Once, very long ago, a little girl walked into a room full of darkness. It was hard for her eyes to adjust, and even harder to have her mind to comprehend the sight before her. The woman on the bed lay there in silence. She didn’t take a breath; she didn’t reach out to the child before her. It was as if there was nothing but a shell of a woman where her mother had once lain.
The soul that had once inhabited the body that was our mother was gone. She had passed in the night, and only her earthly mold lay before us now. I remember walking into the viewing and thinking that this was just some crazy joke the universe was playing on me. My mother couldn’t have been dead. She was waiting for me to creep ever closer to the coffin and then she would jump up and shout “Boo!” It didn’t happen that way, though. She never jumped up. Her voice never shouted the words that I so wanted to hear at that time. Never in my life before that, nor since, have I wanted to hear someone frighten me as much as I did then.
It is funny how our minds toy with us when we are grieving. We only want to remember the good times as the hours and days pass along after someone we love passes. Yet, we go through all the stages of loss.
We start with denial. “This is not my mom. She’s not dead.” Then transfer to anger. “What is this joke? This isn’t funny. Who are to you to play this cruel joke on me?” From there comes the oh so sad, bargaining. “Ok, if you will make her come back to me, then I will be a good little girl. I will mind and I won’t leave again.” That doesn’t solve everything so we move on to the ever persistent depression. We feel completely sad for those that we have lost and come to terms with the knowledge that we won’t ever see them again.
Acceptance comes after that, and for many of us, it is a hard task to learn. We don’t want to think of it as an easy term to let go of those we want to stay with us. Our selfish desires come out when we lose someone so close to us. We bargain, begging to have them come back to us. Some, in our grief do harm to ourselves without even realizing it. We drink, we try to take away the pain in any manner possible and it still is only a temporary fix.
Why must we as humans do this? Is it hard to accept that the family we are so longing for will once more be alive and with us? Sure it won’t be in the same body. We won’t be in the same shell we have now. Many pagans know that we are all of the same. One day, we will pass and our souls will meet those that have gone before. I personally believe in the afterlife being one of a new beginning. I see that one day I will know the love that was shared by my mother and I in a completely different setting.
I wanted to share a tea that is calming and relaxing and will help you go through the process of grieving much easier. A great relaxation tea would be to make 2 parts chamomile, 1 part lemon balm, 1 part lemon peel, 1 part thyme. Place all herbs in a tea ball or bag, put in your nicest or most favorite cup or mug, and cover with boiling water. Let the mixture steep for ten minutes. While you are waiting on it to finish, remember the good times that you had with the person that has passed on. Remember that though they may not be here physically, their soul is waiting for you on the other side of life. Don’t dwell on the times that have passed, the could-haves, should-haves, didn’t dos. We are all human and will drive ourselves loony if we dwell too hard on the things we didn’t do.
Find yourself a great support group. When I was younger, I relied heavily on friends to help me find my solace. It seemed like every thought was on her and how I could have been better. Loss is loss no matter what, but if you have someone to help guide you through, it makes it better.
Meditation is a great way to let go of the loved one as well. Sit in your most comfortable meditation pose and begin breathing. During the course of the meditation, see your friend off. Give them the hugs that you wish to. Give them the kisses that will be missed. Tell them how you feel and what you want them to know. Then let them go as they may. This is really great for those that have feelings that weren’t conveyed before the passing. Some people don’t get a warning sign before someone they love passes and this is one way of saying goodbye.
I believe that the passing of a loved one is the beginning of a new life. Soon, I also know that I will be dealing with a passing of one of my most favorite people in my life now. When that day happens, I hope that I can keep my head that I feel I have now. I want to be able to stand proud that I had her in my life and that she was shared with me and so many that will love and miss her.
One thing before I go, to those of you that read this, please make sure that the ones you love know now. Don’t have that feeling of regret telling you that it is too late. That is something that no one wants to have, and it is better that you tell today what you might not have a chance tomorrow to say. Life has a way of changing everything at a blink of an eye and sometimes there are no second chances.
This article is written to those in my circle who have lost someone very recently and to those that will be losing someone in the future. Many blessings and much love to you all. May the tears you shed be ones of happiness and never pain.