Greetings from Afar

The Teddybear on My Desk

You never saw him while you were here.
You’d have laughed just like the rest.
You’d have thought it was ‘quaint’ or ‘funny’,
Or ‘a little bit nuts’ at best.

You’d have thought he was old and ‘dated’.
You’d have thought it some kind of jest.
So when you came to call, I hid him from you —
The Teddybear on my desk.

He’s right back where he belongs now.
Right where he’s always been.
Back where he smiles at everyone
And they smile back at him.

Among the clutter and photos,
Ledgers and books and the rest
He sits and stares and smiles at me;
The Teddybear on my desk.

I built him a little pedestal
His very own special place
So the first thing I see in the morning
Is his smiling velveteen face.

For fifteen years he’s sat there
Smiling his velveteen smile.
For fifteen year he’s waited
To be loved by a little child.

I missed the chance when it first came
To send him on his trip like so many chances slip.
But he still sits and in his ‘captain’s suit’,
Waiting to ‘catch his ship’.

The child that would love him is gone now,
But in our minds we still see
The memories of fading memories
Of how things ‘used to be’.

Letters and presents and post cards —
And the ‘special’ little bears.
They’re nothing now but memories.
Memories clouded by tears.

Remember the first of those little bears?
I remember him very well.
He was ‘born’ the same day that you were.
The second ‘baby’ I held.

He’s been with you every day of your life —
With you in sickness and health.
He was with you the day that I kissed you ‘goodbye’
For a trip that has turned into death.

Maybe one day there’ll be a child to love this little bear
To hold him close and show him that someone really cares.
To hold and love and play with him for another fifteen years
To be his ‘little buddy’ in spite of a few ‘gray hairs’.

He’ll hold him at night and play with him
And be his little friend —
He’ll  love him as much as I do
To completely different ends.

Another little boy will love him
Just like his ‘first’ one would.
Like no other little boy would have,
And no other little boy could.

He’s waited for years for that moment
When like another little bear
He’ll never know anything but love
And forget my bitter tears.

He’s not as young as he once was,
But he’s still as neat and prim.
And there have been times when people
Would stop and ask about him.

I only give them a smile and wink and maybe a little nod.
The story of the little bear is between myself and God.
And one other person I know who hurts
And has walked the same road that we’ve trod.

It’s hard to be brave when the memories come
Through the empty, bitter years.
Memories of half a lifetime
That never fade or dim.

But the little bear gives me comfort —
Button eyes and velveteen smile,
And cute little suit  and soft brown hair
Made to be loved by a child.

So I’ve kept him safely all these years
As neat as neat can be
And he ‘does’ bring love and comfort
Even if just for me.

They’ve always said that ‘Hope dies last’
Maybe it’s even true.
Maybe one day he’ll frolic where he’s always been meant to be –
In the arms of a loving little boy who will never remember me.

Maybe one day we’ll both get ‘home’–
Catch that long-lost ship
And a ‘big’ little boy will meet us
At the end of that final trip.

Until that day he’ll be my little bear
A reminder of things still dear.
And he’ll comfort me and smile at me
Like he has for all these years,

I’ll hold him and stroke his velveteen fur
And smooth his little suit.
I’ll stroke his cute little velveteen head and cute little velveteen ears.
And I’ll gaze at his cute little button eyes as I dry these bitter tears.

© 2012 by Dr.  J. Lee Choron. There are no rights to republication of this poem available either as a paid or unpaid work.