Celebrating the Old Ways in New Times
On Witch Wars…
My articles focus on Sabbats, and it is not time to write about the next Sabbat JUST yet. So I am writing about something that we all know all too well about and that drives many of us insane.
The ugly presence of Witch Wars in our communities.
It seems like the spats, ego contests, and just plain out bad behavior in Pagan communities and groups gets a lot more attention than the good things we do sometimes. Shops compete for patrons. Covens argue over who knows most, and people fling name calling and curses at one another on a regular basis.
Many reading this probably became interested in Wicca because of something they read or some Wiccans they had met.
Like I did.
All the Wiccans, or self-labeled Neo-Pagans I’d met were very nice people. They were laid back, easygoing people who agreed to disagree on topics. They were live-and-let-live individuals. They were non-judgmental, and if you judged them, they said it was “unfortunate” and they walked away peaceably. They believed in the existence of all gods, and believed in the rights of everybody to worship as they saw fit. I had met ONE militant Pagan who had a chip on her shoulder about everything under the sun, but from what I’d seen, that was very rare, and she called herself a Solitary, anyhow.
From what I saw, I drew the conclusion that Pagans were peacemakers, huggers, lovers, and healers who just wanted to worship as they saw fit and experience the divine in the way that made sense to them.
It was a breath of fresh air to come to Wicca and experience community as a newcomer. I was immediately embraced by a shop owner and three New Agers while I was searching, and after relocating to a new State, eventually made my way to initiation into a Traditional Wiccan discipline with a wonderful Priest who I have come to call my dad.
I asked to study for a third degree, and began helping officiate ritual with my Priest after starting a discussion group that met twice a month. I felt I had finally found the religion that I was born for and finally come home to soul kin. I was excited.
Imagine my surprise after converting, seeing witch wars crop up all over the place, both outside my group, and WITHIN my own group.
Soon, I started calling myself “The most hated person” in my hometown as I pulled people aside and discussed conduct and created ground rules for attending group meetings. For some odd reason, people did not know how to get along with one another. I explained things like how to take turns when a discussion was in progress and it was somebody else’s turn to speak. I explained that telling people “don’t let the door hit you on the back on the way out” was no way to talk to other people. I got messages from people complaining about other people. I found out about older people coercing younger people to give them money. And for some odd reason, people wanted to make sure I knew who was sleeping with who. I told people to stop it if they were yelling at my Priest. I had to ask people to leave on occasion. This all really pissed people off.
Then I heard of complaints and bashing of me, including criticism of my personal life that followed such things. While the old saying “The boss can’t have friends” may be true, it bothered me.
After a couple of years of this, I found I dreaded opening my e-mail inbox to the point I’d have panic attacks just thinking about it.
I was told by some that I was just obviously NOT clergy material if these things upset me. Pagan clergy transcended all human emotions with proper spellwork and meditation. My Priest said they could all go fuck themselves when they told me things like that.
He was right. I found a majority of the Pagans to be like the first Pagans I’d met, and precious few to be those who caused strife in the community.
I also found my tolerance level and personal well-being steadily diminish with every incident I had to handle. Finally, I stopped organizing discussion groups twice a month, and just went to doing something every other month.
But I continued to maintain contact with members of many different groups and the stories, contacts, and personal upset continued.
The last straw came when I asked a fellow officiant to do a ritual at a Beltaine gathering. This individual was transgendered, and all hell broke loose when another member of the group decided a transgendered person was indecent and unfit to have around other people’s kids.
Being a Libra, I tried to keep everybody happy, and the result was that a few months after the first “concern” was aired, a “poll” was taken to see what people at a large psychic event thought of transgendered people. It was “reported” to me that some people said they would NEVER bring their children to an event where a -GASP- transgendered individual was allowed to officiate.
I found myself sitting on the floor in my computer room, bawling my eyes out for hours, my Priest’s wife trying unsuccessfully to calm me down via instant messaging.
The transgendered individual officiated and nobody died, there were kids in attendance, nobody felt threatened, and life went on.
A huge behind the scenes brawl with curses exchanged cropped up and of course, I was told how I handled it all wrong. Nevermind the fact none of this would have happened if a Pagan had not discriminated against another one and went on the warpath. The person who was responsible for putting the fires out, not the one who started the fire, was to blame for the whole thing.
About two years after that, said transgendered individual bitched about me on her Facebook and threatened to end communication with me if I had my “panties in a bundle”, and would not let Muslim bashing on my personal page.
And with that, I threw my hands up.
Where are all the peaceable Pagans I knew years ago, and when did we become a community of brawling, argumentative children who cannot get along with one another?
I lamented this to my Priest.
Aside from telling me that people who cannot get along with each other can go fuck themselves once more, he gave me a research assignment.
Upon completion, I discovered Wiccans have been brawling with one another since day one.
It all started when Mr. Gerald Gardner decide to come out to the press.
He claimed Wicca traced lineage from Pre Christian Pagans worshipping the Horned God and The Goddess. He said the religion went underground during the Inquisition and was resurfacing. Some of the folks in Gardners group, unhappy with the attention from the public, raised hell with him, and some departed.
Even in Gardners own group, he disagreed sharply with the beloved Doreen Valiente when she was his Priestess. She felt he limited the Priestesses power too much, and he felt Valiente was asking for TOO much power and the Priest should have more power.
They split.
One would think people responsible for founding Wicca were in full agreement as to how to be Wiccan. Not so. Gardner was publically challenged by people like Robert Cochrane, who Valiente joined, and Charles Cardell.
Charles Cardell’s creation was the Coven of Atho. Raymond Howard worked to promote this Coven, and as per testimony from his son in 2008, he personally created an image of a horned god he claimed was very old. It was stolen from his shop in 1967, and has not been seen since. Howard split with Cardell after a falling out.
Cardell fought with Gardner. Gardner fought with Valiente. Valiente fought with Howard.
Even Alexander Sanders, founder of Alexandrian Wicca was publically attacked by Patricia Crowther, who was initiated by Gardner and later founded her own Coven with her husband.
It appears early Wiccans got along only long enough to initiate one another, and then they fought, split, and started new Covens as response.
Each new Coven did things differently than the others, and each founder seemingly declared their way the RIGHT way. They were not shy about publically speaking against each other.
Part of me wonders if this has created an imprint modern Pagans unknowingly inherit. One dictating that there will be chaos. Indeed, most Pagans I meet are intellectuals, and independent thinkers. Many left organized religion because they did not feel some other person can tell them how best to worship. So is it any wonder that you get a gaggle of said individuals together, who gather in the name of a religion founded by people disagreeing with one another, that fights will break out and nobody wants an authority figure telling them to just get along already?
Researching what I call “the Great Witch Wars” that resulted in the founding of many Wiccan traditions revealed to me that it is not my imagination Pagans don’t always get along with one another. It revealed it is nothing personal. And it revealed to me that there is nothing I can do about it.
I still don’t know how I feel about it.
Some clergy persons and group facilitators are business owners who do this during store hours. I was not one of those facilitators. I held down two jobs that had nothing to do with Paganism and I paid my own bills. Occasionally, I’d get paid for doing a tarot reading. Talking people down after fights to try and keep the group from splintering was something I did on time off, lunch breaks, and holidays. It took up all my spare time, and I began to dread it.
My Libran “What can I do to make sure we all just get along?” turned to a cynical. “Let them fight. I can’t watch this. I want to go live my own life.”
Everybody had advice and experience with the same thing within their own groups… I don’t need to remind you what my Priest’s advice was.
Some said to let the witch wars roll off my back like water on a duck. I just needed to toughen up and build a thick skin.
Some said to be Solitary. It worked well for many.
Some said it was my imagination and I was letting a few bad apples give all the good people a bad name.
I was told by one person that maybe I was not really called for a life of service to the gods, just to do tasks for a short time. I felt I was being told that I could just let the pros do it all and just step aside.
Being sensitive was both praised and spit at. I was told “Sensitives” made good psychics, but were not allowed to be such unless they were getting a vibe or doing a reading. I don’t know how that is supposed to work. They must know of some secret switch I can hit to turn it on and off at will?
The more I listened, the more I heard that many facilitators felt the same exhaustion and futility that I did. Some quit, some took a break and cooled off. Some went on despite the way they felt.
Those who succeeded most were the business owners.
I came to the conclusion that it was a mistake for Pagan clergy to do everything for free.
There is a lot of debate about that. Of course, I realized, it is oftentimes the ones want to live with their parents for the rest of their lives who shout the loudest that Pagan clergy has no right to charge for services. They are also the ones who publically pick the facilitators to pieces- right after attending the latest free workshop. They are the ones who are most easily disappointed and the ones who always seem to be unable to maintain relationships, hop from group to group, always publically lambasting the group leaders perceived sins, and many of them are in and out of jobs the most.
In short, since I was facilitating totally free Pagan activities, these people are the ones who attended my offered activities most.
Of course, plenty of people who were not this way attended as well.
I can sit up and complain about people who make community difficult all I want, but it won’t change a thing.
It took me a long time to come to terms with the way things are, because I was in denial. I wanted, needed us to be BETTER. I needed to believe Pagans were so much more advanced than members of other religions. I needed to believe there were a few people I could council or just get rid of, and our Pagan circles would be absolutely perfect.
I admit, I saw the same messes going on at other meetings, and I tried to learn from it and make sure it did not happen at my gatherings. Part of my acceptance came from admitting I was not any smarter or any better than any of the rest of the organizers and that people who wanted to fight were just going to fight.
I also accepted that I cannot please everybody.
I also accepted that facilitators and clergy are not better Pagans than the people they facilitate and minister to.
Let me say that again so I make sure you got it.
Facilitators and clergy are not better Pagans than the people they facilitate and minister to.
They falter and lose faith just as easily. They weep and grope for answers just as often and feel just as lost just as many times. They screw up just as often. They struggle with the same delusions and get sick and have financial woes, too.
They are learning just the same as the people they teach. The only difference is they are the ones who organize the events, worship services, and the coming together of the people called to come.
More burden is placed on them just the same as we place it on our parents and our bosses. We expect the people who are in charge to be absolutely PERFECT for 100% of the time. After all, our culture expects leaders to lead by example. We don’t LIKE to be told what to do, but if the person doing the telling is absolutely immaculate, we feel we can trust them to have the answers.
Sometimes, the organizers and clergy do not have all the answers. Sometimes, they do the wrong thing. Sometimes, they are not well prepared, and sometimes, they get sick, call off, or just outright quit.
Not because they are not good at it or because the gods have used them all they want to- but because despite what their calling is or what their job is, they are human beings too.
Their mistakes and shortcomings are just more held against them more.
I have spoken with some clergy and facilitators who insist clergy is not ALLOWED to make mistakes. They are not ALLOWED to fail to foresee all things that could happen. You MUST have backup and plan b’s for EVERY possible scenario. If not, you fail and it is all your pathetic fault.
There is a lot of smugness and personal pride in the Pagan community. Not because that is inherently Pagan, but because it is inherently human.
But, as Pagans, because we reject grace and salvation, we sometimes reject the concept of forgiveness.
For me, coming to terms with the fact the community was not what I expected it to be entailed first forgiving our human nature. Our ability to screw up and to be unable to make certain things happen.
I realized I was not upset with community. And I was not even holding things against certain people. I was angry with myself for not being perfect. Once I forgave myself for that, my Priest’s advice finally made sense. Some folks can just go fuck themselves.
Once I decided to let certain people go fuck themselves, I accepted that I could not run a group that was for everybody who was Pagan. I accepted that I did not owe anybody anything. I was not required to offer or to DO certain things just because somebody expected it. If I wanted to facilitate, I could. If I decided I did not want to do so anymore, that was okay too. It was okay to do so the way I did it, not the way I was told to.
If I ever do decide to quit, the people who criticized me and lamented how all their dreams did not come true at my gatherings will enjoy saying “I KNEW it!” Such people go through life counting it as a victory if they perceive somebody else failed.
What is it about human beings that we like to see each other fail? I used to think it was an example of “survival of the fittest” . But I disagree with that. Because human beings survive and thrive best in successful teams.
Neo-Pagans could benefit from learning how to exist in teams.
Neo-Paganism, I believe is in it’s first century, and I quite agree with the Xtians that a house divided against itself WILL fall. I also feel, that since we are still so new, have no centralized, governing dogma, and even our founders quarreled and splintered, that we will continue to do so. For a time at least. Reports about legal victories abound in the news, so while we may be making progress against society’s discrimination against us, I don’t see us making any progress since our founding mothers and fathers of getting along with one another. That is the number one complaint people who say they became Solitaries have made to me.
I think that rather than only suing everybody else for legal rights and equal status, we need to also focus on cohesion and cooperation with one another.
I don’t have the answers, and I admit, I have not been to a gathering I have not promised to attend in a long while. I used to go all the time because I enjoyed it. I have just not enjoyed it in a while. I have no idea how long this will last.
I really aspire to emulate my Priests example. He ran a store for over a decade and has officiated for numerous groups and Covens. He has been sited on radio and in print. People seek him out, and although some are not respectful sometimes, he is highly respected and valued as an elder of our community.
What I seek most to emulate is his attitude. He does what he can when he can for who he can. He does not hold it against himself if he cannot do something. He recognizes immediately when somebody is never satisfied and he does not bother himself with their complaints. People have a right to give feedback, and he listens and is humble and does not claim to be unable to improve, but for the most part, his critics, can…you guessed it…go fuck themselves.
That attitude is the number one thing that successful facilitators and clergy in the Pagan community seem to share. Especially if they are active and successful long term.
I know deep in my heart that if I do not learn to be that way, then I really am going to fail. While we have to give people what they need, otherwise, we cannot do the work of the gods, human beings have the tendency to desire the impossible and to expect the impossible from our leaders. Some seek to replace medical and psychiatric care with a tarot reading. Some seek to replace physical and sexual attractiveness with love spells. Some seek to replace a personal relationship with the divine with constant attendance at Pagan events. Like a social club, yet there is no deeper meaning. And some expect the facilitators, shopkeepers, and clergy to automatically give them all these things. Many expect it for free.
What I am trying to say here is try to be fair regardless of whether you facilitate and minister or whether you are one of the people being ministered and facilitated to. Be fair to one another and be fair to yourself. Sometimes, we have to experience being unfair or being treated unfairly to realize what actually IS fair. That is okay too. Embrace, forgive, move on, and enjoy community if you want to. If you don’t enjoy community, that is okay too. Just try to remember we all count regardless of what we bring to the table. My Priest always reminds me that EVERYTHING teaches, even if somebody is showing how NOT to be. Experiencing frustration based on how somebody treats you can remind how not to treat others. Those ministering easily forget everybody coming to them has a struggle and is looking for answers. Even the annoying ones who won’t take advice. Those coming for the answers easily forget clergypersons are human too and don’t always HAVE all the answers.
If we are to have community, we must accept that everybody is at a different place in their development, and is just as loved by the divine as the next person who we may perceive as more spiritually developed. Somehow, the gods put up with us when we can barely endure one another, let alone ourselves. Despite the witch wars, the petty squabbles, and the disappointments, we keep forging community and groups. People come and go, membership changes, people move on. Community, as imperfect and dysfunctional as it can be, stays.
May the gods bless each of us, despite our imperfections, mistakes, and real and percieved crimes. May we find great soul kin to share our lives with, who experience the good and the bad with us, as we walk our own individual paths. May we never give up on one another and may we have great friends to support us and keep us on the path when we do feel about to give up on ourselves. May we be aware of our own weaknesses more strongly than we are aware of those of others. May we be blessed and may we bless one another.
Blessed Be.