A Simple Path: Journey of a Hedgewitch

Last month I received some feedback from folks who read my column, and who also live in not-necessarily pagan households. Some of them are accepted and valued for their beliefs and others were ridiculed and disrespected because of them.
As a full time witch in a partially pagan household, I can completely relate to this dilemma, and have the utmost empathy for those who still live in the shrouded secrecy of Olde, even in their own homes.

My husband is not a pagan. He is a devotee of the study of science and all things provable. His religious experiences can be summed up in his answer to family members who ask, “Why don’t you go to church, anymore?”. His reply, “I was released on time served”.

5 years ago, when I came to a complete realization and embrace of my inner-witch, I decided to “come out to him” almost immediately. I am the world’s worst liar, and my collection of odd bits and bobs began amassing right away. I couldn’t hide it for long.

He openly referred to my practice as “hocus pocus” and wondered how someone as intelligent as he knew me to be, could be taken in by such superstitious nonsense.
It hurt me to see him behave in such a way, but I also knew him, and knew it wouldn’t have mattered what spiritual path I might have chosen, he was not going to be with me on it.

Then, he got the really terrible burn, which was a fright for us both, because it was the first time I ever had to question “Can I handle this, or should he be taken to the ER right now?”.  I felt the goddess in me, urging me on, and I made the call to handle this emergency myself.
I soaked rags in an infusion of cooling, healing herbs and laid them on the wound, replacing them with fresh, icy cold ones every few minutes. In the meantime, it gave me the chance to get to the stove and to my books.
I melted beeswax and lanolin and sweet almond oil, and added comfrey, witch hazel and st john’s wort. I added other things, as well, writing each one down as I went.
I stood stirring, chanting and pouring my intentions into the brew for over an hour, with tiny breaks to change cool rags.
When the salve was finished, and I had taken the burn out of the burn, I slathered it entirely and prayed over the wound.

By the next morning, most of the burn had come out of the area.
After a week of repeated use of the salve, the pain was entirely gone.
Within a month, there was no longer a scar.
We used the leftover salve on absolutely everything and everything it touched was magically healed.

That was the one moment I go back to, when I see where my husband turned the corner, about my beliefs. He saw what kind of energy I put into the salve, and he saw how quickly he healed using it.
From that day, it was no longer hocus pocus.

Now, since then, almost 4 years ago, he has come no closer to becoming a pagan, and this suits me fine, as I am not recruiting. (In my heart, the only true “sin” is evangelism).
However, he has done his scientific homework, and found that aside from mythology, all the historical aspects do indicate that much of the world was pagan by nature before the big religions came along.
He has seen that so much of Christianity was ‘borrowed’ from pagan ritual, and as a Celtic descendant, he has found comfort in the addition of such into our own family holiday celebrations.

There has been much negotiation between us to navigate the differences in our spirituality and religious inclinations. We now coexist peacefully, in what I like to all a pagan-friendly environment.

I have come a long way from hiding out with my stones and herbs in the master bathroom. This evolution has been very gradual.
The most important things I learned along this journey toward acceptance might be able to help others in a similar situation, and I include them here, for that purpose.
Everyone’s life is different, and this is by no means a complete list, or a how-to guide. They are merely my observations.

1. Create sacred space. Always have a place- a chair, a room, a corner, a spot in the garage- to call your own. Make it a comfortable place where you will feel drawn to come and spend time. If you have a table or surface, you can create a mini altar of objects which have meaning to you. Even a vase of seasonal flowers or foliage or a picture can be meaningful, so don’t be limited by what people will think. Sometimes a sacred space only appears sacred to you. Spend time in your sacred space every day. Commune with the Divine and think on things which uplift. It is a wonderful place to count your blessings. Focus on what we have manifests more. Focus on what we don’t have manifests less. It is really a simple and powerful way to change our attitudes, and therefore our lives.

2. Calmly allow dialogue between “warring factions“. When your spouse or others wish to tell you about their beliefs, allow for that. Be supportive and understanding, no matter how different they are from your own. Don’t always expect it to be reciprocal, because many people just aren’t ready to give up the vilified version of the witch, yet. We teach much more by example.
Other people’s perceptions of what we believe are not as important as what we believe. Don’t allow yourself to feel diminished by their inability to share your beliefs.

3. Embrace the aspects of the relationship which do feed your soul. I know this is almost the same as counting your blessings, but in particular, be mindful of the aspects of your relationship that give you life and promote your well-being. Try not to fixate on your differences.

4. Love yourself, and your mate, as the goddess loves us. Unconditionally and without reservation. When our loved ones know they are loved and cared for, our differences can be minimized. When our feelings are safe, we can grow and develop as we need to. This goes both for our mates and children but also for ourselves. Be patient when you or they fall short of your expectations. We all make mistakes and all have a chance to learn from them.

5. Remember that your spirituality is important to you. Regardless of what others think or believe, we are strong and powerful warriors in our own right. Feed your spirituality every chance you get. Read, study, meditate, fellowship with others of like mind. The internet has opened up an opportunity for us to seek out fellowship from those who live on other continents who share our same ideals. Reach out to those who offer their wisdom and spend time in the company of folks who believe as you do.

6. Above all, know that there will be times when your non-pagan family will be gone or asleep. This is an opportunity to carry out more elaborate ritual activities that might draw unfavorable attention when they are about. There are some ritual activities which must be done, even if it means staying up until 2am to do them. Cleansing and blessing the home is one such task. Simple rituals are the most powerful, so don’t worry how long it takes or how many supplies you have. Just make sure you do it.