Spiralled Edges: Finding Nature in the Edges

May 1st, 2015

Everything Changes

 

Years ago I learned a chant in the Pagan community which went

She changes everything she touches

And everything she touches, changes.

One of the basic tenets of any nature-based religion is that things change. Those changes may be subtle, they may be difficult to see, but over time as we move through the seasons everything changes.

I am not the same person I was a year ago. And neither are you. I’m carrying a lot more grey hairs, a few more wrinkles. And a lot less emotional baggage.

Sometimes, we hang on to ideas or beliefs or emotions that don’t serve us, and don’t allow us to grow. That fear of change is what keeps us in abusive relationships, keeps us from finding a new job, and keeps us from pursuing a dream.

I found myself in just one of these ruts in recent years. When I separated from my ex-husband in 2012 my world was turned upside down. I had become so firmly entrenched in a life that was mentally and emotionally abusive that I couldn’t even recognise it as such.

I knew I was unhappy. I knew that I sometimes had strong urges and a desire to escape. My resistance to change kept me from doing something about it. Better to be unhappy in a marriage I knew than face an unknown.

saying

created by NanLT

 

If my life hadn’t been shaken up, there’s a good chance I would still be there. Even then it wasn’t until I had been out of that marriage for over a year that I was able to recognise and admit that there had been abuse. And now, 3 years later, I am beginning to embrace life once again.

I’m not doing this without structure though. Because while I may be embracing changes and finding new understanding of how very constant change is, I am also becoming more fully aware of how important structure and routines are for me. It is these routines which provide the foundations and scaffolding through which change can occur.

woman

public domain, Wikimedia commons

A good analogy which I have come across relates to weaving. Handmade woven cloth can be very colourful and creative. Weaving can be done on anything from a small table-top loom to larger looms taking up a room. Each works in the same way. Strong warp threads are placed lengthwise on the loom, and the creative weft threads are woven back and forth across the width.

If the warp threads are not strong enough to support the weft threads, the weaving will break apart.

This is how I am striving to create my life today. Daily routines for personal care, and personal spiritual practises provide the warp which supports my emotional and spiritual weft.

The result is an ongoing process. Sometimes, the warp breaks. Usually because I have neglected my routines. Sometimes, I realise that something I am weaving for myself isn’t what I want and I need to discard it.

This is where one of the biggest stumbling blocks would have been for me in the past, and I need to be aware of it in my present and future. That inability to step away from something that isn’t working because I am afraid of change.

I’m not doing all of this alone. Over time I have been pulling together an assortment of tools and support. I’ve been releasing trapped emotions and discovering my voice through various complementary and alternative healing techniques: shamanic journeying, Dr Bradley Nelson (Emotion Code), EFT and Reiki. I have been advocating for my needs and discovering my truth through the daily exercises of HeatherAsh Amara (Warrior Goddess Training), daily morning pages (The Artist’s Way) and David Hamilton, PhD (I {heart} Me: The Science of Self-Love). Most important of all though is I am learning to be more forgiving and gentler towards myself.

What are you weaving in your own life today? Are there broken and unwanted threads that need to be snipped away or replaced?

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