Dear Jules

Hello Jules,

I would really like to know how to let go. Let go of sadness, anger, any/all negativity. Thank you for your time.

Letting Go

Dear Letting Go,

I think that acceptance plays a big part on the road to letting go.  Our lives feel lighter and more manageable when we take the time to accept ourselves, our lives, our pasts, presents and futures, our fears, anger, negativity and positive emotions as well.  I think it is important especially to take the time to accept the current situation that we are dealing with.  Through acceptance we are able to let go of the things that weigh us down.

Joseph Campbell said “We must be willing to let go of the life we’ve planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.”

Blessings,

Jules

 

Dear Jules,

My daughter & her b/f have been staying with my hubby & me for 6 months. They give us $250 a month for staying. We’ve gotten behind on bills. It’s catching up with us. We just bought this home in May & we were delinquent on our payment this month. Our water bill was late. They run the heater downstairs full blast… The toilet needs… is leaking & running all the time. They didn’t tell us. We had to figure it out. So we told them to shut the water off to the toilet.  There’s 2 more bathrooms upstairs but they still use that one. They turn the water on to it & forget to turn it back off…

I’ve told them repeatedly to stop all of these things. They leave lights on when not home… They both get a few dollars food stamps a month but when they go grocery shopping it’s all for them downstairs.

… Last time I went with her she got a car full & out of that 3 bags went upstairs yet I cook everyday & they eat our food. So, my hubby gave them 2 weeks to decide. Pay 1/2 utilities,  cable, & 1/2 of all groceries & they don’t have to pay the $250 a month rent so really it won’t cost too much extra.

She got smart with me & said none of it is their fault… our light bill is way up, groceries times 2 because there’s 2 extra people to feed, & from the leaking our water bill was $130 this month which I barely got paid before they turned it off.

My hubby puts in a lot of hours at work & we’re not making it all the while they’re getting a roof over their heads, cable, internet, water, lights, Netflix, food, etc. They have 2 weeks to decide on paying 1/2 on what we ask or get their own place.

They act as though we’re kicking them out when clearly we told them we are not! They can stay…

My daughter refuses to talk to her Dad about anything. She just gets smart with me. They’ve been staying downstairs other than when she comes up to get their plates of food when I cook supper.

Thanks,
Frustrated & Confused

Dear Frustrated & Confused,

It sounds like you and your husband are already on the right track because you both let your daughter and her boyfriend know that their forgetfulness with the utilities has caused a spike in cost for the whole household and that the agreed upon amount of rent is simply not enough.

We learn as we grow to pay for what we need and want.  In order for the home environment to be peaceful there must be a balance.  Ask yourself:  What is necessary to create balance in my home?  What needs to be done for harmony to be restored?  Use the answers to help you figure out what is fair for everyone involved.

Right now they are taking far more than they are giving and it is throwing the energy of your home out of whack.  To right the balance all 4 adults under the same roof need to come to a compromise whereupon the mortgage, utilities and groceries are all able to be paid each month. 

As far as financial issues are concerned – your daughter and her boyfriend owe money for what they have used already.  In order to steer away from a potentially more difficult situation I think the key is for everything to be fair to everyone involved.  If the money cannot be paid within an amount of time that you and your husband agree upon then it would be prudent to kindly and lovingly suggest that your daughter and her boyfriend find different living accommodations. 

In regards to the treatment of you and your husband by your daughter I suggest that the 3 of you sit down and have an honest and open heart to heart that is loving and compassionate and full of forgiveness.  Forgiveness has a way of mending so much. 

I hope that these steps will help you and your family find balance once again.

Blessed Be,

Jules

 

Please send your questions to me at [email protected]. All printed questions will remain anonymous once printed – please sign your questions the way you would a “Dear Abby” submission with something along the lines of “Lonely in Seattle.”