The Warrior Goddess
Positive Self Image
Before you can really learn anything about improving yourself, you have to truly believe that you can do it. Every time the words “I can’t” or “that’s impossible” enter into your vocabulary, you are setting yourself up for failure. Even worse, I have discovered, are the words “I’m trying”. It is ok to try in the original sense of the word… for instance, you can try food to see what it tastes like, but in the end there is either “I like it” or “I don’t like it”. In the sense of trying to do something, still, in the end, there is either “I did it” or “I didn’t do it”. Somehow I am reminded of Yoda here (thank you George Lucas)… there is either ‘do’ or ‘do not’; there is no ‘try’.
In the case of positive self image there really needs to be a quick change over from trying all the time to actually having one… because frankly, this is not a situation where you can try for a long time. If you are trying, you simply don’t have one. If you do not have a positive self image, if you do not believe you can do what you set out to do, then you will not accomplish all that you are capable of in life. If you want to be a Warrior Goddess, you must have confidence in yourself that you can accomplish anything you set your mind to. You must also not let your self confidence fail when what you set your mind to do does not work out.
So what is the biggest challenge presented to us that works against a positive self image? I bet most of you reading this will have the thought of “beauty” or something similar come into your head. Did the word “weight” come in there? Well… you would be among the majority. Body image is a huge challenge for us. So many women do not feel desirable if they are not model thin or action movie star muscular; so many of us associate our beauty and desirability with weight. It is truly a challenge not to; since most of what we see on television (there’s that dirty word again) and in magazines tells us that this is what desirable and beautiful women look like. It is true that even sometimes our own mates tell us that we need to lose weight; many times because they are worried about our health and are under the mistaken impression that weight is equal to good health; but unfortunately, many times because they are shallow asses.
Let me give you an experience from my own life that will give you an example of how pressured women are by society at large to be thin so that they feel beautiful, desirable and/or successful. In high school I exercised all the time. I would walk 6 to 10 miles a day. I would play racquetball. I was in marching band which is no small feat in the hot Florida sun. I am 5’4” tall and I weighed, at the time, 170 pounds. I wanted to go into the Navy to play in the Navy band. I auditioned and made it into the band hands down… but they told me I had to lose weight before I graduated high school or I could not get in. This only confirmed to me what the students of the school had already been telling me… I was fat and therefore, I was ugly.
I had such a low self image in high school, despite the fact that I was first chair in band, playing in televised music broadcasts for Disney, playing with a college band while still in high school and one of the best musicians in the state… I thought I was a loser and good for nothing. Why? Because I was fat and therefore ugly. I could not get a date and when I did, they would not admit they dated me. I let myself be treated like dirt.
So I sought to lose weight. I started eating only one meal a day, maybe two, and I began to exercise more. I lost 5 pounds. When I went to the entrance exam area for the Navy, I was still considered over weight at 165 pounds, so they did a measure test and passed me just barely at 33% body fat. I was considered, by their measurements, obese. So now I went back and exercised more and ate only salads. I ran in sauna suits and did things that endangered my health. I graduated high school and then I went back to the testing area. I weighed 160 pounds, still considered over weight. So they measured me again. According to the measurements this time, I was 36% body fat! So I was not allowed in the Navy.
This made it so I was not allowed to do what I had been trying for a year to accomplish (and planned my future around) because I was fat. How do you think this made me feel? It didn’t help that I was still made fun of for being fat by my school mates. Even my own friends made me feel fat, mostly because they felt fat too and I saw them as beautiful (and if THEY were fat, gods, I must have been behemoth). Well, this took a nuke to my already shell shocked self confidence. I got very depressed. Fortunately, I managed to work myself out of it and develop a positive body image from there.
Now, think about my weight that I told you, and my height. Think about how many times I was told I was fat. Think about how heavy I was. With that in mind, listen to this… when I weighed 170 pounds, I was a size 12. When I weighed 160 pounds, I was a size 9. A size 9 is NOT fat. Neither is a size 12, but that is beside the point… It was only later, upon being educated, that I discovered that muscle weighs more than fat. It also makes it really difficult to wear tiny sized clothing since it doesn’t squish in like fat does. Oh yeah, and that body fat test… the measuring test has a margin of error so big I could have been up to 7% higher OR LOWER than they measured me… which explains how I lost 5 pounds and gained 3% body fat in their eyes.
The point of this story is… society is unfair towards people. We are expected to put ourselves into a box to feel successful and beautiful. It is not just in size and shape… it is in everything. We are subconsciously told things such as “body fat is ugly” or “you are not successful unless you make money” or “you are not likable unless you have lots of friends” or “you are not loved unless you have sex”. As pagans we need to break free from this box and start appreciating ourselves for our individuality. As Warrior Goddesses we need to fight this negative conditioning for both ourselves and other women of the world.
How do we do this? Well I will tell you, it isn’t easy. I believe I am beautiful, powerful and successful. I am loved, both by myself and by my friends and family. I know this. I am sure of it. However, I still have days where I feel bad. When do I feel this way? Well, when I am around others who feel this way and I am too tired to fight against it. When it is just me or my husband and me I feel fine. When I am around friends or family who feel fat, ugly, like a loser or otherwise unhappy, it is much more difficult to keep up the energy. However, it is something I keep trying to do. This is why I feel it is important not just to improve my own self image, but to help others improve theirs.
So here is what I challenge you to do on your journey to becoming a Warrior Goddess. Number one, throw out of your life anything you think is causing a negative self image. If you weigh yourself and think “I am so fat”, throw out your damn scale. If you have to weigh yourself for competition sports as I do, then only do it when you absolutely have to. Of course weigh yourself if you must for medications and such, but again don’t think of yourself as ugly because you are “over weight”. If you are in a relationship and your partner tells you that you are fat, ask them not to. If they are degrading to you, either seek counseling or dump them because anyone who degrades you does not deserve you. Do what you must to remove the negative image inducers from your life.
I am not saying dump anyone who is negative; just simply ask them not to be negative around you. Of course, if it were me, if I asked them to stop and they didn’t, I would limit my exposure until I was sure of myself. Remember, pulling yourself out of negative self image is like an oxygen mask on a damaged air plane… take care of you first and then the person who needs help. If you are dying from oxygen deprivation, how can you help the person next to you? It will end up that you both die.
Next step… positive image exercises. First, do what a lot of women dread doing… stand naked in front of a full length mirror. Look at yourself. See your body as it is. Find everything beautiful about it. If you have a low self image, it will take some time, but find something. The first thing I started with was my eyes. I thought my eyes were pretty. So I started there and then noticed that I liked my nose, and then my hands. The more days I spent staring and looking for things, the more I liked how I looked. You need to do the same thing in your emotional and spiritual life as well. Spend time looking at yourself internally and see your positive traits.
Now, if you find negative traits… and you will… do not harp on them. Just accept that you have them and decide if they are actually negative or not. If they are negative, make a plan to change them. Let me give you a hint… wrinkles, fat deposits and moles are not negative traits; neither is getting angry when someone wrongs you (it is how you deal with that anger that is positive or negative). Another rule that I think is an absolute must is that you must find TWO positive things for every negative thing you see about yourself. For instance, if when looking over your body you see your stomach and think it is ugly, then you can look and see that your are still well proportioned to your stomach and that your stomachs skin looks smooth and silky. Or if you think that you lose your temper too quickly you can realize that at least you care enough to get angry and that you are a friendly person most of the time. To be quite honest, if you cannot find two positive things about yourself on a regular basis, then you may want to consider professional counseling because most likely you are depressed.
Practicing for a positive self image is a constant process, but you can at least notice when you become confident enough where you can start fighting for others rather than just yourself. It feels really good to help others and it further boosts your own positive self image. Loving yourself, thinking of yourself as beautiful inside and out, is important for all goddesses. There is not one goddess in all of history who said “I am so ugly, everyone hates me or I can’t find a man because I am fat”. This is not the Goddess nature and since the Goddess is in all of us, it shouldn’t be yours.
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author bio:
Athene
www.athenestemple.com
Athene comes from a family of Eclectics and has been practicing Paganism from a young age. Athene is an accomplished musician, swimmer, archer, artist, crafter and martial artist. She is active in teaching Pagan spirituality, magick and teaching and learning Judo and Jujitsu. She is also active in promoting equality and balance between genders and races, as well as environmentalism. Athene is well traveled and has been through much of the United States, as well as some traveling in Canada and France.
Athene has faced many challenges in her life, which fortunately she has over come. She tries to use these life experiences as examples to help others grow strong and sure of themselves. Athene’s current life goal is to help women become empowered through pagan spirituality; embracing themselves for who and what they are, overcoming social stigmas such as “thinner is more beautiful” and “women are victims”. She is willing to speak and teach at Pagan events and often will answer questions through email.