parents

Oak-corns and Apple-thorns

Modred December, 2010

Nursery Rhyme Mysteries

Too often when we’re in a reading mood we turn to the new releases at our favorite book store or website and neglect the books that have been on our shelves since childhood.  Try cracking open something that’s already on your shelf, something unrelated to witchcraft, something that was handed down to you by your parents or grandparents.  Many of these books are so old that they are in the public domain, which means that after you read them you can even use the illustrations to adorn your website or blog.

But what is really valuable in exploring an old book is the sense of understanding and surprise that you may have – as if you have found something that you had forgotten you had lost.  This feeling is entirely different than the one you would have while reading, let’s say, the most recent popular witchcraft book.  When reading the latter you expect to be shown some interesting tidbit or for some clever secret.  But when you find a secret on your own – hidden in plain sight no less! – now that is a wondrous thing.  And well worth your time.

Give a moment or two to these nursery rhymes from the 1916 edition of The Real Mother Goose and see what you can see.  Do you think that there might have been a witch behind these rhymes?  Bear in mind that a cunning witch can express herself in such a way that only the initiated catch her meaning…

THE CLEVER HEN

I had a little hen, the prettiest ever seen,

She washed me the dishes and kept the house clean;

She went to the mill to fetch me some flour,

She brought it home in less than an hour;

She baked me my bread, she brewed me my ale,

She sat by the fire and told many a fine tale.

THE MAN IN OUR TOWN

There was a man in our town,

And he was wondrous wise,

He jumped into a bramble bush,

And scratched out both his eyes;

But when he saw his eyes were out,

With all his might and main,

He jumped into another bush,

And scratched ‘em in again.


Pagan Parenting

Jennie Johnston October, 2010

Parenting our Parents

At this time of year in the Northern Hemisphere we are reminded of the slow period of life.  The heat of summer gives way to crisp nights,  leaves fall from the trees and circle our feet and the days get shorter.  As parents we see infinite youth in our children’s eyes, autumn to them is a time for fun, school and heralds the approach of winter celebrations and snow play.

As Samhain approaches I am always reminded of our ancestors and elders.  They are the keepers of the family stories and the example of the autumn and winter phases of life’s circle.  How do we as pagans approach the care of our parents as they age?  What does our culture want to pass on to future generations regarding the respect and care of those who raised us?

Our children embody the spark of youth, ourselves; the determination of early to mid-adulthood when we work hard to provide and establish foundations. Our parents and grandparents are past the stage of building and now rest.  Along with that rest the breakdown of the body sometimes becomes evident, past transgressions begin to catch up and illness can appear.  We become caught in the middle, trying to balance the responsibility of raising little ones and caring for our parents.   Family dynamics that have been established for your entire relationship begin to change.  No longer are you the one needing protection or nurturing from your parent.  Instead you are the provider and the strength for them.

The stress of this can be overwhelming and tiresome.  Distance is also very stressful when you live miles away and the only family member/s that are in the area are forced to take the load of the care.  Many cultures have intergenerational homes in which three or more generations live under one roof.  This arrangement helps the caregiver travel less and hopefully alleviates some of the strain.  Senior care homes are the only option for some.  There is often a solitude for many elders that is difficult and at times they may not be able to care for themselves but have little option for help from the community.

Our culture as a whole is aging.  These types of scenarios will become more and more evident to us.  Families whether those of blood or heart’s choice will be faced with how to navigate the rough waters of illness, aging and the balance of youth and activity with crones and sages and a slower life pace.  For those of us in the middle of these stages the bulk of the work falls into our hands.  We need to search for solutions, delegate responsibility and keep ourselves in balance as much as possible.

This area of thought is very compelling to me.  Are you faced with any of these dilemmas yourself?  Do you have solutions to share with the community?  This territory is certainly not new, but does your pagan path inspire a certain outlook that helps you keep things in perspective?

I intend to investigate this topic further in future articles.  I welcome your feedback or insight.  Our personal stories will hopefully begin a dialogue about how our spiritual paths inform our relationships with our elders and their invaluable contribution to our families.  Please feel free to comment here or send correspondence to stonegirl1177 AT yahoo DOT ca.  Have a blessed Samhain.

Pagan Parenting

Jennie Johnston September, 2009

Experiencing the Elements at the Playground

I am pleased to be a new member of the PaganPages family.  Welcome to Pagan Parenting Every Day.  Each month we will be exploring topics that relate to every day parenting with a pagan spin.  As a new parent looking for articles that relay parenting topics through a pagan perspective I find a lack.  I hope to address this gap and bring ideas to the table for discussion, learning and pondering.

Before we get to this month’s topic I’d like to say that the views presented here are based on one pagan parent’s perspective.  I am not trying to advocate a “pagan way” to parent, as I believe that as each child is different, so is each parent and each pagan in tern.  Rather, I am hoping to create a dialogue for parents and offer up some parenting styles, tips, methods, activities and issues.  The wide world of parenting is often daunting and a sense of support in our community can be a blessing to us all.  I also welcome questions, comments and suggestions for future topics.  You can contact me at stonegirl1177 AT yahoo DOT ca.  And now onto our topic for this month: Experiencing the Elements at the Playground.

As North American society has moved away from predominately dwelling on farmsteads and into urban lifestyles city parks have become a nature refuge.  As pagans many of us think that getting into nature, meaning out of the city and into a National park, camping, etc. is the only way to experience the elements.  But other than our 2 or 3 weeks a year of vacations, or our weekend day trips how can we bring the lessons and just plain fun of the elements into our children’s lives?  Some urban dwellers have backyards where they can explore the elements with their kids but if you don’t, or even if you do and you are looking for a change try taking a walk to your local playground.  The power and wonder of the elements are right there waiting for you and your family to appreciate them.

AIR

Swings and slides are perfect tools for really experiencing air.  Pumping your legs, you move faster and faster.  The air is all around you, blowing your hair and for kids who have a hard time understanding what they can’t see or feel in the moment this movement helps air, the invisible element become tangible.  Not to mention swinging is fun.  For toddlers and babies this aspect of motion is as far as you’ll need to take the activity.  Although you can repeat “Wind!” with glee in your voice to let them associate the sensations they are having with air.  For older children you can talk about the sensations they feel and mention some air correspondences like communication and the intellect.

Airsept09 Pagan Parenting

FIRE

Fire is not an element you openly see at parks.  It is not something you really want to encourage either.  But the big ball of fire in the sky can be your children’s plaything in its own way.  Shadow play is very entertaining.  Running and playing shadow tag, seeing the interesting shapes that you can make and for older kids you can talk about the length of your shadow and how that corresponds to the different time of day as the sun moves from east to west.  If it is a particularly warm day you can also teach even toddlers about the wonder of shade cast by trees or a nearby building.  You can move from the sun to the shade and experience the sensations of fire through the intense heat of the sun.

Shadowsept09 Pagan Parenting

WATER

Water parks with their spraying are of course great to experience on hot summer days and a very fun way to play with water.  If you are out after a rain puddles can hold a wonderland of enjoyment for kids of all ages.  If your playground has a drinking fountain that is a great way to start a dialogue about the precious nature of water.  Even if your local playground has no water available for play or drinking you can bring some in a thermos or water bottle.  As children play they inevitably get thirsty, as they break for a drink they can think about how the body is mostly water and why they need to replenish their supply after they exert themselves.  Perhaps they can carry their own water bottle and this can be a great lesson in understanding the precious nature of water as a resource.

Watersept09 Pagan Parenting

EARTH

Sand boxes, pebbles, grass, wood chips, there can be many surfaces at the playground that are earthy.  Sand boxes are endless in possibilities for play: mud pies, drawing in the sand with sticks, shoveling, sand castles, and just getting dirty are all great ways to interact with mother earth.  Rolling down grassy hillsides, climbing trees, the reassuring thud of the earth beneath on a see-saw, share earth’s rhythms with your child and you can also chant if the mood strikes.  If your neighborhood playground is on concrete there is usually some crack somewhere with plants pushing up through it.  What a powerful lesson to learn about, how even a substance as strong as concrete can be severed by the earth and strong plants will reclaim the space if left to their own devices.

Earthsept09 Pagan Parenting

Regardless of time constraints and nature access you can have family adventures with the elements in urban settings.  All it takes is some imagination and a desire to be in the moment.  A healthy dose of spirit can make our neighborhood sacred regardless of how much vegetation is around us.  We are nature; nature is with us in each moment, just waiting for us to notice.

Pagan Parenting

Lynn OBrien August, 2009

How Do We Know We’ve Done Good?

How do we know when, as a parent, we’ve made a positive difference with our kids? Some parents measure it by what grades they get in school…others do it by measuring their kids against the way they were at that age. I know I’m doing a good job, at least most of the time, when my daughter does something so unselfish and positive, that not only is she changing her own life, but that of someone else.

Yesterday was our local area’s Relay For Life event, our third year participating as a team, her third year walking. Now, please understand my oldest daughter is almost 9 years old, and is a typical kid when it comes to how she views herself socially. But my daughter is in no way vain, and her good deed on Saturday proves it.

When we arrived at the event site at 8am yesterday morning, we were looking forward to doing some walking, fundraising, seeing wonderful entertainment…all in all having a great time for a great cause.

4pm rolls around and she surprises me by saying she wanted a haircut. Okay, one of our local teams had a booth set up where you could donate some money to get a basic haircut. But, if you had 10 inches or more of virgin (never dyed or chemically treated) hair, they would send that in to be made into a wig for a cancer patient. The American Cancer Society has teamed up with Pantene to sponsor this event at Relays nationwide.

The first person to get their hair donated was a salsa dancer that was there at the Relay, who had just gotten done dancing. His hair (yes, a man) reached at least to his waist. Long, thick, black hair…luxurious and he cut it off to his shoulders and donated it.

The next person to donate their hair was my sweet, giving humanitarian of a daughter, Kati. She walked right up and told them that if she had at least 10 inches from her shoulders down, she wanted to donate her hair. The ladies and guys standing by the tent stopped and grew quiet, as my brave child looked up with eyes of pure determination and commitment to her cause….she wanted to change someone’s life. What she didn’t know was that she changed everyone’s lives that day.

The people who were around the tent watched in utter amazement and admiration as the hair dresser brushed and measured her hair. After asking if this was what she really wanted, they put her hair in a ponytail and lopped it off.

The ponytail that had once been attached to her head was now in the hands of the lady and her eyes, as well as many of the onlookers, were wet with tears as my daughter made a most beautiful sacrifice. You see, my child became the most beautiful person I know on Saturday. The style of the cut isn’t what matters, but the true beauty that shines from her heart and soul.

After her show of love and giving for someone she might never know, everyone at that Relay worked harder, and had more fun, and raised more money. It was cold, windy and many were getting tired. But what her gift did was give the Relayers and supporters the drive and determination we needed to last 24 hours or more, to raise money that could one day save the life of someone we love, or maybe save ourselves.

My daughter is my hero.

PaganDad

Patrick McCleary January, 2009

The Lessons of Winter

Winter is really here. In most parts of the United States the cold weather and snow has set in. But what does this season mean to us Pagans? We know about Yule and the rebirth of the Sun, but what about that period between Yule and Imbolc? I believe that every season and every Sabbat can teach us lessons if we only have the ears to hear and the eyes to see.

This season is traditionally a time of rest and recovery for the world. A time, when in the natural world, most trees shed their leaves and many animals turn in to hibernate for the long winter. It was also a time of rest for mankind. When the toils of the the year were finished and in many villages the people gathered around the hearth to share stories and count together the blessings of the previous year.

But what place does any of this have in our modern world? A world that never seems to sleep much less take a breath. The answer for many is ‘I’ll rest when I am dead.’

For me this answer is far from being the correct one. The modern world’s way of doing things teaches impatience and greed. And it forces us to run at breakneck pace, only to get us to the grave quicker and with far more regrets.

And this is not the message that I wish to pass on to my children. As a Pagan parent one of my responsibilities is to instill the values taught by the Goddess and God. Those values that are inherent and visible in the world around us.

The lessons I have learned from winter and that I in turn pass on to my children are many. And if you join me in looking at the world around us then I can show you a few examples.

I teach my children to be as still and quiet as a winter pond. For if we are always busy then how can we hear the Gods when They whisper to us?

They learn to be patient as well. For as we look around at the Earth and the plants upon it, and watch them seem to die and wither away, hope could be easily lost. But we know that if we wait long enough then the Earth and the plants will bloom again. This is important because sometimes the Will of the Gods are as equally mysterious and take as a long time to make sense.

But the most important lesson is for them to remember the importance of Family. For in the loving embrace of Family they can truly feel the arms of the Gods around them as well. As I said earlier, Winter was a time that friends and family gathered together around the hearth to share stories. I believe that this was important for the cohesiveness of the family and the community. And it is something that, today, is missed and is desperately needed.

This month is also marks the passage from one calendar year to another, a traditional time to make resolutions. What will our resolutions be? Will you join me and resolve to pass on the lessons the world shows us, the Lessons of Winter?

Pagan Parenting for the Under 5’s

Kaylana Anaya January, 2009


Happy New Year!

Some of you celebrate the New Year on Jan. 1 and some of you don’t but even if it’s not the beginning of your seasonal year, it’s still a new digit in our year. 2008 is now 2009. Can you believe it? I remember when we brought in the year 2000. I was thinking about what life would be like in 2010. In 2000 I was 17 so I had no idea what was ahead of me. So am I happy with where I am? Yes. Things could always be better but I have a husband who loves me, and two beautiful children. I’m happy.

So how much does a 5 year old understand about the New Year? I don’t know. My children aren’t 5 yet but I’ve worked with 5 year olds and they seem to understand it signifies the change of the calendar year. They may have heard adults talk about resolutions but may not fully understand what they are. Do you make resolutions for the New Year? I do, but I make sure to stay away from goals related to weight loss. Controlling your weight is difficult and you may not fulfill your goal, through no fault of your own. Stick to simpler goals but don’t be too broad.

For example, I plan to keep my house cleaner is too broad. I plan to sweep and mop once a week is better. I plan to write a novel is too complicated (who writes a novel in one year?) I plan to come up with a plot outline and get started on the first chapter is better.

Why are resolutions important? Goal setting in particular is different and there is just something about the New Year that makes us want to do better. What does this all have to do with children? Lots!

I want my children to see the importance of goal setting, including not just the setting of goals but also the follow through. Making the goal is just the first step. If you ignore your goals for the rest of the year only to make new goals (or the same goals) again the next year, you aren’t modelling the importance of goal setting to your children.

Even children as young as 2 ½ can understand about doing better in the new year. Perhaps they want to learn to use the potty or how to tie their shoes. The trick is though, not to pick something YOU want them to learn and tell them it’s their goal. They need to come up with it themselves, something THEY want to learn or do better. If your child can’t come up with anything, even with you suggesting some things, than just leave it. Wait till next year but keep up with your goals and keep modelling goal setting.

Imbolc

Moving on, Imbolc is coming up Feb. 2. As next month’s ezine will be too late to plan for Imbolc, I want to touch on it here.

Imbolc of course, is a celebration of light as winter is ending and spring is on its way. It’s not here yet (that would be Ostara) but each day has more and more light. Deity-wise, it is the time that the Goddess recuperates after giving birth to the God.

So what can you do with your little ones to celebrate Imbolc?

* Light candles and watch them burn. Your child is too young to be making candles but with your help they can light candles and watch them from a safe distance. This is a good time to teach fire safety. NEVER leave your child alone with a candle.
* Look for signs of spring. Are there any shoots on the trees yet? Perhaps there is less snow? Or a bird tweet? It all depends on where you live as to how much of spring you will see at the beginning of February.
* Have a purification bath. Either bathe with your child or bathe your child, whichever works best for you. Bless the water before you and/or your child get in and perhaps say something about the deity (deities) of your choice blessing and purifying you and your child.
* A child 3-5 might be able to make a Brighid’s Cross out of pipe cleaners, with help. Just bend them in half and put them together as you would straw.
* Have a very simple ritual. I think many Pagans underestimate their ability to make their own ritual. Ritual does not have to be long and complicated with lots of actions and speaking parts. You wouldn’t want this with a child under 5 anyways. Perhaps turn off all the lights in the house (during the day so it’s not too dark) and hold hands. Then say something about spring being on it’s way and light coming back to the earth. Then go around the house and turn on all the lights. Then hold hands again and say Welcome. Turn off unnecessary lights after 30 minutes or so to save energy.

I hope I’ve given you some good ideas. I’m sure you can think up some more on your own. Ask your child what he/she thinks you should do to call spring back. They just might have some great ideas.

All right that’s it for this month, I hope you’ve found something helpful. As always, if you have any questions, comments or suggestions, please email me at callista83@cogeco.ca. I always welcome comments here too of course; it’s great to know my article is being read.

Pagan Parenting for the Under 5′s

Kaylana Anaya November, 2008

Hope your Samhain went well. This month I said I’d give you some fun, everyday type activities that you can do with your young children that have a Pagan or Mother Nature theme. Later on are some winter activities too.

For the child under one, the only Pagan thing you can really do is to treat them right and keep them healthy to show that you have pure love for your child. You can however and should start introducing him to Mother Nature.  For six months and under I’d probably stick to looking at real nature from a distance and reading nature books or playing with nature toys that are okay for them to manipulate and mouth. Unfortunately there doesn’t seem to be too many nature toys. For six months to one year you can start introducing your child to grass and sun and leaves and twigs and rocks. Try to keep the items big so they can’t be swallowed and NEVER look away. The child should be on your lap facing outwards and you should be manipulating the object together so that as soon as the child tries to mouth the object you can stop her. However instead of pulling it back and saying no, try to redirect her into doing something else with the object (such as putting it in a bucket.)

For the child ages one to three years, you can start to do more. On the Pagan front, your child should be learning how to handle and manipulate their energy, basic Pagan etiquette (such as no touching the altar) and of course more on Mother Nature.  Tell your child that we all have energy inside us. It’s what allows us to move and think. Of course the one year old won’t understand much of this but explain it anyway. They always retain more than we think they will. Then start teaching them about feelings and help them to identify what they are feeling. “You’re angry that you have to put away your toys right now when you don’t want to.” “You feel sad that Mommy has to go to work.” Obviously this will be easier with the older child but a child between one and two can start to learn that when he is crying it means he’s sad.

After your child has learned to identify her feelings, she needs to learn how to deal with them. Teach your child a very simple “ritual” that he can perform with you when he has strong feelings such as anger, sadness, anxiety or fear. This could include scrunching up toilet paper while thinking of feelings then flushing it down the toilet or punching a pillow or jumping up and down.

As for Pagan etiquette, now is the time to teach that an altar is personal and not for random touching, that while we are proud to be Pagan, we don’t shout it from the rooftops or offer the information up out of nowhere and that during a ritual we are quiet and don’t touch anything or say anything unless we are told too.

With regards to Mother Earth, your child one to three can manipulate it more. Teach her to be gentle and never to pick anything off a live tree or plant. Explain how plants are living like us, that they breathe and eat. Now would be a good time to have a plant or two in the house and have your child help you water it and replant it when necessary. They will quickly learn what happens to a plant if it is not taken care of. (Especially if your “green thumb” is like mine.) Read lots of books about nature, go for lots of nature walks and answer his questions to the best of your ability. Don’t be afraid to give explanations but stop if your child seems uninterested.

So what about the child three to five years old? Pretty much everything mentioned for the one to three-year-old still applies. If you’ve been doing the ideas, keep them up. If you are just starting, do what was mentioned before with more thorough explanations for the older child.

Also now is a good time to start introducing the elements. Stick with the four basic ones first: Air, Fire, Water and Earth. Play fun games to get them familiar with an element and then name it. The book Circle Round by Starhawk, Diane Baker and Anne Hill has activities for each element (along with a lot of other great ideas.) Here are a few basic ideas:

AIR – burn incense together, lie down and look at clouds, make a dream journal, take a walk in the wind

FIRE – watch candles burn or have campfires, cook or bake together

WATER – play with water, have a bath together (for same genders), play out in the rain, learn more about feelings

EARTH – make mud pies, take a nature walk, plant a seed and watch it grow, learn what deciduous trees do through the seasons

That should give you a basic idea of what your child should be learning about spirituality wise from birth to age five.

Winter Activities

Yule is coming up and I’ll have more Yule orientated activities next month but this month I wanted do give you a few winter activities. Winter of course starts at Yule so November isn’t winter yet however there are a few things you could do.

Make Bird Feeders – It’s not too late. This activity is often done in the spring but some birds are collecting food for the winter so bird feeders help them get what they need.

Learn About Darkness – the days are getting shorter and the nights longer. Your child will be seeing that it gets darker, earlier every evening. Just because it’s dark and chilly, doesn’t mean you should stay indoors all the time. If it’s not too windy, bundle you and your child up and go outside. Take a short walk in the dark if you live in a nice area. If you don’t, just sit on your porch for a while or perhaps find a way to spend an evening in a safe outdoor area. Have your child point out how things are different outside when it’s dark from when it’s light.

Death – If you didn’t talk about your ancestors during Samhain, do it now. If your child is under 5, they won’t understand what death is so don’t try to explain it too much. You don’t want to frighten your child either. Just show pictures and explain who the people are and explain that they are somewhere else where we can’t see them or talk to them anymore. Don’t be afraid to let your child know that you are sad and miss them. You want them to understand it’s okay to grieve.

Hibernation – read your child books about animals that hibernate for the winter like the bear. Ask questions and listen to your child’s answers, they may surprise you. Make a bear cave and bear with play dough for your child to play with. Search online for crafts and activities to do to reinforce this idea.

All right that’s it for this month, I hope you’ve found something helpful. As always, if you have any questions, comments or suggestions, please email me at callista83@cogeco.ca. I always welcome comments here to of course; it’s great to know my article is being read.

Provoking Thoughts for Parents

Administrator August, 2006

Growing Where They are Planted

An important part of connecting with our kids when it comes to spiritual matters is to find things that interest them. This is a topic we will explore for a couple of issues but first we all need to do some extra footwork.

It is amazing how many parents assume they know what their kids are thinking but yet they never ask. We would be surprised at some of the answers we get when we ask our kids their thoughts, not only on spiritual matters but also on life issues themselves. Usually kids have very spiritual insight into life without relating to it as such.

I remember a specific time when my house was in turmoil with one of my other children and the family was suffering behind his choices. What was profound was my (at the time) 12 year old son and his take on the current situation.

When I asked him what he thought about what was going on he said to me, “In the end, everything will work out exactly how it was suppose to.”

I remember being amazed at his incredible sense of grounding while the adults were running around incredibly emotional.

We could rationalize this by remembering that kids are much closer to remembering or recently coming from the process of rebirth and spiritual connectedness that comes from being born. Adults move further away from the sense of connection with the universe and spiritual process of birth and rebirth as we grow older and life’s problems take its toll.

We also assume that we have to teach our kids spiritual foundation and what if that is the wrong approach? What if it is that we are suppose to just capitalize on what our kids already know spiritually and intuitively. The famous saying says that we grow where we are planted. It changes our perspective if we consider that our kids are already spiritually planted and we are just suppose to provide water, not uproot the plant.

Isn’t that what we want when we are learning from a spiritual mentor or a High Priest or Priestess? I can clearly remember feeling belittled by my ex-mentor and thinking in my head, “I know so much more than she thinks I do!”

And what if we are suppose to be learning as much from our children about spirituality as we are suppose to be teaching them.

Hmmmm…………. Well that is a lot of food for thought.

As we explore this topic a little further, we need to dig a little deeper to know exactly where are children are rooted.

Here is a couple of suggestions of questions or things we can do on our quest this month.

And depending on the age of your child you will be able to ask the questions differently.


  • Do you pray at night? And if yes, to who?
  • What does god/goddess/spirit look like to you? Can you draw it?
  • What do you feel about religion?
  • Do you have friends that are religious or go to church? How does that make you feel?
  • Do you know what the elements are?
  • What things do you like to do that make you feel special?
  • Can you close your eyes and imagine special places or different things?
  • Do you ever remember your dreams and if so, what are some of them about?

This list could go on but this is just some ideas, don’t attempt them in a drill sergeant kind of way. Some of these questions should be worked into a conversation or else it might be strange to just ask the question right after your kid comes inside from skateboarding.

If anyone attempts this during the month and finds out something great or interesting, please email me and lets share with each other.

Let’s begin to explore and learn from our kids!! Ready, set…………….go!!

***

author bio:

Rev. Cyrstal


amethystsage@sbcglobal.net


I am a 29-year-old Pagan mother, been married for seven years. I am very close to my family and my parents. I work full-time in the drug and alcohol treatment field. I have been a practicing Pagan for about four years. I consider myself to be an eclectic Wiccan/Pagan. I try not to limit or label myself. My passions in life are my family, enjoying a good book, learning what life has to offer, connecting with my spiritual self, giving back to my community and spending time with good friends.