Learning To Just Be

The sun was setting low in the west, a light breeze ruffled her hair as she strolled along the shore gathering seashells. One more thing to bring into the house, he’d say, he doesn’t like clutter, lol, but he loves her so he puts up with her clutter. Both of them are pack rats, each pretending not to be, but acknowledging the other as one. She took tonight off, off from doing house work, laundry, gardening or making jewelry. It’s the night before the full moon, the sky is clear, the light sparkling with the salt from the sea. She felt such a need to be here tonight, away from worry and stress. He does his best to understand her, and most often does, but lately she knows she has been a puzzle to him. Indeed, she’s been a puzzle to herself. Not quite sure which way to go, often feeling overwhelmed she decided that tonight she would spend sunset at the beach alone meditating, relearning how to breath and getting herself back in control. She is here to learn to “just be” instead of “just doing” all the time.

Out over the water this unbelievably long line of pelicans flew past, dipping down to barely touch the water, only to soar a little higher than the waves themselves. They seemed to meander along the ocean, this long line of sea birds, searching for something. Suddenly she sees them soar higher, then to start dive bombing the water, obviously having found what they searched for. Here and there another sweet surprise from Mother Earth, dolphins arching up out of the water to take a breath before diving again beneath the waves, such majestic creatures, some times their whole bodies came up out of the water and others only their dorsal fin would show. Excited laughter and gasps from the young children along the beach pointing and squealing with delight at such displays. The cries of the seagulls sounding shrill as someone threw crumbs to them, joined in the noise. Seeking solitude, she moved farther down the beach, keeping care not to go too far, in case her ankle would tire and she would have a hard time making her way back to her car.

The dunes, rising behind the beach, were covered with dune grass swaying in the breeze. It wasn’t really too windy, but along the beach a bit more so than up in the parking area. It was at least keeping the sand gnats away and mosquitoes. Slowly going only inches at a time, she meditated on just being there in that moment. So often she rushes through life at full speed, trying to do so many things at once, she forgets to just be. It is something that she never was allowed to be before, in her life before Georgia. She had so many things that had to be done, for her sons first, for her ex husband, for her job, but never for her. Her whole life, before Georgia, seemed to have been lived to please others and never herself. In short, her whole life has been up to this point, “doing” and not “being.” “Being” is a foreign concept to her. It will take some thinking, considering, and quite possibly some starts and stops before she gets it right. A friend, quite some time ago, told her to stop working so hard. Her friend pointed out that everything she did, she did hard. She worked hard at this or that, worked hard to be this or that. It has taken a couple of months for these words of wisdom to rise in her mind and be considered clearly and carefully. Perhaps now was the time for her learning to “just be” instead of “doing.” Maybe now was time for her to learn to please herself instead of always making sure others were pleased first.

So now, here she was, barefoot, bottle of water in one hand, plastic bag in the other with her sandals inside it, and all these tiny and not so tiny seashells and sand being dumped in on top of her shoes. She couldn’t be happier. (Every time she looked back at her life, most of her happiest moments had been barefoot. Before she realized what she was at the tender age of 12, some innate instinct had had her barefoot, grounding and centering herself). Every now and then someone would stop and ask if she is finding anything special, she would just smile and open her one hand where she had a couple of teeny tiny shells that were attached by a thread it seemed and looked like butterfly wings. Then she would just move on. She did find some larger shells, she used to know the names of them all when she was younger, but now she’ll have to look them up once she gets home. She did find some pieces of sand dollars, and she stopped the beach patrol and asked about finding whole ones. He told her she would have to wade out into the water until it was about 2-3 feet deep and dig for them. She thanked the man, but decided against it since she figured that the sand dollars would then be alive, and she couldn’t kill them, it wouldn’t be right. If they are found and already dead, she would take them, but not actively kill them, life is just too precious. She continues to meander along, stopping every now and then to stare out over the ocean, breath in deep breaths of fresh salty air. The sky starts to change colors, subtly, the faintest tinge of rosy pink glows as the sun begins to set. Looking back toward the west, she sees that many people are now filling in the upper decks of the cafes that line the beach front on this east side portion of the beach. Music is starting to fill the air, along with laughter, shouts and good natured conversation. The sound really carries on the beach. Lovers were starting to walk hand in hand along the shore, some walking in the water, other far out of it, and still others at the very edge. The families seemed to be packing it up for the day. Shouting came loudly from the pier area; there were boys up there shouting to friends or just other boys down on the beach below them. There was something going on at the pier as well. It looked like it would be a lively Friday night.

Finally, she finds a section of sand that a little more out of the main walking section and she sits down on her windshield cover, seeing how she totally forgot to take something to sit on, and it was handy, lol. The sky has darkened to a rich purple on the horizon in the east with light rosy pink fading upwards to a light pink before clear light blue that will turn dark once the sun goes down. The sounds of the people seem to dim, as she concentrates on her breathing and watching the horizon. The internet had timed the moonrise to be at 1858, this night, for her little island. Now it was almost 8pm or 2000, military time and no moon yet. Wait, is that it? Yes! There is the first rounded edge of the Lady! Taking a deep breath in through her nose and out through her mouth, she concentrates of letting all her cares just fall away. She imagines a huge white pitcher over her head slowly pouring dazzling brilliant white light into her Crown chakra. It keeps pouring until the chakra is full and starts to overflow into her Brow chakra; she lets it keep pouring until she is filled with this brilliant white light. As she sits there imagining being filled with white light, she smiles as the moon rises ever so steadily, first through the dark purple light, the moon looks large coming up purple that way. Then it is dark purple on the bottom half and rosy pink on the top half, almost as if it had been dyed that way. As she watches, a sail boat floats past the moon, its sails washed in the purples and pinks of the reflected light. How beautiful it must be to be on that sail boat! She watches as the boat seems to hang there a moment before sliding off and out of the perfect picture the moon has made of itself.

Sitting there, feeling the glowing white light that has filled her up, she smiles for the first time in a long time. She sits there gazing contentedly at the moon, seeing the rabbit on its surface that the Goddess Ostara’s followers reported seeing on the moon. It gives her a moment to feel a special link with the Goddess’ followers so long ago. Is it possible, she was once counted among them? The lovely moon has risen to the palest pink portion of the sky now; it appears to glow like a lovely rose quartz, so perfectly round and large in the sky. The clear blue, above the palest pink, has now started to darken. The first star winks off to the left of the moon, toward the horizon. She wishes she knew what planet or start that is, but knows she will have to wait and look it up once she is home. As the moon continues to slide upward ward, its color begins to change as well, becoming a bright clear white, like the white from her meditation. She continues to breathe slowly, deeply, feeling the stress from her life finally beginning to slide out of her down, her body, down her legs, into and out of her feet, to be absorbed by Mother Earth. She asks her to please take that stress and change it to a positive energy for use by Mother Earth, for her good, that she might give back to the Earth something useful. More stars join the first one, twinkling in the deepening blue as it makes it way to the black velvet of the night. Black velvet, the perfect back drop for the Full Moon, the Flower Moon as the full moon of May is called by some. Here in Georgia, that seems so appropriate, seeing how even after the first splash of spring color from the azaleas and dog woods, there are now the blooming Jasmine and regal Magnolias beginning to bloom.

As the shadows deepen, less and less people are on the beach now, less intrusive noise is heard on some level by her that sits by the sea. In her minds eye, her voice only in her own head, she casts her circle, calling on the elements to guard, witness, and protect. She just felt the need to cast a circle and speak with the Mother. She felt a great need to commune with the Divine, to thank them for all the wonderful blessings she has been given, and ask guidance in this troublesome time for herself. She thanks the Goddess and God, for all the blessings she has been given and hopes that she will be wise enough to know each time a blessing falls upon her. She asks for protection for her sons, as always, as they are the most important part of her small world. Tonight she asks for healing, for herself, not only of her ankle, but of this feeling of being overwhelmed and out of control. Guidance is so needed now, as she feels left adrift. She asks for courage to just let go and be. Just to “be”, each day, and not try to do fifty million things and find at the end of the day, none had been done.

After meditating some more, looking for ways to “just be” in each and every day of her life, she closes her circle and ends her ritual. Such a feeling of calm happiness comes over her, a happiness she has not felt in many months, but especially the last few. Looking around, she finds herself one of the last on the beach. All the others, who are there with her on this lovely peaceful beach, seem to be enthralled as she is with the moon. She gathers her things and slowly makes her way back to her car, back to her life and back to keep learning how to just “be”. She slowly walks along the way she had come to find her place of solitude on such a public seashore, finding that something to be thankful for, a few brief moments of solitude, where no one intruded upon her thoughts or ritual. The breeze has picked up along the shore, playfully blowing her hair around her face before whipping it up and away from her eyes. She takes these last few moments into herself, so that whenever she needs the calm, peaceful happiness, she remembers this feeling of utter relaxed joyful “being.” Is that what “just being” is? She is surprised to find, that the Goddess slide that lesson into her and that something so simple could actually feel so good.


author bio:

Written by Dawning Grace. Copyright May 12, 2006

Grace is a solitary witch who lives in Savannah Georgia, on one of the outer bank islands, with her life partner and their cat. Her sons are grown and live in Ohio. She has been studying witchcraft since the age of 12, however did not actively practice it until 4 years ago. She spends a lot of her free time designing and making jewelry and is starting to get into making craft jewelry very heavily. She writes short stories, poems and also erotica. She is a critical care RN, hoping to get her Doctor of Naturopathy, some day. She teaches Anatomy and Physiology along with Pathology for her partner, at the school that he owns. Going to the beach and working in her garden are two of her most favorite activities.