Coming Home
Some feel it physically. It’s a tingle in the spine or a rush of blood all over the body. Some describe it as an overwhelming blast to the mind where open-eyed visions come and go so quickly you can’t really recognize what they are. Nearly everyone says it’s an intense feeling of ‘rightness’ where you ‘just know’ you’re where you should be in this universe. You’ve come home. That’s the phrase Pagans have adopted to describe what is felt by many who discover us and who have a magical and spiritual awakening. It is an epiphany when they encounter our way of looking at things.
Not everyone experiences it. That doesn’t mean they aren’t just as inspired or committed as those who do, but for those who have experienced that ‘ah hah!’ moment, it will stick in their mind forever. Psychologists have lots of ways and words to describe the event but unless you’ve experienced it yourself you can’t understand the intensity of such a moment. The person will usually freeze in place and their eyes will dilate. They might quickly blush and then turn white, as if they’re going into shock. In fact, they may do this several times within a very short time. It’s possible they might shake or have small muscle spasms of the arms and legs. Almost without exception, they will begin to smile and it will grow bigger and bigger until it seems their face will break. More often than not, they’ll giggle. Even big tough guys will giggle. Some might begin to cry because of the intensity of emotions they are feeling.
‘Coming home’ isn’t exclusive to our faith. Other religions call it by different names but the reaction is just as intense for followers of those religions when a person finds their own perfect fit of ideas and ideals. I’ve seen several ‘homecomings’ in the last thirty years of being Pagan and I experienced my own. When I see it happening to somebody, I usually try to stay by them for a while to offer moral support and a kind word or two so they know that what they are experiencing isn’t anything bad. I, like many others, will offer a, “Welcome home,” at some point to the person. It never fails to elicit a laugh of relief from the person undergoing the flood of emotions. The usual pattern is that the person will begin to calm down in less than a half hour but I have seen it take longer.
After the initial episode, there will probably be ‘aftershocks’ that bring back the giggles or other symptoms over the next week or two. Though these will likely be less intense and shorter in duration, they can still make for some embarrassing moments. I will usually recommend to the subject that they have a supply of chocolate handy to help them ground when these ‘aftershocks’ occur. Most people find chocolate is a very good way of getting the body to pay attention to itself when they are overwhelmed by strong emotions. (Besides… it tastes so good!)
After the newcomer has found some semblance of balance, then what? They’ve been changed; their worldview has shifted and everything has taken on a new and often bizarre meaning. Though they usually don’t consider this strangeness threatening, it can be confusing enough to cause them some problems. The most common of these problems is a sense that they are somehow disconnected from what their senses report is going on around them. Their mind is trying to make a new ‘sense’ of common events and sensations and hasn’t had much practice yet. Consequently, the depth of meaning that has been collected for these events and sensations is not fully accessed and there is a kind of ‘hollowness’ to them. This can be quite disturbing and the newcomer should be reassured that the mind won’t take long (a week or two at the most, usually) to rectify this condition. In fact, the less the person pays attention to the strangeness, the more quickly it disappears. It’s caused by the mind’s new ability to perceive in the added dimension we call magic that most often will produce this temporary weirdness. Most people get used to it quite quickly. From a psychological point of view, it is an added way to communicate with the unconscious. However you might explain it, the feeling of being slightly out of phase or disconnected from ‘normal reality’ usually begins to fade almost from the moment a person recognizes they are experiencing it. Once again, they will find a balance that suits them.
Even before this internal turmoil has settled, newcomers will often begin to go through two other phases, both of which can be a problem for them and others. I will label these the ‘Gate-mouth’ and the ‘Bashing’ phases.
The Gate-mouth phase is where the person just can’t shut up about their newfound religious conversion. They believe that their feeling of wonder and excitement should be shared by anyone and everyone close to them. They believe that if people only realized the feeling of ‘rightness’ that they have found, they’d be flocking to this Pagan religion by the thousands! They want everyone to know just how lucky, how blessed they’ve been and believe they can explain it to others well enough that they will want it for themselves. They’re wrong.
In the first place, to ‘explain’ a religion almost never causes another person suddenly to change their spiritual perceptions and religious affiliations. Secondly, it’s almost impossible to ‘explain’ any religion! Religions are much more than ideas or ways of doing things; they are conditions of the spirit that must be developed and slowly built layer by layer of meaning. The newcomer’s recent epiphany has led them to believe that their religious ideas have suddenly changed. What actually took place was the result of a longer process that culminated in their ‘coming home’ experience. But they are so focused on that one moment they think of it as the only thing that pertains to their new outlook. Third, sounding off about being a Pagan of any stripe is often dangerous. Despite the laws that protect us in this country against discriminating on the basis of religious creed, the fact is that it happens all the time. Declaring that you are a Pagan will usually result in some sort of prejudicial reactions from friends, neighbors, employers, and even the government itself. Not only that, but it will put others who associate with you in a less secure position as well.
Last, the Gate-mouth phase is all too much like proselytizing. There are sound reasons why this practice is declared taboo by Pagans. The main reason is that it is wrong to attempt to mess with another person’s most personal beliefs. No matter how wonderful you might think your religion is, to think that others should adopt it is to disregard or disrespect their own freedom of mind and heart. That in itself is a big violation of our code to harm none. At the heart of it, proselytizing is an ego trip from someone who is not yet comfortable with their own beliefs. The newcomer’s desire to talk to everyone about their new way of seeing the world may be a natural reaction, but it isn’t one that benefits them or others in any way. As difficult as it may seem at times, they must learn to sit quietly with their new way of being and interpret their experiences without attempting to explain them to others who will likely divert the person’s attention away from what’s important to learn.
The other phase that I wish to cover is called Bashing. Usually the term is connected with the religion that the newcomer has recently rejected, as in ‘Christian Bashing.’ There is a tendency to view one’s old religious culture as being wrong, filled with hypocrisy, and based upon a flawed understanding of reality. The fact is: all religions are flawed because they’re created by human beings… our own religion included. And humans almost never escape being hypocritical about some part of them… once again: us included. All religions can be wrong for some people just as they can be right for others. Bad things happen in the name of religion because of bad actions and ideas from the people who populate them. Historically speaking, this has been the case as far back as time and it will continue to be so in the future. To believe that every idea, action, and person from one faith is better than those of another is, once again, disrespectful, arrogant, and harmful. When we bash another’s religion, we are wasting time being focused on something we can’t do anything about. The purpose of all religions is to form a connection between the believer and their god(s). Bashing doesn’t do that. It should never be tolerated from any quarter.
The enthusiasm of those who have ‘come home’ is infectious and a delight to experience. Nothing should be done to discourage it. Those who have more familiarity with our faith should do everything they can to help these people integrate their experiences and enjoy the wonders of this joyful time. They should also help them avoid the mistakes of Gate-mouth and Bashing, both of which put them and us at risk and deplete the magic available to all.