5 Steps of Grieving Blend



We are all on different paths, going through different experiences, but some things are the same for everyone. One of those is the five steps of the grieving process that we all must face and walk through when there is a major loss in our lives.

Those five stages of the grieving process are:

1-Denial-“this can’t be happening to me”, looking for the former spouse in familiar places, or if it is a death, setting the table for the person or acting as if they are still living there. Not accepting or even acknowledging the loss.

2-Anger-“why me?”, feelings of wanting to fight back or get even with spouse of divorce, for death, anger at the deceased, blaming them for leaving.

3-Bargaining-bargaining often takes place before the loss. Attempting to make deals with the spouse who is leaving, or attempting to make deals with God to stop or change the loss. Begging, wishing, praying for them to come back.

4-Depression-overwhelming feelings of hopelessness, frustration, bitterness, self pity, mourning loss of person as well as the hopes, dreams and plans for the future. Feeling lack of control, feeling numb. Perhaps feeling suicidal.

5-Acceptance-there is a difference between resignation and acceptance. You have to accept the loss, not just try to bear it quietly. Realization that it takes two to make or break a marriage. Realization that the person is gone. Finding the good that can come out of the pain of loss, finding comfort and healing. Our goals turn toward personal growth. Stay with fond memories of person.

These stages are necessary; they do happen.  We don’t always go through them at the same time, or in the same order.  There is no right way to grieve; no wrong way.

How Aromatherapy Can Help the Healing Process: 

Aromatherapy is a very true, scientifically proven method of alternative medicine that works through the persons’ olfactory senses and stimulates the pineal and pituitary glands and works through changing body chemistry via the brain to bring about a desired effect.

Only true plant extracts (100% essential oils) can be medicinal. Synthetic fragrances may alter a mood (via a good memory, nice fragrance, etc.), but they are not TRUE fragrances that have medicinal qualities such as the steam distillation from plants.
Note About The Spell:

It is a good idea before doing this spell, that you get a good quality 100% pure essential oil that YOU enjoy the scent of.  More than it’s properties, or anything else, your enjoyment of this scent needs to be primary.  It is best if it is a blend of true essential oils or a single essential oil that you like.  Any will do.  Before we get to the spell, here are some ways to enjoy the oil you chose (make sure if it is 100% essential oils only, that you blend with a carrier oil (olive, vegetable oil is fine) – a couple of drops of the essential oil to a tablespoon of the carrier oil.

This oil may be used as a full body massage as often as desired. Use 10 drops in the bath water AFTER the water has been run (otherwise the oils may evaporate and lose their effect.) Put a few drops on a cotton ball; place the cotton in a ziploc baggie and put in your purse or pocket and take with you throughout the day. Breathe a few deep inhalations from the cotton ball as often as desired throughout the day at the first signs of these symptoms:

*as soon as you notice fatigue
*desire to get away from people
*feeling of being overwhelmed
*feelings of depression or loneliness
*feelings of anger
*feelings of sadness
*loss of appetite
*can’t sleep

When you use/inhale/massage your oil at the start of these symptoms, you are showing your subsconscious mind that you care and are caring for yourself, no matter what feelings may exist.  All feelings, negative or positive are understandable and okay when you’re grieving.  Taking care of yourself is very important.


May use at any moon phase.  If the moon is waning, focus on your letting go (even if it’s a teensy bit) of the loved one that has passed.  If you’re not ready for that step, wait till the New Moon (dark moon) and the waning phase to the full moon to use the ritual in bringing peace, well-being, clarity of mind, joy, settling of spirit to you.  Use a bright and cheery color (yellow, orange, pink, red, white) candle during your spell.  (for letting go spells as mentioned earlier, use a darker candle or black—white always works if you don’t have any other color.)

  • Anoint Yourself with your chosen oil
  • Set up candle of your choice in front of you on your altar or wherever you are sitting (anoint candle first with oil)
  • Choose an incense that is pleasing to you.  One that possibly brings back good memories if possible.

Make this as simple as necessary.  If you’re grieving, you may be angry at God(s) and not care about candle colors, spells, etc.  Do this when/if you are ready.  Loss is horrid.  Of any kind.

Just focus and say from the heart; change words as necessary and use this daily as you need.  Allow yourself what time you need/boundaries/etc. to heal.  Cry, don’t cry, it’s all okay.

Grief so painful,

Spinning inside,

Punching my gut,

Till all I can do is cry.

My God and Goddess hear this scream that

doesn’t even sound like me; so it must be a dream;

A nightmare more like it; that has no end,

Come to my side, my aid, and help me mend.

Over to you I give all I have

For I no longer seem to care –

Lead my on the right path.

‘an harm it none; this cry is done.

Morika Bernhard, July 21, 2013 – in honor of my son, William Reese who died on February 16, 2013.  I love you Will—I miss you so.  Still Grieving So.




Under The New Moon, http://www.underthenewmoon.com  / Morika Bernhard, Owner