Gossip:  Remember, if they will gossip to you about others, they will gossip about you to others.  This is actually a subset of “The Betrayer”.

The Self-Centered Person:  This person can’t think of you and your needs, they are too busy thinking of themselves.

The Competitor:  This person has to do everything better than you (or anyone else) or die trying.  Although some competitiveness is normal in friendships, too much competition makes a toxic friend.

The Leaner: This includes all the very needy friends who cling and may be at your doorstep every day. He/she usually wants all of your time and jealousy often enters the picture in this friendship.  (Another form of “The Controller”, but they just don’t see it that way…)

Is your friendship toxic?  Here are some questions you can ask yourself:

How do I feel after spending time with my friend? Sad, angry, depressed, drained, stressed out, pissed off, etc.

Is there reciprocity in the friendship?

Is there truth and honesty in my friendship?

Is there a mutual respect for one another?

Is my friend loyal to me and I to her?

Can I freely express my true feelings about the friendship?

Does my friend criticize and belittle me?

Does my friend abuse the friendship and take advantage of me?

Do I feel like I always get the short end of the stick?

Do I ever have to ask myself the question, “Why do I allow him/her to treat me this way?”

Do I have uncomfortable/negative feelings about my friend and his/her behavior?

Why do I continue to put up with my friend’s selfishness?

Does my friend consistently lie to me, do I trust my friend, is he/she loyal to me?

There are, of course, many more questions you could ask, but this covers a lot of the territory.

So what can you do about a toxic friendship?  Doing nothing continues the drain on your energy resources.  Talking about it can result in a huge outburst, but usually results in your feeling better at least about yourself, and could start a healing process in your friend.  But don’t expect it to get better soon, and it could be worse for a while.

Toxic friendships are abuse.  Don’t sugar-coat it, there is nothing else you can call them.  The longer you allow yourself to be abused, the more of your personal power you are giving both the friend and the relationship itself, and the less you have for yourself.  A friendship is between two equals.  Anything else does not truly constitute a friendship.

You can repair your friendships, but only as equals.  Nothing else counts as a true “fix”.  Sorry to lay it on the line like that, but there it is.  Taking control of your friendships (not your friends) is a positive move for both of you, and you should do so in the most loving way possible, without becoming toxic yourself.

“One of the characteristics of a toxic friendship is that the good friend feels she can’t extricate herself from the relationship,” says Charles Figley, PhD, professor and director of the Psychological Stress Research Program at Florida State University. “Whether it’s on the phone, in person, or from the friendship entirely, you feel like you are trapped, you’re being taken advantage of and you can’t resolve the problem one way or another.”

Whether the feeling of entrapment has to do with history — you’ve been friends with the person since a young age, like Roberts — or you feel she has no one else to turn to and you need to stand by her through thick or thin, you need to take action to help your friend, and yourself.

Recognize the toxicity. “The first step is to recognize that the person is toxic,” Figley tells WebMD, “or at least that the relationship is toxic. They might not be a toxic friend to others but they are to you.”

Take responsibility. By continuing a toxic friendship, you’re allowing your friend to hurt you, but you’re also hurting yourself. “You have to take some degree of responsibility for the situation,” says Figley, a spokesman for the American Psychological Association. “It’s a pleaser personality — you want people to like you, you want to get along, and it’s hard to say no. But you can pay the price in one way by having toxic friends.” So even though we want to help our friends and have them rely on us in troubling times, take responsibility for toxic friendships and how they make you feel.

Talk to your nontoxic friends. “Talk to other people who may not have a vested interest in your toxic friendship,” says Figley. “People who can give you an objective opinion regarding whether the friendship is salvageable and whether you can manage the toxic friend to neutralize the toxicity, or if you need to end the relationship.”

Suggest professional help. A toxic friend might need professional help at some point to help her get her career, emotions, or family back on track. How do you approach such a touchy subject? If you point out to your friend how she is treating you and ask her to stop, and she continues to do it, you need to take it to the next level.  Say to her, ‘I know you are a good person, but maybe you want to seek help.’ (Of course, this includes talking to your, or her, High Priestess or other Elders, assuming they are not part of the toxic friendship.)  But keep in mind that if it has gone to that level, and a friendship is that toxic, it’s going to be destroyed at some point anyway. Better you make an effort to help your friend address her issues.

End the friendship. “It’s difficult to end a friendship,” says Figley. “Breaking up with anyone, whether it’s a spouse, love relationship, or a friend, is not fun. It’s even more important in this kind of context. In contrast to a love relationship in which you recognize you aren’t compatible, this type of relationships is hurting you.”
Third-Party Toxic

It’s bad enough when a person has to deal with a toxic friend firsthand but when the toxicity is impacting not you personally, but someone you love, like a spouse or a friend, it can be even harder. How do you handle it? As much as you want to jump in and help, sometimes patience is key.

“The person who is affected by the toxic friend has to approach you,” says Figley. “Then, you have every right to provide your observations. But you need to be honest, be objective, avoid criticism, and listen more than you talk. And the worst thing you can do is put down the toxic friend.”

Negativity, explains Figley, will have your loved one defending their toxic friend. The focus should be on how you perceive the situation is impacting your loved one, and how you can help.

As you can see, dealing with toxic friendships is a major part of your life, and a major project in reclaiming your energy.

As Ferron says in one of her songs, “When you can run with the river, why run with the river rat?”

OK, take a deep breath, think about what you need to do (or don’t need to do, and really relax).  And please meet me back here next month, for another walk through the Door.

Hugs,

Moss

Sources: Cyberparent.com, toxicfriendships.org, CBS News article about WebMD, AssociatedContent.com, and the song “Indian Dreams” by Ferron

Tags: mental health, self help

• Self Help

Moss Bliss April, 2009

Tags: mental health

• Articles

Moss Bliss March, 2009

Getting Through

Thank you for joining me in another walk through the Door.  Going through it can and has been exciting over the years… but there will always be those times when walking anywhere will be a matter of just plugging along.

We may call this “boredom”.  We may use choicer terms, such as “perseverance,” “dragging along,” or “the blahs”.  Nonetheless, no matter what we do with our lives, there are times when we don’t feel the magick.  Many of us with diagnoses tend to fixate on these times, to where it may seem as though all the time is this way.  But we know that is not the case.

We can’t have excitement 24/7.  We just can’t.  We need down time, time to relax, time to recuperate.  If we see this as a negative, it is easy to fixate on it, and to scream that it’s over.  Many of us choose these times to contemplate suicide, especially if we have had a lot of these times lately.

I give to you the Magick Words which will get you through these times.  As nobody has the same preferences of language, I’ll say them several different ways, and you can choose one.

It’s OK, I need some time off.

I’m just resting.

I can get through this. It’s easy.

This, too, shall pass.

It’s true.  Just as no bad time lasts forever, and no good time lasts forever, no boring time lasts forever.  It just feels like it while it’s happening.

But what can you do to get through it?

Ah, come on, you know the answer.  You’ve done it lots of times.  Read something.  Take a nap.  Put on some music.  Call a friend.  Get on the Internet.  Go for a walk, or a drive.  Anything to fill the time.

You might also find this is a perfect time for meditating.  OMMmmmmmmmmm can fill lots of time.  My problem is, this is almost always the last thing I think of at these times – and probably the best thing I could do.

Do you feel isolated from everything?  Get in touch with everything!  The only way to get in touch with everything all at once is meditation.  Yeah, I’m preaching to myself again; isn’t that the best way to motivate myself?

And if all else fails, you could always write me.  Chances are, it will get to me right when I need someone to talk to.  A quick email to zaivalananda@gmail.com will likely get you a quick email in return, and possibly a friend – for now, or for life, that’s up to you.

What else can you do?  What gets you through these periods?  Actions, thoughts, meditations, anything.  Tell me about it.

And next month we can walk through this door.  Together.

Hugs,

Moss

Tags: mental health, Pagan

• Articles

Hally Rhiannon Nammu February, 2009

THE MARKET PLACE

People are everywhere, walking in one direction and then another. They are tall; they are short; they are with their friends or with their families chatting amongst themselves oblivious of all that is around them, happily walking up and down framed aisles in a make-shift shed. The air is full of pungent, fresh and different aromas; mixing together to create smells of good and bad; like and dis-like. The sounds are vibrant and never-ending; aisle after aisle the sounds echo from the concrete ground seeming to become louder and louder to a point where the sound, the smell, the bumping of strangers all becomes too much.

For some this can take a number of hours; for others this takes a number of minutes and then for those that it takes even seconds. It is the overwhelming sensation of the need to get out; escape the organised turmoil of this bizarre and somewhat energetically wrong place. Perhaps it is having so many people crammed into such a small space; perhaps it is the location and then there is also the possibility that these people and their energies do not serve you.

Whatever the explanation this seems completely irrelevant at the time. The core focus is to go to a place that is calm and safe; usually home.

How many of us notice when the overwhelm starts to slowly creep up on us? Do you notice the increasing irritation of each person that bumps into you; the negative attitude towards potential purchases and the inability to take a deep breath?

Most of us put it down to having an off day. It gets swept under the carpet as co-incidental or even that we had a late night which is causing our impatience. All of these merely help to emphasize that feeling overwhelmed in the market place is very normal. It is the mix of energies and to those of us that are a little more in-tuned to emotions and energies; a place that we really want to avoid.

Start to notice where it is that you feel comfortable and where it is that for some reason it grates you to go. Perhaps even creates this feeling in the pit of your stomach that something isn’t quite right that up until now you have put in the “it’s all me” basket, when really you are being in-tuned to energies that are draining, zapping and simply not good for you.

As the saying goes ‘too much of anything isn’t good for you’ so imagine what hundreds and even thousands of energies can do to you. Consider the riots at soccer games which are caused through mass chaos from a huge aggressive crowd. How many of these people alone are usually rather calm?

Equally there are places that you are drawn to because they “feel” great. Did you ever wonder why?

Listen within to your own intuition and your natural ability to feel beyond what you think. In the world of feeling, thinking doesn’t even scratch the surface…

The next time you consider going to the market place, ask yourself if it is something that will give you a buzz of happiness or bring you running home screaming for some calm.

Tags: calmness, mental health

• Articles

Moss Bliss January, 2009

New Beginnings – Candlemas

I get the feeling I’ve been through this Door before, but let’s do it again…  I know Candlemas (or Imbolc, Oimelg, or what have you) isn’t until next month, but our Gracious Editors have asked us to write our Imbolc articles for this month… soooo….

Most of the year, we Labelled Persons feel we are burning our candles at both ends.  In February, we get to burn them all out, get new candles, and start over.  In essence, Candlemas is the Pagan version of Mardi Gras.  We should learn to have fun at it, like the Cajuns, Brazilians, and others around the world do.

“Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”  (attributed to Albert Einstein)

Hey, I’m crazy.  I know it.  I try to be the best crazy I can be (as opposed to the most crazy I can be).  It’s not easy, it’s not hard, it just is.

Hmmm, what did I do last year…  well, I did a one-hour recorded video interview about the homelessness issue on local public access television, which broadcast January 5 and several other times – unscheduled, like me, LOL — which led me to make 2008 the best year ever for the homeless of Asheville.  New programs, a new shelter, more volunteers.  Now if I could just get City Council to repeal some of the laws on the books which, essentially, make homelessness illegal without providing any relief for those who find themselves on the streets.

I won’t republish my entire Yule Letter here, sorry.  There would be no use writing this article if I was just going to republish things I had already written, now, would there?  But I had a lot of big things in 2008, making it a hard act to follow.  I’m still waiting to hear what my 4th Quarter Distribution for my work with Eternal Press will be, but that could be the springboard for 2009.

So what do you have planned?  Is this just going to be another year of surviving for you?  Are you going to accept depression, things beyond your control, same old boring stuff?  Well, if you’ve been reading The Door, you probably have lots of ideas for changing all that; if you haven’t, you can find the back issues in the archives and at my website, so go be positive and read what has been written.  Always good to get a plug in – and I’m always amazed when I re-read these articles how good they were.

Note: I’m usually down on myself, it’s an old habit I’m still working to change.  It amazes me no end when I do something well or write something good, and even more when I read it later and still find it exceptional.  One of the reasons for this amazement is that I tend to write these articles virtually out a mindset of stream-of-consciousness, and rarely work on them after finishing them.

Here’s a thought: perhaps one thing you could do is start writing things down, and then you could put them somewhere that you’ll find them in a year or six months, and see what you think of what you’ve written then.  If you still love it, polish it a bit and see if PaganPages, WitchVox or another online zine might be interested in publishing it.  You might get MY job.  I wouldn’t be mad, you’d be freeing my schedule up for something else.

Last month, we discussed the new “candles” we are sending to Washington in January.  If that was important to you, how much more important would it be to clean out your own house?  I don’t mean dusting and vacuuming (something I don’t do enough of).  I mean making changes.  Finding little things that you can feel good about, and adding them to your routine.  Just a bit at a time.  Only what you can do, not some ambitious program that you will back down from when it appears that you have over-reached.

Set large, sweeping goals.  Then find tiny steps to take to get there.  I know I have been working on my devotion to Deity in the past year.  You might understand that I have been working on learning and honoring various Hindu deities as I grow into my path.

I started out getting pictures from online searches. I printed them out and taped them to the wall.  I then started building a small altar, along the lines of the Wicca I knew but changing it, one thing at a time, to reflect the Hindu aspects of worship.  I then started waking up, and going to bed, with a prayer to the deity (I started with Ganesha, added in my beloved Ardhanarishwara, and then later Brahma-as-Guru).  Then I started chanting the mantra to Ganesha (Om gam Ganapatiyei Namah).  Later, I made it 5 times through the chant (Discordian that I am at the core).  Then added in the chant to Ardhanarishwara (Om Ardhanarishwara swarapaya Namah).  [I actually had to search the Web to find that one – which some of my friends have thanked me for).  And finally, the chant to Brahma-as-Guru (Om gurur sakshad paramBrahma tasmai Sri Grurama Namah).  (General translations available if asked.)

All of this took me 6 months to get going, get consistent with (I still mess up occasionally), and even get to say the chant (that last one took quite some time).  Eventually, I will use my mala (meditation beads) to do these chants – which will mean 108 repetitions.  Ooh, that will take a lot of work.

You don’t have to do the actions I did, but taking the same or similar steps to accomplish your goals is the point.  Baby steps.  I actually grouped a lot of my steps together above, so if the steps seem large that’s because they were.

Give Yourself A Break.  If you’re working too hard or too fast on something, you will “backslide” (to use a Methodist term).  This is not saying you are doing the wrong thing, just that you are going too fast or are expecting too much too soon.  Slow down.  Start over, or back up a few steps and resume from there.

Oh, gods, Anxiety.  If I don’t do things perfectly, I’m just not good enough.  Don’t go there.  “Fear is the mind-killer.” – Bene Gesserit saying.  Nobody is perfect, nothing you try to do will ever be perfect… but it doesn’t need to be.  It only has to be Good Enough.  That’s all.  And if you’re anything like me, you will need to set your standards a lot lower until you have “Good Enough” set where it is in reach of your everyday ability.

ALWAYS give yourself a break.  ALWAYS give yourself a pat on the back.  “Endorse for the effort, not the result.”  Endorsing yourself for every little step is like getting paid for every minute of work.  Do it.

This could be the year we learn a new way to burn our candles.  Maybe we can learn to burn them only at ONE end… or maybe we just use more artsy candles.  However you choose to do it, be inventive, creative, bold, and feisty!

Until next month and another walk through the Door…

Tags: candlemas, imbolc, mental health, self help

• Articles

Moss Bliss November, 2008

Stars & Dung

I tend to read my horoscope every week.  Not the silly one in the daily papers, but Rob Brezny’s Freewill Astrology. It’s amazing how close to home he hits, although I often get the idea he’s talking about what I just went through, not what I’m about to go through.  Here is the one for me (Sagittarius) for the week of October 15-22:

“Be humble for you are made of dung,” says a Serbian provers. “Be noble for you are made of stars.”  I expect that you’ll soon be getting vivid evidence of that truth, Sagittarius.  Your challenge will be to resist the temptation to believe that you’re more dung than stars, or more stars than dung.  that might be hard, given the fact that practically everyone around you believes they are one or the other.  But I promise you that you have the power to do it.  You can exude cheerful equanimity while dwelling right at the crux of the paradox.”

I really think that fits all the bipolars I know, not just the Sagittarians.  We are all too often being told that we are dung, and quite often feel ourselves among the stars, while in our humbler moments we are busy feeling like dung while others are trying to lift up our hearts.

I have often been told that “it isn’t what you know, it’s who you know.” If I had ever believed that, I wouldn’t have gotten half the opportunities I have.  In fact, I think it’s safe to say that a valid demonstration of what you know could easily lead to knowing somebody who can help you get somewhere.

Let me give an example or two from my own life.

Nine years ago, I volunteered to do whatever I could for the Western North Carolina AIDS Project.  (I hope most of you can see that there are very few, if any, items on the agenda for gays that are not identical to the items on the Pagans’ list, and I did this although I am not gay and do not have AIDS.)  After several months of working with individuals and doing mailings, I got the opportunity to take over working on their website.  I learned quite a few new things doing that, and it has helped me beyond measure in my later websites.

Six years ago I let a homeless couple use my couch for several months.  Sure, there were times I wanted the place to myself, but I like helping people.  The woman came up with an idea that, as far as I can find, had never been thought of – a membership organization for homeless people, especially the ones who are working to rise above homelessness.  I couldn’t see anywhere that would go that would be helpful, but I attended the meetings she arranged.  I then volunteered to write the website (from what I had learned at WNCAP).  We got a lot of good attention, and then she left town.  I couldn’t see keeping the organization going, but a couple people encouraged me to do so.  In January 2006 we got our first press (in December 2005 I scraped the money together for legal incorporation, and sent out a press release, which was ignored by all but one local paper).  Since then, some months we have had too much press to keep up with.  We got one large donation last summer, and while we spent it all we did quite a lot of good with it and got a lot more notice.  I have been President of the Asheville Homeless Network for over 3 years now, and can pretty much name the time and place for meetings with a number of City staff including the Police Chief and two City Councilpersons.  It took a long time, and there were times I was about to give up, but here we are.

Last Spring, I felt I wasn’t doing enough.  (Funny thing, one of my friends said I was doing more than any other TEN activists she knew, and I don’t particularly consider myself an activist.)  So I went to an orientation for volunteers for Habitat for Humanity, and found my services very much wanted for fixing bicycles that had been donated.  (I fix them, they sell them, and it makes money for their building projects.)  Since that time, I have gotten a new recliner for $34 (which they delivered for free, since I was a volunteer), a dresser for $12, and just last week a 21-speed mountain bike for $8 that would have cost at least $350 new.  That is only a small part of what I have gained from this experience, but I think you can see the benefit.

In terms of getting to know the right people, I have long had a personal ad on NoLongerLonely.com (a totally free site for people with mental health diagnoses to meet others without the stigma of your diagnosis holding you back or being hidden.)  One woman I had some conversations with added me to her MySpace Friends, and we talked, without any intent of a relationship forming, for quite some time.  In March, she announced that she had purchased a struggling publisher of e, Eternal Press, and was looking for editors and copyeditors.  I was hired in April as Administrative Editor.  My June quarter royalties were a whole $4.01… my September royalties were over $50 and our sales climbed 384%.  I have very high hopes for December and beyond.  If I hadn’t stuck my neck out on a dating site, I plainly would not have even known about the opportunity, let along gotten the job.

Those are a few of the highlights of my last 10 years in Asheville, NC.  Each step has made me feel better about myself and given me something to do other than sit at home and live off my SSDI Disability check.  I really think Uncle Sam has gotten his money’s worth out of me.  (If you want to see a list of ALL the things I do, which is extensive enough that I have an anxiety attack every time I look at it to update it, send me an email.)

In the past year, my parents have twice told me they were proud of me.  When they said that in January, it was the first time I have ever heard it (to the best of my memory).  If you don’t think that feels good, then you’re not a bipolar Pagan with hardworking, mainstream Christian parents and there’s nothing I can say.  My father now regularly reads all my blogs and articles and asks my progress in some of the other things I’m doing.

OK.  This is me.  It took a lot of growth, prayer, and magick to get here.  You’re Pagan, you have all the tools I do.  If you’re also a Diagnosed, Labelled Individual as I am, you have the same (approximately) challenges as I do.  All it takes is to find your friends, and find a niche that might help them (no matter how long it takes to develop).  Maybe find two or three or four such niches (Multi-Level Marketers call this “multiple streams of income”), but don’t even do more than you can and be ready and able to cut back when you don’t have the same energy.  Keep a plan of what things are easiest to cut back, what things mean the most to you, and what friends and other support systems you have in place.

Then keep doing what you’re doing.  It took 3 years for Asheville Homeless Network to get the least amount of media attention; by the end of 4 we had more media attention than we could keep up with.  But even that was at the end of years of learning and developing and struggle.

Please feel free to contact me, for ideas, support, or just to let me know how you’re doing (or how I am).  And we can walk together to the next Door.  Talk to you next month.

Hugs,
Moss

Tags: mental health, psychology

• Articles

Moss Bliss August, 2006

Come with me in our fourth monthly walk through the Door.

Look up the words, "paganism", "ritual" and "mental illness" (or "mental health"), and you will find a vast number of websites and articles. Look them up together, however, and you will start seeing stuff about "satanic ritual abuse", "obsessive-compulsive rituals", and a number of other dark issues.

Let me state categorically that there either is no such thing as "satanic ritual abuse" or it is so rare that the police cannot find anything. The people who are running workshops on the subject are simply in it for the money, whether they call themselves "seminar presenters", "ministers", or whatever. (If you doubt this, you can contact Kerr Cuhulain of "Officers of Avalon" for details. This organization can be reached through http://witchvox.com if you can’t find another way.)

Other "rituals" regarding "mental illness" seem to be in the area of frequent washing of hands, eating so many bites at each meal, talking to your "voices" (a feature which current study seems to show is promising in helping the problem), and so on.

But we’re Pagans. Whether you call yourself Wiccan, Dianic, eclectic, or whatever, we still mostly come from the same Western culture, but often act as though we are from a different culture (or time or place). As Pagans, we feel we have a connection to God/Goddess that involves more than simple lip service. We know that we are responsible for our actions, which is often in conflict with what our doctors tell us. We talk to Goddess, to ourselves, to our Guides, to our Inner Child, about our healing. And we expect results, as we enjoy the love of our Deities and guides.

We do rituals. Simple, complex, poetic, plain, wordy… rituals. This month we will discuss and create rituals to deal with our mental health issues.

Why rituals? Because we are Pagans, because our Inner Child controls our emotions along with the rest of our Magick, because it gives us a frame for our day that is easier to catalog the rest of our day with… because we celebrate Life in all its aspects, including the parts of ourselves we may yet to become comfortable with.

Why write simple rituals? Because we don’t need to spend 2 hours (or 20) each day doing ritual. Because if it’s too difficult, you will read it and say, "That’s nice, I don’t have time for that." Or you will dismiss it as not being part of your Tradition. Or maybe you are just looking for a reason to not do ritual, or to not take care of yourself. We all do these things. Many of us with mental health issues, especially Pagans, are still building our self-esteem from near-zero levels. Do something simple, see how much it helps, and you can choose to keep doing the same thing or come up with your own personal modifications.

A ritual is a set of actions, performed mainly for their symbolic value, which is prescribed by a religion or by the traditions of a community. … In any case, an essential feature of a ritual is that the actions and their symbolism are not arbitrarily chosen by the performers, nor dictated by logic or necessity, but are, at least in part, prescribed and imposed upon the performers by some external source."

(from Wikipedia)

Some external source. Or, in the case of obsessive-compulsives or schizophrenics, some internal source which is not connected to their own reason. The best way to end a useless, thoughtless, uncontrollable ritual is to construct a useful, thoughtful one. Let’s do that.

Morning and Evening Rituals

In the morning walk outside and stand facing East. Call the Watchtowers, invite God and Goddess to be with you. Let your arms hang at your sides. This starts to let your mind feel the Earth. Let your fingers feel the power of the Earth come up through them. When you feel the power start to enter your hands gently rotate them. Let the power flow into your whole body. To finish raise your hands above your head to release any extra energy. Thank the God and Goddess.



In the evening just before bed walk outside. Face the moon. Invite God and Goddess to be with you. Raise your arms up to the Moon (if the Moon is not evident, face West). Relax your mind until you feel the light of the Moon come into your heart. Lower your arms and let the excess energy fall back to the earth. Thank the Goddess and the God. Dismiss the Watchtowers.

You have now put a simple, effective beginning and ending to your day, which will frame all your actions between those two events. It will keep you mindful of your own choice to allow yourself the full range of human emotions and actions. You will be mindful throughout the day of the love of Goddess and God, Earth and Moon, and Guardians throughout the day, which in turn will inform your actions and choices. Any time you find yourself leaving this position of balance, you can do a simple grounding ritual and work your way back to center. Be mindful of the fact that this ritual keeps the Guardians with you throughout the day.

You will find that taking a few simple actions like these will make the rest of the day go more smoothly, and your actions and choices will reduce the amount and time of the work you have to do.

The two rituals above were written by Caamora, a dear friend of mine who lives in the Western US. In fact, this whole article was written as a result of my calling her and saying, "I have no idea what I’m going to write about this month; do you?" and her response, "Why not write about rituals for mental health?" Feel free to modify them for your own needs.

I am also begging any of you to write me and give me ideas for future articles, or perhaps to tell me what you have gotten out of the articles I’ve written. Write me at zaivalananda@gmail.com.

I’ll join you next month for another stroll.

Tags: mental health

• Articles

Moss Bliss July, 2006

Thank you for welcoming me back for another walk through the Door.

Our next question is, what is the relationship between "madness" and Paganism? Quite simply, the answer appears to be that the special gifts which others view as "madness" and those which others view as "psychic abilities" appear to come from the same place – our Inner Child. Do you hear "voices"? They could be your spirit guides, or bad experiences with your family "environment" repeating themselves as though the person who first said those things was saying it right now.

The following is an extract from website information on "The Icarus Project" (The Icarus Project – HIGHLY recommended):

Dangerous Gifts

Despite the risks, we recognize the intertwined threads of madness and creativity as potential tools of inspiration and hope in this repressed and damaged society.

What if madness in society is an ecological response to the monocropping of our minds, and it has the potential to push the sensitive, creative, spiritual people at the fringes to become healers and leaders and turn the whole system upside down? At the very least, history bears witness to the fact that “mental illness” is far more common in populations of artists, writers, and musicians than it is in society at large. The Icarus Project is home to a truly talented and unique bunch of creators and visionaries whose sensitivities allow them access to all kinds of worlds; this section is designed to house art and writing that reflect and explore the brilliance we hold inside.

Visions & Super-Powers


Mystics & Shamans

It’s striking how much overlap there is between the tendencies and behaviors our society attributes to the "seriously mentally ill" and the tendencies and behaviors that shamanic and mystical cultures view as prerequisite for someone to take on visionary roles. This section explores the ways that sensitivity and altered states of consciousness can grant us access to radically different understandings of reality, sometimes putting us in touch tremendous powers of healing and connecting us to a sense of the mysteries much greater than ourselves.

Dreams

Dreams are full of clues if we allow ourselves to see them. All masked in layers of metaphor and symbol. They can be a whole other set of maps, maps to the underground unconscious each of us carries around with us. Sometimes dreams can even let us know where we are and where we might be going… If you’d like to contribute to this section or help get it off the ground, e-mail scatter@theicarusproject.net.

X-Ray Visions

It is a common experience among people struggling with "mental disorders" to see things that the people around them don’t see. While medical authorities usually write off people’s visions as mere delusions and recommend higher levels of medication, quite often the things we see and hear are evidence of a heightened sensitivity and of the thin skin that comes with madness. Our porous nature allows us to have an intimate relationship with parts of the world other people will only ever read about. Like all the classic superheroes, our superpowers are dangerous gifts that intensify the struggle of our lives. But they are superpowers, and we can learn to use them." (end of quote)

Does anything sound familiar here? Icarus Project has taken the lead in demystifying "mental illness", changing the terminology from "sick", "brain disorder", etc., to "Dangerous Gifts".

We all have dangerous gifts. Even the most benign healing powers may do harm, or you may need to do harm in order to heal (i.e., killing cancer cells, psychically "cutting tissue", etc.).

It is these same gifts which made us feel "outcasts" in our parents’ religion, uncomfortable no matter which church we attended, and caused us to keep searching until either we found Goddess or She found us. It is these same gifts that our religion (with a good teacher or lots of good books) trains us to use, "always harming none." It is these same gifts that are written about in all the Pagan literature, and "The Old Laws" are full of references.

It would be easy to write all Pagans off as "mentally ill". The truth of the matter is that, under current psychiatric definitions, every man, woman and child in the U.S. could fall under some psychiatric diagnosis – or several, or different ones depending on the diagnosing physician. This is not to say that Pagans are "crazy", or any crazier than the rest of the country (or the doctors themselves). Our difference is our strength, the welcome the Lady extends to us, the acceptance (however slowly) of those gifts and the desire to do good with them, the desire to grow those gifts and powers.

It would not do anyone any good to recite the stories of the people who have come to me about going to a "Pagan teacher" and being told that s/he refused to teach them because of their "illness". What will do good is to recognize all our potentials, the safe and the dangerous, and be willing to teach what we know or have experienced.

I hope you remember my earlier belief statement: "God/dess is Love. Love unites; Judgment divides." Turning a potential student away because you are uncomfortable with them, or afraid of them or their "illness", or because of something in their past (especially if they have worked hard to get beyond it) is an admission of your weakness, not that of your potential student. Embrace your Dangerous Gifts as your Lady embraces you.

"Mental illness" is a combination of factors – abuse, poor nutrition, bad experiences, bad drugs, and lazy doctors appear to be the main ones at the time I write this. People with multiple personalities probably developed them to keep their "center" "safe" while their body was being abused by someone. I do not believe that it makes them unacceptable as a Priest or Priestess. I hope I’m not alone in this belief.

Back to the nutritional angle, I wrote last month about the lack of certain essential fats missing from the typical American diet. There are other deficiencies noted throughout the country, and I’m going to discuss a few of them here.

First, mineral deficiencies. Doctors try to tell us of the dangers of excessive mineral intake, but they rarely tell us the rest of the truth. All minerals have an essential level, a therapeutic level, and a toxic level. I don’t care if you’re discussing radium, oxygen, or calcium, the above is a true statement. For some of those minerals, the essential level may be miniscule; for others it is quite large. The typical American diet does not come close to providing essential levels of magnesium, potassium, or other minerals, while it exceeds the levels for sodium, chlorine, and a few others.

Magnesium appears to have a large role in the treatment of "mental illness", particularly stress, anxiety, and panic responses. The amount of magnesium your body needs can range to as high as 3 grams per day or higher; most diets include between 300 and 800 milligrams. The problem with supplementing magnesium is that many forms, in adequate quantities, cause periastalsis (diarrhea, which ends as soon as the excess magnesium is flushed from the system). This is both a plus and a minus, as magnesium sulfate (Epsom salts) has been used for generations as a laxative.

The problem is, what form are you taking? Magnesium can be supplemented as oxide, sulfate, carbonate, or even orotate. The trick is to get the magnesium out of your bowel and into the rest of your cells. One common supplement that has been found to aid in this process is malic acid.

The other trick is to use as many of the possible sources as possible – magnesium sulfate is most likely to cause periastalsis, oxide and orotate least likely, but if you balance them you can avoid it entirely. (At least one supplement company sells a "Magnesium Complex" supplement.)

Also, supplementation of magnesium at high levels will throw your calcium level out of balance; always take additional calcium when you’re taking extra magnesium. For a variety of reasons, I do not recommend mixed calcium-magnesium supplements.

A much-overlooked mineral is lithium, except when you have been diagnosed as "bipolar" or "manic-depressive", in which case your doctor prescribes a common – but very toxic – form of lithium, lithium carbonate. In a combined medical-geological survey in the 1950s, it was noted that some areas with lower rates of "mental illness" than other areas had measurable amounts of lithium in their drinking water.

The only organ in your body which appears to need lithium is your brain. Lithium carbonate is dangerous in that it does not easily pass the elemental lithium past the "Blood/Brain Barrier" (I know it sounds silly, but look it up, they really do use this term). The solution, in the mind of medical science, is to flood your body with enough lithium carbonate to get enough lithium to your brain. The negative of this is that your other organs do not need lithium, and this causes many "side-effects" including eventual kidney failure.

The natural solution is to take lithium orotate (lithium chelated with orotic acid, a natural amino acid). Lithium orotate contains a very small amount of lithium, and the orotic acid carrier has been shown in many studies to pass essentially all the lithium through the Blood/Brain Barrier. (Years ago I was taking 1800-2100 mg of lithium carbonate daily, giving me from 756 to 882 mg/day of elemental lithium. I currently take 360 mg of lithium orotate, supplying less than 15 mg/day of elemental lithium.)

I asked my doctor about taking lithium orotate. She stated plainly, "I know nothing about it. I’m not going to talk about that." What is interesting is that she annotated my patient file with the words, "Advised pt. strongly against it." Unless you have an exceptional psychiatrist or doctor, you will likely get the same result.

Excessive lithium intake also tends to degrade or damage your thyroid gland. Lithium orotate has shown (in a few cases, all anecdotal to date) that it does not cause that harm, indeed, in one case the person’s thyroid (having been damaged by intake of lithium carbonate) improved and her doctor cut her Synthroid dosage in half.

For information on this and other natural therapies, especially for bipolar and depression, please visit my website .

That should be enough to hold you until next month. Question, read, study, talk to others. In particular, I have gotten a lot of support from the Bi-polar_pagans Yahoogroup people.

Tags: mental health

• Articles

Moss Bliss June, 2006

Part II

As we left off in our last effort, James and Carey were trapped in an old mineshaft… no, wait, wrong story. Last month, we hinted at the magick words, "fish oil". What has this to do with either mental health or paganism? Hmmmm

I apologize in advance that this month’s article will be almost solely dedicated to this issue; I will discuss other helps in coming articles. It will be hard to bring it back to paganism much, but I will try, and will refocus in future articles.

Anthropologists tell us that, not that long ago, there were 3 or 4 competing hominid ("man-like") species. One of these groups lived along the lake, and ate a varied diet including spearing fish from the lake; the others did not get the benefit of eating fish. According to these anthropologists, those who ate fish regularly had their brains grow to 3-4 times the size of their competitors, and were thus able to use their new-found brainpower to out-compete the others and become the only surviving species of man. (Source: paraphrased wildly from "The Omega-3 Connection" by Andrew L. Stoll, M.D.)

Is this not a gift from Goddess? It would seem so to me. I would venture to say that these distant ancestors were likely moved to use these brains to think about the world and universe around them, discovering the Grace that the Lady had given them.

How does this affect us today? When we are born, over 60% of our brains are made up of fats, with nearly all of those fats being the Omega-3 fatty acids EPA and DHA. These fats get used up, and are replaced through our diet. If there is EPA and DHA to replace them with, our body uses those. If there isn’t, it uses whatever fatty acids are available (commonly AA, Arachidonic Acid – an Omega-6, in the American diet). Our bodies can manufacture EPA and DHA directly from dietary fish, or from grains or vegetables high in a third Omega-3, ALA (Alpha Linoleic Acid); it cannot manufacture an Omega-3 from an Omega-6. The typical American diet is VERY high in Omega-6s, high in Omega-9s, but unless you eat a lot of fish or flax, virtually no Omega-3s. (I can discuss what these terms mean privately if you like… suffice it to say that our brains NEED Omega-3 and not the other types of fats, and do not work properly without sufficient quantities of them.) With the proper fats, our neurons fire off in proper sequence; without them, we’re out of synch. (Same source as above) This appears to be a MAJOR (physical) cause in depression, mania, schizophrenia, and other types of mental illness or distress.

Yes, there are environmental factors, behavioral factors, etc., but the Goddess gave us these brains and we need to feed them properly.

It has further been studied (and so far mostly proven) that, as foetuses and babies, we suck our mothers dry of their supplies of these fatty acids – it’s how we get them in the first place, either through the placenta or through mother’s milk. In fact, a mother with a diet insufficient in Omega-3s is sucked so empty of them that it appears to be the almost sole cause of "post-partum depression".

How can we get sufficient quantities of these substances in our diets?

1.      Eat cold-water dark-muscle-meat fish (cod, salmon, etc., but not whiting) 3-4 times per week, at least 4 oz per serving.


2.      Take fish oil supplements (these can be cheap or quite expensive, but the expensive ones have not been shown to have any value over the cheapest ones).


3.      Take a DHA supplement (more expensive, and mostly only available at GNC Stores, but derived wholly from algae and plankton, not fish).


4.      Take Flax Seed Oil or Hemp Seed Oil Supplements (high in ALA, which your body CAN convert to EPA and DHA… but different bodies are more or less efficient at the conversion process). (You can also add whole flax seed or hemp seed to your diet in various ways, and other vegetables have lower levels of ALA but might be sufficient.)

That’s it. There is no other way.

There are questions about fish being polluted with mercury; a careful study of the subject shows that no major brand of fish oil (or DHA) has any measurable amounts.

How much does it cost? Well, you know what it costs to buy fish, or can check at any grocery store. Fish oil can be obtained as cheaply as 300 1-gram softgels for under $7 (Sam’s Club, similar price at Costco), 250 for $10.50 (Walmart), up to 100 for $19.95 at various health food stores. It has been shown that nearly all (regular-strength) fish oil is processed and produced at only 3 factories in the world, so the expensive stuff at the health food store is exactly the same as the cheap stuff at Sam’s Club. (I recommend that you do not buy "Icelandic Health" from infomercials or "OmegaBrite"; these are untested formulations at VERY high prices. Standard fish oil contains 180 mg of EPA and 120 mg of DHA per gram of oil.)

How much should you take? If you suffer from clinical depression, bipolar disorder, or another diagnosed disorder, I would start at 4 grams (softgels) and think about trying 6 if you can afford it; less than that is shown to not be effective, more than that just costs too much and there is no shown benefit to date.

What problems can I expect? A very few people are allergic to fish. These should investigate flax seed or hemp seed oil. A few people have gastric upset from fish oil; these should either buy the "enteric coated" fish oil softgels (a little more expensive, but not much) or consider taking some Taurine (an amino acid which helps with lipid digestion) along with their fish oil, and might consider taking their fish oil only with food. Otherwise, there are no known problems – and a LOT of benefits I haven’t even begun to talk about (read "The Omega 3 Connection" by Andrew L. Stoll, M.D., for the full amount we currently know about the benefits of fish oil – be prepared to be astounded, it is good for so many things it starts sounding more like "snake oil".)

Will fish oil "cure" you? If you don’t notice the benefits CLEARLY within 2-4 weeks, stop taking it (or decrease your dosage). In my own case and many like it, I could almost literally feel a weight lifting off my shoulders within a week. It (and a few other supplements we’ll talk about in later articles) literally gave me my brain back, rather than "control" (i.e., dampen) it like the various psych drugs did. I still have the psychological issues I had before (but I’m working on them, and have many fewer than I started with), but I have the capacity to work on them and expect the change to "take". (While on psych drugs, I always felt I was fighting the drug to accomplish anything, and often the change would not "hold".)

I would like to emphasize several things here. I am a Priest of Wicca, not a Doctor of Medicine. These statements are based on a LOT of anecdotal evidence and a few studies done at Harvard Medical School and affiliated university hospitals. If you are diagnosed as "bipolar" (or "manic-depressive", same thing), feel free to join the ALT-therapies4bipolar Yahoogroup, where currently over 180 other people are talking about what they are doing for themselves, usually without any drug therapy whatever. We also have a group called Bi-polar_pagans, which includes people — on any therapy — who happen to be pagan. If you need help contacting these groups, please write me.

Tags: mental health

• Articles

Moss Bliss May, 2006

Introduction

     Merry Meet, my name is Moss Bliss. I have been an Initiated Wiccan since 1983, the middle part of my spiritual trek. (The Third Movement, so to speak, is developing as I learn to integrate all spirituality into one through my studies in Kashmir Shaivism, adding a couple thousand years’ worth of written works to my pagan beliefs.)

     I have also been considered "weird", "sick", "disturbed", etc. since about the age of three (due to a period of sexual abuse by my uncle and brother, which my mother has begun to accept recently). I went from doctor to doctor, my parents trying to find some medical excuse for what was "wrong" with me.

     Many of you will recognize this pattern; some of you will identify with it. Most of you won’t even bother to ask the question, "What has that got to do with paganism?"

     The answer, unasked or no, is that many of us don’t feel like we fit in to the "normal" society, especially with all the negative judgments we receive from whatever church to which our parents caused us to attend. You start looking around. You find other churches, which is almost safe for you, but they don’t fit any better, just more strangely. In the 1960s and 70s, there didn’t seem to be any other options, so you either stopped going to church or stopped believing (whether you continued to attend or not). My own path to Wicca culminated in 1982.

     But that’s not the whole story, is it? Even though you find a group of people who accept you as being "different", even if they’re the same kind of "different", you are still being judged by the people around you. In my time, I was diagnosed as some form of "mentally ill" long before I found the Goddess (or rather, before She found me), and paraded through legions of social workers, therapists, psychologists and psychiatrists before learning how to ritualize – both to rid myself of the "bad" and to celebrate the "good" (and learn what the heck the rest of it was and how to deal with it). Guilt and shame are not effective tools for healing these issues.

     By the time I was 12, I was on Mysoline (primodone), an anti-convulsant. Another doctor put me on Valium. The medications started to add up. One neurologist said I was "borderline epileptic", but if any doctor had bothered to read a medical journal I could easily have been labeled "ADD" and put on Ritalin. These drugs made others think I was "better", but they only made me feel like I was about 2 feet underwater, scratching for the surface.

     It wasn’t until I was 31 that I was given a psychiatric label – "mild cyclothymic disorder" – and placed on lithium (carbonate). That was the first ANYTHING I had been given that made me actually feel better.

     And when I was 48, my kidneys failed from too much lithium. The carbonate form is such that the effective level and the toxic level are so close as to keep the doctors monitoring your kidneys, but unable to tell anything until you’re in great danger.

     My doctors began what I call the "Medication Guinea Pig Dance", changing me from one drug to another, using drugs that were toxic only to my liver to give my kidneys a break. I have taken just about every psych drug on the market. None of them felt as good as lithium, all of them had "side" effects that made me hurt again. All the doctors repeatedly told me there were no alternatives, and these drugs would "cure" me.

     In mid-2003 I was directed to the ALT-therapies4bipolar Yahoogroup, and learned that there were natural alternatives. By early November 2003 I was entirely off all medications and felt better than ever. My doctor told me that they would no longer treat me or meet with me, until such time, as he cheerfully predicted, that I relapsed and needed their drugs again.

     As that prediction has not been fulfilled, I thank Goddess for showing me the nutritional deficiencies I had and what I can do to help myself heal.

At the present time, I am functioning as Owner of ALT-therapies4bipolar and am also a Moderator of Bi-Polar_Pagans Yahoogroup, and am also a co-founder of the Asheville Radical Mental Health Collective. I also have training as a leader in Recovery, Inc., which provides a number of helpful tools in keeping one from making one’s symptoms worse (or preventing them in the first place), and have been a group leader in NAMI CARE.

     It is my opinion that all cases of "mental illness" are caused by nutritional deficiencies coupled with traumatic experiences. If you take care of the nutritional aspects, you will be much better equipped to deal with putting your brain back together. I do believe in talk therapy, although I know there are probably as many good therapists as bad ones, and there are always other ways to work things out if you know where to look. I have also learned that at least 90% of the diagnoses themselves are based on politics, to allow doctors to sell you drugs – and that a lot of people are afraid to hear that. My opinion should not be taken as Law, and I support everyone who tries to heal from or control their "disease" regardless of the method they choose to employ.

     Just as in religion, there is no One True Right and Only Way to heal from "mental illness". I hope to provide information on some of the easier ones to find and use. Most of my information applies mainly to "bipolar disorder", although I have known it to work equally well in cases of schizophrenia, PTSD, "unipolar" depression, and even multiple personality disorder (or whatever the "in" term to use may be).

     A good High Priestess will help, as much as a bad one may hurt. I have known both – those who understand, and those who refuse to even talk to you because they are afraid of you (or your diagnosis).

     That should be enough for an introductory article. If you are curious as to some of the methods I employ, you are welcome to visit my website, Hippo Haven, http://moss.witchesgathering.com, or join one of the groups mentioned above. Write me at zaivalananda@yahoo.com if you would like more information or an invitation. If you need a hint, the magic words for you may be, as for me, "fish oil".

Bright Blessings

Tags: health, mental health

• Articles