Patrick McCleary April, 2009

I have met so many young men struggling with how to be a good father. They have the potential to be both great people and great fathers. But for whatever reason they are struggling to find their way. Whether they come from broken homes with deadbeat dads, or just dads that didn’t know how to be great fathers or for any other reasons it is not their fault.

All that they needed was a guide.

Yet who am I to offer advice on this topic? I am a father of two beautiful young girls, one seven and the other three. I am also divorced once and am now engaged to a wonderful, supportive, and beautiful woman.

So since I have been a father for seven years and have worked through the trials and tribulations of raising children; Worked hard to establish traditions rooted in love and not in duty, hopefully I am somewhat qualified to comment and offer my advice on one of the ways to be not just a dad but a great dad who happens to be Pagan.

So what exactly is it that separates a Dad from a Great Father?

Almost any man can be a dad, all that is involved in that is enough sex to make a woman pregnant and then the child being carried to term and being born and voila the male becomes a dad. But a father, much less a great father, is involved in that child or children’s personal life in an overwhelmingly positive manner.

Yet so many men today are either afraid or don’t know how to be whole and complete men. A man must be strong but merciful, stern but fair. No longer is it acceptable for men to be hard-asses nor should it be acceptable for men to be complete pansies and pushovers.

But a strong willed man is often times feared, crucified and turned into a pariah by the women around him. And so it is often times for fathers that want the best for and out of their kids.

I set my standards high for my children, hoping that they can reach that level but being comfortable with them in the meantime only reaching a half or even a quarter of this goal, as long as they continue to strive for excellence. And I am often told that I am to hard and that kids need to be kids.

Yet I feel that I give them room to play and express themselves but I insist that they must learn manners and how they are expected to act while in a public place.

A lot of these comments are the result of the perception of Fathers and Men in today’s culture. This perception is exceedingly negative. We are ridiculed as stupid and bumbling. The brunt of women’s jokes. Yet at the same time a male is a predator. He is a nasty, vicious, hateful bigot/racist/rapist/fill in the blank. I guess the only ones who are not killing people are the ones to stupid to operate a gun or knife.

I have seen in my own life a man who is strong willed and confident in himself be lambasted by the women around him, even complete strangers. I have seen him called sexist, macho (since when was that a bad term?), and egotistical, among many other things.

Why is it that a strong willed man is perceived as a threat?

There are bad men among us but I believe that the large portion of the problems facing us from deranged males is caused by their upbringing.

If you tell a child that he is not needed by the opposite sex and in the next breath tell him that he should stop acting like a girl, what is he supposed to think and feel?

If he steps out of line then you medicate him, instead of training and helping him to work through his feelings, therefore emotionally castrating him. Unable to express more than a very limited range of emotions.

On the worst case he is violent and angry, on the best case he is a sobbing emotional wreck, quick to cry at every bad turn in his life. This emotional wreck is the one that stays home with Mom until he is forty, he is the one that one day because he can’t afford his meds and can’t control himself without them, snaps and kills a school full of people.

And yes they make that choice but if you treat a child like a helpless baby and coddle him (or her) their entire life and are always there to solve their problems for them, then by definition they are codependent and unable to solve their own problems.

It is our roles as Fathers and Men to recognize this baggage in ourselves, and through faith in the Goddess and God (or whatever it is that you believe in), and through support groups if necessary, to overcome this programming, to be independent and able to make our own decisions.

I used to be one of these men, quick to anger and quick to cry unable to face my problems, unable, in many cases, to even express how I felt. This cost me my first marriage but now that I have learned how to express myself with words and not through anger it has enabled me to have a serious long term relationship that is strong and continues to grow. And when we overcome our childhood training then we must teach this independence and freedom to our sons and to any and all of our friends that our ready to listen.

Now don’t think that I am going to leave out the daughters of the world. We as fathers and men have a responsibility there also. They learn from us how they are supposed to be treated in their future (or current) relationships.

We must teach them independence and not that they don’t need men (as is often the message to little girls) but that they don’t need anything or anyone in their lives that is unhealthy for them. They can have men in their lives and have deep relationships without fear as long as they seek those relationships with men that have grown up and have become true men.

So to sum up what I have said about fatherhood; A father helps to establish traditions that bring the family together and helps to hold them together. He teaches them right from wrong, teaches morality, strength and love.

He is there to love and teach love. He hopefully is able to bring light into their lives and to show them that they can bring light to others through kindness. And he is also supposed to give them a basic roadmap and a how-to (if you will) of their spirituality. Not to define their faith, but to give them tools so that when they get older they can find their own faith.

So what other types of males are there? Well in my opinion the males of the world can be divided into three categories. You have boys, young males who play and have their toys and don’t know how to act responsible; they are too young.

Then you have guys, they are legally adults but still act like boys, they should know how to act responsible but for whatever reason they do not. They often fall into the negative stereotypes that are applied to all grown men. They are often the sexist bigots that we so often hear about.

But finally you have men, a small minority of males who are true adults, able to express themselves coherently; calm and confident they are often perceived as egotistical and too macho. But they are in most cases simply trying to live their lives, trying to raise their families with the same sense of ethics and morals that they carry with them.

They are stern but kind, hard but loving, strong-willed but understanding, has deep convictions but is open to compromise as long as he does not have to sell himself out.

So my challenge to you the reader is to look at yourself. What category do you fall into?

What category do you wish you fell into?

Ask this question of yourself whether you are a father or are going to be a father or even if you are neither; for facing yourself is the first step to being a complete human being.

Hopefully since you found your way here and actually read this article to the end, you are seeking to be a real man. Complete and true.

So I wish you all luck and blessings and a safe journey.

Blessed Be!

Tags: Pagan, parenthood, parenting

• Children and Parenting

Kaylana Anaya February, 2009

In this month’s article I’d like to discuss life cycles and the wheel of life. It is up to us to teach our children about life cycles. We are born, we grow, we get older and we die. That is the life cycle in its most basic of terms. A child under 2 is too young for this discussion so this month’s article focuses on ages 2-5.

Point out examples of the life cycle all around you, new babies, older kids, adult, older adults and the seniors. Remember that kids this age don’t have a good sense of time so if you point out an elderly person and say the person is close to death, they will think you mean tomorrow. So don’t say that. You can just state that this person (the elderly person) is near the end of her life cycle. No matter how you present it, at some point your child may walk up to an older stranger and tell him matter-of-factly that he is old and near the end of his life cycle (or even near death). While this will be embarrassing at first, just explain to the older person that you are teaching your child about the cycle of life and that you apologize for the child’s bluntness. Later that day or the next day when the moment is forgotten, explain to your child that some people are sensitive about their age and so we don’t usually say that people are old. Your child may need a few reminders, depending on their age but they will eventually get it.

Whether or not you believe in reincarnation, birth is a continuation of the life cycle because if people only died and no one was born, there wouldn’t be life. It is up to you if you want your child to witness giving birth but children under age 5 most likely aren’t ready for it. Perhaps the 41/2 – 5 year old would be ready. I would say if you wish to show your child how babies are born, I’d stick with puppies or kitties. Seeing their mom or another woman giving birth might scare them and they might resent the baby, thinking it is the baby’s fault that the woman was in pain.

As you describe the life cycle, the question of what death is will crop up. Everyone always freaks out when the word death is brought up. If our children see us freak when they ask the question, they will notice and think that death is something bad and to be feared. We don’t want that. We want them to see death as just another part of the life cycle. For specific words to say to explain death, the life cycle and much more, check out Just Tell Me What to Say by Betsy Brown Braun. It’s an awesome book all about children ages 2-6.

As you are teaching about the life cycle, you can also teach the wheel of life, explaining that it is the life cycle of our world. Equate the two by showing that when new leaves and flowers grow, it’s like a baby being born and when the trees die in the winter, it’s like our death.

As your child sees that each season always comes and goes, you can point out that people will always be born and always die. That’s why it’s a cycle, because it keeps going on and on.

I think teaching your child these things is very important, especially starting at age 3. As Betsy Brown Braun says, if you teach your children about the life cycle and death from early on, when someone or some pet they know dies, they will be more likely to accept it and start to understand it.

All right that’s it for this month; I hope you’ve found something helpful. As always, if you have any questions, comments or suggestions, please email me at callista83@cogeco.ca. I always welcome comments here too of course; it’s great to know my article is being read.

Tags: children, kids, pagan parenting, parenting

• Children and Parenting

Lynn OBrien January, 2009

Our lives are centered around our two active, inquisitive daughters. They are always wanting to know what “this” is or what “that” does, or why I wear a pentacle. They love to touch my everyday altar items, eager to see what they feel like or what they do. Our youngest especially likes to touch these things, they are fun for her. I try to use things that are kid friendly just for this reason.

Recently I decided to start introducing and teaching our children about some of the basics. Our youngest will not be learning much since she is only two. The oldest, who is eight, already knows her directions, and what the elements are, but she doesn’t quite understand the significance of them. Even though I put a lot of thought into teaching them, I have some trepidations about what the logical reasons could be for teaching her and the possible shockwaves are weighing heavily on my mind.

Our town is fairly small, and with this small town size comes a small town mentality to match. Adults, as well as children, are often bigoted and fearful of things that they don’t understand. And with her being only eight, will she be able to understand the importance and necessity of keeping private matters private?

I have always believed in giving my children the freedom to choose whatever path they want to follow. I had a parent who believed it was his duty to “instruct me in the ways of the Lord”, and who believes that because I was not raised in going to church, my children will forever be damned. He invites them down for the summer and I dread saying “no”, but I know that he will insist on taking them to church every Sunday and enrolling them in Sunday School while they are there. Then I would have to explain what they experienced, and then potentially deprogram them.

How can we, as parents of impressionable and sensitive children, open their eyes and minds to our beliefs and ways without putting them at risk for ridicule and wrongful assumptions from others? Our school system would be all a-twitter if they knew that at least two families who have children there are Pagan. How can I explain other religions such as Christianity, Judaism, and others without being totally knowledgeable about them? I wish our school system did events that promoted the cultural diversity instead of being “politically correct” and making everything so bland and boring. No one can learn and be mindful of others’ beliefs if the school system hides it from view.

Assumption…..such a dangerous word in the minds of the uninformed and narrow-minded. People often “assume” that they know everything about you just because you wear a “pentacle” or say “blessed be” or have a bumper sticker that says “magic happens”. Not once do they ask you anything, they just assume they understand.

I have found myself holding in my usual rhetoric and quips for fear of being misunderstood; I hide my pentacle for people always associate it with Satanism, even though theirs is an inverted pentacle. I do all of this because I fear what others will think of me and my family. I have even received some opposition from knowing family members because they fear what others will think of THEM.

Watching “Secret Lives of Women” on WE T.V. the one night (Sept. 16, ‘08), the episode was about women of “new age” religions like vampirism, Satanism, Wicca, and general witchcraft. It was good to see people of like mind and experiences as myself. It was nice to see them be able to interact with others and be open about their beliefs, even with the  usual misunderstandings from others. I found myself how do they deal with everyday problems, and then I realized that they have people with them and around them who believed as they do. In our town, if you believe different than the mainstream society, you keep quiet. Oh sure, some have bumper stickers and stuff, and generally people pass it off as something funny, like a joke. But deep down I know that these people are closeting their beliefs because of how those people will behave.

Being a solitary witch, I also find it rather daunting to teach my kids my beliefs. Being rather new to my path myself, I don’t feel experienced enough to properly impart any knowledge to them, with what little I have learned and all that remains. I don’t have anyone close by to learn from, and but I do have some highly recommended books that I am trying to read and learn from in this little venture.

Lord and Lady, be my guides!!

Tags: kids, paganism, parenting

• Children and Parenting

Patrick McCleary January, 2009

The Lessons of Winter

Winter is really here. In most parts of the United States the cold weather and snow has set in. But what does this season mean to us Pagans? We know about Yule and the rebirth of the Sun, but what about that period between Yule and Imbolc? I believe that every season and every Sabbat can teach us lessons if we only have the ears to hear and the eyes to see.

This season is traditionally a time of rest and recovery for the world. A time, when in the natural world, most trees shed their leaves and many animals turn in to hibernate for the long winter. It was also a time of rest for mankind. When the toils of the the year were finished and in many villages the people gathered around the hearth to share stories and count together the blessings of the previous year.

But what place does any of this have in our modern world? A world that never seems to sleep much less take a breath. The answer for many is ‘I’ll rest when I am dead.’

For me this answer is far from being the correct one. The modern world’s way of doing things teaches impatience and greed. And it forces us to run at breakneck pace, only to get us to the grave quicker and with far more regrets.

And this is not the message that I wish to pass on to my children. As a Pagan parent one of my responsibilities is to instill the values taught by the Goddess and God. Those values that are inherent and visible in the world around us.

The lessons I have learned from winter and that I in turn pass on to my children are many. And if you join me in looking at the world around us then I can show you a few examples.

I teach my children to be as still and quiet as a winter pond. For if we are always busy then how can we hear the Gods when They whisper to us?

They learn to be patient as well. For as we look around at the Earth and the plants upon it, and watch them seem to die and wither away, hope could be easily lost. But we know that if we wait long enough then the Earth and the plants will bloom again. This is important because sometimes the Will of the Gods are as equally mysterious and take as a long time to make sense.

But the most important lesson is for them to remember the importance of Family. For in the loving embrace of Family they can truly feel the arms of the Gods around them as well. As I said earlier, Winter was a time that friends and family gathered together around the hearth to share stories. I believe that this was important for the cohesiveness of the family and the community. And it is something that, today, is missed and is desperately needed.

This month is also marks the passage from one calendar year to another, a traditional time to make resolutions. What will our resolutions be? Will you join me and resolve to pass on the lessons the world shows us, the Lessons of Winter?

Tags: children, kids, lessons, parenting, parents, teaching

• Children and Parenting

Kaylana Anaya January, 2009

Happy New Year!

Some of you celebrate the New Year on Jan. 1 and some of you don’t but even if it’s not the beginning of your seasonal year, it’s still a new digit in our year. 2008 is now 2009. Can you believe it? I remember when we brought in the year 2000. I was thinking about what life would be like in 2010. In 2000 I was 17 so I had no idea what was ahead of me. So am I happy with where I am? Yes. Things could always be better but I have a husband who loves me, and two beautiful children. I’m happy.

So how much does a 5 year old understand about the New Year? I don’t know. My children aren’t 5 yet but I’ve worked with 5 year olds and they seem to understand it signifies the change of the calendar year. They may have heard adults talk about resolutions but may not fully understand what they are. Do you make resolutions for the New Year? I do, but I make sure to stay away from goals related to weight loss. Controlling your weight is difficult and you may not fulfill your goal, through no fault of your own. Stick to simpler goals but don’t be too broad.

For example, I plan to keep my house cleaner is too broad. I plan to sweep and mop once a week is better. I plan to write a novel is too complicated (who writes a novel in one year?) I plan to come up with a plot outline and get started on the first chapter is better.

Why are resolutions important? Goal setting in particular is different and there is just something about the New Year that makes us want to do better. What does this all have to do with children? Lots!

I want my children to see the importance of goal setting, including not just the setting of goals but also the follow through. Making the goal is just the first step. If you ignore your goals for the rest of the year only to make new goals (or the same goals) again the next year, you aren’t modelling the importance of goal setting to your children.

Even children as young as 2 ½ can understand about doing better in the new year. Perhaps they want to learn to use the potty or how to tie their shoes. The trick is though, not to pick something YOU want them to learn and tell them it’s their goal. They need to come up with it themselves, something THEY want to learn or do better. If your child can’t come up with anything, even with you suggesting some things, than just leave it. Wait till next year but keep up with your goals and keep modelling goal setting.

Imbolc

Moving on, Imbolc is coming up Feb. 2. As next month’s ezine will be too late to plan for Imbolc, I want to touch on it here.

Imbolc of course, is a celebration of light as winter is ending and spring is on its way. It’s not here yet (that would be Ostara) but each day has more and more light. Deity-wise, it is the time that the Goddess recuperates after giving birth to the God.

So what can you do with your little ones to celebrate Imbolc?

* Light candles and watch them burn. Your child is too young to be making candles but with your help they can light candles and watch them from a safe distance. This is a good time to teach fire safety. NEVER leave your child alone with a candle.
* Look for signs of spring. Are there any shoots on the trees yet? Perhaps there is less snow? Or a bird tweet? It all depends on where you live as to how much of spring you will see at the beginning of February.
* Have a purification bath. Either bathe with your child or bathe your child, whichever works best for you. Bless the water before you and/or your child get in and perhaps say something about the deity (deities) of your choice blessing and purifying you and your child.
* A child 3-5 might be able to make a Brighid’s Cross out of pipe cleaners, with help. Just bend them in half and put them together as you would straw.
* Have a very simple ritual. I think many Pagans underestimate their ability to make their own ritual. Ritual does not have to be long and complicated with lots of actions and speaking parts. You wouldn’t want this with a child under 5 anyways. Perhaps turn off all the lights in the house (during the day so it’s not too dark) and hold hands. Then say something about spring being on it’s way and light coming back to the earth. Then go around the house and turn on all the lights. Then hold hands again and say Welcome. Turn off unnecessary lights after 30 minutes or so to save energy.

I hope I’ve given you some good ideas. I’m sure you can think up some more on your own. Ask your child what he/she thinks you should do to call spring back. They just might have some great ideas.

All right that’s it for this month, I hope you’ve found something helpful. As always, if you have any questions, comments or suggestions, please email me at callista83@cogeco.ca. I always welcome comments here too of course; it’s great to know my article is being read.

Tags: children, kids, Pagan, parenting, parents

• Children and Parenting

Kaylana Anaya December, 2008

Greetings. Hope everyone’s November is going well. This month I’d like to focus on the upcoming Yule season, which I’m sure you are all excited about. This month’s article will be a bit short since this season is so busy, I’m sure you don’t have time to read a long article.

What are your plans for Yule? Do you have set traditions that you do every year? Do you do a ritual? Have you just not gotten around to celebrating yet? If you’re anything like me, the Yule season is so busy you don’t do nearly as much as you’d like to, to celebrate. Don’t feel that you have to do any or all of the ideas here. Do what works best for your family. I’m just going to provide some ideas.

Pre-Yule

Read Yule . I will never stop suggesting that people read. I think it’s important and what better way to explain Yule to your kids than to read them books. There aren’t many books available that were written for a Pagan child but there are books on the Winter Solstice that are appropriate. Here are a few:

The Winter Solstice by Ellen Jackson

The Shortest Day: Celebrating the Winter Solstice by Wendy Pfeffer

The Return of the Light: Twelve Tales from Around the World by Carolyn McVickar Edwards

Use an Advent Calendar. Okay so it won’t exactly be an advent calendar as Advent means the coming of Christ but it will be a countdown calendar. It doesn’t have to be like a calendar either. What we like to do is cut strips of paper the width of a ruler out of green and red paper. We write down on each one, one thing we’d like to do in December such as read a holiday book, go for a winter walk, bake cookies, listen to holiday music etc…. Then we make a chain out of them, and hang it up. Each day we take apart one chain and do what it says. It’s a fun way to countdown.

Decorate. This is an easy one. Most Christmas decorations will work for Yule and if you don’t like the selection, you can always make something. Decorate a wreath with fake berries, holly and red and green balls and ribbon.

Yule

Ritual. Ritual is not for everyone but if it’s for you, do a simple Yule ritual. It doesn’t have to be extravagant. Put up a circle, have light a yule log (if you don’t have a fireplace, you can drill holes in a small log and insert candles to burn) and do a meditiation. If you are including your child(ren) omit the meditation and sing some Yule carols. (http://willow.creative-interweb.com/library/songbook/carols/)

Dinner. You can either make it a small dinner for immediate family or hold a dinner party, whatever is within your ability. It doesn’t have to be a turkey dinner. (http://www.unc.edu/~reddeer/recipe/rec_yule.html)

Post-Yule

Meditation. I think post-holiday is the best time to do meditation. You’ve already experienced the holiday and can properly reflect on it. Just envision yourself walking into a snowy wooded area. Make it a long walk, deeper and deeper into the woods. When you finally get to the center you are in a clearing. A deer approaches you and give you a message. Leave a (mental) gift and walk back. Obviously the meditation would take a lot longer than it did for me to write those basic ideas down. Stretch it out.

Yule Log. Make sure you keep the last little bit of your yule log (or last bit of candles from fake yule log) for next year.

All right that’s it for this month, I hope you’ve found something helpful. As always, if you have any questions, comments or suggestions, please email me at callista83@cogeco.ca. I always welcome comments here to of course; it’s great to know my article is being read. Happy Yule!

Tags: children, christmas, kids, parenting, yule

• Children and Parenting

Kaylana Anaya November, 2008

Hope your Samhain went well. This month I said I’d give you some fun, everyday type activities that you can do with your young children that have a Pagan or Mother Nature theme. Later on are some winter activities too.

For the child under one, the only Pagan thing you can really do is to treat them right and keep them healthy to show that you have pure love for your child. You can however and should start introducing him to Mother Nature.  For six months and under I’d probably stick to looking at real nature from a distance and reading nature books or playing with nature toys that are okay for them to manipulate and mouth. Unfortunately there doesn’t seem to be too many nature toys. For six months to one year you can start introducing your child to grass and sun and leaves and twigs and rocks. Try to keep the items big so they can’t be swallowed and NEVER look away. The child should be on your lap facing outwards and you should be manipulating the object together so that as soon as the child tries to mouth the object you can stop her. However instead of pulling it back and saying no, try to redirect her into doing something else with the object (such as putting it in a bucket.)

For the child ages one to three years, you can start to do more. On the Pagan front, your child should be learning how to handle and manipulate their energy, basic Pagan etiquette (such as no touching the altar) and of course more on Mother Nature.  Tell your child that we all have energy inside us. It’s what allows us to move and think. Of course the one year old won’t understand much of this but explain it anyway. They always retain more than we think they will. Then start teaching them about feelings and help them to identify what they are feeling. “You’re angry that you have to put away your toys right now when you don’t want to.” “You feel sad that Mommy has to go to work.” Obviously this will be easier with the older child but a child between one and two can start to learn that when he is crying it means he’s sad.

After your child has learned to identify her feelings, she needs to learn how to deal with them. Teach your child a very simple “ritual” that he can perform with you when he has strong feelings such as anger, sadness, anxiety or fear. This could include scrunching up toilet paper while thinking of feelings then flushing it down the toilet or punching a pillow or jumping up and down.

As for Pagan etiquette, now is the time to teach that an altar is personal and not for random touching, that while we are proud to be Pagan, we don’t shout it from the rooftops or offer the information up out of nowhere and that during a ritual we are quiet and don’t touch anything or say anything unless we are told too.

With regards to Mother Earth, your child one to three can manipulate it more. Teach her to be gentle and never to pick anything off a live tree or plant. Explain how plants are living like us, that they breathe and eat. Now would be a good time to have a plant or two in the house and have your child help you water it and replant it when necessary. They will quickly learn what happens to a plant if it is not taken care of. (Especially if your “green thumb” is like mine.) Read lots of books about nature, go for lots of nature walks and answer his questions to the best of your ability. Don’t be afraid to give explanations but stop if your child seems uninterested.

So what about the child three to five years old? Pretty much everything mentioned for the one to three-year-old still applies. If you’ve been doing the ideas, keep them up. If you are just starting, do what was mentioned before with more thorough explanations for the older child.

Also now is a good time to start introducing the elements. Stick with the four basic ones first: Air, Fire, Water and Earth. Play fun games to get them familiar with an element and then name it. The book Circle Round by Starhawk, Diane Baker and Anne Hill has activities for each element (along with a lot of other great ideas.) Here are a few basic ideas:

AIR – burn incense together, lie down and look at clouds, make a dream journal, take a walk in the wind

FIRE – watch candles burn or have campfires, cook or bake together

WATER – play with water, have a bath together (for same genders), play out in the rain, learn more about feelings

EARTH – make mud pies, take a nature walk, plant a seed and watch it grow, learn what deciduous trees do through the seasons

That should give you a basic idea of what your child should be learning about spirituality wise from birth to age five.

Winter Activities

Yule is coming up and I’ll have more Yule orientated activities next month but this month I wanted do give you a few winter activities. Winter of course starts at Yule so November isn’t winter yet however there are a few things you could do.

Make Bird Feeders – It’s not too late. This activity is often done in the spring but some birds are collecting food for the winter so bird feeders help them get what they need.

Learn About Darkness – the days are getting shorter and the nights longer. Your child will be seeing that it gets darker, earlier every evening. Just because it’s dark and chilly, doesn’t mean you should stay indoors all the time. If it’s not too windy, bundle you and your child up and go outside. Take a short walk in the dark if you live in a nice area. If you don’t, just sit on your porch for a while or perhaps find a way to spend an evening in a safe outdoor area. Have your child point out how things are different outside when it’s dark from when it’s light.

Death – If you didn’t talk about your ancestors during Samhain, do it now. If your child is under 5, they won’t understand what death is so don’t try to explain it too much. You don’t want to frighten your child either. Just show pictures and explain who the people are and explain that they are somewhere else where we can’t see them or talk to them anymore. Don’t be afraid to let your child know that you are sad and miss them. You want them to understand it’s okay to grieve.

Hibernation – read your child books about animals that hibernate for the winter like the bear. Ask questions and listen to your child’s answers, they may surprise you. Make a bear cave and bear with play dough for your child to play with. Search online for crafts and activities to do to reinforce this idea.

All right that’s it for this month, I hope you’ve found something helpful. As always, if you have any questions, comments or suggestions, please email me at callista83@cogeco.ca. I always welcome comments here to of course; it’s great to know my article is being read.

Tags: children, kids, parenting, parents

• Children and Parenting

Kaylana Anaya October, 2008

Welcome back to my column, I hope you enjoyed last month’s article. Please be sure to send me an email to callista83@cogeco.ca if you have a comment, suggestion or question.

Last month I touched on ceremonies for children less than one year of age. This month I’ll give ideas for ceremonies you may want to do with your child aged 1-5. As it’s also October, I will give some ideas to celebrate Samhain with your kids.

Ceremonies for Ages 1-5

A lot of people celebrate the birth of a baby, even if it’s just a congratulatory card to the new parents. It seems like after they get a little older, we forget that their newest accomplishments are just as important.

You can hold a ritual/ceremony for ANY reason. First tooth, first word and first step are at least generally recorded in baby books. However what about first time she put together two words into a sentence? (Me milk for I want milk) What about first time running, first time in big kid underwear, when he knows numbers 1-10, when she can spell her name or first word read? These accomplishments are important too and deserve attention. I’m not talking hour-long ceremonies for each of these accomplishments. A 10-minute or less ceremony will suffice. The child under 5 doesn’t have a long attention span anyway.

So what would one of these ceremonies look like?
Here is a sample ceremony for a child who has learned how to spell her name:

Parents, child and siblings, and perhaps grandparents, God(dess)parents or family friends gather at home of child. Everyone visits first for a while, with refreshments, background music and (I hope) laughter. When the time seems right, a parent (we’ll go with mom) gets everyone’s attention.

Mom: If I could get everyone’s attention please. (Room quiets down) Thanks. We are all here tonight to acknowledge that Aimee can now spell her name! (Note: don’t make the child do a demonstration of any new skill, it puts them on the spot and makes them uncomfortable.)

All: Hooray for Aimee! Good Job!

Dad: Aimee we are all very proud of you. You are getting bigger everyday and we just wanted you to know that we are noticing and that no matter how big you get, you will always be our baby. (Or one of our babies)

Mom and Dad commence hugging and if child is comfortable with it, other attendants can hug her too

That’s it! You can include gifts but I would only do that with certain milestones such as toilet training (package of underwear), first word read (book) or any other bigger one. If you give a gift each time, your child will come to expect the gift, which is not what you want. This works for single parents too, just merge the Mom and Dad parts. For same-sex parents, it doesn’t matter what you are called, just make sure both parents are involved. If you are interested in more ideas, both for your children and for yourself, from birth to death and everything in between, I highly recommend you check out Life’s Little Rituals by Alexandria. It is not a pagan book but can be very useful to a pagan interested in celebrating their life. You can find my review of the book  here.

Samhain

Samhain is just around the bend; boy has this year flown by! Samhain and Yule are the most celebrated of the Sabbats, especially in families with children. This is because of Halloween and Christmas, holidays that were created from Samhain and Yule and so therefore contain many aspects of them. Pumpkin carving and Trick-or-treating are not the only ways to celebrate Samhain though! Here are some more ideas with age suggestions:

• Samhain is the end of the harvest. Discuss beginnings and endings with your child at a level they would understand. Explain how in many ways, an ending is really just the start of a new beginning (as with the calendar year.) Perhaps brainstorm other endings that are the start of beginnings. (4+)

• Dried gourds sound like rattles and are good for raising energy in a ritual. Unless you happen to have already dried some gourds many months ago, you won’t have what you need. You could see if you can find some pre-dried gourds (apparently available somewhere but I’ve not seen them,) or you can get some gourds and start drying them for next year. After they are dried, paint them however you want and they’re done! (2+)

• Samhain is the New Year for many pagans. If this is true of your path, make some new year’s resolutions. A fun way is to write them down (or write them down for the children) and then throw them one at a time into a fire and watch them burn. (3+)

• This is the time of the year when divination works the best. If your child isn’t already familiar with a type of divination, now is the time to introduce it. With this age group, they are not yet ready to actually use a divination system but can be shown them and explained the idea of how it all works. Stick with something simple like crystal ball gazing or scrying or dowsing. Stay away from Tarot, Palmistry or Graphology (handwriting analysis.) Runes might be okay too. Just sit down with them and let them manipulate the objects while you talk. Answer any questions they have and offer a little bit of information. If they seem disinterested don’t force it, they are still young. (3+)

• Finally, Samhain is also the time of year we remember our ancestors and those we know who have passed on. If you did my first suggestion and mentioned reincarnation (if you believe in it obviously) then you’ve already touched on this subject. Now however would be a good time to visit the gravesite, view photographs of relatives past, or burn a candle and leave out a place setting at dinner for your ancestors. (Bury the food in the ground afterwards.) (3+)

For the younger children ages 0-2, focus on fall activities. Read books (yes even to newborns,) collect leaves and have your child arrange them on a piece of waxed paper. Then somewhere away from the child, put another piece of waxed paper overtop and iron it together. Sing fall songs, go apple or pumpkin picking and go on a hay ride. Keep it simple.

I hope that helps you a bit. Next month I’ll touch on some fun, everyday activities you can do with your children that have a Pagan or Mother Nature theme. You will also find some winter activities.

Tags: kids, parenting, samhain

• Children and Parenting

Administrator April, 2006

Lilia

Lilia is a new witch (she is only 4 months old, of course she is a new witch!) but very talented. She has mastered the spell of hair growth and likes to show it off.
She is very fond of chanting, though some may say it sounds more like crying, however, we witches know better! She knows the secret chants to make bottles of milk appear out of nowhere.

She has just begun to learn about conjuring. She is starting with conjuring her hands and feet into her mouth. So far so good!
Her levitation skills are beyond anyone’s fondest dreams. A simple chant and the Lord and Lady who seem to always be about and protecting her, grant her her wish, and poof, she is levitating!
We welcome this very powerful, little witch to our community!

Tags: chilren, parenting, witchling

• Children and Parenting