{"id":9719,"date":"2014-04-01T01:10:58","date_gmt":"2014-04-01T06:10:58","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/paganpages.org\/content\/?p=10050"},"modified":"2014-03-29T12:21:10","modified_gmt":"2014-03-29T17:21:10","slug":"signposts-11","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/paganpages.org\/emagazine\/2014\/04\/01\/signposts-11\/","title":{"rendered":"Signposts"},"content":{"rendered":"

Mixed Marriages<\/strong><\/p>\n

I’ve been on a Pagan path for almost four years.\u00a0 It has truly been an amazing experience so far – I’ve learned so much that I would not have studied and met people that I would not have met otherwise.\u00a0 I’ve had experiences that have reshaped my outlook on life, my relationships, and the world in general.\u00a0 I’ve gone through a lot and I’ve changed because of it.<\/p>\n

This is all fine and well for me, but, for my wife, and our relationship, it has been a real challenge.\u00a0 My wife is Christian (one of the good ones).\u00a0 This has honestly been the hardest part of becoming Pagan.<\/p>\n

It was especially difficult in the beginning.\u00a0 It was really hard to describe what I was going through and what I was feeling.\u00a0 It was next to impossible to explain what my beliefs were since I didn’t quite know myself.\u00a0 I just knew something about this path was calling to me and it felt like the right direction to take.<\/p>\n

Conversations are really tough.\u00a0 I made a change that I felt called to make but it obviously wasn’t what she wanted.\u00a0 Because we wanted to work this out without our children around our conversations usually started late at night and ended even later, usually with both of us tired and a more than a little frustrated.\u00a0 Not a great combination.\u00a0 But, as it turns out, we needed to have those talks (and still do).<\/p><\/div>\n

\n
\nI was very defensive when we first talked about it and, quite frankly, I was also selfish.\u00a0 It was her problem, not mine, to understand and get used to the changes in me and what I now stood for.\u00a0 I often hid from my own lack of understanding and pushed her away as she retreated.<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
\nMy relationship with Paganism is not something my wife really understands.\u00a0 She doesn’t feel called to it the way I do.\u00a0\u00a0 This is a hard balancing act – respecting her beliefs while practicing my own.\u00a0 It’s just as hard for her.<\/div>\n
\nIt’s also hard for her because there isn’t really a good support system for the spouses of Pagan folk.\u00a0 Finding someone in a similar situation is hard.\u00a0 Most of the Pagans I know are either with another Pagan or someone without a religious affiliation.\u00a0 Those I know in a mixed relationship are the opposite of us – the wife is Pagan and the husband is Christian.<\/div>\n
\nAs we move through this together I’ve found that open communication is critical to helping her understand what I’m learning and what I’m going through.\u00a0 But I also have to listen.\u00a0 It helps me to understand where she is on her path and how I can help her.\u00a0 I try not to be as selfish and remember that her beliefs are just as sacred to her as mine are to me, even if I don’t follow her path.\u00a0 In other words, she deserves from me what I’m asking of her.<\/div>\n
\nThe signpost for me is that although changes can happen quickly we have to take the time and effort to acclimate to them.\u00a0 I’ve had to work on being more patient, allowing my wife to take in all that has changed in our lives, and work on my communication.\u00a0 She tries to learn and understand more about my path and support me.\u00a0 She wants to know where I am spiritually and truly wants me to be happy.\u00a0 Things aren’t perfect between us\u00a0but we’re closer than we have been – she even attends some Pagan events with me and I attend Christian events with her.<\/div>\n
\n
\nLife is interesting and we should embrace the things that make it so.\u00a0 We each believe in something that is truly fantastic and amazing, even if that something is very different.<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

Anyone out there in a “mixed relationship”?\u00a0 How do you cope with the differences without becoming little more than roommates?\u00a0 Does your partner participate in your rituals?\u00a0 Do you participate in theirs?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Mixed Marriages I’ve been on a Pagan path for almost four years.\u00a0 It has truly been an amazing experience so far – I’ve learned so much that I would not have studied and met people that I would not have met otherwise.\u00a0 I’ve had experiences that have reshaped my outlook on life, my relationships, and the world in general.\u00a0 I’ve gone through a lot and I’ve changed because of it. This is all fine and well for me, but, for my wife, and our relationship, it has been a real challenge.\u00a0 My wife is Christian (one of the good ones).\u00a0 This has honestly been the hardest part of becoming Pagan. It was especially difficult in the beginning.\u00a0 It was really hard to describe what I was going through and what I was feeling.\u00a0 It was next to impossible to explain what my beliefs were since I didn’t quite know myself.\u00a0 I just knew something about this path was calling to me and it felt like the right direction to take. Conversations are really tough.\u00a0 I made a change that I felt called to make but it obviously wasn’t what she wanted.\u00a0 Because we wanted to work this out without our children around our conversations usually started late at night and ended even later, usually with both of us tired and a more than a little frustrated.\u00a0 Not a great combination.\u00a0 But, as it turns out, we needed to have those talks (and still do). I was very defensive when we first talked about it and, quite frankly, I was also selfish.\u00a0 It was her problem, not mine, to understand and get used to the changes in me and what I now stood for.\u00a0 I often hid from my own lack of understanding and pushed her away as she retreated. My relationship with Paganism is not something my wife really understands.\u00a0 She doesn’t feel called to it the way I do.\u00a0\u00a0 This is a hard balancing act – respecting her beliefs while practicing my own.\u00a0 It’s just as hard for her. It’s also hard for her because there isn’t really a good support system for the spouses of Pagan folk.\u00a0 Finding someone in a similar situation is hard.\u00a0 Most of the Pagans I know are either with another Pagan or someone without a religious affiliation.\u00a0 Those I know in a mixed relationship are the opposite of us – the wife is Pagan and the husband is Christian. As we move through this together I’ve found that open communication is critical to helping her understand what I’m learning and what I’m going through.\u00a0 But I also have to listen.\u00a0 It helps me to understand where she is on her path and how I can help her.\u00a0 I try not to be as selfish and remember that her beliefs are just as sacred to her as mine are to me, even if I don’t follow her path.\u00a0 In other words, she deserves from me what I’m asking of her. The signpost for me is that although changes can happen quickly we have to take the time and effort to acclimate to them.\u00a0 I’ve had to work on being more patient, allowing my wife to take in all that has changed in our lives, and work on my communication.\u00a0 She tries to learn and understand more about my path and support me.\u00a0 She wants to know where I am spiritually and truly wants me to be happy.\u00a0 Things aren’t perfect between us\u00a0but we’re closer than we have been – she even attends some Pagan events with me and I attend Christian events with her. Life is interesting and we should embrace the things that make it so.\u00a0 We each believe in something that is truly fantastic and amazing, even if that something is very different. Anyone out there in a “mixed relationship”?\u00a0 How do you cope with the differences without becoming little more than roommates?\u00a0 Does your partner participate in your rituals?\u00a0 Do you participate in theirs?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":196,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"iawp_total_views":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-9719","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/paganpages.org\/emagazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9719","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/paganpages.org\/emagazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/paganpages.org\/emagazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/paganpages.org\/emagazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/196"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/paganpages.org\/emagazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=9719"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/paganpages.org\/emagazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9719\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/paganpages.org\/emagazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=9719"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/paganpages.org\/emagazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=9719"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/paganpages.org\/emagazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=9719"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}