{"id":9319,"date":"2014-01-01T01:10:21","date_gmt":"2014-01-01T06:10:21","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/paganpages.org\/content\/?p=9636"},"modified":"2014-01-01T19:55:58","modified_gmt":"2014-01-02T00:55:58","slug":"bare-feet-on-an-earth-path-5","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/paganpages.org\/emagazine\/2014\/01\/01\/bare-feet-on-an-earth-path-5\/","title":{"rendered":"Bare Feet on an Earth path"},"content":{"rendered":"

How a New Age Book and a Cookie-Scented Candle Made Me a Better Pagan<\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

It was after the days had started growing longer and everything was pitch black both when I got out of bed and before I got home at night.\u00a0 Anxiety and depression have a way of flowing like a wave for me: life is pretty okay; nope, not anymore. Up, down, up, down.\u00a0 I was distinctly down, listening to \u201cTennis Court\u201d by Lorde on repeat because I realized it just sounds so sad<\/em>.\u00a0 And sad people like things like that.\u00a0 I thought about being pagan and I wondered what it had to offer me now, when I seemed to be falling and the floor was nowhere in sight.\u00a0 And then my husband lost his job, and there was some worry and fear thrown into the the spaces between the sad.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I’ve been struggling with paganism.\u00a0 I admit it.\u00a0 But I’m not embarrassed and it doesn’t make me a bad pagan, whatever-in-the-world that would be.\u00a0 I think many of us who are newer, but in a place past the wide-eyed enthusiasm and infatuation, are afraid to say it.\u00a0 Maybe it’s because we feel like being \u201cnew\u201d equals being \u201cless than.\u201d\u00a0 Like we won’t be taken seriously because we haven’t been at this for ten years.\u00a0 But it’s a thing that needs to be said, for the pagan community as a whole, and for people who are where I am.\u00a0 And it’s a thing that needs to be okay to say.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

As nonchalantly as we may have come to it, browsing through books in the bookstore or surfing the web, stepping into paganism is kind of a big deal.\u00a0 Because it’s change, and change is tough.\u00a0 There are new ways of looking at things and new things to do and all the newness can leave us feeling cold after a while, after the initial enthusiasm has faded and we realize that any lasting commitment to paganism is going to be tougher and less certain than those first books and websites. It will time to arrive at a place where we can find meaning and familiarity in pagan practices instead of just feeling overwhelmed by the sheer number of new things to choose from.\u00a0 When things are tough, I want to be at that place.\u00a0 Where my paganism is a niche I can snuggle comfortably into that is cozy on the best of days and familiar on the worst.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I’d been wondering where to look for answers.\u00a0 As a Christian, there was always a book or an altar to turn to.\u00a0 But the pagan world is a far more DIY sort-of-affair, which can be tough at times when you don’t feel like doing much for yourself.\u00a0 A lot of us are isolated from other pagans, so we might not have a mentor or friend to turn to and, let’s just say it, a lot of pagan books seem to be compendiums of spells or magickal advice. I think what I mostly needed was something steady that happened the same way over and over, day after day, like a friend you’re completely comfortable with.\u00a0 All the time I’d spent considering how I viewed the gods intellectually and deciding if I would be more accurately categorized as a pantheist or a panentheist wasn’t doing me any good now.\u00a0 The books that could tell me what color candle I needed on what day were inevitably leaving me empty.\u00a0 I needed something with heart.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I started at the bookstore because that’s what I do.\u00a0 I browsed the self-help section because once in a while you find something good inbetween all the similar-looking books about making your life be amazing.\u00a0 I picked up Gabrielle Bernstein’s book Spirit Junkie<\/em> to give it a third or fourth chance.\u00a0 I’d looked at it before but it always just sounded so…New Agey.\u00a0 But I finally decided to overlook that for the moment, and found a place to sit and read.\u00a0 I read and I thought and I read some more.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I went home and lit a candle that smelled like cookies because when I was a teenager I wanted nothing more than to be allowed to burn candles that smell like cookies and now I can.\u00a0 So I lit my candle and I decided to do a meditation I’d read about in the book.\u00a0 Breathe in, breathe out.\u00a0 Think \u201cI let go of my past, I release my future.\u201d\u00a0 All this was pretty doable, I thought, and doable is good when you feel like shit.\u00a0 So I did it. I just breathed, over and over, letting my gaze settle on the candle and letting the cookie scent waft up as the heat from the tiny flickering flame washed over my face.\u00a0 I did it, and it was alright.\u00a0 So I did it again the next day.\u00a0 And then again.\u00a0 And it felt good, like when I said \u201cI am love,\u201d sitting there on my bed with my candle, that I was able to melt into something greater.\u00a0 That I was<\/em> love, even though that sounds unacceptably New Agey and I’m really not even sure what it means.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

But the New Agey-ness didn’t matter, and it didn’t matter that I found it in a place that didn’t have much to do with being pagan, exactly.\u00a0 All that really matters is that that book and that cookie-smelling candle and my heart were able to work together to help me take a step on my darkened path, a step that helps me on my journey and that helps me in my struggle to make my pagan spirituality meaningful in my life.\u00a0 That struggle is important because that sort of wrestling is a part of any process that really matters.\u00a0 Especially when we’re new, but even if we’ve been around awhile, these sometimes-painful struggles will happen.\u00a0 The beautiful thing about them is that they make you grow and leave you more whole than they found you.\u00a0 So don’t be afraid of them.\u00a0 Keep your chin up because I’m rooting for you, and I hope you’re rooting for me.\u00a0 If someone asks what being pagan means to you and you talk about Awen or your relationship with Hestia, that’s awesome.\u00a0 But I think it’s also acceptable if I throw in some New Agey love and cookies.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

How a New Age Book and a Cookie-Scented Candle Made Me a Better Pagan   It was after the days had started growing longer and everything was pitch black both when I got out of bed and before I got home at night.\u00a0 Anxiety and depression have a way of flowing like a wave for me: life is pretty okay; nope, not anymore. Up, down, up, down.\u00a0 I was distinctly down, listening to \u201cTennis Court\u201d by Lorde on repeat because I realized it just sounds so sad.\u00a0 And sad people like things like that.\u00a0 I thought about being pagan and I wondered what it had to offer me now, when I seemed to be falling and the floor was nowhere in sight.\u00a0 And then my husband lost his job, and there was some worry and fear thrown into the the spaces between the sad.   I’ve been struggling with paganism.\u00a0 I admit it.\u00a0 But I’m not embarrassed and it doesn’t make me a bad pagan, whatever-in-the-world that would be.\u00a0 I think many of us who are newer, but in a place past the wide-eyed enthusiasm and infatuation, are afraid to say it.\u00a0 Maybe it’s because we feel like being \u201cnew\u201d equals being \u201cless than.\u201d\u00a0 Like we won’t be taken seriously because we haven’t been at this for ten years.\u00a0 But it’s a thing that needs to be said, for the pagan community as a whole, and for people who are where I am.\u00a0 And it’s a thing that needs to be okay to say.   As nonchalantly as we may have come to it, browsing through books in the bookstore or surfing the web, stepping into paganism is kind of a big deal.\u00a0 Because it’s change, and change is tough.\u00a0 There are new ways of looking at things and new things to do and all the newness can leave us feeling cold after a while, after the initial enthusiasm has faded and we realize that any lasting commitment to paganism is going to be tougher and less certain than those first books and websites. It will time to arrive at a place where we can find meaning and familiarity in pagan practices instead of just feeling overwhelmed by the sheer number of new things to choose from.\u00a0 When things are tough, I want to be at that place.\u00a0 Where my paganism is a niche I can snuggle comfortably into that is cozy on the best of days and familiar on the worst.   I’d been wondering where to look for answers.\u00a0 As a Christian, there was always a book or an altar to turn to.\u00a0 But the pagan world is a far more DIY sort-of-affair, which can be tough at times when you don’t feel like doing much for yourself.\u00a0 A lot of us are isolated from other pagans, so we might not have a mentor or friend to turn to and, let’s just say it, a lot of pagan books seem to be compendiums of spells or magickal advice. I think what I mostly needed was something steady that happened the same way over and over, day after day, like a friend you’re completely comfortable with.\u00a0 All the time I’d spent considering how I viewed the gods intellectually and deciding if I would be more accurately categorized as a pantheist or a panentheist wasn’t doing me any good now.\u00a0 The books that could tell me what color candle I needed on what day were inevitably leaving me empty.\u00a0 I needed something with heart.   I started at the bookstore because that’s what I do.\u00a0 I browsed the self-help section because once in a while you find something good inbetween all the similar-looking books about making your life be amazing.\u00a0 I picked up Gabrielle Bernstein’s book Spirit Junkie to give it a third or fourth chance.\u00a0 I’d looked at it before but it always just sounded so…New Agey.\u00a0 But I finally decided to overlook that for the moment, and found a place to sit and read.\u00a0 I read and I thought and I read some more.   I went home and lit a candle that smelled like cookies because when I was a teenager I wanted nothing more than to be allowed to burn candles that smell like cookies and now I can.\u00a0 So I lit my candle and I decided to do a meditation I’d read about in the book.\u00a0 Breathe in, breathe out.\u00a0 Think \u201cI let go of my past, I release my future.\u201d\u00a0 All this was pretty doable, I thought, and doable is good when you feel like shit.\u00a0 So I did it. I just breathed, over and over, letting my gaze settle on the candle and letting the cookie scent waft up as the heat from the tiny flickering flame washed over my face.\u00a0 I did it, and it was alright.\u00a0 So I did it again the next day.\u00a0 And then again.\u00a0 And it felt good, like when I said \u201cI am love,\u201d sitting there on my bed with my candle, that I was able to melt into something greater.\u00a0 That I was love, even though that sounds unacceptably New Agey and I’m really not even sure what it means.   But the New Agey-ness didn’t matter, and it didn’t matter that I found it in a place that didn’t have much to do with being pagan, exactly.\u00a0 All that really matters is that that book and that cookie-smelling candle and my heart were able to work together to help me take a step on my darkened path, a step that helps me on my journey and that helps me in my struggle to make my pagan spirituality meaningful in my life.\u00a0 That struggle is important because that sort of wrestling is a part of any process that really matters.\u00a0 Especially when we’re new, but even if we’ve been around awhile, these sometimes-painful struggles will happen.\u00a0 The beautiful thing about them is that they make you grow and leave you more whole than they found you.\u00a0 So don’t be afraid of them.\u00a0 Keep your chin up because I’m rooting for you, and I hope you’re rooting for me.\u00a0 If someone asks what being pagan means to you and you talk about Awen or your relationship with Hestia, that’s awesome.\u00a0 But I think it’s also acceptable if I throw in some New Agey love and cookies.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":201,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"iawp_total_views":1,"footnotes":""},"categories":[],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-9319","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/paganpages.org\/emagazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9319","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/paganpages.org\/emagazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/paganpages.org\/emagazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/paganpages.org\/emagazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/201"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/paganpages.org\/emagazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=9319"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/paganpages.org\/emagazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9319\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/paganpages.org\/emagazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=9319"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/paganpages.org\/emagazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=9319"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/paganpages.org\/emagazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=9319"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}