Messages of the Mums: Reflections on Grief, Samhain, and Honoring the Departed
Hello friends, I hope you’re all doing well and staying warm during these last few days of spooky season. It’s cold where I live, as November’s soggy and cold climate approaches. I originally had an entirely different idea for a Samhain/Halloween piece, but life has a way of showing you what’s most important, and what you should share.
I unexpectedly lost my oldest cat, Maxwell, who was only 5 years old, two and a half weeks ago, and my home and family has been reeling from that since. He was the heart and center of our family and household. Life has been difficult without him, to say the least. Grief is something we’d rather just “swipe left” on and get on with life. Unfortunately, that doesn’t work; grief will find us, somewhere, somehow. This season in particular is a good time to deal with grief, and reflect on it, your loved one(s), and honor them. While Samhain is typically embraced as a spooky celebration, and it can be, it can also be profoundly deep, and even somewhat somber.
Grief is its’ own monster
Grief is a monster that can appear out of thin air like a ghost, and can disappear just as fast. It comes in waves like an ocean in a tempest. Grief is ugly, it’s unpleasant. In today’s social-media centric world, we tend to discard those feelings that aren’t fun or that we feel alone in having, or that we don’t want to share. While it’s okay to not share those things with others, or everyone, it’s not okay to just bury them. They will rise from the grave and you will have to eventually deal with them.
Grief has become a familiar experience for me this year, having lost both my grandfather, who was more of a father figure to me, and now, Maxwell. For those who don’t get it, my cats are like my kids, and I love them all to pieces. Proud cat parent over here.
How I’ve dealt with that grief has changed me in profound ways; while I never profess to be perfect, I have found that embracing those feelings makes them get easier, faster. To clarify, it’s okay to cry; it’s okay to scream and be angry they’re gone; and it’s okay if you need time to just be, without expectations. Grief can suck the life, energy and vigor out of you like a vampire sucks blood. That’s why I say grief is its’ own monster. It’s not one that can be defeated either; instead you have to befriend it. And therein lies the work, the hard parts, the things we don’t want to do, but have to do. Grieving is a natural part of life; embrace it, and allow the spirits of the dearly departed to visit you and provide comfort that they’re okay, and always with us.
For those looking for more ideas on working through grief in spiritual ways, I have a couple of articles on Buddhism and Taoism that can lend some insight into working through these difficult emotions and circumstances. I have linked them each for you: here and here. As always, if you need to, reach out for support from friends, family, or, the suicide prevention lifeline at 988 (for the U.S.).
Grieving during Samhain: A New Take on the Ancient Holiday
Samhain wasn’t typically associated with grief-our ancestors viewed things much differently than we do now; namely, they were more attached to the land and its cycles, and therefore the natural cycles of life, too. Today, most of us are removed from such things, even those of us who observe the seasonal cycles and lunar cycles. This detachment can make it easier to believe that we’re removed from the dearly departed, too; the truth is just the opposite, however.
We are our dearly departed, living on as part of them.
I normally work with Samhain in a more traditional sense: conjuring spirits, underworld journeys, séances, divination, spells and the like. I still am working those bits this year, too, but there’s something different about this Samhain for me, and likely for many of you as well. I’m grieving the loss of loved ones, and their presence feels closer as the veil between our worlds thins. This is comforting but can be upsetting, too. It reminds us of the pain we feel from our loss, but reminds us of the fact that we will see each other again on the Other Side.
I’m not saying it’s wise to perform a séance if you’re in a deep state of grief, but they can help bring closure. Getting readings from others on the subject can also bring that closure, as the spirits send messages faster and easier right now. Take advantage of that, and receive their comfort and love openly. I promise you, it makes it easier. Don’t abandon your spirituality because of grief. No! Instead, embrace it and allow it to work for you during your time of need. Too often, we ditch our practices because of life circumstances; it’s easy to do, and I’m guilty of it myself. I’ve found with grief specifically, that my Witchcraft, Pagan and Spiritual practices and beliefs bring me much more comfort than abandoning them for a dark place in my mind.
Honoring the Dearly Departed: Making Halloween a Personal Celebration
If you’re like me, and have been dealing with a loss this year, I want to first offer my condolences and send you virtual hugs. It’s not easy, and I sincerely hope you find peace. Seeing as you’re reading this article, I’m inclined to think that you probably share at least some of my beliefs, so I will play on this assumption in sharing the next bit of this article. For those who aren’t pagans, but found this article helpful in one way or another, I wish you peace, and I thank you for hearing me out. I welcome you to continue reading and find ways to integrate some of these ideas into your grieving. It is more than okay to honor them, especially on Halloween.
For Pagans, Samhain, or Halloween, is a time of remembrance for our ancestors-ones we knew and ones we didn’t. It’s a chance to honor those we’ve lost, no matter how long ago or how recently. The veil between the worlds is thin, and their spirits can come pay us a visit. However, it’s important to remain safe while doing so-Jack O’ Lanterns can be made or set in place to offer protection, as can lit Halloween themed wreaths. Another suggestion for protection, and honoring a lost loved one, are chrysanthemums, or as we say it in Northeast Ohio, “mums”. They’re a fall staple, and are quite hardy.
What most don’t know is that mums also offer protection, comfort, peace, and abundance. They’re often used to honor and celebrate the dearly departed. Mums are associated with the Zodiac sign Scorpio, and are specifically the flower for those born in November. Mums, aside from being beautiful, striking plants, also contain many magical and spiritual properties:
Protection from Evil Spirits and Misfortune: Mums are believed to offer protection from evil spirits and misfortune. Placed outside the door of your home, they deter these things and also offer a beautiful floral piece for Fall
Abundance, Prosperity: Mums are also associated with prosperity and abundance, especially the warmer colors like yellow/gold, orange and red. Mums embody the harvest season energy perfectly!
Honoring Departed Loved Ones: Mums are also used in mourning the loss of loved ones, as a way to honor them, particularly in Europe
I went to a memorial service for the hospice my grandpa was in recently, and was given Mums. They sit outside my door now, and offer me messages of comfort, solace, peace, and warmth. They’ve added a happy, vibrant energy to our home, too. We also have our wreath that lights up outside-Maxwell loved the different patterns they would show, and so we have them lit every night in his honor. Sometimes, the small ways of honoring our lost loved ones are the most meaningful. I’m going to list some other ideas that can help you honor your loved one(s) during this time of the thin veil; I’ll keep them simple and low-cost, low energy. I know grief is hard.
- Having a small memorial service for your loved one(s)
- Lighting a Candle for them
- Leaving them their favorite food, treat, or drink
- Leaving a Jack O’ Lantern out for them (and to protect you)
- Setting Mums outside
- Lighting Incense for them
The possibilities are endless here, and I encourage you to use your imagination and do what feels right for you. Before I end this piece, I would like to share a short, simple ritual for Samhain that you can use as is, or tweak as you see fit, to honor your loved one(s).
Honoring the Dearly Departed: A Samhain/Halloween Ritual
I like to give ritual outlines and ideas in my articles, in the hopes that it will give you each a springboard to work with and create your own, and make it yours. Remember: magic isn’t always best learned from a book; sometimes, it’s best practiced from the heart. The items, format, and the like can be changed as needed or desired, of course.
What you’ll need (ideas):
- Candles: orange, black, purple, white-any amount of which is fine. Do what feels right
- A Jack O’ Lantern, or alternatively, a Jack O’ Lantern candle holder, and put a tealight in it. I do this, with an apple cinnamon scented tealight from the dollar store.
- Mums (if possible/you so wish)
- Incense-earthy scents preferred, but spicy/halloween scents work, too!
- A photo of your loved one, or an item of theirs, or, their cremated remains, if you have them
- A favorite food, drink, or if they smoked, a cigar/cigarette, etc.
- Salt-table salt is fine, but the more coarse, the better. I prefer sea salt personally
The list of ideas could go on and on, and I encourage each of you to be creative and make it personal for you.
Light your candles. Light the incense, and spread salt outside of your home for added safety. Light the Jack O’ Lantern, or like me, your tealight in the Jack O’ Lantern holder. Have your photo or trinket on the altar or table you’re using and any food, tobacco, drinks, etc., too. If working with mums, be aware they are toxic to dogs and cats. I leave mine outside so my cats don’t get themselves into trouble there.
After you’ve set the atmosphere, I like to put on spiritual sounds-meditation music, pagan music, or even a spooky/halloween playlist. Whatever fits your needs and your vibe is what you need. Start to speak out to your loved one(s); just say their name. You can go outside and whisper to the winds: they will hear you because the veil is so thin. You could scry in a mirror or crystal ball, or even get out a spirit/ouija board and have yourself a little seance. Know that you’re protected, and that any spirits that contact you will only have good intent. If you feel spooked at any point in time, use the incense to clear out any bad vibes. Never forget the reality that not all spirits have your best interest at heart. Using these precautions like salt, candles, Jack O Lanterns and the like give us added protection while seeking spiritual contact with our dearly departed.
After you’ve done what you need to-whatever that is-scrying, crying, a spell, a prayer, or whatever else, keep the candles and incense burning. It may give you added comfort burning some sage or other holy herb to cleanse the space; keep in mind this won’t push out your dearly departed until they’re ready to leave.
I like to meditate after my honorary rituals on Samhain, and I will typically use my witches’ flying ointment to attend the Sabbat on the otherside. Often, I encounter who I’m looking for there, too. Poisons aren’t for everyone, so use discretion there, along with any other substance that induces an altered state of consciousness. If you’re grieving too much, it’s best to remain sober and grounded, and honor them in small ways. A personal memorial service or ritual works well, and is low energy. I hope you’re able to incorporate some of these ideas into your own ritual to honor the dearly departed, and I hope each of you finds peace if you’re suffering from loss as I am this Samhain.
Wishing all of our readers a wonderful, safe, and spooky Samhain/Halloween!
Spooky Blessings,
The Modern Merlin
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Author Bio:
The Modern Merlin is a Polytheist, Pagan, Animist, Witch, Sorcerer, Paranormal Investigator, Amateur Folklorist, Chaos Magician and Occultist. He embarked on his spiritual and magickal journey over 15 years ago. As such, he has extensive knowledge of The Occult, Ceremonial Magick, Chaos Magick, Witchcraft, Sorcery, and both modern and ancient world religions and folklore. He is a practicing Sorcerer, blending ceremonial high magick, chaos magick and witchcraft, as well as plant medicine, poisonous plants and entheogens, shamanic techniques, and mysticism. He believes that magick can be as simple or as complex as one needs it to be, and rejects dogma, instead trusting his intuition, and encourages other magickal and spiritual folks to do the same! He venerates and casts magick with a wide array of spirits and deities, and works with both the Left and Right Hand Paths, having experience in both. He has also studied eastern philosophies such as Taoism, Zen Buddhism, and Hinduism. He is an Astrologer and Tarot reader and actively studies and practices many other forms of divination including Runes, Ogham, Palmistry and Scrying. An animal lover, he sees divinity in nature-the trees, plants, animals and sky. Also an avid reader, you’re hard pressed to not find him nose deep in a book, most likely on an occult, mystical, religious or magickal subject. He is the Co-Editor of PaganPages.Org and the author of multiple columns for PaganPages.Org. He gives readings and other spiritual services through his Facebook Page, The Modern Merlin, as well other free informational posts for everyone to see! You can reach him on Facebook, or e-mail him at [email protected]
