Can Being Pagan Hurt Our Kids
Lynn OBrien January 1st, 2009
Our lives are centered around our two active, inquisitive daughters. They are always wanting to know what “this” is or what “that” does, or why I wear a pentacle. They love to touch my everyday altar items, eager to see what they feel like or what they do. Our youngest especially likes to touch these things, they are fun for her. I try to use things that are kid friendly just for this reason.
Recently I decided to start introducing and teaching our children about some of the basics. Our youngest will not be learning much since she is only two. The oldest, who is eight, already knows her directions, and what the elements are, but she doesn’t quite understand the significance of them. Even though I put a lot of thought into teaching them, I have some trepidations about what the logical reasons could be for teaching her and the possible shockwaves are weighing heavily on my mind.
Our town is fairly small, and with this small town size comes a small town mentality to match. Adults, as well as children, are often bigoted and fearful of things that they don’t understand. And with her being only eight, will she be able to understand the importance and necessity of keeping private matters private?
I have always believed in giving my children the freedom to choose whatever path they want to follow. I had a parent who believed it was his duty to “instruct me in the ways of the Lord”, and who believes that because I was not raised in going to church, my children will forever be damned. He invites them down for the summer and I dread saying “no”, but I know that he will insist on taking them to church every Sunday and enrolling them in Sunday School while they are there. Then I would have to explain what they experienced, and then potentially deprogram them.
How can we, as parents of impressionable and sensitive children, open their eyes and minds to our beliefs and ways without putting them at risk for ridicule and wrongful assumptions from others? Our school system would be all a-twitter if they knew that at least two families who have children there are Pagan. How can I explain other religions such as Christianity, Judaism, and others without being totally knowledgeable about them? I wish our school system did events that promoted the cultural diversity instead of being “politically correct” and making everything so bland and boring. No one can learn and be mindful of others’ beliefs if the school system hides it from view.
Assumption…..such a dangerous word in the minds of the uninformed and narrow-minded. People often “assume” that they know everything about you just because you wear a “pentacle” or say “blessed be” or have a bumper sticker that says “magic happens”. Not once do they ask you anything, they just assume they understand.
I have found myself holding in my usual rhetoric and quips for fear of being misunderstood; I hide my pentacle for people always associate it with Satanism, even though theirs is an inverted pentacle. I do all of this because I fear what others will think of me and my family. I have even received some opposition from knowing family members because they fear what others will think of THEM.
Watching “Secret Lives of Women” on WE T.V. the one night (Sept. 16, ‘08), the episode was about women of “new age” religions like vampirism, Satanism, Wicca, and general witchcraft. It was good to see people of like mind and experiences as myself. It was nice to see them be able to interact with others and be open about their beliefs, even with the usual misunderstandings from others. I found myself how do they deal with everyday problems, and then I realized that they have people with them and around them who believed as they do. In our town, if you believe different than the mainstream society, you keep quiet. Oh sure, some have bumper stickers and stuff, and generally people pass it off as something funny, like a joke. But deep down I know that these people are closeting their beliefs because of how those people will behave.
Being a solitary witch, I also find it rather daunting to teach my kids my beliefs. Being rather new to my path myself, I don’t feel experienced enough to properly impart any knowledge to them, with what little I have learned and all that remains. I don’t have anyone close by to learn from, and but I do have some highly recommended books that I am trying to read and learn from in this little venture.
Lord and Lady, be my guides!!
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Great article. I wonder about that myself.
Thank you for your insights. You are not alone. I am Male, a recent solitary witch of 4yrs. I am married and after feeling delighted to have built my Sun altar in the back garden (hidden out of plain sight, behind roses and very large grasses) i was immediatle told by my wife – I hope thats not staying there, what will the kids friends say if they see it. My youngest is very interested in my faith, he recently took some of my altar stones, and some icons to school for a “talk about” i believe its called “show and tell” in the US. his teacher a very devout christian asked me for permisssion to display them on the chool boards as he felt it was important to show the diversity in faith throughout the UK- if there were more like him in the church of england – it would be a MUCH BETTER country. My eldest though, joins in with his friends when they call me a tree hugger, he knows better and is usually sorry face to face, but he has to fit in – he wants to be cool – i dare say if i were christian with the same strength of faith he would call be a god botherer, or a jesus creeper. The lady will show us the best way to deal these things. I’m sure tolerance on our behalf, and an understanding of what its like to be young again will help us make the right choices.
Blessed be XXX
Thank you both for your comments!! Each day I struggle with the decisions on Yes/No about teaching them. My oldest is into animal magick, and our youngest is VERY oriented toward the Moon, each night she looks for it in the sky. I understand about the need to “fit in” as I think many of us have done something in the past/present to try to fit in with others. My hubby is an Agnostic and is supportive of whatever I choose to do and teach.
Many blessings to you both!
Thank you for an interesting article! I have been a solitary for – ooh… too long to count – having joined a circle nine years ago. I also decided to educate my daughter in the U/U Church – which has worked out really well. There, she is exposed to a banquet of religious beliefs and I have told her she is free to choose. She has gone to rituals with me (she’s now 12) and seems to enjoy/understand them.
One thing to keep in mind about paganism – it is a belief system of nature. Anything you share with your children about gardening, about the moon or the creatures of the earth – well, that’s all very natural. This type of information will not be suspect to other children or to your child’s teacher.
It IS difficult for us because paganism, as a rule, IS “secretive”. (I prefer to think of any religion as personal – and everyone should keep theirs a secret!) That was one of the more complicated things I had to teach my daughter: these are your thoughts, be careful who you share them with.
I’ve also found that once they reach a certain age, (given the chance) they will be free thinkers and no one will be able to take that from them. My mother offers to take my daughter to Catholic Church (which is weird because my mom isn’t Catholic) and I am no longer worried about having to do that de-programing. (although, I still ask her “what did you learn?”)
So, for what to teach your little ones, just remember what brought you to paganism in the first place – simple tenants like respect for nature and a thirst for learning. That will serve them well, no matter what choices them make in the future…
I so enjoyed your article, felt like I was reading from my own book of life. My girls are 8 & 10 and we also live in a very small town. Thank you for your words of insight, and for letting me know I’m not alone.
I did most of my mothering in a wee village in New England.
I was never in the broom closet there.
I was not the only witch in town,
but, for instance,
I was the only one who built a wickerman
in my side dooryard, right out in the open,
on the main road.
The day following Mabon
my son would either go to school late
or would skip it altogether.
I explained to the teachers that we had ritual celebration
the night before, and never had a problem.
I helped run a local food shelf for many years
which was directly affiliated with the local churches.
For the most part,
folks saw us for who we are.
They sometimes asked questions
and I did my best to break stereotypes.
I encouraged my children
to listen to EVERY story
affiliated with ALL Ways of Faith.
I taught them to look for
those details of similarity
(like the many versions of the story
of the ark and the great flood).
I also emphasized that,
regardless of what specific paths taught,
that ALL faiths are based on stories.
They liked stories.
I read them Greek myths,
fairy tales,
and christian parabells,
in addition to any other good stuff I found.
I most enjoyed learning Creation Stories from all over.
My kids went to any religious services they wanted
(though, it was limited in such an areas as we lived).
They occasionally attended church school at UCC and Baptist churches,
as well as more frequent visits to share in the love
at the neighbors: a Benedictine monastery.
We were embraced in all places we went.
I did my best to teach them
not to judge,
but to grasp
that people were simply afraid
when they did not understand.
One UCC pastor encouraged my ordination,
knowing I was a woman of strong faith.
I laughed at him then,
but it turned out, he was prophetic.
Another minister used to be afraid of me
and she was the ONLY one who ever
said a cross word towards us
regarding our Pagan faith.
(this was her problem, not ours).
I hear you say
that you hide your sacred symbol.
Perhaps when you are not fearful
you’ll not draw such fear to you
in the eyes of others.
Get out in the community
volunteering as a leader for kids,
visiting the elderly,
feeding the hungry,
cleaning up in the area,
holding doors for those who cannot
and using good manners.
Attend town meetings.
Join school committees,
or whatever appeals to you.
Smile at folks in line at the bank
and the grocery store.
It is in the walk of Faith
and Belief in the Sacred
that you project your Self to others.
Let them see you for who you are.
Let them see how Real Witches live.
Or not,
that’s just how I did it.
You must walk your own path.
Lastly, I will add,
my kids (my son, especially)
learned early to use a “bubble”
to protect him and icky vibes
and to empower himself in a good way.
Certainly, use age-appropriate words,
but I must add,
my kids never came home
telling me that classmates teased them
for being a witch.
They got teased for other things,
as most kids do endure,
but NOT that!
There is MUCH to benefit your children
when they are raised with a strong belief
in who they are.
I taught kids, when they asked,
that Magic is the act of shifting energy.
As in: if a kid makes art for a parent
and gifts it to the adult on a day
when the parent is low…
does that adult smile?
If so, the child has worked Magic.
They got it, for the most part, easily.
Just saying.
We have 2 daughters, ages 8 and 9, and they have been raised Pagan. We homeschool, so the teasing is one thing we don’t have to worry about. And we have found homeschooling groups that are Pagan & Wiccan. Here in the USA, it’s really bad. Christians are trying to run everything. My sister in law’s family is devout Christian, to the point that they no longer watch much of anything and they only listen to those God aweful Christian stations. They like having our daughters over on Saturday nights for the sole purpose of taking them to church on Sunday morning. We told our girls to just smile and nod, but not to get suckered in the nonsense of the buybull. I am very out spoken, Once at a store, a lady came up to me and pointed to my ring and asked if I was a Satan worshipper, without a beat I replied, “No, are you????” Needless to say, you should have seen the look on her face! My dad, too, is Christian and finally stopped asking if we found a good church. I always told him, “Nope, haven’t found a good one yet.”
I wish you luck! Be proud of who you are and what your beliefs are. Teach your kids that they don’t have to belong, and it doesn’t matter what other kids say, just believe in yourself. Kids who makes fun of them are not worth knowing.
Good luck again, and
BLESSED BE!!
As a former Head Start teacher (8 Years) here are my thoughts on the subject. #1 Teaching your children about Wicca is a LOT less harmful than sending your child to Sunday school. You don’t have to worry about that the Priest, Preacher, Sunday school teacher, ECT are doing to them. You’re not cramming it down their throat, like they Christians have a habit of doing. Above all else you’re giving them something that no one else can YOUR TIME.
#2 When I was in School to be a teacher they stressed DAP Developmentally Appropriate Practices. This is important at all stages of there life. Take a book for instance. Your not going to read the 2 year old an 8th grade book and expect them to stay interested very long. You also wouldn’t hand the 8 year old Hemingway, and expect her to get anything out of it. With that said here is my advice. With the 2 year old just answer her questions and leave it at that. With the 8 year old keep the lessons short. Introduce one concept or article at a time. Again answer any questions she might have. Just teach her the very basics. It might not all register at that day, but one day it will click on like a light bulb. You might also let her sit, and watch as you perform a ritual. That is sure to bring up a lot of questions.
Be proud of who you are. If you are hit with questions by the general public answer them. If not then who cares what thay think. I’m sure you know children learn by example.
Blessed Be Storm Crow
I had the same reservations at one time. When I found my path, my daughter was 5. She is now 11 and I have also been blessed with a 4 year old and a 2 year old. We moved, about 3 years ago, from the liberal north, to the “Bible Belt”. I was concerned about the transition and warned her that she may want to be a little choosy about the people with whom she shared her faith. Although she has, there have been some friends that have turned on her as well as some parents who will no longer let their children befriend her.
I have never hidden my faith from my children. I am very open about my beliefs. I don’t necessarily include my children in all rituals, as i don’t think they are all age appropiate. We do the major ones together, and I discuss other ones I do in private (for example, my oldest daughter knows about the fertility poppet rituals I performed when trying to conceive her siblings). I answer any and all answers candidly. And as I see her grow and begin to understand more things, I include her in more things. As I will do with my other 2 children. However, the main thing I stress is tolerance in all areas. It is hard sometimes to not be judgemental to certain groups of people that condemn you automatically isnt it? Unfortunately, doing the same, lumps us in with those that we have the problem with. I tell my children that people become somewhat fierce when they feel that their beliefs are being challenged (even non-practicing sorts). And that people believe what they want to…and nothing you say or do is going to change that. The best you can hope to do, is lead by example. Answer any questions you feel comfortable doing, and know that your faith (whatever path you choose) is yours–no one can ever take it away. You needn’t EVER feel embarrassed, ashamed, or make excuses for it. But on the flipside, you musn’t ever make someone else feel any of those ways for having different beliefs. Freedom of religion means ANY religion. It isn’t anyones job to try and convert others (contrary to some people’s ideals). Don’t buy into it. Live and let live. All you can hope, is not that your children will grow up to be strong pagans, but that they will grow to be strong people. That they will find happiness and spiritual fulfillment on the path intended just for them. That they will be tolerant, passionate, and compassionate. That they will be a positive force that this world so desperately needs. And that they will have learned (from their pagan parents) That its okay to be different, when it is through conviction. That it is okay to be persecuted, when you are comfortable in your own skin. That it may not always be easy follow a different path, but you can be comfortable in the fact that it is yours and yours alone.
When i saw the title of this, I thought is was a question asked or something.
My dad asked that question, and i was like, “Dad, its a religon, not a sickness” lol
It sounds like the children are already on their paths, whether or not you plan to teach.
It was the same with us, really. My kids got me into paganism, although I’d leaned that way for years.
Being pagan cannot harm your kids.
People who get offended by them being pagan? They most assuredly can and probably will try. This is where school authorities and your own confidence are paramount.
My daughter was having trouble in middle school, including death threats posed as Bible verses. We consulted the vice principal, who was in charge of discipline. And she pointed me at the two worst offenders. I loomed over the boys, 6′ of angry red-headed mama bear. “Boys, I hear you’ve given my girl some trouble. Do you KNOW where little witches come from?” They shook their heads. “Mama witches. Now, if you don’t want to wake up in the bayou catching flies with your tongue, you’ll leave her alone.”
She hasn’t had any trouble since. And she’s very out of the broom closet at school and socially.
My 9 year old understands that we are to do no harm. And she understands it would harm her grandma deeply to know we aren’t Christian any more. So she says nothing. But she also refuses to put up with the missionaries at the after-school care.
They go to rituals. My teen does her own practice. My baby and I are reading through A Witch’s Primer: Grade 1.
I to live iin a small town my family is a mixture of southern baptist and druid hehe i know they must have had there fights.
i am pagan and my youngest daughter is christian and my son is trying to find his path. my step children are christian as is my husband we have are decussions but in the end he supports me and i support him my community where i live is very diffrent my family dont live in the same state so i dont have them to have next to me but when i am in the community i wear my pentical proudly no i dont go showing it off but i dont hide it either.
my kids ask questions about my faith and i tell them the truth and when my son came home crying one day saying his teacher said i was lying to him that there were no such things as witches i went to that school and held a confrence to explain that yes i am a witch and this was my faith and from that day on we had no problems.
the kids father on the other hand try’s to shove church down there throat my son hates it my daughter dont know any better yet so she is a daddy’s girl im not saying thats bad but i want her to pick her own path in life not have it choose for wher.
the one thing i would do after you feel comfy in your choosen path is to start learning about other religions it is very fasinating and you can teach your children about what others belive and why. it will make you and your kids wiser and stronger in the long run.
good luck with what ever you choose
many blessings.
I never thought in a million years that something I wrote would garner responses and interest like this one has. I hate to say that where we are, people talk to people, and unfortunately those people can be influential when the kids grow up. I shouldn’t care what they think or say, but unfortunately some of my family do…and there comes the real pressure.
When I teach, we start out with simple things, general explanations and topics like personal space, manners, and phases of the moon. Colors, especially since the youngest is learning hers, are also a common topic relating to magic and feelings. Hopefully this Spring I can start making the youngest one’s BOS, which will be more like a learning book to begin with. I wear my pentacle and don’t hide it either. However, my daughter was told to take off her triskele at school. I pointed out that it is a common symbol and shouldn’t be shunned if crosses and Star of Davids aren’t.
Thank you again for your insight and feelings. It feels good to know others think and feel as I do.
Blessings and Light!
I live in the UK and its only been in the last few years that pagans have felt comfortable in talking about their beliefs. We had an awful time about 15 years ago when any mention of ritual could bring the social services to your door with accusations of ritual abuse… lots of christian mis information mainly from the fundamentalist side of things mind you.
With my older children I taught them my pagan beliefs with terms that could not mark them out as too different. The Goddess and God were mother and father nature. Rituals and circles were gatherings and spiritual discussions… With my youngest things have been different. I wrote a book on pagan parenting in 2006 with ideas for celebrating the seasonal festivals and a couple of essays about pagan parent life and felt it was ok to get it out and published. My youngest has started school last year and the school and the family liaison officer all have copies of the book. They try to include stuff from it at assemblies along with the other ‘cultural’ activities. I am on the school board as a governor and was on her nursery committee before. I have been invited to speak at interfaith groups and do what ever I can to emphasise the truth about pagan parenting and remove the biaise as much as possible.
I think it must be hard for you when you have a town with a ‘small town’ mentality, but I also think that hiding and being secretive gives people ammunition.
Its difficult and I can only say it depends on the individual situation.
Maybe not words of comfort but things do change – as I have hopefully described with my own experience.
rachelx