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Witch Tips

Quick & easy hints to get you through your busy day

The Poor Pagan’s Guide to Altar Care

Did you hear the one about the girl with the wooden altar? Sad but true–and an altar cloth can only cover just most signs of neglect and abuse, not all. To keep your fellow covenors from snickering behind your back, follow these simple rules & suggestions:


Avoid excess. Don’t stash your altar up in the attic or downstairs in the fruit cellar when your Presbyterian Aunt Petunia comes visiting–extreme temperatures, dryness or humidity can damage wooden furniture. And watch what you toss over it, too, since plastic or rubber mats can stain or soften polish unless labeled safe for wood.


Speaking of polish… Everybody knows what big spenders Pagans are, right? Avoid becoming a stereotype (and incidentally save a few shekels) by raiding your kitchen instead of Home Depot. Toothpaste rubbed on gently with a damp cloth removes water marks. A soft cloth can apply an equal mixture of salad oil & lemon juice onto scratches. Unfinished wood can be polished with a soft cloth and a little (very little) mineral oil. (For lemon oil polish, just dissolve one teaspoon of lemon oil into one pint of mineral oil.) Mahogany can be polished with a mixture of equal parts warm water & white vinegar. Wipe on and polish with chamois cloth.


Washing up. Dampen a cloth with a solution of mild soap (like Ivory) and water. Wipe down each section of your altar with that cloth, then immediately dry said section with a different (and dry) cloth.


Don’t overdo. Don’t polish more than three or four times a year, unless your altar gets heavy use. (Like if you’ve got a colony instead of a coven.) Don’t mix different types of polish. Too much polish can build up an unsightly cloudy film. And always remember to wipe off the polish before it completely dries.


Hold your applause. Sure I’m a genius (just ask me!), but even I can’t be expected to know it all. I grabbed the above info from a pamphlet titled On Your Own: Stain Removal, from On Your Own Publications.

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author bio:

Two kids! Two cats! A little brunette with a big attitude! Plus dragons & fairies & darklings, oh my! And oh yeah, Weyland lives there too! They call the new apartment the Lanterns ’cause Morgan won’t let Wey name it the Busted Flush! (Did I mention the brunette with attitude yet?) Send your spare cash and condolences to [email protected] Mizpah!