Pagan Parenting

Jumping into the Cauldron

In my estimation the most written about topic in the pagan parenting community is the discussion regarding whether or not to raise your children pagan.  I have read perspectives of both sides and must say that each have valid points, all of which are dependent upon personal circumstances such as: geographical location, broader family acceptance and the spiritual philosophy of the parent/s.  Today I’m going to throw my two cents into the mix and broaden the spectrum of this topic to include any religion that a parent may follow not just the pagan path.

I believe that the core of this debate is based in a parent’s personal philosophy regarding the education of their child.  As primary caregivers we are responsible for teaching our children to eat, walk, and talk.  We instill manners, help them learn to dress, in short we teach them the basics of life as we know it; how to simply be human.

Next we begin to help with reading, writing, social interactions, and around this time our own actions begin to influence them.  They observe us in our day-to-day functions, relating to others, handling stress, working, cooking, and participating in the community.  They learn from our actions, take cues from what they see and the “nurture” parts of who they are form because of us.   For better or worse this occurs.  Here is where values, ethics and spirituality go hand and hand.  If your religious philosophy dictates that your offspring must be raised in the same tradition as your own you begin to teach your child all the lessons that your path holds.  There may be other community members that share the teaching duties like clergy, friends or family members and in some cases you may leave the teaching to others entirely rather than take the reins on that education yourself.  In the very least my hope is that you guide this spiritual/religious study and keep watch over the interpretation of the lessons that your child may absorb.   Be prepared for the possibility that when your child comes of age they reject your religion regardless of how successful you felt you were in their spiritual upbringing.

If you are of a more free form mindset you may have decided to let your child pick his or her own path when they are older.  This idea is valid since forcing your path onto your child can cause tension later on or rebellion from it altogether.  In several discussions on this choice I have heard the poignant perspective that while letting your child discover what path they want to pursue is admirable leaving them flapping in the wind with no direction at all is unfair.  After all one can only learn about the different world religions if they are exposed to them and if you are left completely to your own devices at a young age you may find that shopping, video games or watching movies is more worthy of your time than finding a spiritual path.  With that in mind the parent who wants to let their child discover their own belief system should still help them navigate the many religions and expose them to ideas if they want their child to have any success at determining where they want to be.

My own philosophy is still developing since my child is very young.  He is exposed to my belief system and his father’s.  My husband and I do not have the same beliefs but we have created a space for our son to navigate through the several religious choices that he has within just our family.  When the time is right and if his interest branches beyond our family’s borders we will walk him through the decisions that he will face and hopefully have healthy discussions about values and ethics and religion in general.  I take the education of my son’s spiritual self to be as important as learning math, English or computers.  He does not need to agree with my view of the cosmos or his father’s perspective on the existence of God, but he needs to know where he stands in relation to the questions of why we are here, what his purpose in life is and how he wants to bring ritual, celebration and meaning into his life.  I consider that to be part of my job in raising him to be a well rounded human being who will contribute to society and feel that he has a place on this planet.

Whether or not you decide that your children will be raised to call themselves Pagan or Christian or Hindu the work of parenting a spiritual child is complex.  The outcomes of your choices are nearly impossible to predict but enriching your child’s life with a sense or ritual, magic and tradition can give them lasting memories of a happy family pursuit regardless of which religion or spiritual path they make take in adulthood.  Hopefully when you come from a place of love and openness your child will have the freedom to become who they are meant to be without feeling pressured to fulfill your idea of how one should be a spiritual person.