Of Nymphs and Gnomes

I chose the name “Of nymphs and gnomes” for my column because I lived my teenage years as a rollercoaster ride, where one word would make me very powerful and feeling good, but another would make me feel like a worthless pile of nothing. So I guess what I’m trying to say with this title is that even though you feel like some awkward gnome who everyone stares at as they walk by, you will soon enough feel like a powerful nymph who is capable of so much. And who knows, probably when you’re feeling gnome-y someone surely perceives you as the nymph.

Being a teen pagan is very challenging path to embark on. To feel almost shunned from normal teenage society because you don’t care only about clothes, the other sex and music but also about your spiritual wellbeing. To be wise at the age 16 or so isn’t easy. But it’s worth it, million times over.

I started studying Wicca around the age of fourteen. Luckily, I had some friends that shared my interests in the occult, and I had some that didn’t. My “down to earth” friends would freak out when the words “witch” or “wicca” was mentioned. Actually, anything beginning with the letter w- had a strange effect on them. I got used to the “are you crazy or just weird?”-look fairly early, and now I’ve developed an almost instant reaction. When I get the “are you crazy or just weird?”-look I bring up my “I don’t know, are you?”-look and that takes care of it, in 90% of the cases.

For example, take a very recent incident. I was sitting in the cafeteria at work, reading a book for solitary Wiccans, trying to get some inspiration for this column, when a guy from work got curious and asked about it. I told him exactly what I was reading and I got the look previously mentioned. But before I could throw my famous look at him he asked me to sell the idea of this religion to him. Convince him that it wasn’t a load of… you know what. But I told him I wouldn’t. He was baffled and little offended I think. You probably all know this already, but pagans don’t sell their ideas. The information is out there for everyone if they care to look. I personally believe that if you are meant to become a pagan you will find it, no matter what. Like all of you, teenagers from around the world, from different cultures, different backgrounds, still find something common here, in paganism that makes you feel a little bit more at home, it makes you belong somewhere. Because belief isn’t something read in a book, it’s in your heart.

I live in a small town where everybody knows everyone, and when I was a teenager I was apparently often the biggest gossip for the parents. They couldn’t stop talking about that weird girl that obviously had some problems. But I didn’t care then, and I care even less now. Because now I’m living on my own with my boyfriend, I do great at work and see, I’m also a columnist.

Honestly, few years back I never thought I’d make to my twenties. The only thing that would keep me going was the love I had for the God and Goddess. The love I still have. Whenever I was feeling down all I had to do was look around and I would see this beautiful world around me. Birds singing, the sun shining on my cheek, it’s all a wonder of nature, these things we take for granted. So, next time you’re walking outside, take a moment and breath deeply, relax and just look around appreciating what you see. It’s perfectly amazing.

Maybe you would like to know how my family took the news about me being pagan. Well, I didn’t tell them until I had been a pagan for almost two or three years. My mother took it pretty easy, and my dad… Well, they divorced when I was ten and he’s not around much so I haven’t told him. Guess he’s going to get a shock when I won’t christen my children when it comes to that. Anyway, my mom was pretty cool with it which I was really surprised about, but later I realised she thought it was only a hobby for me. She flipped out when I de-registered from the Lutheran church; it became too real for her then. But I took my decision based on a lot of thought and it came down to two things. I could either pretend I wasn’t serious about my religion, and feel constantly bad about it, or I could own up to my ideals even though it might be shocking to my family, and feel good about it and stop hiding in my shadow. I know that for some of you telling the parents is not an option, and that’s ok. I couldn’t bring myself to do it for years. My siblings still find the idea weird and I know I will never ever be asked to be a godparent for my gorgeous little nephews and nieces. That hurts sometimes, but it has never even occurred to me to take it all back, or rejoin Christianity. I belong here, and I’m positively sure that you do too.

And please, e-mail me with any questions you have and I’ll try to answer and/or cover in my next column. Next topics will include closer look at the family reaction, how to deal with prejudice in society, how to size out good information and other ideas I’ll get along the way.

Take care and may the God and Goddess light your way.

author bio:

Kolbrun Lilja is a solitary Wiccan from the artic island Iceland. Kolbrun means “dark hair and skin” and Lilja means “Lily”. Kolbrun grew up with four siblings and since money was often tight she become very involved with charity as she grew older. She is a member of various charity foundations, and also cares for two children in Asia by donating money for their essentials and their education. She hopes to set an example among young people in her society by encouraging others to do the same.

Kolbrun, or Kiky as she likes to be called, loves animals, gardening, reading and poetry. Her hobbies include writing poems and all sort of stories.