{"id":19832,"date":"2019-01-01T01:10:30","date_gmt":"2019-01-01T06:10:30","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/paganpages.org\/content\/?p=20081"},"modified":"2018-12-31T13:01:51","modified_gmt":"2018-12-31T18:01:51","slug":"celebrating-the-old-ways-in-new-times-46","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/paganpages.org\/emagazine\/2019\/01\/01\/celebrating-the-old-ways-in-new-times-46\/","title":{"rendered":"Celebrating the Old Ways in New Times"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

January\n2019 for Celebrating the Old Ways in New Times<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Bright\nBlessings, and Happy 2019!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\ntrust everybody else besides me is regretting the massive amounts of\ntreats had around December Holiday celebrations, and is pledging to\neat less, slim down, and really hit the gym. And I am over here\nletting my newly made pie crust chill so I can bake another pumpkin\npie! No regrets at Casa Pashovich for this Witch!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\nis two days after Solstice, and I am counting down the days until\nHoliday crowds, traffic and festivities are over, and we all have a\nquiet January and February. \n<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As\nit\u2019s between Sabbats, I get to pick the topic, and this one is\nclose to my heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Resolutions!<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

This\nmonth, I decided to write about cutting people out of our lives. To\nme, it goes along with a January favorite, \u201cNew Year\u2019s\nResolutions\u201d. Why not resolve to clear all unnecessary things,\nincluding people, out of your life? \n<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s\nnot a happy thought, is it? It makes us feel we are losing people\nwhen we cut them out of our lives. We become afraid we are going to\nbe alone, and worry that we are not devoted in our relationships. We\nfeel guilt, because we don\u2019t want to be the ones who are \u201cdumped\u201d,\nand we don\u2019t want to hurt anybody else!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We\u2019ve\nall been there. We have this relationship we have invested a lot of\nyears, good times, and effort into, and the day comes this person\nsays or does something, and it\u2019s time for them to go. Maybe it was\na long time coming. Maybe they did something after years of\nfriendship that shocked you, and the trust is now gone. Maybe they\ndidn\u2019t actually do anything wrong, you just don\u2019t like them\nanymore. Maybe it\u2019s not even them. Maybe it\u2019s you. Maybe you\ndon\u2019t have dedication to a perfectly decent relationship. The fact\nis, for one reason or another- THEY NEED TO GO. Like yesterday. \n<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Why\nNot?????<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Lots\nof reasons are given as to not do so, even when you feel you have\nmade up your mind to terminate a relationship. \n<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The\nfirst thing that often happens is other people want to get involved.\nThey think you need their opinions or advice. They go into great\ndetail about how wrong you are for ending a relationship, and they\nimplore you with their emotional appeals not to. \n<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes,\nthey cite the amount of time you have had said relationship, and\nfully expect you and said friend or loved one to continue your\nrelationship for old time\u2019s sake. \n<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Often\na reason given to maintain the relationship is the KIND of\nrelationship it is. Some people don\u2019t believe in divorce, under any\ncircumstances, for example. Some feel nobody ought to break off\nrelationships with family members. Some feel no friendship should\never be ended. \n<\/p>\n\n\n\n

My\nfavorite is the people who preach about forgiveness. I have a lot to\nsay about why forgiveness is not always necessary, but still. Let\u2019s\nsay you ALWAYS forgive. That still does not mean you have to have\nthem in your life even after you forgive them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We\nare often reminded not to make hasty decisions based on whether we\nare upset or not. I agree with this. All loved ones have\ndisagreements, and sometimes even fights, and those are not necessary\nreasons to end a relationship. However, sometimes, they are, and when\nthat happens\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

They\nHAVE to go!<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

There\nare times when reconciliation or moving on from something just isn\u2019t\nhappening. Some of the reasons include:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

  1. \nThe\n\trelationship is toxic. I know that sounds stereotypical, but there\n\tare just some people whose behaviors destroy our well-being. Maybe\n\tthey are a bad influence, or they take advantage of you for things\n\tlike rides or money. Whatever is going on, this relationship is\n\ttaking its toll on you, and it might be downright abusive.\n\tRelationships are supposed to make us happier, and improve our\n\tlives, not the opposite. \n\t\n\t<\/li>
  2. \nThey\n\tonly come around when they want something. However, if you want to\n\thang out, or need something in return? Forget it. Bah, who needs\n\tpeople like that? That is not a relationship. It\u2019s called being\n\tused. \n\t\n\t<\/li>
  3. \nYou\n\tdon\u2019t enjoy each other\u2019s company anymore- or you outright fight\n\tall the time, and either of you will change so you get along better.\n\tThere is no point maintaining a relationship with somebody you\n\tcannot get along with. \n\t\n\t<\/li>
  4. \nYou\n\tare not getting what you want or need from a relationship. Period.\n\t<\/li>
  5. \nOne,\n\tor both of you has stopped caring about the other. Nothing feels\n\tworse than a loveless relationship. Actual love is not something you\n\t\u201cfall out of\u201d. If you genuinely don\u2019t love them or they don\u2019t\n\tlove you, it\u2019s time to say goodbye. \n\t\n\t<\/li>
  6. \nOne,\n\tor both of you have changed, and the other hasn\u2019t, and you no\n\tlonger relate to one another. People really do grow apart. That\u2019s\n\tnot a dramatic lie. It happens. \n\t\n\t<\/li>
  7. \nOne,\n\tor both of you wants out. The reasons don\u2019t matter. Nobody is\n\trequired to stay in a relationship they no longer want to. \n\t\n\t<\/li>
  8. \nYou\n\tdon\u2019t fit into one another\u2019s lives at all. Maybe there was a\n\ttime when you did, but those days are long gone, and you can\u2019t\n\teven have a decent conversation together anymore.\n\t<\/li>
  9. \nSomething\n\treally hurtful was said or done, and you do not trust your loved one\n\tanymore. The bad part about this, it is something can happen many\n\tyears down the road, and completely destroy what had previously been\n\ta meaningful relationship. Every long-term relationship has bad\n\tmoments, and fights followed by reconciliation occur. But there are\n\tfriend fights, and then there are deal breakers. Deal breakers\n\tsignal the end of the relationship.\n\t<\/li>
  10. \nYou\n\tonly maintained a relationship for somebody else\u2019s sake, and for\n\tone reason or another, you don\u2019t have to anymore! They were\n\tprobably just keeping up appearances too, and they won\u2019t miss you\n\tanymore than you\u2019ll miss them!\n<\/li><\/ol>\n\n\n\n

    There\nare so many reasons to let go of a relationship, I can\u2019t even list\nthem all here. Whole it can be heartbreaking, and scary to part ways,\nit can be the best thing you and your loved one do for one another.\nWe are not always meant to be in one another\u2019s lives forever, and\nsometimes, we let go, and move forward with our lives without one\nanother. That\u2019s okay.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    With\nA Little Help From My Friends<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

    I\ncould talk about my own experiences, but I would rather share what\nsome of my friends have had to say. \n<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    \nCliff\nsaid, \u201cOn cutting people out of your life I practice two forms, one\nis a temporary separation and the other is absolute. I practice the\ntemporary “cut” because I believe that you should not hold\nthe person to the same standard of their previous transgressions and\nallow them the opportunity to become a decent human being. That\nparticular type of break is reserved for people I truly love but who\nhave become toxic. The second type is more generally used by myself\nas I have a low tolerance for abuse, manipulation, or whatever you\ncall the action that caused the need for the separation. Remember you\nare not obligated to keep putting up with mistreatment no matter if\nit is your mother, father, lover, whatever. We all have to draw the\nline somewhere because in time we will find people to fill those gaps\nand they often times are already in your life. Cutting people out is\na healthy habit to take up even though it may create a temporary void\nbut ultimately you will heal and move forward.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    \nMy\nfriend Brynden wrote \u201cI had a best friend in middle school who was\ngay and we used to ride the same bus. We we’re so close… We did\neverything together. I even remember going to DC with him on our\nclass trip and we wanted to be in the same room together, just the\ntwo of us. I cut him off because he accused me of stealing his iPod.\nWe had the exact same iPod, same color and everything. And he accused\nme of stealing it and I knew who did it. I tried to explain to him\nwhat happened and he didn’t want to listen. I tried to fix that\nfriendship many times but he didn’t want to listen so I dropped him\nlike a bad habit. This was in 8th grade so like 2007-08ish.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    \nAnother\nfriend, called Wren, cut her whole sports team she was in out of her\nlife. She writes, \u201cThey were my biggest supporters of me through my\nhiring process (as a police officer ) and then the pride 4 incident\nhappened at the (Columbus, Ohio) Pride Parade in 2017. I had someone\nask me how I felt and I answered honestly l, that while I agreed with\ntheir cause, they were breaking the law and so their arrest was a\ngood arrest. And that was the end. People stopped talking to me or\nposted anti police sentiments on Facebook and at the end of the day I\ndidn\u2019t need to be seeing all that stuff so I just\nunfollowed\/Unfriended a whole bunch of them. \u201c \n<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    \nOne\nfriend, Marianne wrote about it from two different perspectives. I\nwill say I know both she and her husband- and I can\u2019t imagine\nsomebody disapproving of him! She said , \u201cCutting someone out of\nour lives or being cut out is never something you expect to happen,\nhowever when it happens to you it is a slap in the face. I chose a\npartner my parents do not like and they choose to cut me out of their\nlife due to my decisions. I have gone through the 5 stages of grief.\nI was in denial that my own flesh and blood would just disown me for\nmy choice of spouse. I was angry with them that they would make me\nchoose between my spouse or family. I tried barraging with them to\nnot make me choose, to get to know my spouse. I went into a really\ndeep depression, had to seek counseling, and now have accepted that\nthis isn\u2019t on me. I been without parts of my family for over 10\nyears now. Their loss. Now I have the other side of it where I have\nhad to cut people out of my life. I used to work with a woman who\njust couldn\u2019t get her life together. Dated wrong men, drank, did\ndrugs and tried to kill herself. I took care of her multiple times,\nrescued her from bad situations in the middle of the night, cleaned\nher up, and finally I told her I couldn\u2019t do it anymore. She would\nnot do anything to help herself. I changed my number and she got\nfired from her job. Sad how we do all we can for people but sometimes\nwe HAVE to cut them out of our life.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    \nMy\nfriend, Kristi said \u201c So, cutting people out has been and is a\nstruggle for me. The hardest truth to realize is that people don’t\nalways grow with you. Everyone is growing and making their own path.\nThey could have been a best friend when you were younger, but now\nthey are toxic to your happiness. This doesn’t necessarily make them\nan awful person or the scum of the earth, they just aren’t what you\nneed currently in your life. My example is of my Uncle John. Growing\nup, I was sheltered from the strained relationship between my mom and\nher siblings. My two uncles are twins, but otherwise there is no\nblood relation there as my grandparents adopted my mom, my aunt, and\nmy uncles. The adoption thing definitely adds a unique dynamic to the\nstrain. Either way, my uncles were the coolest people in my mind\nwhile I was growing up. As I got older I started to pick up on some\nof the Dynamics going on between the siblings. This started to change\nmy opinion of my uncle John in particular. When my mom was alive, she\nkinda kept the peace, but once she died it became full on war between\nthe siblings and my dad, me, my ex husband, and my cousins. Mostly my\nuncles against everyone else. John was and is manipulative. I\nremember when he was forced into the role of being the primary\ncaregiver for my grandparents (my mom had done this when she was\nalive), he wouldn’t really ask for help…he would manipulate people\nto help him. The one incident that stands out vividly is I was off\nand going to a doctor’s appointment. John was blowing up my phone and\nwhen I was done I called him back. I didn’t tell him I was at the\ndoctor, I just said I was sleeping. He then was demanding that I have\nmy phone on at all times in case he needed more or to buy a phone\njust for him to contact me. He then was trying to guilt me about how\nmy grandparents paid for my school and how ungrateful I was. I was in\ntears. I hung up on him. That’s just a taste of some of the crap he\nhas pulled. He stopped doing it toward me when he realized I wasn’t\ngoing to take his crap. At the end of my grandma’s life, he was very\ncontrolling about who could see my grandparents and when. We pretty\nmuch stopped celebrating holidays as a family at this point. When my\ngrandma started actively dying he let us in more, but he was just a\nreal POS about it all. Now that my grandma is gone, I feel more\ncomfortable with my decision to cut him out of my life at this point.\nWe had a group text where we say happy holidays and such, but I have\nno plans of seeing him anytime soon. I do know, though, that he is\ngetting older and he has no family of his own and I am going to be\nstuck with his care, which I know I don’t have to take on, but I\nprobably will only because I don’t think anyone should be alone when\nthey are done and can’t do for themselves, but until then he is just\ntoo toxic to have in my life. I think cutting ties with family is the\nhardest thing. People always say blood matters more than anything, so\nwhen you do have truly toxic family members, it’s hard to just cut\nties. Although I have no experience with cutting ties with a loved\none that is addicted to drugs, I do know that situation is hard too.\nEspecially knowing the type of person they were when they were\nhealthy. You may want to look into that type of cutting out too.\nSometimes the best thing for an addict is to just be cut off, but\nsometimes people just can’t. \u201c<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    \nMy\nfriend, Irisa said, \u201cThe mother – daughter relationship is the most\niconic relationship portrayed in literature. The depth and complexity\nportrayed for us on screen or between the pages is nothing compared\nto the actual relationship. I have never had a good relationship with\nmy mother. The relationship that should be the source of love,\nnurturing and support has been the one causing anxiety, depression\nand panic. Decades of struggle with this relationship led me thru a\nlot of therapy and self-analysis. However, my greatest ah-ha moment\ncame from an older co-worker. She was a vibrant dynamic woman that I\nhad known for many years. One day she found me crying as I had just\nhad another fight with my mom. After unloading my pain and\nfrustration she looked me in the eye and told me this was a toxic\nrelationship and that the key with a toxic relationship is to\nacknowledge what they are and walk away. She further went on to tell\nme that she had a grown son and that they did not like each other.\nThey were toxic for each other and used to fight until they came to\nthe agreement that they did not need to be a part of each other\u2019s\nlives. They came to a point of respect for their relationship and\nspoke on birthdays and holidays, but that was it. They each ran their\nown lives. This moment was profound for me. It gave me permission to\nacknowledge that this was a toxic relationship and that it was okay\nfor me to walk away. I had never been told that it was okay to not\nlike my mother and the way she treated me. Quite the opposite. I had\nbeen told how ungrateful I was for not accepting the love given. The\nlesson of accepting love given, whether or not it felt right, set the\nstage for me to be abused many times over. I lived in a toxic\nrelationship with my parents for 25 years. I allowed myself to be\nconstantly criticized, shamed and abused. This example of accepting\nthis as love led to me marrying a narcissistic man for 15 years. Once\nI had the courage to break away from my mom I was saddened that I had\nno family but relieved that I did not have to deal with the pain of\nconstantly being told I wasn\u2019t good enough by my mother.\nUnfortunately, this just tightened the negative dependence on loving\na narcissist who told me I wasn\u2019t good enough in other ways.\nLeaving a toxic relationship is difficult. Sometimes we have to blow\nup our lives and start over to do it. It took years of trying to\nleave my mother and then my husband before I was successful. But it\nwasn\u2019t without consequences. My mother came back into my life after\na ten year break as my father was diagnosed with cancer. I got a\ndying man\u2019s wish to reconcile. Guilt propelled me to reconcile and\nhope. Hope that I would be good enough to love because the little\ngirl in me was still looking for that love. Guilt because I was so\nharshly judged by everyone that I knew for abandoning my family.\nJudged because I didn\u2019t do what all kids do and tolerate their\nparents. This reconciliation was almost a decade ago and I deeply\nregret it. I have drawn strong boundaries and live 10 hours away from\nmy mother. Basically, the relationship that I have with her is one I\nhave with FaceBook. If I would put it on a public forum like\nFaceBook, fine she can know that. Otherwise, my life is none of her\nbusiness. Leaving my ex-husband was worse. It took a period of ten\nyears to work up the courage to walk away and not feel responsible\nfor his \u201cI won\u2019t live without you\u201d comments. The result was me\nbeing trash talked to everyone I ever knew, my employers, and death\nthreats from once mutual friends if he killed himself. My reputation\nin the community has been destroyed and my safety compromised. Due to\nthese individuals my views of love, friendship and trust are deeply\ncolored. I suffer from PTSD and anxiety and have deep confidence and\nabandonment issues. On the positive side the relationships that I do\nchoose to participate in must be healthy. There must be a large\namount of communication, time exchange must be equal; not one sided.\nAs for my children, they know they are loved. I go out of my way to\nfoster communication, love and friendship. And I pray each day my\nstruggles do not harm those that I love. I pray each day that the\nlove I have and give outweighs the pain and insecurity that I carry.\n\u201c<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    So\n<\/strong>H<\/strong>ow <\/strong>D<\/strong>o <\/strong>Y<\/strong>ou\n<\/strong>C<\/strong>ut <\/strong>S<\/strong>omebody\n<\/strong>O<\/strong>ut of <\/strong>Y<\/strong>our\n<\/strong>L<\/strong>ife <\/strong>A<\/strong>nyways?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

    You\ncan always do some spellwork to help you along the way, but 99% of\nthe work at ending whatever relationship this is has to be done on\nthe mundane level. After I list some mundane steps to take, I will\ninclude a short, simple spell that can help you begin the process. \n<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    \nThe\nsteps taken to do so don\u2019t necessarily have to fall into the order\nI am putting them in, and each person has to do this in a way that is\nbest for them. I also can\u2019t include everything and will probably\nthink of more things after I turn this article in! Much of this list\nis just things to tell yourself to get your mind and focus right. The\nactual cutting off of a relationship is often the fastest part of the\nprocess, and may not even entail a formal goodbye. \n<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    1. \nMake\n\tthe decision to do this for yourself. This is not for your\n\tsignificant other, your kids, your family, your friends, or anybody\n\telse. If you cut somebody out of your life for the benefit of\n\tsomebody else, other people will be able to talk you into taking\n\tsaid individual back for their benefit. No. This is for you.\n\t<\/li>
    2. \nTell\n\tyourself that you matter. Many times, people who mistreat us have\n\tsuccessfully convinced us that we have to be selfless and put\n\tourselves last, or we are somehow bad people. While we don\u2019t want\n\tto be self-centered, greedy people, refusing to be in relationships\n\tthat are not working for us does not make us wrong. You matter. \n\t\n\t<\/li>
    3. \nDon\u2019t\n\tlet the fact you love somebody dictate your life. You can love\n\tsomebody, but if they try to cut your throat in your sleep, I am\n\tsorry-not sorry, but that relationship needs to go. You can love\n\tsomebody and not be involved with them.\n\t<\/li>
    4. \nDepending\n\ton things, you may deem it wise to just disappear from their lives.\n\tThere doesn\u2019t always have to be a \u201cheart to heart talk\u201d or\n\t\u201cgoodbye\u201d. Most especially if they have been able to manipulate\n\tyou in the past into staying with promises things will be better, or\n\tthey will change. Also, your safety needs to be taken into account.\n\tI once moved out when somebody who was toxic to me was not home to\n\tavoid a showdown. If somebody is not being good to you, no, you do\n\tNOT owe them a \u201crespectful explanation\u201d if it means bad things\n\tfor you. \n\t\n\t<\/li>
    5. \nDo\n\tnot let anybody tell you that you have to forgive and forget and go\n\ton like nothing changed. Nobody else has the right to dictate this\n\tto you. If you do forgive, that is your right, but you don\u2019t have\n\tto keep them in your life because of it. \n\t\n\t<\/li>
    6. \nIf\n\tyou live together, they keep their things, and you keep yours, and\n\tyou are allowed to leave behind gifts or things they gave you, but\n\tdon\u2019t waste your time demanding back things you gave them. In the\n\tevent of divorce, it all gets written up who gets what, including\n\tmoney, and both parties sign legal documentation. There is no reason\n\tto be nasty or spiteful and throw their things to the curb our out a\n\twindow like in the movies, but sometimes, people cannot be civil,\n\tand you need a third party to help with the move. Some of us don\u2019t\n\tlike dragging people into our business, but there are times when it\n\tis necessary for safety or to have a witness. If you need to involve\n\tthe police, don\u2019t be afraid to do so. \n\t\n\t<\/li>
    7. \nOnce\n\tyou make up your mind to break off your relationship, then you need\n\tto decide what method of doing so is best. I know it is tacky to do\n\ta phone call or text, but honestly, some people go ballistic, and if\n\tyou cannot emotionally deal with that, get your belongings out\n\tfirst, make sure there is nothing else left to exchange, and just\n\tleave a message if needs be. I know it is not PC to do so, but some\n\tpeople leave us no choice.\n\t<\/li>
    8. \nDo\n\tnot worry about what people will say. Hey can think or say whatever\n\tthey want to. Most especially if this is a long-term relationship,\n\tsomebody might just take sides, and respond by cutting you out. Good\n\triddance to them, I say. We can only hope they don\u2019t let the door\n\thit them on the way out. People who try to punish you for not\n\tkeeping people in your life who are not good for you are not your\n\tfriends. You do not need them. \n\t\n\t<\/li>
    9. \nAllow\n\tyourself adjustment time after the relationship is over. Most\n\tespecially if you spent a lot of time with your loved one, it is\n\tgoing to really hurt. Some people will NOT be missed, and you will\n\tfeel a huge sense of relief when they are gone from your life. But\n\tdespite that, a hole may remain where they were, and you need to be\n\taware of that so as not to fill that vacancy with somebody equally\n\tas bad for you as this person you just cut out. You have to be\n\tpatient and forgiving of yourself if you mourn the loss of somebody\n\twho just was not worth it. Feel the way you feel, and deal with it\n\tin the way that works for you.\n\t<\/li>
    10. \nIf,\n\tin the future things change, and you decide you want to give your\n\trelationship another chance, that is okay, but then again, you don\u2019t\n\thave to. You may want to, but decide it is just not worth it. That\n\tis okay. You may decide to try again, and be pleasantly surprised\n\twhen things work out. I do not recommend trying again with somebody\n\twho was abusive. While it is your right, I do not recommend taking a\n\tchance that could put you back in a bad situation, \n\t\n\t<\/li>
    11. \nWhen\n\tin doubt, consult your gods and guides. Some guides are human, and\n\tare people you can turn to for advice and wisdom. Sometimes, all we\n\tneed to do is to reach out to the divine within us, and all the\n\tanswers are there. Other times, we are too upset and close to the\n\tsituation, and it takes another set of eyes and another voice to\n\thelp us to see just what we need to do. \n\t\n<\/li><\/ol>\n\n\n\n

      \nBeyond\nthe mundane, we can still use magic to help us. I have a few\nsuggested \u201cbreakup\u201d workings!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

      Simple\n\u201cBreakup \u201c Spells<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

      There\nare multiple things you can do. I recommend a few different things.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

      1. \nForget\n\tHim\/Forget Her- You can get oil or candles to use. I was once\n\tabsolutely heartbroken over a man, and the shopkeeper\/Priest sold me\n\t\u201cForget Him\u201d oil. I am telling you, I used a dab of that on my\n\tneck every day, and looked at myself in the mirror every day as I\n\tdid it, and told myself all the reasons this man was NOT worth\n\tcrying over, and I needed to just forget him. I think I used that\n\tfor a couple of weeks, and one day, I woke up, and I had absolutely\n\tno feelings for him whatsoever anymore. If your local shop does not\n\tcarry this, do an online search and have some shipped in. Best few\n\tdollars I spent on such a working yet!\n\t<\/li>
      2. \nWhat\n\tI always do when I KNOW things are 100% done, over, and through? I\n\tget rid of every last item they gave me, or that has any of them\n\tattached to it at all. This has meant getting rid of things I really\n\tliked, but it is one way to get ALL of them out of your life. Think\n\tof all the energy that goes into items attached to them. THAT is\n\tpart of them. If you really want them out of your life, every last\n\titem you can bear to part with has got to go. I even delete photos\n\tonline. Yes, I do. Holding onto those things is holding on to them,\n\tand if I am done, all items have to go. There may come a time when\n\tyou cannot part with every last thing, however. Say you bought a\n\thouse together, you get custody of the children, and you are flat\n\tout NOT going to give up your home. What you can do is cleanse, and\n\tconsecrate the item, banishing their energies. In a case like this,\n\ta lot of people , even non-magical folk will completely redecorate.\n\tRemoving every trace of somebody is helpful of getting them out of\n\tyour life. Things like engagement jewelry or wedding rings need to\n\tbe sold or given away. As both a friend and I discovered, wedding or\n\tengagement jewelry holds the hopes and string feelings from a\n\trelationship, and the second we parted with them, we immediately\n\tfelt a great weight lifted! I hear about men demanding diamond\n\tengagement rings back from women who change their minds and call off\n\tthe engagement, and sometimes the woman holds on to the ring. If you\n\twant a diamond that badly, buy one that you like for yourself and\n\tthat represents nothing else. The more negative things like spite go\n\tinto a ring, the more it hurts you to hold onto it. \n\t\n\t<\/li>
      3. \nPhotographs\n\tcan be altered. My mother, a talented witch who never even knew she\n\twas one- had a great practice. She would cut people out of pictures\n\twith her. She did not want one visual reminder of them. It works. I\n\tgo a step farther, as seeing the butchered photos reminds me of who\n\tUSED to be in the pictures. I just throw out pictures, and remove\n\tall online pictures as well. \n\t\n\t<\/li>
      4. \nSeparate\n\tpoppets- Ye Olde Poppet spellwork never fails. Make a poppet of you\n\tboth, and attach the two of you together. If you were best friends,\n\tsew the hands together like you are holding hands. If you want to\n\tseparate from your mother, attach your poppet together with hers\n\twith an \u201cumbilical cord.\u201d If you are lovers, just go right ahead\n\tand attach at the crotch. Why not? Attach your poppet with their\n\tpoppet in the most appropriate place. Then remove the attachment. If\n\tthe friends hands are sewn together, gently remove the stitches. The\n\tpoint is not to HURT the other poppet by cutting it up, but to\n\tREMOVE the connection and painlessly as possible. Once you remove\n\tit, take the thing that held the poppets together, and destroy it.\n\tYou can even just throw it in the trash. You can burn it and blow\n\tthe ashes away. You can throw it in the river and watch it float\n\taway. Whatever place that feels best to discard that attachment, go\n\tfor it. Then, take their poppet, and after saying a protection spell\n\tover it, leave it someplace away from you. You can be compassionate\n\tand leave it someplace they loved, or if you are REALLY ANGRY, leave\n\tit someplace they hated. Just anywhere but nearby your poppet. As\n\tfor your poppet, it represents who you once were when you were with\n\tthem. You are not that person anymore, so your poppet can be put\n\tsomeplace that represents your past with them. Since it is the OLD\n\tyou, don\u2019t worry about any attachment with your present or future.\n\tJust make sure not to leave the poppets near each other.\n<\/li><\/ol>\n\n\n\n

        \nThe\nvery most important thing to keep in mind when deciding to cut\nsomebody out of your life is that this is YOUR life, and you have the\nright to include only the people and things that uplift, benefit, and\notherwise improve your life. \n<\/p>\n\n\n\n

        \nNot\neverybody does this. Likewise, there is going to come a day when you\nare not good for somebody else, and they need to cut you out. \n<\/p>\n\n\n\n

        \nIt\u2019s\nnever easy, it\u2019s never fun, and sometimes, it\u2019s downright\ndevastating. When every attempt has failed, and it\u2019s time to end a\nrelationship, remember why you loved each other enough to spend time\ntogether in the first place, and use that love to let each other go\non to better times apart. \n<\/p>\n\n\n\n

        \nMay\nyour heart heal anytime it breaks, and may your relationships be good\nfor as long as they are meant to be.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

        \nBlessed\nBe!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

        ***<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

        About\nthe Author:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

        \"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

        Saoirse<\/strong> is\na recovered Catholic.  I was called to the Old Ways at age 11,\nbut I thought I was just fascinated with folklore. At age 19, I was\ncalled again, but I thought I was just a history buff, and could not\nexplain the soul yearnings I got when I saw images of the Standing\nStones in the Motherland. At age 29, I crossed over into New Age\nstudies, and finally Wicca a couple years later. My name is Saoirse,\npronounced like (Sare) and (Shah) Gaelic for freedom. The gods I\nserve are Odin and Nerthus. I speak with Freyja , Norder, and Thunor\nas well. The Bawon has been with me since I was a small child, and\nRangda has been with me since the days I was still Catholic. I\nreceived my 0 and 1 Degree in an Eclectic Wiccan tradition, and my\nElder is Lord Shadow. We practice in Columbus, Ohio. I am currently\nfocusing more on my personal growth, and working towards a Second and\nThird Degree with Shadow. I received a writing degree from Otterbein\nUniversity back in 2000. I have written arts columns for the s\nCouncil in Westerville. I give private tarot readings and can be\nreached through my Facebook<\/a> page Tarot\nwith Saoirse<\/a>. You\ncan, also, join me on my Youtube\nChannel<\/a>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

        January 2019 for Celebrating the Old Ways in New Times Bright Blessings, and Happy 2019! I trust everybody else besides me is regretting the massive amounts of treats had around December Holiday celebrations, and is pledging to eat less, slim down, and really hit the gym. And I am over here letting my newly made pie crust chill so I can bake another pumpkin pie! No regrets at Casa Pashovich for this Witch! It is two days after Solstice, and I am counting down the days until Holiday crowds, traffic and festivities are over, and we all have a quiet January and February. As it\u2019s between Sabbats, I get to pick the topic, and this one is close to my heart. Resolutions! This month, I decided to write about cutting people out of our lives. To me, it goes along with a January favorite, \u201cNew Year\u2019s Resolutions\u201d. Why not resolve to clear all unnecessary things, including people, out of your life? It\u2019s not a happy thought, is it? It makes us feel we are losing people when we cut them out of our lives. We become afraid we are going to be alone, and worry that we are not devoted in our relationships. We feel guilt, because we don\u2019t want to be the ones who are \u201cdumped\u201d, and we don\u2019t want to hurt anybody else! We\u2019ve all been there. We have this relationship we have invested a lot of years, good times, and effort into, and the day comes this person says or does something, and it\u2019s time for them to go. Maybe it was a long time coming. Maybe they did something after years of friendship that shocked you, and the trust is now gone. Maybe they didn\u2019t actually do anything wrong, you just don\u2019t like them anymore. Maybe it\u2019s not even them. Maybe it\u2019s you. Maybe you don\u2019t have dedication to a perfectly decent relationship. The fact is, for one reason or another- THEY NEED TO GO. Like yesterday. Why Not????? Lots of reasons are given as to not do so, even when you feel you have made up your mind to terminate a relationship. The first thing that often happens is other people want to get involved. They think you need their opinions or advice. They go into great detail about how wrong you are for ending a relationship, and they implore you with their emotional appeals not to. Sometimes, they cite the amount of time you have had said relationship, and fully expect you and said friend or loved one to continue your relationship for old time\u2019s sake. Often a reason given to maintain the relationship is the KIND of relationship it is. Some people don\u2019t believe in divorce, under any circumstances, for example. Some feel nobody ought to break off relationships with family members. Some feel no friendship should ever be ended. My favorite is the people who preach about forgiveness. I have a lot to say about why forgiveness is not always necessary, but still. Let\u2019s say you ALWAYS forgive. That still does not mean you have to have them in your life even after you forgive them. We are often reminded not to make hasty decisions based on whether we are upset or not. I agree with this. All loved ones have disagreements, and sometimes even fights, and those are not necessary reasons to end a relationship. However, sometimes, they are, and when that happens\u2026 They HAVE to go! There are times when reconciliation or moving on from something just isn\u2019t happening. Some of the reasons include: The relationship is toxic. I know that sounds stereotypical, but there are just some people whose behaviors destroy our well-being. Maybe they are a bad influence, or they take advantage of you for things like rides or money. Whatever is going on, this relationship is taking its toll on you, and it might be downright abusive. Relationships are supposed to make us happier, and improve our lives, not the opposite. They only come around when they want something. However, if you want to hang out, or need something in return? Forget it. Bah, who needs people like that? That is not a relationship. It\u2019s called being used. You don\u2019t enjoy each other\u2019s company anymore- or you outright fight all the time, and either of you will change so you get along better. There is no point maintaining a relationship with somebody you cannot get along with. You are not getting what you want or need from a relationship. Period. One, or both of you has stopped caring about the other. Nothing feels worse than a loveless relationship. Actual love is not something you \u201cfall out of\u201d. If you genuinely don\u2019t love them or they don\u2019t love you, it\u2019s time to say goodbye. One, or both of you have changed, and the other hasn\u2019t, and you no longer relate to one another. People really do grow apart. That\u2019s not a dramatic lie. It happens. One, or both of you wants out. The reasons don\u2019t matter. Nobody is required to stay in a relationship they no longer want to. You don\u2019t fit into one another\u2019s lives at all. Maybe there was a time when you did, but those days are long gone, and you can\u2019t even have a decent conversation together anymore. Something really hurtful was said or done, and you do not trust your loved one anymore. The bad part about this, it is something can happen many years down the road, and completely destroy what had previously been a meaningful relationship. Every long-term relationship has bad moments, and fights followed by reconciliation occur. But there are friend fights, and then there are deal breakers. Deal breakers signal the end of the relationship. You only maintained a relationship for somebody else\u2019s sake, and for one reason or another, you don\u2019t have to anymore! They were probably just keeping up appearances too, and they won\u2019t miss you anymore than you\u2019ll miss them! There are so many reasons to let go of a relationship, I can\u2019t even list them all here. Whole it can be heartbreaking, and scary to part ways, it can be the best thing you and your loved one do for one another. We are not always meant to be in one another\u2019s lives forever, and sometimes, we let go, and move forward with our lives without one another. That\u2019s okay. With A Little Help From My Friends I could talk about my own experiences, but I would rather share what some of my friends have had to say. Cliff said, \u201cOn cutting people out of your life I practice two forms, one is a temporary separation and the other is absolute. I practice the temporary “cut” because I believe that you should not hold the person to the same standard of their previous transgressions and allow them the opportunity to become a decent human being. That particular type of break is reserved for people I truly love but who have become toxic. The second type is more generally used by myself as I have a low tolerance for abuse, manipulation, or whatever you call the action that caused the need for the separation. Remember you are not obligated to keep putting up with mistreatment no matter if it is your mother, father, lover, whatever. We all have to draw the line somewhere because in time we will find people to fill those gaps and they often times are already in your life. Cutting people out is a healthy habit to take up even though it may create a temporary void but ultimately you will heal and move forward.\u201d My friend Brynden wrote \u201cI had a best friend in middle school who was gay and we used to ride the same bus. We we’re so close… We did everything together. I even remember going to DC with him on our class trip and we wanted to be in the same room together, just the two of us. I cut him off because he accused me of stealing his iPod. We had the exact same iPod, same color and everything. And he accused me of stealing it and I knew who did it. I tried to explain to him what happened and he didn’t want to listen. I tried to fix that friendship many times but he didn’t want to listen so I dropped him like a bad habit. This was in 8th grade so like 2007-08ish.\u201d Another friend, called Wren, cut her whole sports team she was in out of her life. She writes, \u201cThey were my biggest supporters of me through my hiring process (as a police officer ) and then the pride 4 incident happened at the (Columbus, Ohio) Pride Parade in 2017. I had someone ask me how I felt and I answered honestly l, that while I agreed with their cause, they were breaking the law and so their arrest was a good arrest. And that was the end. People stopped talking to me or posted anti police sentiments on Facebook and at the end of the day I didn\u2019t need to be seeing all that stuff so I just unfollowed\/Unfriended a whole bunch of them. \u201c One friend, Marianne wrote about it from two different perspectives. I will say I know both she and her husband- and I can\u2019t imagine somebody disapproving of him! She said , \u201cCutting someone out of our lives or being cut out is never something you expect to happen, however when it happens to you it is a slap in the face. I chose a partner my parents do not like and they choose to cut me out of their life due to my decisions. I have gone through the 5 stages of grief. I was in denial that my own flesh and blood would just disown me for my choice of spouse. I was angry with them that they would make me choose between my spouse or family. I tried barraging with them to not make me choose, to get to know my spouse. I went into a really deep depression, had to seek counseling, and now have accepted that this isn\u2019t on me. I been without parts of my family for over 10 years now. Their loss. Now I have the other side of it where I have had to cut people out of my life. I used to work with a woman who just couldn\u2019t get her life together. Dated wrong men, drank, did drugs and tried to kill herself. I took care of her multiple times, rescued her from bad situations in the middle of the night, cleaned her up, and finally I told her I couldn\u2019t do it anymore. She would not do anything to help herself. I changed my number and she got fired from her job. Sad how we do all we can for people but sometimes we HAVE to cut them out of our life.\u201d My friend, Kristi said \u201c So, cutting people out has been and is a struggle for me. The hardest truth to realize is that people don’t always grow with you. Everyone is growing and making their own path. They could have been a best friend when you were younger, but now they are toxic to your happiness. This doesn’t necessarily make them an awful person or the scum of the earth, they just aren’t what you need currently in your life. My example is of my Uncle John. Growing up, I was sheltered from the strained relationship between my mom and her siblings. My two uncles are twins, but otherwise there is no blood relation there as my grandparents adopted my mom, my aunt, and my uncles. The adoption thing definitely adds a unique dynamic to the strain. Either way, my uncles were the coolest people in my mind while I was growing up. As I got older I started to pick up on some of the Dynamics going on between the siblings….<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":211,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"iawp_total_views":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-19832","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/paganpages.org\/emagazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/19832","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/paganpages.org\/emagazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/paganpages.org\/emagazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/paganpages.org\/emagazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/211"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/paganpages.org\/emagazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=19832"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/paganpages.org\/emagazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/19832\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/paganpages.org\/emagazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=19832"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/paganpages.org\/emagazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=19832"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/paganpages.org\/emagazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=19832"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}