Celebrating the Old Ways in New Times

Yule Part 1

Bright Blessings,
I am writing two Yule articles. The first is unresearched and lacking history or citation of sources. I’m struggling with mono right now and not only is my energy sapped, but my concentration is completely blown. This article will be a personal essay and the next will be filled with all the good well-researched stuff. If I keep it interesting, maybe our editors and admins will be magnanimous and forgive me for straying from assignment this time. Pretty please?
By the time you read this, you will likely be in the frenzy of Yule Planning as well as caught up in the responsibilities of being an American at Christmastime. Weather may be icy and nasty. Days are short and nights long. Energy levels drop with less vitamin D absorption from the sun, and vitamin supplements just are not the same! Even though- there is so very much for you to do!!!!!
shopping. Costly and you find yourself entangled in traffic and swimming in agitated, angry shoppers who may resort to mob violence, and pick merchandise right out of your buggy and stuff it into their own. I knew a girl who had this happen to her, and she snarled they better put that toy back because she was a witch, and she could curse them!!!!!!!!! It worked. My friend’s kid got the toy and the other shopper ran like mad out of the store.
Tree trimming. You might be like some of us, and make your own ornaments. Or your own gifts to give loved ones. If this is the case, you better start crafting and baking a few months in advance. And gather those supplies maybe five months in advance if you don’t want to fight a throng or run out of what you need!
Hanging lights outside your house and in the yard.
Scheduling attendance at Sabbat or officiating or hosting dinners or parties. Plan your menu weeks in advance, and depending on your crowd and or family, you may have some fun stories. My favorite is the green bean casserole story. My mom wanted to prepare the green bean casserole one year. One of my aunts told mom people expected HER to, not my mom. My uncle decided to speak up and say “Nobody ever remembers that I like rice!” My aunt, not missing a beat, turned to him and said “Boy, you just HAD to get your dig in, didn’t you?” Me and mom brought the rice that year, my aunt made the green bean casserole, and everybody was happy! I am reminded of the year the master bedroom closet collapsed days before I was to host dinner. Naturally, I called a closet installer and left a message. The day of the holiday came, and I was up to my ears preparing what was to be the FIRST holiday dinner for my first husband’s family. I really wanted to please them all, and insisted on preparing everything from scratch- I even made my own pie crusts that year! I was scared stiff! In the middle of the cooking frenzy, the phone rang, and it was none other than the closet installer, insisting I drop what I was doing and set up an appointment. Dinner went down nicely, but not before I took all my frustrations out on the overly ambitious salesperson. I was all of 22.
Then comes planning Twelfth Night and the days leading up to it as well as New Year’s Festivities.
Some of you may even be dreading duties to non-Pagan family members who do not share or understand your faith, and expect you to ACT Christian for attendance at their Christmas festivities.
This may include dressing up, traveling, and or attendance at their churches where you are asking your gods and guides to please keep you from bursting into flames for another year!
This is all enough to make some folks wish they could be like TV witches and at the snap of their fingers be halfway through January already and bypass every little thing that November 1 through mid January brings.
Some of you LOVE all of this and absolutely LIVE for the winter holidays.
I am sure that you can tell I am not one of those people.
Not only did I appoint myself host for as many gatherings as I could, I did Activities in Nursing Homes. Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years was always the busiest time of year at work. We decorated “everything that did not move” as one lady said. We hired a Santa Claus or “appointed” one from the staff. Nobody will ever forget the year I, a woman had to be Santa because none of the men, except our 499 pound volunteer, Ricky, who the costume did not fit, wanted the part. We bought gifts for each of the residents, organized countless parties, invited many many carolers and Church groups in, had open houses for the families, and some years, even did fund raisers for local charitable organizations.
Then I started studying to be a High Priestess, which meant hosting Yule Sabbat. I also studied in a band, and made holiday gifts for the band members. I made all the decorations for my home and yard. I would personally drive out to all friends’ houses and give them gifts I had for them. I sent Holiday Cards to all the folks I knew and loved. Some years, I hosted, and also drove to my stubborn mother’s house on the day of the holiday when she did not want to leave her house.
I did not take off any time from work at all. And somehow, it all got done.
It got to be quite a lot, as you can imagine.
The longer I was Pagan, the more the years changed me. Or maybe as I got OLDER, I changed. I stopped enjoying all the hustle and bustle and frankly, felt stressed and exhausted by the expectations I had created others to have of me. I began to dread November 1 at work because the very moment that day came, it was a mad dash to get through the Holidays. It seemed like no matter how many gifts I got my residents, some Administrator or family member yelled for more. I almost always had to work Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve, Christmas, New Years Eve, and New Years Day too. There were Residents who had no family for various reasons, and Activities filled in and did what little good we could to make holidays less painful.
Besides that, my own family started fighting for me. Some of my family members refused to accept I wanted to take turns spending time with them and my husband’s family, and I never heard the end of it. While I eventually put my foot down, and went one place or the other rather than to multiple households if I was not hosting, certain family members never forgave me, and seemingly, carried a grudge to the grave.
It was also quite expensive buying for so many people, and mailing cards out cost more each year as I made more friends. We got as many cards and gifts as we sent out, of course, but these things were just things and did not prove friendship.
One year, I just gave up decorating the house and yard. After doing so very much at work, the last thing I wanted to do was come home and look at more decorations I’d have to labor to put out and labor to put away.
Quite frankly, I hated the holidays.
After my initiation into Wicca, I decided to change my holiday traditions.
First off, I told my husband- husband number two, that is- he could decorate and tear down all he wanted, but all I was doing was lights outside and one tree inside. Previous years I’d strung garlands and had centerpieces and knick knacks everyplace like my mom had. Decorations had been left up for about two months. My tree ornaments fit into a shoe box, and I set the tree skirt and tree topper atop this box when I store it in the closet. The tree goes up the day after Thanksgiving and goes out to the curb no more than a week after New Year’s Day.
I stopped sending cards cold turkey. I told my loved ones I love them, but I do not send cards. I also stopped giving gifts, and I told them I love them but gifts are not affordable and I love them all year round. As a result, we get few cards, and the gifts I give go to our parents and to my husband. Nobody has ever gotten angry at me for this. As a result, I do not have to fight the throngs at the stores and get stressed or go broke shopping. I stay out of stores, except the one I work in almost entirely from November 1 through mid-January.
I visit my family in the space of the time between Thanksgiving and January 1. The huge gatherings where attendance was mandatory or else you got a tongue lashing disappeared as my family members aged and mellowed.
Hosting Yule has always been easy because it is ritual and potluck. If we exchange gifts, we just do the White Elephant game and spend under $10 per person.
I also no longer work in Nursing Homes. After eleven and a half years, I “retired” and took a job in retail as a cashier. Sure, I get the occasional customer who can get kind of evil from their own holiday stress, but they are in and out of my life in less than five minutes- or even less if the transaction is faster.
Casting off all the secular distractions that were only exhausting me, and quite frankly, were neither appreciated sometimes, nor necessary had one unified result. I was able to focus on the religious observances I very badly needed but was lacking. I had to un-learn years of bad conditioning partly caused by anxiously and blindly obeying clever advertizing, and partly caused by trying to appease other people who were both anxiously and blindly obeying clever advertizing.
Giving thanks for all we have, celebrating life in the early to mid winter, and celebrating WITH one another had nothing at all to do with decorations, gifts, or special foods. I realized, though, the reason people want to do special things to make a big deal out of it all. Because WHAT we are celebrating is beyond important. It is more sacred than sacred. It is our connection with one another, and all these years, while I was racing to make it special for other people, I somehow failed to see how special the other people were.
I hear stories from a lot of people who say they feel the same. In the frenzy to make the winter holidays “perfect”, we sometimes wind up ruining them. If I was able to cast off the things that ruined the holidays for me, I know anybody can.
There were a couple of Yules when I lived alone and was not hosting Sabbat. What I did was have a big bonfire (in the fire pit, okay it was not THAT big!) after saluting the sun, and pouring offerings into the ground- oftentimes alcohol! I smudged the whole house, and spent quiet time alone and ate whatever I pleased. These personal rituals meant so much more to me and made me feel so much more connected to the gods than any of the secular observances.
The purpose of the holidays is to make us feel close to the gods and to each other, not be times when we accumulate things. I have found modern day observances focused on lining some CEO’s pockets in exchange for things we do not need, and oftentimes fight over completely defeats the purpose.
I hope all of you can have Winter Holidays that are as meaningful to you as mine are to me, now. There is not any right way to celebrate them except what is right for you. The second article I write will focus on historic observations with some suggestions for ritual you may like.
Until next time, Blessed Holidays, and Blessed Be.