{"id":21641,"date":"2020-02-01T01:10:13","date_gmt":"2020-02-01T05:10:13","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/paganpages.org\/emagazine\/?p=21641"},"modified":"2020-02-07T19:10:54","modified_gmt":"2020-02-07T23:10:54","slug":"the-sober-pagan-reviews-sober-curious","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/paganpages.org\/emagazine\/2020\/02\/01\/the-sober-pagan-reviews-sober-curious\/","title":{"rendered":"The Sober Pagan Reviews – Sober Curious: The Blissful Sleep, Greater Focus, Limitless Presence, and Deep Concentration Awaiting Us All on the Other Side of Alcohol by Ruby Warrington"},"content":{"rendered":"

The Sober Pagan <\/span>Reviews<\/span><\/b><\/span><\/h1>\n

Sober Curious<\/span><\/b><\/span><\/h1>\n

The Blissful Sleep, Greater Focus, Limitless Presence, and Deep Concentration Awaiting Us All on the Other Side of Alcohol<\/span><\/b><\/span><\/h1>\n

by Ruby Warrington<\/span><\/b><\/span><\/h1>\n

<\/a> 240 Pages<\/b><\/span><\/span><\/h1>\n

 <\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

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I can\u2019t remember when I received this book. Maybe six months to a year ago. I haven\u2019t been exactly sober or even remotely \u201csober curious\u201d this past year so it sat on my shelf with my other recovery books. Once in a while, I\u2019d dust them off \u2013 ya know, when I was dusting off all my other books. But I never cracked it once \u2013 not until yesterday. <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

I read it cover to cover yesterday. <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

First off \u2013 \u201cSober Curious\u201d is not what I thought it meant. I thought it meant that a person was \u201ccurious\u201d about \u201csobriety\u201d \u2013 and while this is somewhat true, especially since in the introduction, the first question is \u201cWould life be better without alcohol?\u201d (Warrington, 1) \u2013 the term \u201cSober Curious\u201d is a path of sobriety <\/i>\u2013 as opposed to say, the path outlined in Alcoholics Anonymous. As Warrington writes, <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWhat if you find yourself at an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting\u2026and because it<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

feels like you\u2019re lying to yourself and everybody else, you choke on the word \u2018alco-<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

holic\u2019? What if you cannot admit (as required in the first of the infamous 12 steps) <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

that you are \u2018powerless\u2019 over alcohol \u2013 and that your life has become \u2018unmanageable\u2019<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

as a result? Because you\u2019re not, and it hasn\u2019t.\u201d (Warrington, 9)<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

I read those words and I was like \u2013 OMG THAT\u2019S ME! You know the power of identification. And I could really <\/i>identify with that statement. <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Ruby Warrington has her own drunkalogue, which she calls a \u201cboozestory\u201d. It follows more or less the same path that many of us took \u2013 although there\u2019s a generational divide \u2013 but like so many women, we both were influenced on the drinking and drug use of the men we consorted with. To this day, I thank the Goddess that I was never with a man who was an active I.V. user when I was with him \u2013 I am sure I would have picked up the needle. I might not even be alive today. <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Warrington has a Facebook page as well as a Twitter presence. She has an author page on Amazon,com, as well as Goodreads and other literary websites. Her personal website is here: http:\/\/www.rubywarrington.com\/<\/a>. She is also the founder of the website, The Numinous, which has all kinds of spiritual information on it. You can check it out here: https:\/\/www.the-numinous.com\/<\/a> There\u2019s a mailing list, to which I subscribed. <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Warrington is also the founder of the sober event, Club S?DA NYC (Sober or Debating Abstinence), which featured talks, meditation, guest speakers and interactive elements which was launched in February 2016. The questions \u2013 and answers \u2013 that came from these events were the foundation of Sober Curious<\/u>. <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Much of the book read like a \u201cHarms Reduction\u201d manual \u2013 I recently joined a women\u2019s Harms Reduction group on Facebook \u2013 but Warrington makes it clear that to be \u201cSober Curious\u201d means to think of yourself as a sober <\/i>person. She writes, <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cIf not suffering from the chronic, progressive brain disease of alcoholism, as a <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

garden-variety habitual drinker<\/i>, I knew what I had to do \u2013 which was to begin <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

to think of myself as a sober person. Somebody who does not drink alcohol, <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

period.\u201d (Warrington, 22)<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

a few pages later, she doubles down on this:<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cBefore we go any farther down this rocky part of the path, let me get clear on <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

something. Rule number one of changing your drinking habits is: You have to<\/i><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

change your drinking habits.<\/i><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

<\/i>\u201cI repeat. If you\u2019re slowly getting on board with the idea that anyone who drinks<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

regularly might be kind-of-just-a-little-but-addicted-to-booze, then the only way<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

to get unaddicted is to STOP DRINKING BOOZE. Same goes if you just want <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

to drink differently from the way you\u2019ve been drinking. Or even want to think <\/i><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

differently about drinking\u2026<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cThis may or may not look like total, lifelong abstinence <\/i>to you, and this is perfectly<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

okay. But this is also not about \u2018moderation\u2019.\u201d (Warrington, 27)<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Not to be argumentative here, but if it\u2019s not AA-style abstinence and it\u2019s not \u201cmoderation\u201d, then what the hell is it? For someone who said that the word \u201calcoholic\u201d stuck in her throat, she waxes poetic about how wonderful AA is \u2013 and how \u201cprivileged\u201d she was to be able to access it \u2013 to make the \u201cchoice\u201d to quit drinking. (Warrington, 27)<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

However, the more I read, the more I liked what I was reading. I particularly liked the chapter, \u201cSpirits and Spirituality\u201d. She writes that she has been to mystics who \u201cbelieve that when you drink alcohol, your spirit renounces your body, creating room for other spirits (or non-true versions of yourself) to take over.\u201d (Warrington, 89). I have heard this too, mostly at Native American AA meetings. It\u2019s an interesting concept. Of course, some people might argue that we are more ourselves when we are wasted. But Warrington argues back that addiction is a \u201cconnection crisis\u201d, created by \u201cconsumer culture or capitalism\u201d, which \u201cbreeds competition\u201d \u2013 \u201cthe fuel for many of our addictions\u201d. (Warrington, 94). She goes on to write, <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWhen we\u2019re ashamed of our perceived \u2018otherness\u2019 and have been programmed to <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

believe that what we have and who we are is not \u2018enough\u2019 (to make us loveable and<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

valuable to our peers), alcohol, a substance that switches off the part of the brain that<\/i><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

monitors how we are perceived <\/i>and that also appears to be the lifeblood of our social <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

connections, becomes very appealing indeed.\u201d (Warrington, 95)<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Indeed. <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Another question she asks is, \u201cWho Am I (Without Alcohol)?\u201d As someone who has gone over seven years without a drink, I do know who I am without alcohol. The main payoff is the end of hangovers. Even if I am not sick with a migraine or my guts in a mess from drinking \u2013 and eating whatever bar-food junk I\u2019m eating when I\u2019m drinking \u2013 I\u2019m just tired out from the way alcohol messes up my sleep. To me, that\u2019s the main <\/i>reason not to take a drink \u2013 so I wake up feeling like I want to wake up. <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

I do think this book is written for the Social Drinker \u2013 the person who doesn\u2019t drink to assess \u2013 and if they do drink on a daily basis, it\u2019s no more than a glass or two or wine or beer or maybe a mixed drink. Calling yourself \u201cSober Curious\u201d or \u201cSober Sober\u201d instead of \u201cAlcoholic\u201d may make you feel better about your relationship to alcohol \u2013 but on the other hand, the end result is the same. Total and complete abstinence. Which is a great place to be \u2013 if that\u2019s where you want to be. <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

And for some of us, it\u2019s just not that simple. We have other issues \u2013 mental health issues \u2013 domestic violence issues \u2013 the list is endless. When I quit drinking and drugging back in 1990, my problems increased. <\/i>I stayed sober but it wasn\u2019t easy. And when I got diagnosed as bipolar, I had all kinds of new medications to deal with \u2013 some of which messed me up way worse than drinking and drugs ever<\/i> did. <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Chapter 10 is entitled \u201cAn Alternative 12 Steps for Living Sober Curious\u201d. I list them here because I like any <\/i>variation on the traditional AA 12 Steps but also because I think they\u2019re really quite brilliant. In the chapter, she fleshes each step out and explains how it works; I only list the steps here. <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cSober Curious 12 Steps\u201d<\/span><\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

    \n
  1. \n

    Choose abstinence.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<\/li>\n

  2. \n

    Just say no to moderation.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<\/li>\n

  3. \n

    Know your triggers.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<\/li>\n

  4. \n

    Embrace Sober Firsts.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<\/li>\n

  5. \n

    Don\u2019t make booze the bad guy.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<\/li>\n

  6. \n

    Don\u2019t judge others or preach.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<\/li>\n

  7. \n

    Be grateful for the reminders.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<\/li>\n

  8. \n

    Be honest.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<\/li>\n

  9. \n

    Find your Sober Curious crew.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<\/li>\n

  10. \n

    Feel your feelings.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<\/li>\n

  11. \n

    Replace spirits with sprit.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<\/li>\n

  12. \n

    Remember the Big Picture.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    At the very end of the book is a list of resources. I urge you to check them all out. I did! I am on a bunch of new mailing lists now. There are always sober resources out there \u2013 AA isn\u2019t the only place for recovery. But sometimes you have to do a little legwork on your own. <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

    All in all, I have to say that this is one of the most positive books about sobriety I have ever read. It\u2019s a very quick and easy read \u2013 I read it within the space of a few hours. I would recommend it to anyone who is looking to change their life for the better \u2013 the first step is always to put the \u201cplug in the jug\u201d. It all follows from there. <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

    Brightest Blessings!<\/span><\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

    References<\/u><\/b><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

    Warrington, Ruby. Sober Curious: The Blissful Sleep, Greater Focus, Limitless Presence, and Deep Connection Awaiting Us All on the Other Side of Alcohol<\/u>. NY; HarperOne, 2018. <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

    http:\/\/www.rubywarrington.com\/<\/span><\/span><\/a><\/p>\n

    https:\/\/www.the-numinous.com\/<\/span><\/span><\/a><\/p>\n