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moving

The Sober Pagan

March, 2019

Packing Up To Move

It’s
still only February as I write this but in ten days it’ll be the
first Monday of March and I will be moving into a new apartment. I
am so excited but I have to admit that I am just a bit overwhelmed!
I have all of my books packed and most of my fine china and
collectibles. I still have to pack up my kitchen – except for what
I’ll need on a daily basis until moving day. And all my pictures
will have to come off the walls here. There were lots of holes
punched in the walls in this place I’m in now – the people who
lived here before me argued a lot and apparently like to throw things
at each other – so I covered the walls with dozens of pictures to
cover up all the holes and marks from their stupidity. I’ll miss
my collage but the new place is really nice and I won’t need to
cover the walls at all. They all have a coat of fresh paint – a
lovely peach color in the bedrooms and off-white in the living room
and dining room. The place is spotlessly clean.

There’s
a huge front porch and I can hardly wait to put a porch garden up
there. I want tomatoes and peppers and cukes and lots of colorful
flowers. I have missed gardening these last few years – stuck in
apartments with no porch, not even a small balcony – so I am more
than ready to get my hands in some dirt! I am so glad I held onto my
gardening tools.

These
last two years I have been about as depressed as I have ever been but
I have hung in there and told myself over and over, “This too shall
pass” – and it did. I am finally moving out of this
dead-end neighborhood – moving to a far nicer section of the city –
moving to a bigger, lovelier apartment – closer to everything that
I need in my life. I am so thankful and happy.

Hey,
I know this is a lame column this month but I am wicked busy! I just
wanted to stop in and tell you all – if you are struggling, if you
think it’s not worth it – HANG IN THERE. It gets better. It
really does.

Brightest Blessings, Polly Applequeen.

***

About
the Author:

Polly
MacDavid
 lives
in Buffalo, New York at the moment but that could easily change,
since she is a gypsy at heart. Like a gypsy, she is attracted to the
divinatory arts, as well as camp fires and dancing barefoot. She has
three cats who all help her with her magic.

Her
philosophy about religion and magic is that it must be thoroughly
based in science and logic. She is Dianic Wiccan and she is solitary.

She
blogs at silverapplequeen.wordpress.com.
She writes about general life, politics and poetry. She is writing a
novel about sex, drugs and recovery.

Celebrating the Old Ways in New Times

January, 2019

January
2019 for Celebrating the Old Ways in New Times

Bright
Blessings, and Happy 2019!

I
trust everybody else besides me is regretting the massive amounts of
treats had around December Holiday celebrations, and is pledging to
eat less, slim down, and really hit the gym. And I am over here
letting my newly made pie crust chill so I can bake another pumpkin
pie! No regrets at Casa Pashovich for this Witch!

It
is two days after Solstice, and I am counting down the days until
Holiday crowds, traffic and festivities are over, and we all have a
quiet January and February.

As
it’s between Sabbats, I get to pick the topic, and this one is
close to my heart.

Resolutions!

This
month, I decided to write about cutting people out of our lives. To
me, it goes along with a January favorite, “New Year’s
Resolutions”. Why not resolve to clear all unnecessary things,
including people, out of your life?

It’s
not a happy thought, is it? It makes us feel we are losing people
when we cut them out of our lives. We become afraid we are going to
be alone, and worry that we are not devoted in our relationships. We
feel guilt, because we don’t want to be the ones who are “dumped”,
and we don’t want to hurt anybody else!

We’ve
all been there. We have this relationship we have invested a lot of
years, good times, and effort into, and the day comes this person
says or does something, and it’s time for them to go. Maybe it was
a long time coming. Maybe they did something after years of
friendship that shocked you, and the trust is now gone. Maybe they
didn’t actually do anything wrong, you just don’t like them
anymore. Maybe it’s not even them. Maybe it’s you. Maybe you
don’t have dedication to a perfectly decent relationship. The fact
is, for one reason or another- THEY NEED TO GO. Like yesterday.

Why
Not?????

Lots
of reasons are given as to not do so, even when you feel you have
made up your mind to terminate a relationship.

The
first thing that often happens is other people want to get involved.
They think you need their opinions or advice. They go into great
detail about how wrong you are for ending a relationship, and they
implore you with their emotional appeals not to.

Sometimes,
they cite the amount of time you have had said relationship, and
fully expect you and said friend or loved one to continue your
relationship for old time’s sake.

Often
a reason given to maintain the relationship is the KIND of
relationship it is. Some people don’t believe in divorce, under any
circumstances, for example. Some feel nobody ought to break off
relationships with family members. Some feel no friendship should
ever be ended.

My
favorite is the people who preach about forgiveness. I have a lot to
say about why forgiveness is not always necessary, but still. Let’s
say you ALWAYS forgive. That still does not mean you have to have
them in your life even after you forgive them.

We
are often reminded not to make hasty decisions based on whether we
are upset or not. I agree with this. All loved ones have
disagreements, and sometimes even fights, and those are not necessary
reasons to end a relationship. However, sometimes, they are, and when
that happens…

They
HAVE to go!

There
are times when reconciliation or moving on from something just isn’t
happening. Some of the reasons include:

  1. The
    relationship is toxic. I know that sounds stereotypical, but there
    are just some people whose behaviors destroy our well-being. Maybe
    they are a bad influence, or they take advantage of you for things
    like rides or money. Whatever is going on, this relationship is
    taking its toll on you, and it might be downright abusive.
    Relationships are supposed to make us happier, and improve our
    lives, not the opposite.

  2. They
    only come around when they want something. However, if you want to
    hang out, or need something in return? Forget it. Bah, who needs
    people like that? That is not a relationship. It’s called being
    used.

  3. You
    don’t enjoy each other’s company anymore- or you outright fight
    all the time, and either of you will change so you get along better.
    There is no point maintaining a relationship with somebody you
    cannot get along with.

  4. You
    are not getting what you want or need from a relationship. Period.
  5. One,
    or both of you has stopped caring about the other. Nothing feels
    worse than a loveless relationship. Actual love is not something you
    “fall out of”. If you genuinely don’t love them or they don’t
    love you, it’s time to say goodbye.

  6. One,
    or both of you have changed, and the other hasn’t, and you no
    longer relate to one another. People really do grow apart. That’s
    not a dramatic lie. It happens.

  7. One,
    or both of you wants out. The reasons don’t matter. Nobody is
    required to stay in a relationship they no longer want to.

  8. You
    don’t fit into one another’s lives at all. Maybe there was a
    time when you did, but those days are long gone, and you can’t
    even have a decent conversation together anymore.
  9. Something
    really hurtful was said or done, and you do not trust your loved one
    anymore. The bad part about this, it is something can happen many
    years down the road, and completely destroy what had previously been
    a meaningful relationship. Every long-term relationship has bad
    moments, and fights followed by reconciliation occur. But there are
    friend fights, and then there are deal breakers. Deal breakers
    signal the end of the relationship.
  10. You
    only maintained a relationship for somebody else’s sake, and for
    one reason or another, you don’t have to anymore! They were
    probably just keeping up appearances too, and they won’t miss you
    anymore than you’ll miss them!

There
are so many reasons to let go of a relationship, I can’t even list
them all here. Whole it can be heartbreaking, and scary to part ways,
it can be the best thing you and your loved one do for one another.
We are not always meant to be in one another’s lives forever, and
sometimes, we let go, and move forward with our lives without one
another. That’s okay.

With
A Little Help From My Friends

I
could talk about my own experiences, but I would rather share what
some of my friends have had to say.

Cliff
said, “On cutting people out of your life I practice two forms, one
is a temporary separation and the other is absolute. I practice the
temporary “cut” because I believe that you should not hold
the person to the same standard of their previous transgressions and
allow them the opportunity to become a decent human being. That
particular type of break is reserved for people I truly love but who
have become toxic. The second type is more generally used by myself
as I have a low tolerance for abuse, manipulation, or whatever you
call the action that caused the need for the separation. Remember you
are not obligated to keep putting up with mistreatment no matter if
it is your mother, father, lover, whatever. We all have to draw the
line somewhere because in time we will find people to fill those gaps
and they often times are already in your life. Cutting people out is
a healthy habit to take up even though it may create a temporary void
but ultimately you will heal and move forward.”

My
friend Brynden wrote “I had a best friend in middle school who was
gay and we used to ride the same bus. We we’re so close… We did
everything together. I even remember going to DC with him on our
class trip and we wanted to be in the same room together, just the
two of us. I cut him off because he accused me of stealing his iPod.
We had the exact same iPod, same color and everything. And he accused
me of stealing it and I knew who did it. I tried to explain to him
what happened and he didn’t want to listen. I tried to fix that
friendship many times but he didn’t want to listen so I dropped him
like a bad habit. This was in 8th grade so like 2007-08ish.”

Another
friend, called Wren, cut her whole sports team she was in out of her
life. She writes, “They were my biggest supporters of me through my
hiring process (as a police officer ) and then the pride 4 incident
happened at the (Columbus, Ohio) Pride Parade in 2017. I had someone
ask me how I felt and I answered honestly l, that while I agreed with
their cause, they were breaking the law and so their arrest was a
good arrest. And that was the end. People stopped talking to me or
posted anti police sentiments on Facebook and at the end of the day I
didn’t need to be seeing all that stuff so I just
unfollowed/Unfriended a whole bunch of them. “

One
friend, Marianne wrote about it from two different perspectives. I
will say I know both she and her husband- and I can’t imagine
somebody disapproving of him! She said , “Cutting someone out of
our lives or being cut out is never something you expect to happen,
however when it happens to you it is a slap in the face. I chose a
partner my parents do not like and they choose to cut me out of their
life due to my decisions. I have gone through the 5 stages of grief.
I was in denial that my own flesh and blood would just disown me for
my choice of spouse. I was angry with them that they would make me
choose between my spouse or family. I tried barraging with them to
not make me choose, to get to know my spouse. I went into a really
deep depression, had to seek counseling, and now have accepted that
this isn’t on me. I been without parts of my family for over 10
years now. Their loss. Now I have the other side of it where I have
had to cut people out of my life. I used to work with a woman who
just couldn’t get her life together. Dated wrong men, drank, did
drugs and tried to kill herself. I took care of her multiple times,
rescued her from bad situations in the middle of the night, cleaned
her up, and finally I told her I couldn’t do it anymore. She would
not do anything to help herself. I changed my number and she got
fired from her job. Sad how we do all we can for people but sometimes
we HAVE to cut them out of our life.”

My
friend, Kristi said “ So, cutting people out has been and is a
struggle for me. The hardest truth to realize is that people don’t
always grow with you. Everyone is growing and making their own path.
They could have been a best friend when you were younger, but now
they are toxic to your happiness. This doesn’t necessarily make them
an awful person or the scum of the earth, they just aren’t what you
need currently in your life. My example is of my Uncle John. Growing
up, I was sheltered from the strained relationship between my mom and
her siblings. My two uncles are twins, but otherwise there is no
blood relation there as my grandparents adopted my mom, my aunt, and
my uncles. The adoption thing definitely adds a unique dynamic to the
strain. Either way, my uncles were the coolest people in my mind
while I was growing up. As I got older I started to pick up on some
of the Dynamics going on between the siblings. This started to change
my opinion of my uncle John in particular. When my mom was alive, she
kinda kept the peace, but once she died it became full on war between
the siblings and my dad, me, my ex husband, and my cousins. Mostly my
uncles against everyone else. John was and is manipulative. I
remember when he was forced into the role of being the primary
caregiver for my grandparents (my mom had done this when she was
alive), he wouldn’t really ask for help…he would manipulate people
to help him. The one incident that stands out vividly is I was off
and going to a doctor’s appointment. John was blowing up my phone and
when I was done I called him back. I didn’t tell him I was at the
doctor, I just said I was sleeping. He then was demanding that I have
my phone on at all times in case he needed more or to buy a phone
just for him to contact me. He then was trying to guilt me about how
my grandparents paid for my school and how ungrateful I was. I was in
tears. I hung up on him. That’s just a taste of some of the crap he
has pulled. He stopped doing it toward me when he realized I wasn’t
going to take his crap. At the end of my grandma’s life, he was very
controlling about who could see my grandparents and when. We pretty
much stopped celebrating holidays as a family at this point. When my
grandma started actively dying he let us in more, but he was just a
real POS about it all. Now that my grandma is gone, I feel more
comfortable with my decision to cut him out of my life at this point.
We had a group text where we say happy holidays and such, but I have
no plans of seeing him anytime soon. I do know, though, that he is
getting older and he has no family of his own and I am going to be
stuck with his care, which I know I don’t have to take on, but I
probably will only because I don’t think anyone should be alone when
they are done and can’t do for themselves, but until then he is just
too toxic to have in my life. I think cutting ties with family is the
hardest thing. People always say blood matters more than anything, so
when you do have truly toxic family members, it’s hard to just cut
ties. Although I have no experience with cutting ties with a loved
one that is addicted to drugs, I do know that situation is hard too.
Especially knowing the type of person they were when they were
healthy. You may want to look into that type of cutting out too.
Sometimes the best thing for an addict is to just be cut off, but
sometimes people just can’t. “

My
friend, Irisa said, “The mother – daughter relationship is the most
iconic relationship portrayed in literature. The depth and complexity
portrayed for us on screen or between the pages is nothing compared
to the actual relationship. I have never had a good relationship with
my mother. The relationship that should be the source of love,
nurturing and support has been the one causing anxiety, depression
and panic. Decades of struggle with this relationship led me thru a
lot of therapy and self-analysis. However, my greatest ah-ha moment
came from an older co-worker. She was a vibrant dynamic woman that I
had known for many years. One day she found me crying as I had just
had another fight with my mom. After unloading my pain and
frustration she looked me in the eye and told me this was a toxic
relationship and that the key with a toxic relationship is to
acknowledge what they are and walk away. She further went on to tell
me that she had a grown son and that they did not like each other.
They were toxic for each other and used to fight until they came to
the agreement that they did not need to be a part of each other’s
lives. They came to a point of respect for their relationship and
spoke on birthdays and holidays, but that was it. They each ran their
own lives. This moment was profound for me. It gave me permission to
acknowledge that this was a toxic relationship and that it was okay
for me to walk away. I had never been told that it was okay to not
like my mother and the way she treated me. Quite the opposite. I had
been told how ungrateful I was for not accepting the love given. The
lesson of accepting love given, whether or not it felt right, set the
stage for me to be abused many times over. I lived in a toxic
relationship with my parents for 25 years. I allowed myself to be
constantly criticized, shamed and abused. This example of accepting
this as love led to me marrying a narcissistic man for 15 years. Once
I had the courage to break away from my mom I was saddened that I had
no family but relieved that I did not have to deal with the pain of
constantly being told I wasn’t good enough by my mother.
Unfortunately, this just tightened the negative dependence on loving
a narcissist who told me I wasn’t good enough in other ways.
Leaving a toxic relationship is difficult. Sometimes we have to blow
up our lives and start over to do it. It took years of trying to
leave my mother and then my husband before I was successful. But it
wasn’t without consequences. My mother came back into my life after
a ten year break as my father was diagnosed with cancer. I got a
dying man’s wish to reconcile. Guilt propelled me to reconcile and
hope. Hope that I would be good enough to love because the little
girl in me was still looking for that love. Guilt because I was so
harshly judged by everyone that I knew for abandoning my family.
Judged because I didn’t do what all kids do and tolerate their
parents. This reconciliation was almost a decade ago and I deeply
regret it. I have drawn strong boundaries and live 10 hours away from
my mother. Basically, the relationship that I have with her is one I
have with FaceBook. If I would put it on a public forum like
FaceBook, fine she can know that. Otherwise, my life is none of her
business. Leaving my ex-husband was worse. It took a period of ten
years to work up the courage to walk away and not feel responsible
for his “I won’t live without you” comments. The result was me
being trash talked to everyone I ever knew, my employers, and death
threats from once mutual friends if he killed himself. My reputation
in the community has been destroyed and my safety compromised. Due to
these individuals my views of love, friendship and trust are deeply
colored. I suffer from PTSD and anxiety and have deep confidence and
abandonment issues. On the positive side the relationships that I do
choose to participate in must be healthy. There must be a large
amount of communication, time exchange must be equal; not one sided.
As for my children, they know they are loved. I go out of my way to
foster communication, love and friendship. And I pray each day my
struggles do not harm those that I love. I pray each day that the
love I have and give outweighs the pain and insecurity that I carry.

So
How Do You
Cut Somebody
Out of Your
Life Anyways?

You
can always do some spellwork to help you along the way, but 99% of
the work at ending whatever relationship this is has to be done on
the mundane level. After I list some mundane steps to take, I will
include a short, simple spell that can help you begin the process.

The
steps taken to do so don’t necessarily have to fall into the order
I am putting them in, and each person has to do this in a way that is
best for them. I also can’t include everything and will probably
think of more things after I turn this article in! Much of this list
is just things to tell yourself to get your mind and focus right. The
actual cutting off of a relationship is often the fastest part of the
process, and may not even entail a formal goodbye.

  1. Make
    the decision to do this for yourself. This is not for your
    significant other, your kids, your family, your friends, or anybody
    else. If you cut somebody out of your life for the benefit of
    somebody else, other people will be able to talk you into taking
    said individual back for their benefit. No. This is for you.
  2. Tell
    yourself that you matter. Many times, people who mistreat us have
    successfully convinced us that we have to be selfless and put
    ourselves last, or we are somehow bad people. While we don’t want
    to be self-centered, greedy people, refusing to be in relationships
    that are not working for us does not make us wrong. You matter.

  3. Don’t
    let the fact you love somebody dictate your life. You can love
    somebody, but if they try to cut your throat in your sleep, I am
    sorry-not sorry, but that relationship needs to go. You can love
    somebody and not be involved with them.
  4. Depending
    on things, you may deem it wise to just disappear from their lives.
    There doesn’t always have to be a “heart to heart talk” or
    “goodbye”. Most especially if they have been able to manipulate
    you in the past into staying with promises things will be better, or
    they will change. Also, your safety needs to be taken into account.
    I once moved out when somebody who was toxic to me was not home to
    avoid a showdown. If somebody is not being good to you, no, you do
    NOT owe them a “respectful explanation” if it means bad things
    for you.

  5. Do
    not let anybody tell you that you have to forgive and forget and go
    on like nothing changed. Nobody else has the right to dictate this
    to you. If you do forgive, that is your right, but you don’t have
    to keep them in your life because of it.

  6. If
    you live together, they keep their things, and you keep yours, and
    you are allowed to leave behind gifts or things they gave you, but
    don’t waste your time demanding back things you gave them. In the
    event of divorce, it all gets written up who gets what, including
    money, and both parties sign legal documentation. There is no reason
    to be nasty or spiteful and throw their things to the curb our out a
    window like in the movies, but sometimes, people cannot be civil,
    and you need a third party to help with the move. Some of us don’t
    like dragging people into our business, but there are times when it
    is necessary for safety or to have a witness. If you need to involve
    the police, don’t be afraid to do so.

  7. Once
    you make up your mind to break off your relationship, then you need
    to decide what method of doing so is best. I know it is tacky to do
    a phone call or text, but honestly, some people go ballistic, and if
    you cannot emotionally deal with that, get your belongings out
    first, make sure there is nothing else left to exchange, and just
    leave a message if needs be. I know it is not PC to do so, but some
    people leave us no choice.
  8. Do
    not worry about what people will say. Hey can think or say whatever
    they want to. Most especially if this is a long-term relationship,
    somebody might just take sides, and respond by cutting you out. Good
    riddance to them, I say. We can only hope they don’t let the door
    hit them on the way out. People who try to punish you for not
    keeping people in your life who are not good for you are not your
    friends. You do not need them.

  9. Allow
    yourself adjustment time after the relationship is over. Most
    especially if you spent a lot of time with your loved one, it is
    going to really hurt. Some people will NOT be missed, and you will
    feel a huge sense of relief when they are gone from your life. But
    despite that, a hole may remain where they were, and you need to be
    aware of that so as not to fill that vacancy with somebody equally
    as bad for you as this person you just cut out. You have to be
    patient and forgiving of yourself if you mourn the loss of somebody
    who just was not worth it. Feel the way you feel, and deal with it
    in the way that works for you.
  10. If,
    in the future things change, and you decide you want to give your
    relationship another chance, that is okay, but then again, you don’t
    have to. You may want to, but decide it is just not worth it. That
    is okay. You may decide to try again, and be pleasantly surprised
    when things work out. I do not recommend trying again with somebody
    who was abusive. While it is your right, I do not recommend taking a
    chance that could put you back in a bad situation,

  11. When
    in doubt, consult your gods and guides. Some guides are human, and
    are people you can turn to for advice and wisdom. Sometimes, all we
    need to do is to reach out to the divine within us, and all the
    answers are there. Other times, we are too upset and close to the
    situation, and it takes another set of eyes and another voice to
    help us to see just what we need to do.

Beyond
the mundane, we can still use magic to help us. I have a few
suggested “breakup” workings!

Simple
“Breakup “ Spells

There
are multiple things you can do. I recommend a few different things.

  1. Forget
    Him/Forget Her- You can get oil or candles to use. I was once
    absolutely heartbroken over a man, and the shopkeeper/Priest sold me
    “Forget Him” oil. I am telling you, I used a dab of that on my
    neck every day, and looked at myself in the mirror every day as I
    did it, and told myself all the reasons this man was NOT worth
    crying over, and I needed to just forget him. I think I used that
    for a couple of weeks, and one day, I woke up, and I had absolutely
    no feelings for him whatsoever anymore. If your local shop does not
    carry this, do an online search and have some shipped in. Best few
    dollars I spent on such a working yet!
  2. What
    I always do when I KNOW things are 100% done, over, and through? I
    get rid of every last item they gave me, or that has any of them
    attached to it at all. This has meant getting rid of things I really
    liked, but it is one way to get ALL of them out of your life. Think
    of all the energy that goes into items attached to them. THAT is
    part of them. If you really want them out of your life, every last
    item you can bear to part with has got to go. I even delete photos
    online. Yes, I do. Holding onto those things is holding on to them,
    and if I am done, all items have to go. There may come a time when
    you cannot part with every last thing, however. Say you bought a
    house together, you get custody of the children, and you are flat
    out NOT going to give up your home. What you can do is cleanse, and
    consecrate the item, banishing their energies. In a case like this,
    a lot of people , even non-magical folk will completely redecorate.
    Removing every trace of somebody is helpful of getting them out of
    your life. Things like engagement jewelry or wedding rings need to
    be sold or given away. As both a friend and I discovered, wedding or
    engagement jewelry holds the hopes and string feelings from a
    relationship, and the second we parted with them, we immediately
    felt a great weight lifted! I hear about men demanding diamond
    engagement rings back from women who change their minds and call off
    the engagement, and sometimes the woman holds on to the ring. If you
    want a diamond that badly, buy one that you like for yourself and
    that represents nothing else. The more negative things like spite go
    into a ring, the more it hurts you to hold onto it.

  3. Photographs
    can be altered. My mother, a talented witch who never even knew she
    was one- had a great practice. She would cut people out of pictures
    with her. She did not want one visual reminder of them. It works. I
    go a step farther, as seeing the butchered photos reminds me of who
    USED to be in the pictures. I just throw out pictures, and remove
    all online pictures as well.

  4. Separate
    poppets- Ye Olde Poppet spellwork never fails. Make a poppet of you
    both, and attach the two of you together. If you were best friends,
    sew the hands together like you are holding hands. If you want to
    separate from your mother, attach your poppet together with hers
    with an “umbilical cord.” If you are lovers, just go right ahead
    and attach at the crotch. Why not? Attach your poppet with their
    poppet in the most appropriate place. Then remove the attachment. If
    the friends hands are sewn together, gently remove the stitches. The
    point is not to HURT the other poppet by cutting it up, but to
    REMOVE the connection and painlessly as possible. Once you remove
    it, take the thing that held the poppets together, and destroy it.
    You can even just throw it in the trash. You can burn it and blow
    the ashes away. You can throw it in the river and watch it float
    away. Whatever place that feels best to discard that attachment, go
    for it. Then, take their poppet, and after saying a protection spell
    over it, leave it someplace away from you. You can be compassionate
    and leave it someplace they loved, or if you are REALLY ANGRY, leave
    it someplace they hated. Just anywhere but nearby your poppet. As
    for your poppet, it represents who you once were when you were with
    them. You are not that person anymore, so your poppet can be put
    someplace that represents your past with them. Since it is the OLD
    you, don’t worry about any attachment with your present or future.
    Just make sure not to leave the poppets near each other.

The
very most important thing to keep in mind when deciding to cut
somebody out of your life is that this is YOUR life, and you have the
right to include only the people and things that uplift, benefit, and
otherwise improve your life.

Not
everybody does this. Likewise, there is going to come a day when you
are not good for somebody else, and they need to cut you out.

It’s
never easy, it’s never fun, and sometimes, it’s downright
devastating. When every attempt has failed, and it’s time to end a
relationship, remember why you loved each other enough to spend time
together in the first place, and use that love to let each other go
on to better times apart.

May
your heart heal anytime it breaks, and may your relationships be good
for as long as they are meant to be.

Blessed
Be!

***

About
the Author:

Saoirse is
a recovered Catholic.  I was called to the Old Ways at age 11,
but I thought I was just fascinated with folklore. At age 19, I was
called again, but I thought I was just a history buff, and could not
explain the soul yearnings I got when I saw images of the Standing
Stones in the Motherland. At age 29, I crossed over into New Age
studies, and finally Wicca a couple years later. My name is Saoirse,
pronounced like (Sare) and (Shah) Gaelic for freedom. The gods I
serve are Odin and Nerthus. I speak with Freyja , Norder, and Thunor
as well. The Bawon has been with me since I was a small child, and
Rangda has been with me since the days I was still Catholic. I
received my 0 and 1 Degree in an Eclectic Wiccan tradition, and my
Elder is Lord Shadow. We practice in Columbus, Ohio. I am currently
focusing more on my personal growth, and working towards a Second and
Third Degree with Shadow. I received a writing degree from Otterbein
University back in 2000. I have written arts columns for the s
Council in Westerville. I give private tarot readings and can be
reached through my Facebook page Tarot
with Saoirse
. You
can, also, join me on my Youtube
Channel
.

Spiralled Edge

August, 2017

Spiralled Edge – Finding the Hearth and Heart

 

Once upon a time, the Hearth and Heart of a home would have been the main room with a large fireplace for cooking and heating, where people went about their daily lives. The fireplace would have been the focal point of the room. But many houses don’t have fireplaces these days, or they may be mostly ornamental with a fake fire, and we certainly don’t have huge fireplaces. The focal point in that main room has become a TV set, not a fireplace.

 

 

Gradually, the hearth became the cooker. And the heart of a home moved into the kitchen. After all, there’s big heat source with a cooker, even if it might put out heat produced by electricity and there might not be any fire involved at all. This is where the magic of cooking takes place, making it the hearth and possibly the heart of the home.

 

Not everyone cooks though, and some kitchens are tiny. In my case, I have had a tiny kitchen that was really part of the living room. The hearth in our home over these past 2 years has been the living room. Not quite a kitchen, not quite a lounge (because I have slept here as well), no fireplace, just a bricked up chimney.

 

The hearth and hearth in today’s modern home, is that room in the house where people most want to gather. For the most part, we aren’t living in one or two room homes with a single large fireplace used for heating and cooking. The heart and hearth may still be the kitchen, it may be another room.

 

Over the next week, I will be moving out of a flat into a small house, complete with separate kitchen! And I have found myself wondering, where is the hearth in this new home? Kitchen, living room, back garden?

 

The kitchen has the cooker, and the boiler used to produce heat for the entire house as well as hot water. The living room has a bricked up fireplace. Outdoors in the garden there is an unused but reasonably put together brick barbecue. Each has potential, but I won’t really know until I have spent time in the house, adding my own energies to the place, until I have cleaned and cleansed it of other people’s energies.

 

 

Once I have found the heart and the hearth in our new home, I will be able to work to strengthen that, so that its warmth can spread more easily into the other rooms of the house. I’m not talking about a physical heat here. I’m talking about the warmth that comes from walking into a calm, loving home.

 

Over the first few days of August, I will start by giving the currently empty house a thorough clean, top to bottom. This will help to wash away any residual physical signs of previous occupants. Then, I will give the house a thorough energetic cleanse, to remove any residual non-physical signs of previous occupants. Finally, I will take around my own holy water and salt to bless the dwelling and place a layer of protection around it.

 

Then, and only then, I will be ready to move into our new home. Then, I will know where the hearth and heart is.

 

Where’s the Hearth in your home? Is it the same room as the Heart, or are they in different rooms? Does this make a difference to the energy in your home?

A Simple Path: Journey of a Hedgewitch

December, 2008


*The Hedgewitch lives in the space between the Village and the Forest. Between the mundane and the magical. S/He lives with a foot in both worlds.
This column is dedicated to the Hedgewitches of the planet earth.

hearth

The New Hearth

Less is more: Moving Hedge

I know this column is a bit off-topic for those who are knee-deep in holiday revelry. But for those of us who have recently moved, are in the process of moving or are contemplating a move, it is a relevant piece.

My household has just completed the process of moving from the New Mexico high desert, where we have lived for the past 4 years, to the fertile Sacramento river valley of northern California.
This move came with about 2 weeks worth of notice, so it wasn’t a fly-by-night operation, but it was a bit rushed.

In the 2 weeks leading up to the actual drive across country I had occasion to touch, wash and pack every item I own and possess in the world.
I am not an uber-materialistic person, so I don’t have a lot of valuable items. But I have been a collector for several years. Entirely unimpeded by space  constraints for the past 4.
And in that 2 weeks of washing and touching and blessing, I really had to determine the value of every single item I owned.
I knew space was a factor. I knew that there would be things on their way to the flea market after I was gone. So being mindful of the items I have and their value to me was at the forefront of my thinking.
We had rented a 12×6 trailer and arranged for my brother in law to drive down to tow it with his hemi truck- I don’t really know what that means, but he seemed very confident and my husband was sufficiently impressed by it.

As I carefully wrapped jar after jar, bearing labels such as Graveyard Dust and Feathers and Dried Moths I weighed my choices carefully. I remembered having gathered or being gifted each item.
I wrapped countless snowflakes fashioned from various materials, and thought of the person who gave them to me, knowing my absolute fetish for snow, and winter.
I labeled one box simply “Witches” which contained 6 different ladies who have brightened my home.
I packed 9 boxes of books and another staggering 12 boxes of photos .

As I watched my life go from its normal spread-out state, I assessed the importance of all my things, and separated out many, many items which were just not that important to me.
In some cases they were worn out, and in others, I knew just who needed it more than I did.

The thing that became so clear to me, as I packed, was the concept of owning possessions versus being owned by them, and how often I buy things I would never take with me if I had to pack quickly. In short, things that do not matter.
If I were to evacuate my home, in the event of an emergency, I wouldn’t even consider taking so many things with me that had seemed so important before.

This thought has stayed with me, now, as I unpack, and have had to replace things I gave away. As I stand in the shops, I think to myself “does this really matter? Would I take it along in the event of, say, a flood?”.
More often than not, the answer is No, and I put it back on the shelf.

Now, the things I own don’t own me. I have things I enjoy and the less of them there are, the less I have to clean and maintain, leaving me more time to enjoy my family and my friends.

And in this time of tightening belts and cutting back, buying less means more resources for things that are really important.
My blessing of this holiday season has been the knowledge that less is more.
I have had the opportunity to get completely organized, and for probably the first time in my life, I know where everything is!

If you feel compelled to simplify this season, there are plenty of needy folks who would be happy to have those old coats from the closet or bedding from the linen cupboard.
Less stuff means more room.
You get blessed, they get blessed.
Try it, simplifying might just grow on you!

Brightest Blessings of the Holiday Season (whatever holiday(s) you celebrate)!!!
Willow