Pagan Parenting

Pulling Up Roots: Home Transitions with Pagan Children

It is human nature to put down roots.  Our community, our home, they are not just where our hearts are but where our roots can push into the earth and bring us grounding.  As pagans we tend to set down roots or acknowledge them in a concrete way.  A hedgewitch may be intimate with every square foot of woods behind her house, a city dwelling druid may have deep conversation with the oak tree that shades his apartment balcony, and the Wiccan family can make a sacred space in their sunroom where each member can rejuvenate in times of stress.  All of these situations and the many millions more that arise in the small moments of our lives can create a strong bond with where we live.  The place that holds our living is full of routine, schedules, meals, laughter, tears and rest.  We rely on home to bring us a sense of peace, shelter and familiarity.

Children need a sense of security and bond to place more than adults do.  They are not as capable of finding anchors for security within their bodies until they are much older, so they rely on their caregivers and their home for their grounding.  When faced with moving to a new house it is very important to prepare children, even more so than the logistical aspects like packing and cleaning.  Depending on what age and stage your child is at they can participate and comprehend the moving of the family abode in different ways and personality will definitely determine how they are affected as well.

For babies and toddlers as long as you are there they will probably transition the easiest.  Your smell, warmth and voice are all they need to be at home.   But from pre-school age on you may want to be more proactive and give your child time to adjust and time to let go.  For some this is the only home they have ever known and taking away the familiarity of these walls will send them into a frenzy that can alter their otherwise happy disposition into one of frustration or fear.   Try and keep your own feelings about your current home to yourself (like this kitchen is cramped, our neighbours are rude or even, I love my garden and I hate to leave it) unless you are sharing them as a way to connect with your child about their own feelings.  Let them share how they view this home,  asking them how they feel about the view from their bedroom window could open up a new way of looking at this house that you never even thought of.  Most importantly when preparing your child and even yourself for the transition of houses, towns or countries you should try and give your kids some tools to help the process and let their spiritual selves move through the change with the least amount of upheaval as possible.

One way to aide is through visualization.  A popular pagan visualization and grounding tool is the tree of life grounding exercise that many use to balance their energy before ritual.  I have adapted a version that one can use with their child to begin the letting go process.  I recommend starting this as early as possible before the moving date and going over it together once a day or so, perhaps before bedtime or at any quiet moment in the day. The comments in brackets are for helping you adapt the visualization to your child and circumstances.  Be creative and really personalize this so that your child can get the most out of it.

Unfurling the Roots of Home

Close your eyes and take a deep breath

Feel the breath go in through your nose and out through your mouth

Let your body relax with each breath and let all the stress in your body go

(continue breathing for 3 or 4 more breath cycles)

Now, imagine a cord is coming out of your tailbone

It goes all the way down to the floor and ties you to this room and this house

(name some specific places or things that the child is fond of for example, your root is around the tree you love to climb in the backyard or in the bathtub where you love to play in the water)

This is your home, your safe place.  These roots connect you to memories, good times (name some), sad times, these are coming with us when we leave this house

The memories will stay inside you ( I would also recommend taking photos or using drawing or journaling to help record memories that a child may have anxiety about leaving)

Now your cord, your root is starting to unfurl

Slowly the root is letting go of this place, the walls of your room and the stove in the kitchen where we make dinner together

Your root is leaving this home that we have loved so much

Your connection to this place is special and will stay with you

You are safe to let go of this home and soon we will put our roots down in a new place and make it special and our own too just like we did here.

After the move you may want to help your kids adjust by creating a similar visualization around putting roots down.  Start small if you’ve had a big move to a new city, state or province.   Start in the actual house and move out slowly into the community.  Give your child the space to create new roots at their own pace especially if they seem to be experiencing difficulty letting go of your previous home.

Here’s to a smooth and happy move for the whole family.