Miscommunication has been the bane of my existence this past month between the ones I have had the most contact with. It has made things a bit hard. And it has been a lot more complicated then it has had to be. It has led to over-thinking, arguments, lots of questions and walking away angry.
Whether it be a tone in the voice or a ‘joke’ that seems like an insult, I seem to take things quite personally. I try hard not to, but when I feel pressured to do something or when I feel attacked or my creativity comes into question, I feel really defensive and the walls go up.
I realized that this goes back to my childhood and how I was never allowed to say no or to speak my real feelings. I could not ask for clarification of something that was said because then I was either yelled at or told I was wrong for feeling the way I did.
I also have had times in my life where it was hard to communicate my ideas for things or my thoughts on projects without being belittled. Or told that I was not good enough. My heart and soul have been very heavy in the past and finding the light again has been a long but wonderful journey. I have come into this knowledge knowing that now my feelings and my work and my life all matter and I will speak up when I feel threatened. And I will because I know that I am good enough and am a person who is worth having the right communication with.
So, as you see, with miscommunication, feelings are very much involved and when those are a part, the defensive team has to come on the field. The thing we need to always remember is that feelings are not right, they are not wrong, they just are. (for all parties involved)
Empathy needs to take center stage. The other is to be open to hearing each other out in order to understand what was miscommunicated in the first place. A rule of thumb is never to walk away, hang up the phone or go to bed angry. I know that all sounds totally cliché. But it really does need to be settled before the over-thinking stage sets in.
Over-thinking, as the popular saying goes, leads to so many problems that were never there in the first place. “He thinks I am such a bad Mom.” “He doesn’t want to sit next to me?” “Why doesn’t she understand where I am coming from?” The questions come fast and they are endless. They can be stopped by communicating in the correct way.
I have learned over the course of this month to slow down and look into myself and try and work on the whole taking things too personally thing. And I have come to the conclusion that I am a person. So of course I take things personally. Never feel bad for doing so. You are who you are. You are feeling what you are feeling.
So instead of worrying about changing your whole way of being, change your way of communicating. And just be.
(this post is dedicated to Juliet Morriga for her wonderful idea that I write about this topic)