The Light and Dark Halves of the Goddess
As a light worker, I do self-healing meditations every morning and evening, a simple energetic process to turn ancient fears from my fall from heaven-to-earth into love. And for about 20 years now, I’ve been healing an old, old archetype that creates cancer, diseases of all kinds, starvation, death, and mainly control. My druid guides call her Isle (ishla, meaning mean-ness in Gaelic). But she lives on the dragon star, an Egyptian culture, and most people know her as Isis, the dark half of the goddess. I’ve had all manner of memories of past Egyptian lifetimes, similar Atlantean ones, too, in which this very dark, slippery goddess caused major diseases of all kinds in huge swaths of the populations and simply took over in any way she could, death being her specialty. In both places, the sister/brotherhoods of light were crushed, killed, or sent far, far away to other star systems. The same has happened in many countries and cultures on earth, too; genocide, displacement, resulting in severely wounded diasporas that wander the earth.
So, I came to know Isle gradually, through bits and pieces of many of my past lives, and certainly to respect her dark, dark powers. Her totem is a black snake, linked in my own past to being eaten or suffocated by them in Africa, long ago. Snakes especially are Isle’s symbol. But also skulls, signifying death, and knives, since she gains power through violence and killing. More recently in my process, as I climbed my way through the 15 light structures of the seventh heaven (see my first article on the 363 planes of light I climbed through in my process), I entered her death/dragon star in the inner realms, Draco, the light structure just below the final one (the Creator Sun). And my healings took quite a serious turn then, for they were filled with memories of thievery, poverty, rape, starvation, constant insecurity, and especially slavery of all kinds. This dark half of the goddess builds our deepest fears into us during our descent to earth, immediately after we fell out of the Creator Sun on our way down. And before we find freedom on our ascension paths, we must face and heal her within, no easy task. For me, she showed up on evenings when demons-to-be-healed circled my head, my nerves were on edge, when love felt unreal, too elusive to be believed in, loneliness and isolation my only companions. There is always starvation of some kind when dealing with Isis, twenty many years of solitude and forty of sleep deprivation have been mine. She’s a quite determined goddess, too, for even though she serves the Creators, she is utterly unwavering that her fears be faced and healed whenever they show up in someone’s life, and she will push past the breaking point, if need be. There’s no running away or escape of any kind, and healing in love is the only way to shift out of her challenging lessons.
The planes of light I as ascending though over the years sorted themselves into seven heavens, with fairly intense initiations between each one; earth, water, air, fire, cherub, bone, and diamond in that order (I am still waiting for the diamond one). Along about the fourth heaven on my path, not long before my fire initiation, I began to sense another Goddess, a light One, that Isle made every effort to keep hidden behind her shadowy minions. My druid guides called this light half of the Goddess, the White Tara. She opened slowly, too, bits and pieces of memories coming in over the years, my fall out of a love-filled place that was forever lost to me, deep grief for a tender Mother I knew I’d never see again, Her alabaster temple sparkling in the Creator Sun, the altar inside it always filled with and scented by white roses. When it was time for all of us to learn wisdom, to renew the light of wisdom for the universe, that is the purpose of humanity, we fell out of this Creator Sun into the death star below and took in a whole lot of serious fears to heal in our many human lives. Our human healings on earth over centuries would brighten the light of wisdom for the entire universe again, a necessary thing, for without it, bad things start to happen, like one star system invading another. It’s very honorable work we are doing!
The White Tara began to show up in my life at times as well, slowly, gently, and always in silence. I could feel Her feathered fingers on my brow just before sleep sometimes, or more often, when sleep wouldn’t come. Whenever I was in a strong self-hatred mode (another recurring tendency in my life), Tara also came in, quite consistently. At these times, She’d hold me close, Her strong, forever love pouring into me to ease the darkness I was facing. I could feel how sad She’d been when I hadn’t healed enough shadow layers for Her to reach me, and how sweet it was for Her to reconnect in any way She could, even for a moment now and then. We get what we believe in our lives on earth; that’s inviolable spiritual law, our own little worlds clearly reflecting whatever we believe within, including all fears from our descent we haven’t recognized or healed. No interference is ever allowed from the other side, either. I’d never even heard of the Goddess before I turned to druidry after my children were born, 40 years ago, didn’t believe in Her at all. So, there was nothing Tara could do but wait for me to seek Her, to heal and soften my inner darkness enough that it didn’t block Her tenderness. I know one thing after my years of feeling Her again, the White Tara’s love is unfailing, wider and deeper than the sea, and stronger than any fear in the dragon star, bar none. How did I ever live without it? I don’t know. And even though the Goddess is what causes non-pagan folk to argue, ignore, or dislike me more than anything else, I’ll never give Her up again! I have a Goddess garden now in every home I live in, with white and blue flowers and a small pool of white, sea-rounded stones that look like the full moon, plus an apple tree, of course. And over time, I learned that the White Tara rules the path of experience we all walk, intimacy of all kinds, marriage, union, sexuality, and especially sacred sexuality, manifesting into the sensate realms through physical union in love.
Not only that, but the White Tara’s yearly cycle, the flow of emotion, is identical to the druid year, 15 moons of 24 days each, with 5 intercessory days at the Celtic new year, November 24th-28th (all twelve gods and goddesses of the Creator Sun have some cycle they’re in charge of). Druidry is Her religion on earth, the one I can never get enough of, the one I live, breathe, wear, decorate with, and dance to under the moon.
But I don’t want to leave you with the impression that Isle/Isis is all bad and Tara is all good, for that would be quite false. It’s all good, as the saying goes, a true statement if ever there was one. I call in Isle when I’m in deep fear, when survival is a real issue, for she knows all there is to know about holding your own in darkness, no matter how horrible it becomes. She’s the one who trains us to hold our own in chaos, violence, dying, and war, to forge ahead even when the way seems totally insurmountable, who builds extraordinary strength into future leaders who will have to deal with global crises. In a very real sense, Isle builds our inner gods and goddesses, helping us; dig deeper and find enough strength somewhere to keep going, pull up self-love from far inside when we feel utterly lost or in despair, grow the capacity to embrace all there is, and build compassion for others who’ve suffered the same things we’ve endured ourselves. Africa and the dark race there are Isle’s people, and she’s led them through the worst of the worst, preparing extraordinary gifts within that I can’t help feeling will be needed and shine forth in future times on earth. It’s Isis who’s led us through the last 33 centuries, after the Goddess of light was forgotten on earth and patriarchy took over. At the new moon, Isle unleashes the fears we’ll be facing during the next 28 days, and at the full, Tara sends out the truths we’ll be integrating, instead. They are goddess sisters, leading us all.
The most meaningful quality of the White Tara I’ve found in my own process, though, is holding everyone in the cosmos in powerful and tender Mother love, no matter how far from love they’ve strayed. The White Tara is our best hope for the lowest of the low; terrorists, serial killers, greedy corporate giants, those few trillionaires who keep 50% of the world’s money in their very sticky hands, and on and on. This is Tara’s greatest gift, I think, loving us when we are at our very worst. It’s meant the world to me at times, I can tell you that. So, I don’t use knives, skulls, or snakes in my rituals or on my altars any more. Though I respect and admire Isis for her strengths, I don’t wish to serve her or call her in now. It’s the White Tara, THE Goddess, I long for now. My altar is full of moonstones now, milky quartz, my statues of Hebe (the woman with the alabaster jar). So, on this Lughnasa during the Apple moon of the Goddess, I bend the knee of my heart to Her, the White Tara with Her cosmic, unbreakable, Mother’s Heart and Love that never fails or diminishes the least little bit. If you don’t know Her yet, hold a gardenia to your nose, a white rose, perhaps, especially the Eden ones, or take those flower essences, instead. Sit under an apple tree somewhere and call the White Tara in, especially at dusk when She shifts the rush of the day into the peace and rest of evening. And don’t be deflected by Isis’s dark minions that try to block Tara any way they can, either. Just wait; the White Goddess will come. She rules the earth plane, too. It’s Her school. So, take Her Hand and let Her lead you, if you like. You’ll be very glad you did, I know. A Blessed Lughnasa to everyone!
About the Author:
Jill Rose Frew, Ph.D. is a clinical psychologist, energy healer, workshop leader, and author. She will be opening a school teaching light healing and the Celtic path of enlightenment in 2019. For information, please see www.CelticHeaven.com