Years before I rather, due to unforeseen circumstances, fell under the potentially incendiary term of becoming a Christian Witch, I was intrigued by the concept of the Triple Goddess.
The subtle beckoning of both the Triple Goddesses Bridget and Hecate tugged at my heart, yet I felt hesitant about calling upon Them or inviting Them into my life.
In many ways, I was quite drawn to Hecate, but I harbored a bit of fear or should I say a deep respect regarding her Dark Mother/Crone aspects. I wasn’t sure I could safely handle those aspects.
The Goddess Bridget had been turned into St. Bridget by the Catholic Church. Try as I might, I couldn’t separate the two in my mind. So, for me and in all un-fairness to Her, Bridget was ‘too Catholic’. The desire for the Triple Goddess to enter my life and to join in my rituals lingered within the misty yearnings of my soul, but I gave up my search for Her.
About a year after I became a Sophian Gnostic nun and an Esoteric Christian deaconess and priestess, I sat before my altar and fell into contemplative thought, a kind of meditative trance.
My altar is graced with statues of Holy Sophia, the Blessed Mother and Mary Magdalene. Living devotional flames illumine the feet of each Goddess. Their iconic images, believed by Orthodox Christians to be literal windows to Heaven, hang on the wall above my altar breathing jasmine incense and receiving warmth from the olive oil nourished icon lamp, a hanging sentinel of light.
As I gazed upon my statues, a revelation struck me, soared through me and melted the phoenix-fired core of my soul. Actually, it was a ‘duh’ moment. I have the Triple Goddess! She has already entered my life! Her triple reflection, Her triple images are right before my eyes. She’s been with me for a while now, yet I hadn’t recognized Her.
Her maiden aspect is the Holy Mary Magdalene, High Queen, priestess. The Mother aspect is Blessed Mary, the Queen Mother. As Grandmother Wisdom She is Sophia, the Divine Source of the Feminine.
When you know something is right, you just know it. This form of the Triple Goddess is right for me. She was and is my Truth. This Triple Goddess resonates and echoes through-out all the auras of my being. Her, I could believe in with all my heart, all my soul and all my mind. They are one and are all manifestations of the Barbelo. The Triple Goddess of all Christian Witches and Esoteric Christians who so choose to honor Her as such.
But what about the male aspects of my Christian pantheon? It had been a while since I had considered myself a Christian. I wasn’t sure about my relationship with Jesus. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to go back to Jesus.
The Big Book of Near Death Experiences, by P.M.H. Atwater, made a deep impression on me. Initially, I had hesitated to buy it. The title struck me as one of those books you’d be embarrassed to purchase. However, my curiosity overcame my false sense of pride. I’m glad it did. The title is both misleading and accurate at the same time. This almost 450 page book includes both sides of the question of near death experiences. It includes the side which claims through science that near death experiences are a phenomena of dying neurons in the brain alongside the opposing testimonies of those who have died and come back. The book also includes the writings, with thirty years of experience behind them, of many experts in the field
One of the main things my soul and psyche soaked in from this book was the reality of the Divine Light. This Light is described as brighter than a million suns, yet It doesn’t harm the eyes. It is described as being pure, unconditional love, intelligent, caring and non-judgmental.
Yes, I could believe in the Divine Light, the All-Source.
When I began, after more than a decade, to re-read the Bible, both Gnostic and Church-ordained canon, the passages about the Light appeared to highlight themselves before my eyes. Flying arrows of thought, rushing messengers of understanding between my Higher Delta Self and my beta brain, acting in the manner of the Tarot eight of wands rushing towards their destination, pierced their way through my consciousness. These verses aren’t just metaphors! They are describing a literal Divine Light which we encounter in the next realm! Those who have died and come back to life have seem It! They have experienced It! They have learned from It!
The book goes on to describe the next level which, after the All-Source-Million-Suns-Light, many describe a bright, Father-male Light and a dark, Female Light, both of which emanate from the All-Source.
Great by me. This all confirms both my Wiccan and my Esoteric Christian beliefs in that a Divine Masculine and a Divine Feminine emanate from the All-Source.
Sigh, but what about Jesus?
I simply couldn’t go back to my old beliefs and my old practices. I had fought too hard for many years and had come too far in my spiritual life and freedom to retreat back into my old fear-based belief-system and accompanying mindset. This mindset equated Jesus with its own self.
“My leaving the Christian Church wasn’t because of Jesus. I left it because of the Church system and the way the Church portrayed Jesus,” I continually reminded myself.
At this point in my internal struggle, I entered the whole mythic vs historical Jesus debate. In searching for the absolute Truth about Jesus, I participated in online arguments through my Gnostic forum, I surfed every pertinent website I could find and I poured over countless books authored by biblical scholars. The search was head-spinning and mind-numbing.
My ending determination was that both sides have entirely valid points and neither argument is stronger than the other. I did notice, in all aspects of my reading, that those on either side of the fence are firmly entrenched in their opinions.
Slowly, it began to dawn on me that it doesn’t matter who or what Jesus was or whether He was historical or mythical. Mythical, in this case, meaning an underlying Cosmic Reality beneath the stories. Rather, I became drawn to the enigmatic Jesus of the Gospel of Judas, the Hero of the Cosmic Mysteries in the Pistis Sophia and the magickal Jesus of the Round Dance of the Cross. This is the Jesus Who invited me to see Him in a New Light. He is the Twin Aeon of Sophia, the Logos of St. John and the Divine Christos of Humanity.
It is His teachings which are important, both exoteric and esoteric, not whether He was pre-ordained to die on the cross for our sins, whether or not the resurrection really happened or if He truly physically ascended into Heaven. For many, these things are important and help to define their faith and that is fine. I had to come to terms with these questions for myself. And so, I realized that the Sophian/Christos Light-Spark dwells within me and within all.
The Gnostic Jesus is the Jesus I could accept. My Christian pantheon now consists of the All-Source/Divine Light/Father, the Gnostic Jesus/Son and the Triple Goddess, Herself.
Yuletide is both a Pagan Mythic Holiday and a Christian Mystery Play. As Pagans, we welcome the birth of the Sun and witness the triumph of the Oak King over the Holly King. As Christians, we celebrate the birth of the Son and witness the triumph of good over evil.
This Yuletide I will be celebrating the birth of the infant Sun beneath the stars and moon, with my cakes and wine, my songs, prayers and poetic myths. This Christmas I will be celebrating the birth of the infant Son beneath angelic choirs and Heaven, with my cakes and wine, my carols, prayers and poetic scriptures. For you see, the essence of the Eternal Story ever remains the same for All is One.
As we ignite our candles during this great Festival of Light, may we remember that we are all birthing our own Sun/Son within and as the Season of the Wheel continues to turn, so must the Sun/Son within continue to wax larger and brighter until It bursts through our representative personality masks which populate this incarnational matrix game and blazes forth as a thousand suns, yet never harming the eye. The message is simple. Love God, find your Divine Sun/Son Spark within and bring it without, love others and harm none.
May the Gnostic Jesus continue to dwell and grow within my own soul.
May the True Sun/Son of All dwell and grow within yours.
A Joyous and Blessed Yule/Christmas to all.