{"id":17542,"date":"2018-07-01T01:10:32","date_gmt":"2018-07-01T06:10:32","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/paganpages.org\/content\/?p=18539"},"modified":"2018-07-03T12:41:17","modified_gmt":"2018-07-03T17:41:17","slug":"the-sober-pagan-6","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/paganpages.org\/emagazine\/2018\/07\/01\/the-sober-pagan-6\/","title":{"rendered":"The Sober Pagan"},"content":{"rendered":"

A Home Group, Finally<\/b><\/u><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

I have finally found a home group! I knew as soon as I walked into the room that <\/span>this <\/i><\/span>was going to be the group for me. The time is perfect \u2013 7:15 a.m. \u2013 it meets Tuesdays and Thursdays \u2013 it\u2019s easy for me to get to \u2013 the meeting room itself is lovely \u2013 very Zen, although it\u2019s a room in a Presbyterian Church. But it has large windows that look out on a courtyard with flowering trees and well-tended gardens and places to sit and meditate \u2013 much like any Buddhist Temple might offer. I felt at home immediately. <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

This spring I have struggled through one of the worst depressions of my life \u2013 at least, in last ten years. I had trouble getting to the store for basic groceries, let alone getting to an AA meeting or anywhere else. My entire spirituality suffered. I was amazed to find that I didn\u2019t want to live anymore \u2013 and I was sober. <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

There were many dark days and many long sleepless nights. <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Even though I thought I had lost my faith, yet I sat in meditation. Sometimes I sat for hours. It seemed like my brain had stopped to utter stillness but it was simmering like a sober stew. I needed that time of quietude. No sound except the chirping of the birds, vehicles driving past the house and children laughing as they walked to the corner to wait for the school bus. I didn\u2019t dwell on any of this \u2013 I just noted each sound and let them go. <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

My son\u2019s father came to town on route to somewhere else. He has over ten years in AA and is a social worker \u2013 he works with the homeless in Florida. He is Buddhist and has many years of practice. We spent the afternoon together, talking and meditating. <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

The next day, I started going to meetings again. The next week, I found this particular meeting \u2013 my new home group.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Soon after this, my son \u2013 who has six months sobriety \u2013 moved back in with me. I am so grateful for his sober support. <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

It is still a daily struggle. I have to admit that. At least once a day, I have a wicked bad jones. Something always triggers me. It can be almost anything. The weather \u2013 the time of day \u2013 a certain smell. I white-knuckle it hour by hour. Then \u2013 it passes \u2013 and I am so grateful that I didn\u2019t give in. <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

I know that I have complained about AA for years and found every excuse under the sun not to go to meetings. But now I actually look forward to going to the meetings on Tuesday and Thursday mornings. I haven\u2019t felt like this about a meeting in over ten years. <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Now I wonder \u2013 will the Goddess come back to me? <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

***<\/span><\/b><\/span><\/p>\n

About the Author:<\/span><\/b><\/span><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

Polly MacDavid<\/b>\u00a0lives in Buffalo, New York at the moment but that could easily change, since she is a gypsy at heart. Like a gypsy, she is attracted to the divinatory arts, as well as camp fires and dancing barefoot. She has three cats who all help her with her magic.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Her philosophy about religion and magic is that it must be thoroughly based in science and logic. She is Dianic Wiccan and she is solitary.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

She blogs at\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/span>silverapplequeen.wordpress.com<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/a>. She writes about general life, politics and poetry. She is writing a novel about sex, drugs and recovery.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

A Home Group, Finally I have finally found a home group! I knew as soon as I walked into the room that this was going to be the group for me. The time is perfect \u2013 7:15 a.m. \u2013 it meets Tuesdays and Thursdays \u2013 it\u2019s easy for me to get to \u2013 the meeting room itself is lovely \u2013 very Zen, although it\u2019s a room in a Presbyterian Church. But it has large windows that look out on a courtyard with flowering trees and well-tended gardens and places to sit and meditate \u2013 much like any Buddhist Temple might offer. I felt at home immediately. This spring I have struggled through one of the worst depressions of my life \u2013 at least, in last ten years. I had trouble getting to the store for basic groceries, let alone getting to an AA meeting or anywhere else. My entire spirituality suffered. I was amazed to find that I didn\u2019t want to live anymore \u2013 and I was sober. There were many dark days and many long sleepless nights. Even though I thought I had lost my faith, yet I sat in meditation. Sometimes I sat for hours. It seemed like my brain had stopped to utter stillness but it was simmering like a sober stew. I needed that time of quietude. No sound except the chirping of the birds, vehicles driving past the house and children laughing as they walked to the corner to wait for the school bus. I didn\u2019t dwell on any of this \u2013 I just noted each sound and let them go. My son\u2019s father came to town on route to somewhere else. He has over ten years in AA and is a social worker \u2013 he works with the homeless in Florida. He is Buddhist and has many years of practice. We spent the afternoon together, talking and meditating. The next day, I started going to meetings again. The next week, I found this particular meeting \u2013 my new home group. Soon after this, my son \u2013 who has six months sobriety \u2013 moved back in with me. I am so grateful for his sober support. It is still a daily struggle. I have to admit that. At least once a day, I have a wicked bad jones. Something always triggers me. It can be almost anything. The weather \u2013 the time of day \u2013 a certain smell. I white-knuckle it hour by hour. Then \u2013 it passes \u2013 and I am so grateful that I didn\u2019t give in. I know that I have complained about AA for years and found every excuse under the sun not to go to meetings. But now I actually look forward to going to the meetings on Tuesday and Thursday mornings. I haven\u2019t felt like this about a meeting in over ten years. Now I wonder \u2013 will the Goddess come back to me? *** About the Author: Polly MacDavid\u00a0lives in Buffalo, New York at the moment but that could easily change, since she is a gypsy at heart. Like a gypsy, she is attracted to the divinatory arts, as well as camp fires and dancing barefoot. She has three cats who all help her with her magic. Her philosophy about religion and magic is that it must be thoroughly based in science and logic. She is Dianic Wiccan and she is solitary. She blogs at\u00a0silverapplequeen.wordpress.com. She writes about general life, politics and poetry. She is writing a novel about sex, drugs and recovery.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":197,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"iawp_total_views":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-17542","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/paganpages.org\/emagazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/17542","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/paganpages.org\/emagazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/paganpages.org\/emagazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/paganpages.org\/emagazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/197"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/paganpages.org\/emagazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=17542"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/paganpages.org\/emagazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/17542\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/paganpages.org\/emagazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=17542"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/paganpages.org\/emagazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=17542"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/paganpages.org\/emagazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=17542"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}