Monthly Columns,  Spells & Rituals

“Self-Love Ritual for When You Don’t Get It Right the First Time” An Excerpt from The Junior Witch’s Handbook by Nikki Van De Car


Fulfillment will never be achieved without some failure along the way. If it were easy, it wouldn’t be all that fulfilling, would it? Failure is an integral part of the process of reaching satisfaction and happiness.

That doesn’t mean it’s a pleasant experience. Whenever we fail at something—and particularly when it’s something we really want to be good at—it hurts. We feel all kinds of emotions, and may decide that this failure along our journey means that we’re not good at this, that we’re never going to be good at this, and, sometimes, that’s there’s something wrong with us because we weren’t successful this time.

Sometimes it helps to take a step back and reassess things. Imagine the person in this situation isn’t you, but your best friend. You know this is just a minor setback. You know she’s got this, and that if she were to give up now, you’d remind her to not give up.

We are often much more generous with others than we are with ourselves. This ritual will help you apply the same loving support, comfort, and encouragement to yourself that is so easy to give to others.

Start by treating yourself. You’ve had a hard day! Give yourself a little gift to make it better. Watch your favorite movie. Read a book. Get some fresh air. Blow off a little steam. Go shopping. Don’t think about the failure, don’t stew over it, and don’t even think about how you’ll do better next time—that’s for later. Do something that feels really good for now.

Then, when you feel a bit lighter, gather some clear quartz, some lemon or lime essential oil, and a candle. Anoint the candle with your essential oil and light it. Hold your crystal in your palm.

Now you can allow yourself to think about your failure. Ask yourself what you could have done differently. The question is not about blame or about listing all the ways you screwed up; instead it’s literal information-gathering. You can’t fix what went wrong unless you know what went wrong.

Offer yourself the comfort you would give your best friend. You know what you would say, and you know what you need to hear. You can be just as kind to yourself as you would be to a friend.

Take hold of your clear quartz, and imagine next time—because you know there will be a next time! Imagine how awesome you’ll do next time, and let your clear quartz absorb that image. And then, add in the possibility that it won’t be perfect then, either! New problems might come up, problems that you’re not able to anticipate right now. Let yourself know in advance that if that happens, it’s okay. It’s just another step forward.

When you’ve filled your clear quartz with everything you need, blow out the candle. Let this failure go. It’s done. Tuck the clear quartz somewhere for safekeeping, so that it will be there to support you on your next try.


The Junior Witch’s Handbook: A Kid’s Guide to White Magic, Spells, and Rituals