The Marriage Heresy

The worst book ever written is now a film.

You must know what movie of which I speak. I hope you do because just like the actors who refuse to say the name of "That Scottish Play" I refuse to write the name of "That Book."

I cannot understand the excitement "The Da—" Oops! Almost said it! I cannot fathom what on earth millions and millions of the mass of humanity have found so fascinating about writing that violates the entire Geneva Convention. What should have been the winner of the Bulwer-Lytton contest is a publishing sensation.

But what I can fathom even less is the millions and millions of minions who are just losing their minds over it—and not for the rational reason of crimes against Literature but for the reason that Jesus being married is complete heresy.

I’ve seen calls for boycotts, etc., Seriously, I keep waiting for some great God-fearing Christian to find a scripture they can interpret hi a way that allows a fatwah to be placed on Dan Brown’s head. But the reason for all this uproar is not due to the book’s writing that completely violates the entire Geneva Convention. The controversy is all because these protester’s simply cannot have a married God.

And this is what I just cannot fathom.

What in the name of God is so disturbing about a married God? Aren’t we taught that marriage is ordained by God and sex is beautiful? If this is true then why does the image of a married God getting down in the confines of the Holy Estate He ordained freak folks out so bad? Why are churches organizing "Answers to the Book That Makes Us Lose Our Minds Because We Simply Cannot Have a Sexually Active Deity?"

And what amazes me the most is THIS IS A WORK OF FICTION, people! Fiction! It isn’t marketed as the Gospel According to Dan Brown it is marketed as fiction. How in the name of God does a person find errors in a work of fiction? How does a person "answer" fiction?

And what exactly are these answers? That that person sitting next to Jesus in The Last Supper is not obviously a chick? Hell, my bifocal wearing Southern Baptist mother can see that it obviously is!

That the "Beloved Disciple" is John? Seriously, unless the fundies are willing to have a gay God, something I’m sure they’d find more reprehensible than a married one, they’d best re-think that one. Jesus in known to kiss the "Beloved Disciple" folks. Is the Magdalene looking so bad now?

That the account of Jesus’ anointing—(Anointed—the very meaning of the word Christ) by a woman is one of the very few stories that appear in all four Gospels?

That it is Mary, not Peter, that Jesus named Apostle to the Apostles?

These are questions that are undisputed. The question that is disputed is this: How precisely does having sex de-deify a deity? Is it like de¬flowering a virgin, or like cutting the hair off Samson? Or is it like General Jack D. Ripper’s fear in Dr. Strangelove: that his fluids are holy and he must keep them to himself, that women are attempting to take his precious fluids from him, thereby depriving him of his power?

Even my fundamentalist mother doesn’t get it. Here’s her comment on the subject:

"Well if God became man and he came to Earth to personally show us how to behave, wouldn’t that include showing us how to behave in marriage? Doesn’t him being married actually make him more God than less?"

It’s an seemingly odd statement for a fundamentalist, but then again, my mom is one of those rare Christians who has a true, mature faith. Images of her God having sex doesn’t send her off screaming, "Oooooo wee, yuck!" like some prepubescent juvenile.

Is it the sex that’s the problem? Or is it the idea that deified Jesus considered a woman his equal, worthy of a partnership, worthy of an institution ordained by God?

Maybe I am beginning to understand…


author bio:

R.A. Áine Laisrén, a novelist and psychic practitioner for over twenty years, is devoting her life (and the life of her pet chinchilla Fionnghuala) to restoring the Goddess and all Her gifts to Christianity. She will absolutely lose her mind if you refer to the Holy Spirit in the masculine gender, so please just don’t do it!

More information about Áine’s writing and practice may be found at www.sang-realta.com