Modred January, 2012

A Cobbler’s Child

“The cobbler’s children have no shoes,” I said to myself aloud.  I was watching my thirteen-year old daughter walk down the street in her Sunday best toward the church at the end of the block.  I’m not exactly sure what brought that particular adage to mind.  Perhaps, seeing my youngest child go down a spiritual road I’ve already traveled, I had the sensation of failing to provide the proper footwear.

But that’s an unfair bit of self-criticism.  Having raised three other children to adulthood I’ve learned a thing or two.  I watched without comment for a month-and-a-half as she continued her weekly ritual.

On Friday evening she was in her room upset after a tough day at school.  I asked if there was anything I could do.  She confessed she was struggling with feelings of guilt concerning her failures – some poor test grades, forgetting her household chores, not being respectful to her mother, and so on.  That’s why she had started going to church.  And so far it wasn’t helping.

“First off, you’re feeling more guilty than you should for such small mistakes.  Everyone makes them.  Just learn and try to do better next time.  And second, sitting in a church and getting lectured once a week is not going to help you,” I said.  “After all, it’s just a building.  Going there won’t help you any more than going to the mall once a week.  What you need is to do something, to take action.  Would you like for me to show you how to start?”

“You can do that?” she asked, her eyes lighting up.

“Of course!”

Together we went to the craft store and I bought her the beads she selected.  At home we sat together and strung them into a rosary.  From the bottom of my jewelry box I gave her my old silver Celtic cross to cap it off.  I showed her how to dress her candles and set up her altar.  We lit the incense, and by candlelight I instructed her on how to bless and consecrate her new beads for use in prayer.  When I taught her how to pray, her face was filled with delight and joy.

“But Dad, you’re a witch.  How do you know the Lord’s Prayer and all that stuff?” she asked.

“I used to be a Christian, the only one of all my Christian friends who had read the Bible cover-to-cover.  Twice.”  I said.  “There’s more than one way to bake bread my dear.  You can bake it using the names and books of the Christian way, the Muslim way, the Hindu way, or what-have-you.  I know the Christian way, but I’m a witch because I believe that God – and Goddess – are bigger than the names, rules, and books of the other ways.”  We talked awhile longer.  I told her how proud I was of her, and made it clear I would be happy to work with her as often as she likes.  She went and told her mother how much fun we had, and related every detail.

My wife, a Christian but not a church-goer, smiled, hugged, and praised.  She knows that few thirteen-year-old kids have the courage to walk into a strange church by themselves and take a seat, and that fewer still would get up early, get dressed, and set off down the cold road alone six Sundays in a row.  She knows our daughter has inherited our bravery and our love of God.

Only time will tell if she has inherited my love of the Goddess as well.

Tags: children, parenting

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Modred March, 2011

Let’s Make Soup

Last month in my article “I’ll Have the Afterlife Gravy” I talked about the question of an afterlife.  This month I’m extending the food metaphor with a practical soup-making lesson to explore related concepts.

Pick a time for this exercise when your home, especially your kitchen, will be really quiet and you can be alone and uninterrupted.  Get up early in the morning or stay up late if need be, so that the rest of the house will be asleep.

First get your hands on a good soup recipe.  Pull out your favorite one if you like, but if you’re at a loss I’ve included a very simple one at the bottom of the page.  Get out your ingredients ready, and your tools — a good pot and a stout wooden spoon for sure.

Relax and clear your head as you begin to cook.  Spend the first few minutes just thinking about the Goddess’ great Cauldron.  Try to envision it in your mind; don’t get so absorbed in the work that you make a big mistake or catch your kitchen on fire; achieve a relaxed and contemplative state of mind rather than a full-on trance.

As you add ingredients to the pot, imagine that you are the Goddess.  All life is fed by death; the dead nourish the ground which feeds the plants, the predator takes its prey, and the hunter’s kill graces the table.  Think about how the Goddess takes all things home to the Cauldron when they pass, and all the souls go in — just like the ingredients are going into your soup pot.

As you add your seasonings and take the occasional taste, imagine that you are like the Goddess making the mix just right as she prepares to pour a ladle of Life into a new born babe.  Really think about this.  Don’t play at it.  This is real witchcraft of the kitchen kind.

When it comes time to eat your soup, take in the blessing of nourishment with the knowledge that all is as it should be.  In due time you and everyone you know will return to the cauldron to be briefly be at one before being ladled lovingly back into the world another day.  For it is the nature of all things to perish and for new things to be born in their place.

Simple and Hearty Vegetable Beef Soup

1 lb beef, browned and drained (small soup cuts or ground beef)

1 lb mixed veggies (fresh or frozen)

1 15 oz can of diced tomatoes

Beef stock (to desired thickness)

Bouillon cubes (1 or more, as desired to taste)

Worcestershire sauce (a few splashes, to taste)

Salt & Pepper (to taste)

Put all ingredients in a pot and simmer for 1 1/2 to 2 hours.

Tags: children, kids, parenting, soup

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Miss Dana March, 2011

March Simplicity

This turn of the year brings with it bird song, flower buds and warmer days. It is a time for new beginnings and births. We instinctively long to be outside to feel and connect with the return of the sun.

I try to walk everyday and I love to hear the birds sing on these chilly mornings! I am ready to reconnect with the wider world after winter’s dark quiet. All of the ideas that have been germinating in my mind are ready to move into the light and grow. I have the energy to put action behind the ideas. To “give birth” to plans conceived in winter!

Our families are bursting out also. There is so much to do at school, after school and weekends that we can become scattered and feeling detached. How can we juggle everything at once? Ever feel like the plate jugglers on the old variety shows? Don’t let the plates slow down or they will drop and break! Yikes! A wise man once said to me, “you can do everything you want to do, just not at the same time.” How true. And how comforting a thought. I can do everything and our kids can do everything. The lesson is to choose what is right for the current time. Prioritize. Don’t overbook yourself and don’t overbook your children. We all need play time and we all need to be together in peacefulness. Soon enough, they will be out on their own. While we are a family under one roof, let’s cherish and protect as much time together as possible.

Being present in our children’s lives

Those of us who live with children know the amazing energy and powers of observation children have. It is my opinion that there is nothing more important than raising our children ourselves. I mean by that statement, that we must not allow television, advertising, movies, computer games, other children or families to raise our children for us. It is harder than one can imagine, and I believe a responsibility we automatically have the moment we invite a child into our lives. I was raised in a time when children were seen and not heard. Whereas I believe in teaching manners and appropriate behavior, I also know that children have much to teach us. We must listen and watch.

When we leave the television off and play a hand of crazy eight’s with our kids after dinner, we are enriching their lives on many levels. Memories of fun times shared follow us throughout our lives and bring smiles to our faces. Taking thirty minutes to walk outside with our kids brings to us the fresh awareness of life around us and how miraculous it is. Our children show us by their example how to marvel at the most humble of life. Watch a young child discover an earthworm. We will learn to breathe in and look a new at nature around us. We will also learn more about these people in our lives.

Nature shares many lessons with us. One of them is the lesson of rhythm. There is a rhythm in the seasons. There is a rhythm to our day. An inward breath of reflection and quiet, and an exhale of expansiveness and action. When we allow the natural rhythm of our daily lives to guide us, we can put some order into our family life.

We can do it all. We have a lifetime to do it in. And so do our children.

Tags: children, kids, march, parenting

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Jennie Johnston February, 2011

Pregnant and Pagan

As I write today I am 31 weeks pregnant with my second child.  My body is preparing for the sacred event of bringing forth a baby, birthing both a new soul and a new version of the mother in myself.  Making the “mundane” moments of life sacred is part of my spiritual path.  Because pagans are nature/earth based in our beliefs it seems that we herald being in our bodies and treating them as temples.

I often wonder how we do at this though.  Do we really treat our bodies with the care and reverence that we have for our gods or our sacred places?  And when we go through these huge life and body altering phases do we connect them with our myths and legends or do we let the rather institutional approach to childbearing in particular shade our experience of these life milestones?

The energy that accompanies the birthing of a child is primal and connects one to all the women who have done it before.  It is a lineage of creation that is reflected in the earth’s roundness and fertility.  I believe that, I feel that, but it does not translate well into every day life.  Due to the limited time that I give to my personal practice while raising a young family the practicality of communion with deity or even this time around setting up an altar is lacking.  There are moments of bliss, moments of frustration and being uncomfortable and moments of fear.  The vessel that my body has become to bring forth this new life is overwhelming in its implication and yet so simple in its purpose at the same time.

Motherhood is venerated in many religions but also controlled tightly in the physical and practical sense.  So while one might feel empowered by Mother Mary’s birthing story as a Christian or just in general the joy in that story is certainly not easy to translate into sterile hospital rooms or with the use of interventions that the North American birth culture considers the norm.

Having chosen to birth our first son at home, as we plan again with our second son my husband and I stepped outside of the routine many find comforting choosing instead to let the process be as organic as possible.  The sacredness was not lost on me in the moments but it is also such a primal experience that it kept me from idealizing the experience too much.  So my approach to pregnancy, birth and motherhood is not one that I put on a pedestal, it is rooted in the holy dirt, held by the trees, and blows in whirlwinds with the leaves.

Most importantly we must support women as they endeavor to take these journeys of transformation.  Our bodies are ours even when we carry new life in them, or better yet especially because we do.  Until you have conceived, nurtured and grown a child from the inside, birthing it and feeding it from your body the profoundness of the process is hard to grasp.  The story of Demeter grieving Persephone being away from her is relatable when you count the hours of time, nurturing and patience that a mother gives to her children.  I see the miraculous act that my body has performed and will again perform.  The fact that it knows what to do all by itself is also incredible.  Often when the chips are down we just have to let our minds wonder off somewhere else and surrender to the body’s innate sense of what must happen.

Somewhere between glowy pregnant women rocking their unborn babes as they dance in spring fields and formulaic scientific jargon about what my body is doing this week lies my connection to spirit and my growing baby.  I will try to honour the process as the days move on towards their climax and feel the ancestors calmly or sometimes loudly calling the names of all that have been there, done that.  It is a good place, a holy place but overall it is a human and animal place to be.

Tags: children, parenting, pregnancy

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Jennie Johnston December, 2010

For the Love of Trees

At this time of year; the holiday season as it has been dubbed by our “inclusive” culture, it can be hard for parents to keep meaning in the countless celebrations and the consumer driven racket that surrounds our children.  Many of us grew up celebrating Christmas whether religiously or from a secular perspective and most Pagans I read about integrate Yule, Winter Solstice, Christmas or Hanukah however it works best for their families.  Keeping it simple is something I strive for at this time of year.  This is my favourite holiday and as such I love the decorations, songs, and symbols of giving and peace that accompany the season.  One symbol that I particularly love is the evergreen tree.

Sharing the history of the tree portion of this holiday is rather challenging as the precise origins of the tree decorating that we do today is debatable.  There are several theories of exactly where it came from but the veneration of evergreens has pagan origins and there are countless ways that we can celebrate trees and the magic that they represent for our children at this time of year.

Taking a walk in a forested area with your young ones at this time of year gives them a chance to appreciate the differences this season offers.  You can talk about the shape of the deciduous trees that are now mostly leafless, notice if there are any bird’s nests visible and point them out.  If the weather is mild enough you can even make some drawings in a sketch book and plan on returning in the summer to notice the differences.  When encountering evergreens you can point out the contrasts of shape, texture and stature (and don’t forget that wonderful smell).  It may have been hard to notice them in the summer and now they dominate the forest and give off a frosty glow if covered in snow.

You can collect boughs that have fallen to decorate your home.   There are many options for using them:   Wreaths, smudge sticks, garlands, centerpieces, incenses or tree inspired arts and crafts.   You may also want to create a tree honouring ritual with your little ones.  You can do this while out in nature or in your home with your Yule tree as the focal point.  If you choose the outdoors the child can pick a tree to learn about and commune with.  In this case it doesn’t matter whether it is an evergreen or not since you are trying to inspire a relationship with and towards trees as sacred beings.   If you are intent on keeping the evergreen as the focus you can bring your little ones to a Christmas tree farm where they can perhaps have a hand in choosing the family tree while learning of the sacrifice the tree gives for our celebration, and the time it takes to grow a tree in the first place.

If your family chooses an artificial tree it is important to share the reasons why with your child.  Allergies, environmental impact, budget constraints, all are important reasons your children can appreciate.  A key to keeping the bustle of the season less chaotic is to discuss the insanity of overspending and consumption that skews the real messages behind the celebrations.  Don’t feel guilty if you cannot afford every toy in the catalogue, you have the power to make this holiday reflect your families values.  Since it is cold in the Northern Hemisphere you can create a sanctuary in your home for the whole family to revel in.  The early darkness can inspire quiet evenings of reading, games and gazing at the lovely tree you’ve decorated together.

Trees can even inspire your holiday meals and gifts.  You can have each child choose a tree that will be their “totem” for the season and try to create activities, place settings and gifts that honour those.  Share the magic of the season with the simplicity of trees and watch that magic reflect in the eyes of those you love the most.   Happy Holidays & Bright Blessings to you and yours this season.

Tags: children, kids, parenting, trees

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Jennie Johnston November, 2010

A Celebration of Transformation

Earlier in the year I wrote about celebrating the change from Maiden to Mother with a Blessingway.   This month I wanted to share another new or revitalized tradition that is becoming a part of our culture; the honouring of menarche.  Menarche is derived from two Greek words meaning: moon and beginning and refers to the first menstrual period.  Arguably this transition could be called the step a girl takes from child to maiden.   As pagans we try to celebrate the body in all its functions and this change is so pivotal and yet we often don’t acknowledge it much beyond purchasing the necessary products and passing the Midol.

North American society approaches menstruation with kid gloves or with disdain.  This “time of the month” is not looked at as sacred or introspective but as a nuisance that brings discomfort and pain and removes women from normal, everyday life.  Many women do experience terrible symptoms during this time and those should be taken seriously and not judged either, but how much of these physical symptoms are reflections of our culture’s views?  Would we still feel so sick if we were able to honour what are bodies were doing rather than trying to pretend nothing is happening?

For our daughters, nieces, cousins and granddaughters we have the power to change perceptions around our periods and empower them rather than allow this huge moment in their lives to go unmarked by celebration.

Family covens, circles, family, girlfriends; the type of ritual created to honour that special girl in your life can be elaborate or simple depending on the person’s preference.    There are examples out there of rituals to get ideas from and slowly the internet is starting to present options for women who choose to see the mysteries of their bodies with reverence rather than shame.  Here are some other links for you if you plan on hosting such a party or if you want to plan one for yourself:

Moon Days: Creative Writings about Menstruation

Period: A film about the end of Menstruation

My personal story about my relationship with my period

Menarche Party Ideas

Celebrating Menarche

I am also interested in sharing stories about transformation rituals for boys.  Since their change is more subtle I have not heard of a specific name that is being used to describe this time.  Please email me with any ideas or comments regarding celebrating boy’s transformations or any other comments at: stonegirl1177 AT yahoo DOT ca.

Tags: children, kids, parenting, transformation

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Miss Dana November, 2010

An Intent of Thanksgiving

Is it just me or do other women dread family gatherings for the holidays?  It is not that we do not love our extended family, it is just that we are not all on the same page concerning life.  You know, life’s big questions like handling money, raising kids and picking spouses.  Oh, and there can also be the really hushed page concerning religion, beliefs, and spirituality.  Bring everyone under one roof and we are ready to throw our hands up and surrender.

I have noticed that with few exceptions most people I know have an eclectic collection of characters within their family.  How we approach a gathering can be the key to sanity.

Intentions.  Remember that word?  I know, it is hard to practice what we preach sometimes.  Never the less, our intentions for any day, sabot or Thursday, is important and powerful.

For November in the States, the gathering of family is imperative.  It is Thanksgiving. And we are going to be thankful, by golly, whether we want to or not!  That is how it feels after four days of cooking and cleaning and juggling money in order to feed that band of people who are always happy to show up and eat but not clean, cook or finance the event.  Is it really just me?

Here is how I plan to weave the intention of the month with the unique strands of family and friends.  I am giving a Gratitude Tea.  A time set aside from the family meal to visit and relax with people I am grateful for being in my life.  A friend, a neighbor, my daughters.  A time to enjoy each other and express what Thanksgiving is all about – gratitude.  As a sign read at a national coffee chain, “Take comfort in rituals.”

The ritual of tea is an old one and full of grace.  A pot of tea, a nibble or two and another person to share a moment of quiet.  For my tea, I will place my intention on gratitude.  There will be a bowl with strips of paper and a pen for writing one or two words of   blessings.  A journal will be at each place setting for listing five things at the end of the day for which we are grateful. For libations, Earl Grey tea is known as the tea of gratitude so it will be offered along with a pomegranate herbal blend.  Candles in votive holders and Celtic music will add peacefulness.  Light finger food with a sweet or two will fill the tablescape.

My family’s intent is for me is to be happy each and everyday.  (If mamma ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.)  My intent is to be grateful each and everyday. An intent of thanksgiving.

Tags: children, kids, parenting

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Miss Dana October, 2010

Autumn

I love the change of seasons, but I must admit that the summer to fall change is my favorite! Maybe living in the South gives the change to cooler days and nights more of a welcome. And I do love the colors!

Bringing autumn inside is easy and free! Beautiful baskets of leaves and nuts, acorns and pinecones. A decorator’s delight! This is also a great time for outdoor play. Mother Earth is rich in decorations and condiments for mud pies and other pretend foods!

Some fun things to do are to make people out of things found. Pinecones, acorn tops seeds and sticks can make some cool creations. Nestle these guardians of the woods under plants, bushes or beside trees. A little clay or glue will hold them together. You can even accessorize them with little strips of cloth for scarves!

Don’t forget pressing beautiful leaves between 2 pieces of wax paper. One year we shaved crayons onto the wax paper with leaves, topped it with a second piece of wax paper and pressed with an iron. What lovely works of art. Tape them to windows, cut into bookmarks or let your child come up with a use.

Seeds are bountiful now. Cover a Styrofoam ball with glue and roll it in a bowl of seeds or even beans. Split green and yellow beans and poppy seeds are just a few ideas. Match the size of the ball to the seed or bean. When dried, fill a bowl or basket with them. Kids love making them and they make nice gifts too.  Build a fairy house of twigs and side it with seeds and beans.  Use cinnamon sticks as the door.

Now is also a natural time to introduce warming food back into our meals. Spices such as cinnamon, chili, paprika as well as soups and stews help our bodies adjust to the change. In our home, granola is replaced by porridge for breakfast and hot chocolate or warm cider in the afternoon instead of cold juice or lemonade.  Helpful hint: The more Vitamin C you can get into your family now the better. That way when the inevitable sniffle season hits, your family will be ready for it. Apple cider and warm applesauce are fun sources, so is raw broccoli and  spinach dip!

Tags: autumn, children, kids, parenting

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Jennie Johnston September, 2010

Competitive Pagan = Competitive Parent?

Recently I’ve been thinking a lot about competitive people, especially when it comes to parenting and paganism.  Whether in your coven, circle or class we are faced with competitive people in our spiritual domain as well as the domestic/mundane one.

Not being very competitive for the most part I’ve found that being a parent has brought out that shred of doubt in me.   When I encounter another child at the playground that can already tie his shoes and my child of the same age hasn’t even attempted to try yet, there is a little pang for me.  A slight, oh, man should I be teaching my kid this?  Are they going to be lagging behind for not being able to do this already?  Wise ones have said to me in these times of doubt: Can the other child do this yet, like your child?  And usually the answer is, no.  That way of putting things into perspective has been invaluable to me.  No child is perfect, no child is better than another.  They all have their own time and place to learn and we must simply be there to help and guide them.

In the pagan arena I’ve felt little of the same pangs of competition.  I don’t mind if you’ve reached your 3^rd degree faster, dried lavender and written a chant this week and I haven’t even managed to have a morning meditation.  The spiritual journey is specific to the individual to me.  I’m not trying to be pagan of the year.  I just want to be true to my path.  A little competition isn’t always a bad thing though.  Reading about what other witches are trying these days, seeing examples of artwork dedicated to their gods, altars created for a season or books read for self exploration are inspirational.  A pang of hey, why aren’t I doing that, is good for you.  It is motivating and helps to keep your desires for your own path on track.

An extreme can develop in some people regarding parenting, paganism or anything really that is alarming to me.  Motives become only about competition and not about your child’s journey or your own.  You start to do things because the mother you most admire at your family coven does them like that.  You feel the need to be better, more pagan, more like a super mom than a real mom.  Because let’s face it no one is capable of being everything at one time.  Often we project ideals on to those we admire and think that they are accomplishing more than us.  Deep down though they probably have similar feelings of incompetence and are pushing themselves too hard, trying to be too much.

My philosophy of parenting and being a pagan is about honouring where I am in the moment and trying to accept what I can do.  My priority at this point is being a parent.  It is my full time job.  My spiritual life is secondary and I have accepted that for now.  Young children require energy and time.  I’m not capable of taking a class with a pagan leader or dedicating myself to a tradition.  I could try and do this but something would lag.  Something would fall through the cracks and my son is too important for me to risk.

The moral to this story is that support and sharing of our doubts is an important step towards keeping competition out of our spiritual practice and our parenting.  I won’t judge you for not having time to bring a snack for after the ritual, if you won’t judge my daughter for not knowing her ABC’s yet.  Let’s give each other the benefit of the doubt.  Let’s live in a community that embraces each individual’s journey to self.  That way we can leave the competitive feelings where they belong, in the boardroom or on the sports field.

Tags: kids, parenting

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Jennie Johnston August, 2010

What Parents Can Learn From Angelina Jolie

I stumbled across this article recently and I must admit that I was very encouraged by the comments Angelina Jolie made about her daughter Shiloh’s choice of clothing.

Apparently Shiloh prefers to dress “like a boy” and that has media critics blasting a 4 year old and calling her a transsexual.  While it is beyond shameful to take jabs at a child in such a manner no matter who her parents are I think that Jolie handled the situation with honesty and integrity:

“Children should be allowed to express themselves in whatever way they wish without anybody judging them because it is an important part of their growth. Society always has something to learn when it comes to the way we judge each other, label each other. We have far to go.”

As parents we too often let our child’s behaviour reflect back our own insecurities.     If Jolie was insecure she may have seen Shiloh’s behaviour as reflecting badly on her parenting skills or on her own sexuality.  Instead she makes the choice to see that it is not about her but about self expression and the magic of childhood.

As pagan parents we tend to encourage “dress up” and mystical play.  Children are naturally drawn to worlds of fantasy and if they say “I’m a dragon” or “I’m the fairy of spring,” wouldn’t we encourage that and be delighted?  I have a sneaking suspicion though, that when it comes to our child crossing gender boundaries many of us may start to get a little uncomfortable.  What will the neighbours think?  He will be judged by other children, so for his own good I’ll make him dress masculine.  All girls want to wear pretty dresses and play tea party, what’s wrong with my child?  Our own embarrassment starts to take over our actions and we let society’s silly rules of sugar and spice or puppy dog’s tails influence our parenting.  Instead of unconditional love and space to explore themselves children learn to tow the line, not ruffle feathers and suppress their inner creativity.   That doesn’t sound like a very pagan way of growing up to me.

I realize that it is not as simple as the last paragraph makes it out to be.  There are people out there who are so afraid of gender bending that they become violent.  Our first instinct is to protect our child from harm, so our perception of how others may judge them is an important tool that we need to keep our kid safe.   If you have concerns that your child may be judged or harmed that is something that you need to work through with them.  When they are young you can perhaps encourage them to dress in their special outfits only at home or in a predetermined safe place.  As they grow older you may find that it was a phase that they leave behind them or you may encounter a more serious need within them.  If you do encounter this need I encourage being open minded.  This is your child; they are still whole and wonderful.  There are resources out there for parents to use for support if your child is transgender or confused about their sex.

Within our traditions there are many interpretations of masculine and feminine energies.  Some choose to see the traits in a more black and white sense because it makes them feel safe and ordered.  In my world view though there is a lot of grey area.  We all have male and female traits, energies and tendencies.  When we are children those traits are much less rigid because we have less conditioning.  I do not encourage my son to be masculine or feminine those tendencies are just there for him to act on as he comes across them.

Angelina Jolie is taking the same approach with her daughter Shiloh.  She doesn’t want to judge her daughter and so she is being open to Shiloh’s desires and guiding her towards finding her true self.

Please search out help if you or someone you love is dealing with gender difficulties.  Silence, shame and secrets are not the way to help your child or your family process these complex issues.

The pagan community seems to me to be a perfect example of an arena for openness regarding sexuality and gender.  Being open minded and non-judgemental goes way beyond religion in this day and age and as a burgeoning community we are poised to lead the way towards a healthy relationship with our sexual identities.

TransActive: Supporting children & youth of all genders

Transgender Family Resources

Gender: Gender Roles and Stereotypes

Tags: children, gender, kids, parenting

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