{"id":4002,"date":"2010-08-01T01:10:36","date_gmt":"2010-08-01T06:10:36","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/paganpages.org\/content\/?p=4064"},"modified":"2010-07-29T15:27:12","modified_gmt":"2010-07-29T20:27:12","slug":"pagan-parenting-12","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/paganpages.org\/emagazine\/2010\/08\/01\/pagan-parenting-12\/","title":{"rendered":"Pagan Parenting"},"content":{"rendered":"

What Parents Can Learn From Angelina Jolie<\/strong><\/p>\n

I stumbled across this article<\/a> recently and I must admit that I was very encouraged by the comments Angelina Jolie made about her daughter Shiloh\u2019s choice of clothing.<\/p>\n

Apparently Shiloh prefers to dress \u201clike a boy\u201d and that has media critics blasting a 4 year old and calling her a transsexual.\u00a0 While it is beyond shameful to take jabs at a child in such a manner no matter who her parents are I think that Jolie handled the situation with honesty and integrity:<\/p>\n

\u201cChildren should be allowed to express themselves in whatever way they wish without anybody judging them because it is an important part of their growth. Society always has something to learn when it comes to the way we judge each other, label each other. We have far to go.\u201d<\/p>\n

As parents we too often let our child\u2019s behaviour reflect back our own insecurities.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 If Jolie was insecure she may have seen Shiloh\u2019s behaviour as reflecting badly on her parenting skills or on her own sexuality.\u00a0 Instead she makes the choice to see that it is not about her but about self expression and the magic of childhood.<\/p>\n

As pagan parents we tend to encourage \u201cdress up\u201d and mystical play.\u00a0 Children are naturally drawn to worlds of fantasy and if they say \u201cI\u2019m a dragon\u201d or \u201cI\u2019m the fairy of spring,\u201d wouldn\u2019t we encourage that and be delighted?\u00a0 I have a sneaking suspicion though, that when it comes to our child crossing gender boundaries many of us may start to get a little uncomfortable.\u00a0 What will the neighbours think?\u00a0 He will be judged by other children, so for his own good I\u2019ll make him dress masculine.\u00a0 All girls want to wear pretty dresses and play tea party, what\u2019s wrong with my child?\u00a0 Our own embarrassment starts to take over our actions and we let society\u2019s silly rules of sugar and spice or puppy dog\u2019s tails influence our parenting.\u00a0 Instead of unconditional love and space to explore themselves children learn to tow the line, not ruffle feathers and suppress their inner creativity.\u00a0\u00a0 That doesn\u2019t sound like a very pagan way of growing up to me.<\/p>\n

I realize that it is not as simple as the last paragraph makes it out to be. \u00a0There are people out there who are so afraid of gender bending that they become violent.\u00a0 Our first instinct is to protect our child from harm, so our perception of how others may judge them is an important tool that we need to keep our kid safe.\u00a0\u00a0 If you have concerns that your child may be judged or harmed that is something that you need to work through with them.\u00a0 When they are young you can perhaps encourage them to dress in their special outfits only at home or in a predetermined safe place.\u00a0 As they grow older you may find that it was a phase that they leave behind them or you may encounter a more serious need within them.\u00a0 If you do encounter this need I encourage being open minded.\u00a0 This is your child; they are still whole and wonderful.\u00a0 There are resources out there for parents to use for support if your child is transgender or confused about their sex.<\/p>\n

Within our traditions there are many interpretations of masculine and feminine energies.\u00a0 Some choose to see the traits in a more black and white sense because it makes them feel safe and ordered.\u00a0 In my world view though there is a lot of grey area.\u00a0 We all have male and female traits, energies and tendencies.\u00a0 When we are children those traits are much less rigid because we have less conditioning.\u00a0 I do not encourage my son to be masculine or feminine those tendencies are just there for him to act on as he comes across them.<\/p>\n

Angelina Jolie is taking the same approach with her daughter Shiloh.\u00a0 She doesn\u2019t want to judge her daughter and so she is being open to Shiloh\u2019s desires and guiding her towards finding her true self.<\/p>\n

Please search out help if you or someone you love is dealing with gender difficulties.\u00a0 Silence, shame and secrets are not the way to help your child or your family process these complex issues.<\/p>\n

The pagan community seems to me to be a perfect example of an arena for openness regarding sexuality and gender.\u00a0 Being open minded and non-judgemental goes way beyond religion in this day and age and as a burgeoning community we are poised to lead the way towards a healthy relationship with our sexual identities.<\/p>\n

TransActive: Supporting children & youth of all genders<\/a><\/p>\n

Transgender Family Resources<\/a><\/p>\n

Gender: Gender Roles and Stereotypes<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

What Parents Can Learn From Angelina Jolie I stumbled across this article recently and I must admit that I was very encouraged by the comments Angelina Jolie made about her daughter Shiloh\u2019s choice of clothing. Apparently Shiloh prefers to dress \u201clike a boy\u201d and that has media critics blasting a 4 year old and calling her a transsexual.\u00a0 While it is beyond shameful to take jabs at a child in such a manner no matter who her parents are I think that Jolie handled the situation with honesty and integrity: \u201cChildren should be allowed to express themselves in whatever way they wish without anybody judging them because it is an important part of their growth. Society always has something to learn when it comes to the way we judge each other, label each other. We have far to go.\u201d As parents we too often let our child\u2019s behaviour reflect back our own insecurities.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 If Jolie was insecure she may have seen Shiloh\u2019s behaviour as reflecting badly on her parenting skills or on her own sexuality.\u00a0 Instead she makes the choice to see that it is not about her but about self expression and the magic of childhood. As pagan parents we tend to encourage \u201cdress up\u201d and mystical play.\u00a0 Children are naturally drawn to worlds of fantasy and if they say \u201cI\u2019m a dragon\u201d or \u201cI\u2019m the fairy of spring,\u201d wouldn\u2019t we encourage that and be delighted?\u00a0 I have a sneaking suspicion though, that when it comes to our child crossing gender boundaries many of us may start to get a little uncomfortable.\u00a0 What will the neighbours think?\u00a0 He will be judged by other children, so for his own good I\u2019ll make him dress masculine.\u00a0 All girls want to wear pretty dresses and play tea party, what\u2019s wrong with my child?\u00a0 Our own embarrassment starts to take over our actions and we let society\u2019s silly rules of sugar and spice or puppy dog\u2019s tails influence our parenting.\u00a0 Instead of unconditional love and space to explore themselves children learn to tow the line, not ruffle feathers and suppress their inner creativity.\u00a0\u00a0 That doesn\u2019t sound like a very pagan way of growing up to me. I realize that it is not as simple as the last paragraph makes it out to be. \u00a0There are people out there who are so afraid of gender bending that they become violent.\u00a0 Our first instinct is to protect our child from harm, so our perception of how others may judge them is an important tool that we need to keep our kid safe.\u00a0\u00a0 If you have concerns that your child may be judged or harmed that is something that you need to work through with them.\u00a0 When they are young you can perhaps encourage them to dress in their special outfits only at home or in a predetermined safe place.\u00a0 As they grow older you may find that it was a phase that they leave behind them or you may encounter a more serious need within them.\u00a0 If you do encounter this need I encourage being open minded.\u00a0 This is your child; they are still whole and wonderful.\u00a0 There are resources out there for parents to use for support if your child is transgender or confused about their sex. Within our traditions there are many interpretations of masculine and feminine energies.\u00a0 Some choose to see the traits in a more black and white sense because it makes them feel safe and ordered.\u00a0 In my world view though there is a lot of grey area.\u00a0 We all have male and female traits, energies and tendencies.\u00a0 When we are children those traits are much less rigid because we have less conditioning.\u00a0 I do not encourage my son to be masculine or feminine those tendencies are just there for him to act on as he comes across them. Angelina Jolie is taking the same approach with her daughter Shiloh.\u00a0 She doesn\u2019t want to judge her daughter and so she is being open to Shiloh\u2019s desires and guiding her towards finding her true self. Please search out help if you or someone you love is dealing with gender difficulties.\u00a0 Silence, shame and secrets are not the way to help your child or your family process these complex issues. The pagan community seems to me to be a perfect example of an arena for openness regarding sexuality and gender.\u00a0 Being open minded and non-judgemental goes way beyond religion in this day and age and as a burgeoning community we are poised to lead the way towards a healthy relationship with our sexual identities. TransActive: Supporting children & youth of all genders Transgender Family Resources Gender: Gender Roles and Stereotypes<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":72,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"iawp_total_views":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4002","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/paganpages.org\/emagazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4002","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/paganpages.org\/emagazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/paganpages.org\/emagazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/paganpages.org\/emagazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/72"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/paganpages.org\/emagazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4002"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/paganpages.org\/emagazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4002\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3950,"href":"https:\/\/paganpages.org\/emagazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4002\/revisions\/3950"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/paganpages.org\/emagazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4002"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/paganpages.org\/emagazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4002"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/paganpages.org\/emagazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4002"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}