HearthBeats: Notes from a Kitchen Witch

Letting Go

Merry Meet all, and I hope you have all had a happy Blessed Summer in the Northern Hemi and Winter in the Southern Hemi…

Recently I have had to look deeply into my heart to deal with something I never thought would be hard.

Letting go… of my son. Not in death.. but in life.  Growing up and growing away.

As they grow..  They become independent, strong, opinionated (very) and educated. But we as parents do not grow the same way. We create this life, nurture it, hold it, teach it, and bandage it… but never do we think we will be cut off from it. But cut off we are, often very abruptly. Suddenly they become all that we have worked towards… but what then???

Suddenly we are cast adrift, loaded with things we have yet to teach, advice we have yet to share, help we have yet to give.

Still we have to trust that we have given them all of the tools that they will need. That all the time we have spent on them, shared with them will arm them to go into the world able to survive.

Letting them go can (and is) one of the hardest most painful moments in a parents life. But it is also one of the most joyful. Look at what you have done… you have spent a huge portion of your life guiding this wonderful person on the path he or she needed to be on to become all that they can be. You have brought love, religion, faith, joy, rules and the enforcement of them. And out of the cocoon of childhood here they are.

Remember that even though they are pulling away, pushing you away. All they are doing is exerting their independence. They do not love you less (even if it feels like it).  They just have not found a way to show you how much they love you without falling back into childhood. They are striving so hard to be adult, to prove that they can be on their own, they fear falling back into being a child. They fear that they will fail, be unable to be the adult that you taught them how to be. You have to trust in them, know that they will achieve greatness if they have enough of the support that they need. The invisible, strong support that only their parent can give them. Give them all the love you have, and remember that the older they get the smarter you get. They will come back asking for your advice, your help. Give it graciously when they do.. as if they never left.

You have to wait. Wait and see what wonderful things they will do with their lives.

My own son who is 18 ½ is moving out. He has already started on the path he has chosen; He is an EMT, he volunteers in the local fire Department and Ambulance Department. He is working, toward a car( to get a better job) and apartment which he will share with 3 others. He is going to do great things and be very good at them.

Even though this makes me amazingly proud of him.. I grieve the loss of my little boy.  I have invested ½ my life to him and now he has moved on, to hopefully create his own family, life and future. The image of him as a two year old, a five year old, a teen overlay the man he is now, making it hard to see him as he is.

While I still have my sweet daughter, who is only 14, I know she is running fast on the path out the door.. Even though she promise me she will never leave me.. I know I will go through this again in a few years. But I will cherish these year all the more knowing what is to come.

So , as the days go on and the moments of grief pass. The moments of joy and pride take over. And hope you live long enough to watch him or her go through this with their children.

My only advice is to cherish every moment that you have with them when they are young.. for you WILL miss them later on. When they are teens and all in your face, remember that you WILL miss it when they are grown. Hugg them and love them and teach them everything they will need.. And then get a box of tissues.. Because you most likely WILL cry when they leave.. Tears of sadness, of grief, of pride and of love.

Until next time
Blessed Home and Hearth
The Hearthkeeper

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