I Am A Hypocrite. I Am Love.
The word hypocrite is defined by Merriam Webster as a person who puts on a false appearance of morality and virtue or who acts in contradiction to his or her stated beliefs or feelings.
I was called a hypocrite yesterday. And I must admit that I was surprised. Perhaps I shouldn’t be, but I was. Granted it was second hand information, as the person who informed me of this wasn’t the one who allegedly labeled me a hypocrite – they were just the messenger. Nonetheless it was unsettling to me. It isn’t because I haven’t been called unsavory names before. Hell, I’ve been called a lot of things: arrogant, self-righteous, cold hearted, unfeeling, cruel, a bitch … Oh! And you can’t forget the best one of all – Satanist. But none of them are true. Well, at least not to me. Not from my perspective which is the only perspective that is relevant to me in my life experience. When I questioned the messenger they had no further details about why the original ‘labeler’ viewed me as a hypocrite (or perhaps they did but didn’t want to share it with me) but really the reason behind it is immaterial. It is that individual’s perspective when looking at me. To them it is truth. They, see a hypocrite.
Today I am grateful that this information was relayed to me (regardless of the motive behind the ‘labeler’ as well as the messenger) because it has given me a moment of reflection. And I would agree with you, that if I was more confident in my own Authentic Self and True Will, I wouldn’t need these moments of reflection but, because I am continually moving towards enlightenment and working to integrate my fragmented Souls and releasing my Shadows, times like this are vital and required on my journey. God Herself has guided me towards this moment so that I might take this opportunity and use it for my Highest Good.
Please don’t misunderstand what I am saying here. Hearing that someone perceived me as a hypocrite and then shared this opinion with at least one other person, wasn’t easy to hear nor was it easy to accept. It stung. It hurt. But I have discovered that as I forge my own path through the jungle of life, the times when I learn the most about myself and am able to do the most internal work is when things aren’t so easy.
“To learn you must suffer,” is a common theme within Wicca. The words, “To learn you must suffer, to live you must be born, to be born you must die,” are recited during The Great Rite within Ritual. When the scourge is presented to the postulant at Initiation she or he is asked if they are ‘willing to suffer to learn’ and the answer is expected to be an unwavering ‘yes’. I understand and resonate with this concept. I’ve embraced it. But there are times that I don’t recognize these opportunities as they reveal themselves, because I am caught up in the feelings of that moment. Feelings of disappointment, frustration, anger and hurt bubble within me like a poisoned brew threatening to overflow. My ego is immersed in identifying with the accusations and finding ways to justify my deeds and words instead of viewing that flicker in time as the opportunity that it is: a chance for reflection, evaluation and a time to realign my soul vibration with my True Will and Authentic Self.
Today I stopped identifying and released. I reflected, evaluated and realigned my soul vibration. I am perceived as a hypocrite. So be it.
I am who I am. I am love. This is my perspective. This is my perception. No one else has to believe it. It is real to me. It is – who I am.